Heyo! Tis Lena again! Welcome back if you've read my first fic, if not, the Hiyah! So you guys liked my first fic and I felt inspired to write some more. This is my attempt at a sad sorta fic, and I'm not sure how good it is. Anyways here's the first chappie~ It's in Allen's POV

Disclaimer: D. Gray man belongs 100% to Katsura Hoshino!

Another Disclaimer: This fic is sorta based on a video/short story thing by Katy Towell. Her stuff's awesome, check out her youtube channel Childrin R Skary

Now, Enjoy~

Never Woke Up

Chapter 1, His Light

"One day I fell asleep,

And I never woke up."

I remembered pain.

We were amidst a heavy battle with akuma. The Order had already lost so much, we didn't know how much longer we'd last. It was four level 3 akumas per exorcist and then some, we were being overwhelmed. The fourteenth's voice kept echoing in my head.

Give up.

Never.

They'll all die.

I'll protect them.

No you won't.

I will. I have to.

I was losing my focus. My headache getting stronger.

They'll die and it'll be all your fault.

Shut up.

You'll be all alone.

Shut up!

Just give in to me.

SHUT UP!

I could only hear the fourteenth's heinous laughter ringing through my head after that. Blood was pumping through my ears. My sight was spinning. I could feel the fourteenth trying to claw its way out. I couldn't let that happen. Couldn't stop walking…

…

Ah…

…

Was I falling?...

I heard a fuzzy voice call out to me. "Allen-kun!"

…

I was on the ground, laying on my back, innocence deactivated. My chest hurt, I looked down. There was a blade sticking through it. An akuma must have shot it. I could feel its poison spreading through me, and my innocence was trying to purify it. It was holding it at bay, but that's all it was doing.

It hurt so much. I tried to pull the blade out, but found I couldn't move. I tried to look around but blood was getting in my eyes.

I remembered a couple figures running toward my body, but I couldn't tell who. I felt so tired.

"Allen-kun! Please be okay! Please don't die!" A fuzzy voice rang out. Was it, Lenalee?

"Damned Moyashi! What do you think you're doing?" Haha… That one was Kanda.

Ah, I felt so tired. I'll just close my eyes for a bit…

"Oi! Don't close your eyes idiot! Stay awake, damn it!"

"Allen-kun!"

Sorry guys, I don't think I can stay awake any longer…

Good night.

I remembered darkness.

I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't speak.

But I could walk, so I did. I walked and walked and walked, through the never-ending darkness, until the darkness ever so slowly revealed a stone road under my feet. A voice from behind made my eyes widen.

"Allen-kun?"

I turned around, and the darkness revealed Lenalee.

"Allen-kun! You're alright! Thank goodness!" She jumped and enveloped me in a hug.

I tried to reassure her, but I still couldn't find my voice. So I lifted up my arms to hug her back. Her face was still in my shoulder and her arms slackened a bit. "I'm so glad," she started warmly, "now we can all go home," I started to feel something off.

"Together."

To my horror, I cast my eyes to the right to see Lenalee open her mouth too wide to be human, revealing long, sharp, serrated teeth. Sensing what she was about to do, I instinctively shoved her away with all my might and jumped back.

My surroundings were now illuminated a deep red. Lenalee slowly got up from the ground, only, she wasn't quite Lenalee anymore. This Lenalee's hair was now down and matted in innumerable amounts of knots, her fingers long, sharp and bony. Her mouth stretched beyond her ears and her eyes were completely blacked over.

"A-allen-kun… What's wrong?" she moaned out, stepping towards me. In turn I took several steps back. "D-don't you… want to go home? With e-ever-y, one else?..." Suddenly Lavi and Krory appeared at her sides, in a similar state. All three of them stepped toward me. I backed up, and backed up even more as they continued forward, as more and more people from the order appeared behind them, all in the horrified state. I stumbled as I turned around to run. Their voices came after me.

"Allen…"

"Come back…"

"Don't run…"

"No one will hurt you…"

Lies, lies. They're all lies!

Fear raced through my blood as a continued to run and run and run. The mob behind me followed, growing and growing in numbers, with souls of akums, people of my past, my regrets and mistakes. They kept growing in size getting more and more warped as they went along. Their voices were in my head.

"It's all your fault!"

No.

"Why didn't you save us?"

I'm sorry.

"Freak!"

I'm not.

"Monster!"

Please stop.

"Go die, DEMON-SPAWN!"

Just SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shutupshutupshutup SHUT. UP!

Tears streamed down my face, I couldn't take it anymore. I stumbled one too many times, and they were on me. I didn't even have a chance to retaliate. Their arms were all on me, pulling and clawing and breaking and biting. They were eating me alive. I still couldn't make a sound, even with my mouth open in silent agony. The pressure in my chest was overwhelming.

The demons of my past ate their way through me, spraying blood and chunks of my bone and flesh everywhere. I was drowning in the sea of their bodies. Just as I was about to go under, time froze. A figure climbed up the bodies, stopping in front of me. It was Kanda, and he wasn't warped like everyone else. He had Mugen with him. For a second, a small flicker of hope sparked in me, for a second, I thought somebody was finally going to save me.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Kanda looked down at me in disgust, and spat "Che. Die, Noah-scum."

…

For some reason, those words hurt a little deeper than the rest.

…

Kanda unsheathed Mugen and brought it up. I couldn't even close my eyes as the blade came down. But before the blade could cut into me, everything disappeared.

No more mob, no more Kanda. I was whole again, and I could move. Looking around, I saw I was now in a forest.

Shakily, I got up on my feet. My breath was ragged. I coughed. Maybe now the nightmare was over. I walked through the forest, I came to a clearing. There I saw a familiar man, looking at me, holding his arms open. Tears sprung at my eyes.

I found my voice was back as I jumped into his arms and cried "M-mana!"

My foster father caught and embraced me.

"Allen…" he said affectionately.

I was back in my infant body, from when I was still with Mana. I didn't care if it was fake, I didn't care if it was a trap, at that moment, all I cared about was being able to see Mana again. I cried and cried and cried, for the reunion of a son and his father. The whole time, he whispered reassurances, and I-love-you's, making me all the more happier.

"Please come back to me…" Mana murmured.

I was so confused. Why did Mana sound so desperate? Wasn't I already there?

"Allen." He got my attention. His head was downcast.

"Yes, Mana?"

"—m back…" he whispered so low, I couldn't quite hear. "Give him back…" he repeated, a little louder this time. Give who back?

Mana's voice raised to a shout in almost an instant. "Give him back, give him back, give him back!" He let go of my embrace abruptly, causing for me to fall to the ground. He clitched his head. "Give me back my Neah! Neah, Neah, Neah! My beloved brother! I want my brother back!" My heart sank as I realized, this wasn't the father who loved me, this was the mad clown who had mistaken a street rat for his dog.

Tears streamed down Mana's face as he continued to wail in his fit of insanity. "The fourteenth! Where is my beloved fourteenth?!" To my horror, my foster father's body started inflating, larger and larger like a balloon. I scooted back and croaked out a sound that expressed my horror. My father had become the Millennium Earl. "My beloved fourteenth! Come back! I don't want Allen, I want my fourteenth!"

…

It was at those words, did my mind break.

…

N-never loved me… He never loved me. No, no, nononono… N-never…

Mana. Mana never loved me. Everything he said, was to his brother. Everything he did was to get him back. All those I-love-you's were all a lie. No one ever loved me. Everything, everything, about me was fake. Didn't I keep walking? Wasn't I supposed to walk my own path? Was everything in my life, my entire existence just a part of a whole scheme to bring back the fourteenth?

A sob broke from my throat. Then another, and another, until sobs were pouring uncontrollably out of me. Soon, those sobs turned into anguished yells as I slowly lost my mind. My entire mindscape was now just a bunch of broken shards. Those around me did not reflect me, but of a young Noah. The fourteenth. I continued to scream and scream. I don't know when, but eventually, I lost my voice and I fell down into the dark, empty, abyss that was what remained of my mind.

I remembered Kanda.

Kanda.

Tall, irritable, and forever grumpy. I had hated him when we first met. But, who was I to say that? I, if I had never met Mana… I would've most definitely turned out like that as well.

Kanda, he said he'd be there for me, he was my base, my anchor. He… he kept me in place, kept me focused on my goal, kept me reminded that the world was corrupted, yes, and you had to save yourself from it. I wanted to save him, I had told him that.

I… I needed him, to keep me from drifting away into blinded wishful thinking.

Kanda, he kept me sane.

I missed him.

I wanted to see him.

Because right now, I needed him to be my anchor, to keep me from further drifting deeper, lost to the depths my empty mind.

And scene!

So there's the first out of three chappies. Hope you liked it so far, so please review and remember I am open to any critique or suggestions!

Next chapter will be in Kanda's POV and should be up by Wednesday, if not, then next week. I forewarn possible OOC-ness with that.

Anyways hope you'll continue reading,

Au revoir~