This is a one shot I wrote after hearing this song for the first time. It's such an amazing song, and really puts into perspective what kids go through when their parents split up. Please listen to it.
I do not own the song. It is Family Portrait by P!nk. I had to slightly alter the lyrics a couple of times to make them fit, but alomost all of them are the original lyrics.
I know I wrote Col's Story about Col's past, but I wanted to write in more detail about his parents splitting up. The time when it happened is different in this to in Col's Story, I know, so just ignore that while you read this :D
Please review! :)
Colin clenched his eyes shut tight and clamped his hands over his ears, blocking out the screaming emanating from the floorboards below him. He trembled, not from the damp cold, but from the fear that the argument would turn into a fight. His eyes stung dangerously, but he blinked furiously.
He wouldn't allow himself to cry. Not ever.
Momma please stop crying, I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearing me down
He gulped as a sickening smash vibrated the wall behind his head. The argument had just got to the violent stage- the stage he always wished he was asleep for.
I hear glasses breaking as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you said
He couldn't go on like this- he had to do something, fix his family. But he'd tried talking to his father, only to be told that it was 'grown up stuff'.
He couldn't wait to grow up. Just so that maybe, one day, he'd understand why his parents seemed to be tearing apart his family, without even caring.
You fight about money, but mostly about me
And this I come home to, my shelter, my family
He'd heard his name mentioned, yelled up through the floorboards in the dead of night when his father rolled into the drive on his motorbike. Colin always thought his dad was cool- he looked up to his dad, and hoped that one day he'd take him for a ride on the bike. But his mum didn't seem to have the same opinion on it.
"Off drinking all night… three in the morning… leave me to look after Colin… can't cope on my own…" Colin caught snippets of their arguments, but most was lost in the transition upstairs and just came through as muffled shouting.
It ain't easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family
What he didn't understand is why his parents were arguing in the first place. Surely, if they'd got married, they loved each other? And from what he'd learnt of the world, people didn't argue when they loved each other.
He just didn't understand.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Colin wished there was something he could do. He'd tried talking to them about it, but he was never listened to. If only he could make them see how their arguing was affecting him- it was like they were blind to everything else except each other.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave
One night, the shouting was so loud; Colin could make out most of the words. And he wished he was asleep so he didn't have to hear them.
"I'll just leave then!" That was his dad's voice- unmistakeably low and gruff.
"Fine- go. I can look after Colin without you." His mum's voice was raised, but there was more sorrow in it.
"Well that's funny 'cause every other day, you're argument has been that you need me here to help with Colin."
"Well you're obviously not committed enough to be around enough to look after him, so you may as well not be around at all."
Daddy please stop yelling, I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop crying, 'cause I need you around
Colin wanted to run downstairs and yell at them himself. Why was his mum complaining that she couldn't deal with looking after him on her own, then in the next breath yelling at his dad to just go? It didn't make sense.
But what hurt him the most was the reason they were arguing.
"They're arguing about me…" he whispered to himself, his voice wobbling. But he still didn't allow himself to cry.
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says- it's true
I know that she hurts you, but remember, I love you too
No matter how hard he tried, Col just couldn't make them listen. They just wouldn't stop fighting. Well, if he couldn't stop it, he only had one option left.
He had to escape from it.
Mustering every amount of bravery he had, he ran away.
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way
Of course, being only four years of age, he didn't get very far. He reached an abandoned bus shelter and sat down on the crumbling seat. He looked around, seeing the world differently now he free. Everything seemed so much bigger, so much scarier. The wind pulled at his clothes, making him shiver. The first few drops of rain alerted him to the storm that was coming. He had to get inside somewhere. He knew he should just turn back, but he couldn't go back there. So he went to the only place he felt safe in.
He couldn't reach the doorbell, so knocked timidly on the door. His grandmother answered and a look of relief washed over her face.
"Oh Colin, you're safe…" she picked him up and took him inside. "See Cassandra- he's here."
He looked up from where he had buried his face in her shoulder and saw his mum in his favourite arm chair that he always sat in, tear tracks staining her cheeks and red, puffy eyes.
It ain't easy growing up in World War III
Never knowing what love could be, well I've seen
He was scared of what he saw in her eyes. He'd expected her to be relieved like his gran. But instead it was like a storm had brewed in her icy eyes, giving them a cold stare.
"Don't ever do that to me again." She scooped him up and took him away from his grandmother, from the safe haven that he wanted to run to every night.
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family
"Where's Daddy?" he dared to ask that night. When they had got back home the motorbike was gone. It wasn't unusual- but all of his father's other stuff had gone too. Colin walked round the house, looking for him. He went into his parents' bedroom to find all of his clothes and belongings gone. The bathroom was empty of his stuff too.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
"He's gone." Cassandra's tone was brisk and sharp as she put Col into his bed that night.
"Gone to the shop?" he asked innocently, his odd eyes wide.
"No- he's gone forever. He's not coming back."
That was the first time Colin could remember that he had allowed himself to cry. He cried himself to sleep, clutching a teddy bear as comfort- something he hadn't done in years.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't leave
He came down the next morning to find one of the walls in the living room bare. Before, it only had one item on it. That was a photo of Mack, Cassandra and Colin- all three grinning. Mack and Cassandra had both looked happy- something he hadn't seen from them since the time the photo was taken.
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend; let's act like it comes naturally
He looked everywhere for the photo, but he couldn't find it.
The months ticked by. Colin went through the motions of school and coming home every day without questioning his mother any more. He wondered if he'd ever see his dad again. And if he did- would his mother stay around, or would she take herself away too? He imagined them splitting the time they spent with him between them. It would be better than not seeing his dad at all, but he still didn't want this.
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
He started to spend more and more time with his grandmother- he supposed it was his second home. As time went by, he started to consider it as his first home. He saw more of Lavinia than he saw of his mother.
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name
As the years passed by, and he grew up, he began to understand the situation more. He wondered what his dad was doing now. He'd never got in touch, after four years. He could be anywhere. Colin wondered if he was with another family- if he had a new son to replace him.
Cassandra stopped calling herself Cassandra Clamworthy. That was one of the things that hurt Colin the most, after the shock of his dad leaving had worn in. The fact that his mother would no longer associate herself with his father made him cry at night.
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
After years of pushing back tears, he couldn't stop himself from letting them out now. His school work started to suffer as he lay awake at night, too upset to sleep. His teacher became concerned and requested a meeting with Colin's parent or guardian.
When Lavinia turned up to the meeting, he tried to hide the shock in his eyes.
Why hadn't his mum come?
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally
He still spent his nights wishing his dad would come home and make everything okay.
One day when he was at his grandmother's, she had some big news for him.
"You're going to live with me now, Colin."
"For how long?" he whispered.
"Just until your mum feels like she can look after you again. She might go away for a while."
He never even said goodbye to his mum; when he went home to pack up some stuff, she had already gone.
What he didn't know was that she wasn't coming back. The house was sold, and he never went back there again.
Colin reinvented himself. He became like a new person, thinking of Lavinia like she was his mother. He started to call himself Col, as a way of escaping his old life. But even though his old life was miserable, there were times that he still wished for it.
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
He told himself that if his dad had never left, none of this would have ever happened. He didn't know if it was true or not- but he told himself that it was.
Remember that the night you left you took my shining star?
His dad had taken almost everything with him. He'd taken the fighting; the violence; the arguments he had to listen to at night. But he hadn't taken away his mother's unhappiness. He'd left, just like she'd told him to- but she was still unhappy.
By taking himself away, he'd taken Cassandra away from Col too.
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone
He didn't know what to wish for any more. He could wish for his dad back, and then maybe his mum would never have gone.
He could just wish for his mum back.
What he wanted to wish for was a happy family. But he knew that was impossible, so he didn't even bother wishing for it. He wished for his dad instead.
Mom will be nicer
He wanted to find his mum, and ask her to apologise. Maybe if she promised to be nice to him, he'd come back. But he knew his mother and her stubbornness.
I'll be so much better
Oh; I won't spill the milk at dinner
He remembered the reason his mum and dad used to fight in the first place; the number of times his name filtered up through the floorboards to him. He didn't know what he'd done wrong, but maybe if he tried to be a better son, they'd both come back. He wished he could apologise to them; tell them he'd try and be better for them, and less hard work.
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right
I'll be your little boy forever
I'll go to sleep at night
He wished that he'd always gone to sleep when he was told to. That way, he'd never have heard those arguments- and he wouldn't know that it was his fault they'd both left him alone.