Life the Sue
Ignore spelling mistakes and typos. I typed this on an itouch, so there'd bound to be some messed up crap in here.
DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. There is no way even I could ever come up with a character this horrible....
Anyways, please enjoy my first Sue-Parody/Mockery, Life the Sue.
Chapter 1- A Bishounen Loses His PrideDeath the Kid
"Baka! time to wake up!" I opened my eyes.
"Uh...what?" I said, confused.
"I said- Baka! Time to wake up!" I frowned.
"Liz, you realize this story takes place in Nevada, yes? You speaking Japanese has no effect on me." I got no response.
I stumbled out of bed, and into my bathroom.
How would I know it would take three hours for me to prepare myself for the morning that followed?
"Kid, cmon! We're three hours late!" I shot her a glare.
"Liz, weren't you on your period just last week? How can you already have PMS?"
I came to school with a red slap mark on my cheek.
"Kid-kun!" Patty chirped. "Your dad called! He said to stop by his office the minute you arrived!"
I somehow navigated the school (which I had never been inside before.) and found his office.
"Kid-kun! Hi hi!"
It's hard to be terrified of Death this way.
"You called, father?"
"Ah, I did indeed! Here's a question for you! What is the opposite of death?"
"Childbirth," I responded with no hesitation.
"...Well, yes, but I was looking for a more generic answer..." Oh, we'll be boring, shall we?
"Life," I said flatly.
"Correct! And if there's a Death God, that means...?"
"There's a childbirth god?"
"...Kid, when did you get so sarcastic?"
"Since I was violated by hundreds of brainless fangirls all over the net,"(A/N I am proudly one of those brainless fangirls) My father rubbed his chin.
"Hm, I see. Anyways, yes, there's a life god, and his daughter and twin sons are attending Shibusen," I blinked.
"What's her name?"
"An equally stupid name to yours," I scoffed.
"Who could have a name as ridiculous as mine?"
"Her name is Life the Sue"
"..."
Life the Sue
"Leon, is this it?"
"Yes,"
"How can you be sure?"
"Look at the architechture,"
"But how can you be 100% positive?!" I grappled the elder twin by the shoulder "You have to be 100% sure!"
"Calm down, Sue!"
"Don't tell me to calm down!!! You have to always be 100% correct! No error, no mistakes!"
Leon and Prosper had to drag me into the "school" I wasn't even sure if it was a school....I didn't get to confirm it.
"Sue, be polite, we're meeting Death himself," Leon whispered into my ear. Prosper giggled.
"That goes for you too, Prosper."
"You're positive this is the correct room?" I prodded. Leon gritted his teeth.
"100%..." I sighed in relief.
"Good, good, let's get going then, shall we?"
Kid
As if on a totally unplanned cue, a girl with long blond hair stepped into the death room.
It was one of the Childbirth God's powers- to overwhelm others with their
unnatural-plastic-surgery-perfect-figures.
She was insanley beautiful. Her blond hair fell in wispy waves past her shoulders. Her amber colored gaze went past my skin and into my soul.
But, the real question here was-
Is this bitch symmetrical?
If she isn't, her unatural beauty shouldn't phase me...
And alack, she isn't. Her bangs cover the left side of her face.
So why do I find myself so attracted to someone I'd never met before?
"Oh, she's adorable," Liz piped "Isn't she Kid?" Why would you say that out loud?
"Hm quite," I rambled, loosing my ability to conceal my thoughts. "She's very pretty. Her breasts are even bigger than Patty's. Her eyes especially-"
"Uh, I'm sorry what?"
Life the Sue
I frowned.
"You realize you said that out loud, yes?"
The striped haired boy rubbed his chin, unphased.
"Did I?"
"Indeed you did,"
"Hm, I see. Well then, I may as well say that it's a great pleasure to meet you" I raised my brow at a hidden meaning to that phrase...
I tugged at my hair.
"These are my weapons, Prosper and Leon Life. If you can't blantantly tell, their identical twins,"
A black hooded figure with a ridiculous mask and even more ridiculous hands hopped up and down. (A/N I love Lord Death as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong)
"Oh! I know how to tell them apart! The one with the gold headband is Prosper! And the one with the silver is Leon!"
How do you know that? Creeper...
I coughed.
"Yes, that's 100% correct."
"Yay! I got it right!" I find the Life God more intimidating...
"Anyways! Sue, you and your brothers are going to live with my son!"
"...Why?" Leon retorted. "We're not helpless people who can't find a place to live. We are aristocracy, after all. Besides,no one in fanfiction pays rent anymore anyways," I cringed. Way to break the 4th wall, Leon...
"Because, it's an easy way to steal our Bishounen character's pride! Duh!"
And that's how I ended up living in another huge ass mansion.
The striped haired boy (who's name was never even introduced to me) led us inside.
"Please, make yourself out home," Prosper untucked a chair from the table.
"Except, don't move the furniture around..." Prosper tucked the chair back. He sat in the large arm chair.
Stripey pushed Leon down into the chair opposite him.
He clasped his hands together, and magically gained magical lipgloss and eyeliner.
"It's so perfectly symmetrical!" I raised a brow.
"Not 100%." I said flatly. "Their headbands don't match," He froze. The twins whipped their headbands off. I grinned.
"100% perfect!"
A/N
Ah, that was...painful. But also very fun. I didn't know it was so hard to make a bad fanfiction! Ah...
Anyways, I can't claim Life the Sue as my own OC (and I'm glad, too) for this fic is a parody/mokery of an even worse fanfic.( LEIK IT CAN GET WORSE????!!!11!2?) My friend Ariel knows exactly what I'm talking about.
And speaking of her, she actually mocked the original fic, which is where I got a handful of my jokes. Thank you!
The original was not only a CanonxSue, but very poorly written....I dare not link back to the original fic, for that could lead to some very bad doodoo.
I admit to adding in my own stuff. Her name wasn't Life the Sue, nor did she have OCD. I also changed the names of the twins. But, other than that, the main story remains the same.
If anyone recognizes this plot- go douse yourself with a bucket of cold water and ask yourself this- "What made me think this was a good story?!"
I'll consider this a two-shot for now. I don't think I'll continue it, unless through popular demand. It was painful enough to write, and my imagination isn't big enough to expand past 2 chapters of this bullshit.