Disclaimer: I own naught but the plot.
near end of movie
Judge Turpin entered Sweeney Todd's...room (you thought I was going pervy, didn't you? Geez, grow up, will ya?) and said, "Where is she? Where's Johanna??"
"She's downstairs. She feels bad for being a bitch to you. She told me she wants your forgiveness, and your dick!" Replied Sweeney.
"Excellent," Turpin said shiftily, "Then she shall have it. Oh, and I might forgive her, too. Now fix me up all nice and pretty! Shave me!"
"Okie dokie," Todd said, begrudgingly unzipping the Judge's trousers.
"Not there, you twit! My FACE!" Turpin exclaimed as he swatted Sweeney's hand away and re-zipped his shiny gold trousers. "Now look what you did, the tube sock I stuff with has shifted out of place. Now it looks like I have a giant worm crawling down my thigh!!" A million fangirls squee, till they see that the Judge's willy was clearly barely-existant, and he really did look like a giant worm was crawling down his thigh. Then they squee again, because this drew attention to his thigh. They want to touch it. But he won't let them.
Turpin turned his back to re-adjust his sock, then turned back to Sweeney and said,"Shave my face and make me smell pretty. And be quick about it!" He sat pompously in Sweeney's barber-chair.
"Sure thing, your Judgeness!" Sweeney said as he put the white sheet on Turpin. "Oh, hang on a sec. Look at me real quick. See my face? I look older than I did 15 years ago when you kicked my ass & stole my bitch, but it's still me, yeah?"
Judge Turpin looked incredibly confused for a moment, then regained his composure and said, "Hey, you're...erm...YOU!!"
"Yup, me," Sweeney said. Then he took his razor and stabbed him like 83.69 times in his neck. Judge Turpin gurgled. Sweeney then jumped up on the chair and proceeded to rape Turpin in his gash-holes. Hardcore. Turpin gurgled louder. The gurgling only proceeded to make Sweeney hornier as he pounded away on Turpin's bloody neck. The gurling continued. Sweeney spooged hardcore, all up in Turpin's throat. Turpin choked on it & died. Which is dumb, cause there was probably a lot more blood than spooge, you'd think he would've choked on that first, but ok.
Sweeney jumped off the chair and sat on the floor. He lit up a cigarette and took a big drag of it, then exhaled with a satisfied "Ahhhhh." Without getting up off the floor, he kicked the chair release pedal and said "Thanks for the shag, sexyneck. At least the blood lubed it up nicely."
The End.
a/n: I wrote, yet again, for my Spoony.