Calvin and Hobbes' Minecraft News

Episode 1: Snapshot 12w04a

A/N: I do not own C&H or Minecraft. I think that's clear to everyone. Also, please leave feedback on whether or not you think this story is a good idea. If you like it, I'll continue it for as long as the game goes on! If not, I'll still keep going and you don't have to read.

The lights came on, revealing the makeshift studio. In fact, it was a bedroom with a large logo behind it. This logo showed a stone block with a diamond sword stuck in it. The logo had clearly been drawn in crayon and by a person who did not have very good drawing skills.

Sitting behind a news desk *cough-bed-cough* were Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin was wearing a clip-on tie and a jacket, though his hair was as messy as ever. Hobbes had a cowboy hat and looked as if he definitely didn't want to be there.

"Hello," said Calvin, grinning at the camera, "and we welcome you to the first episode of our brand new program Calvin and Hobbes' Minecraft News, where Minecraft stuff comes first and everything else comes never! I'm your host, Calvin, and this is my co-anchor Hobbes!"

"We wanted to have this episode out sooner," said the tiger, who obviously hadn't wanted to get the episode out at all, "but Golden Keyblade's internet has been shut off since Thursday."

On the screen, a photograph of a player standing deep in a jungle biome appeared next to Calvin, whom the main camera (and, in fact, the only camera) had zoomed in to.

"Today," said Calvin, "we will be focusing on the new weekly snapshot released by Mr. Jens, a.k.a. Jeb at Mojang. This snapshot is a biggie, so hold onto your hat!"

Instantly video footage appeared onscreen. The voices of Calvin and Hobbes narrated what was going on. The first clip in the lineup showed a player walking through a jungle biome, in search of an ocelot.

"Perhaps the most anticipated feature," said the voice of Calvin, "is the grand revealing of the mysterious jungle-exclusive mob: the ocelot! The skittish cat slinks around in jungle biomes and actively avoids the player. But this kitty has one weakness: fish."

"That's right," said Hobbes' voice. "Like tasteful real-life cats, the ocelot is hungry for tasty fish. If you have fish in your selected spot, a whole lot of patience, and the time you need in order to stand still in the jungle, the ocelot will come right up to you and allow you to tame it."

"Once you tame the ocelot," said Calvin's voice, "the mob's skin will change to become an ordinary housecat, in the same way that a wolf will become a normal dog after it is tamed with bones. And similar to how wolves are able to breed as of the previous snapshot, you can mate two ocelots and get kittens!"

The footage began to change, showing the details that were being described. From here out, Calvin and Hobbes' voices came in alteration, starting with Calvin.

"The ocelots aren't the only update to the game in this snapshot! As you can see, a new surface structure has been added: DESERT WELLS! As of yet we don't know exactly what their purpose is going to be; perhaps they're signs of a lost civilization, perhaps they will be the portals to a desert dimension, or perhaps they're just ruins and are just to give the desert some variety."

"Thank you, Calvin. Think mob behavior needed a bit of tweaking? Well, look no further! Jon, the newly hired AI specialist at Mojang, has apparently been working overtime on his projects. Not only did he code the shyness behaviors of the ocelot, he's also given mobs in general a better code! Perhaps most noticeably, that annoying behavior where any mob behind a fence would try to jump over it when you had wheat in your hand, has been removed! However, there is a dangerous new set of behaviors for monsters: both zombies and skeletons have much better path-finding behaviors and flee into darkness or water when the sun comes up! Beware of the dark, because the monsters won't just stand there and burn anymore."

"Thanks, Hobbes. It's time to give a report on the new items! The first one is, obviously, the Spawner Egg for the ocelot. The second: jungle trees now drop their own kind of saplings! These saplings can be grown separately or placed in a 2x2 formation to grow a giant tree! Third is the flaming hot Fire Charge, which can be shot from a dispenser to give you Blaze-like power! Finally is the highly useful Bottle o' Enchanting, which allows players to level up while playing in Creative Mode, making enchanting possible. And now to Hobbes with the final details."

"Thanks, Calvin. Well, there are just a handful of tiny details left to cover in this snapshot. Firstly, language files have been slightly updated, probably to fix some typos and bugs. Second, the Dispenser and oak sapling textures have been slightly modified. And finally, vines now slow down a player while they are being walked through."

The camera cut back once again to the large news desk *cough-bed-cough*.

"Well," said Calvin, "that's the end of the snapshot for this week, but don't leave yet! We've still got another piece of exciting news for you!"

"Yes we do," said Hobbes, looking down at a piece of paper. "Jeb was asked in a recent interview what the future holds for Minecraft. Jeb responded that Mojang would keep on adding stuff to the game, including tools, mobs, blocks, and other stuff to build and have fun with."

"So as we can see," said Calvin, "Jeb clearly has plans for Minecraft now that he's taken charge! Whether this new statement means certain possibilities forbidden while Notch led the development team, such as sharks or obsidian tools, will now become possible remains to be seen. One thing is for sure, however: those who like to play with mods may be in for a treat."

"Indeed," said Hobbes. "Jeb says that he and his team are currently making it easier both to design and to install mods. Maybe soon we'll have a folder we can simply drag mods into, the same way as with texture packs. Right now, we can only speculate."

"Well, quite a news-packed week!" said Calvin, who was now looking right at the camera. "As you have heard in this episode, we have a lot to look forward to in version 1.2 and beyond! And when those updates come out, Calvin and Hobbes' Minecraft News will be there."

Calvin and Hobbes began reading their papers, and the screen faded to black.