One Way or Another
Finn felt sick to his stomach. He had laid his heart out for Rachel, bared his soul and asked her an unthinkable question and still he had no answer. What if she said no? He couldn't cope with even thinking about that right now. She was everything to him, without her, his life had absolutely no direction and even worse, no hope.
Rachel had promised him they would figure out his dreams together but now he was asking her to do that for the long haul, she was curiously silent. He would never expect her to give up her dreams for him. She had made it very clear to him way back in Sophomore year that her dreams were bigger than him but surely they could still include him? He would follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him too, surely she could see that?
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one strong hand. She was the only thing in his life that was constant. Her love and faith in him made him realise he wasn't worthless. College or no college, football or no football, with Rachel Berry by his side, he could conquer anything. He could still picture that look of shock on her face as he bent down on one knee. His heart pounding in his chest, he had asked her. He knew they were young and it would seem foolish to most but in reality, he knew that he would never love anyone like he loved Rachel. He had let her go before and that had made him inconsolably miserable, he wasn't about to allow that to happen again.
He had to get out of this room. Laying on his small bed, his feet dangling off the end and staring at the ceiling wasn't making him feel any better. He could call Rachel, but he had promised her the space she needed to make her decision and he didn't want her to feel pressured. Instead he reached for the phone and called the familiar number of his best friend. After a few rings, he picked up. "S'up?" Puck's voice asked sleepily. Finn hoped he had not interrupted one of his dates or something.
"Hey man, you busy?" Finn asked, trying to keep the desperation and frantic panic out of his voice.
"Nah man just watching a movie with my little sis." Puck said yawning.
"Wanna get some beers or something and chill?" Finn asked him, silently praying he would say yes.
"Sure, I got some in the basement. Be there in twenty minutes" Puck replied, sensing something was wrong with his best friend and shaking himself out of his sleepy stupour.
Right on cue, Finn heard Puck's truck shrieking to a stop outside the house. He couldn't mistake that truck for anything else, nor the way Puck drove it. He greeted his friend and let him in, eagerly taking a beer from the case that he had brought with him.
"Thanks for coming" he said quietly, not quite looking Puck in the eye as he swigged from the beer and settled down on the couch.
"No worries dude, no one at home?" he asked looking around and wondering why Finn was being brave enough to drink beer in Burt and Carole's living room.
"Nah Burt and my mom are in Washington this week and Kurt is over at Blaine's as always" he said, chewing nervously on his bottom lip.
"So what's up? No offence but you look like shit. Are you and Rachel fighting or something?" he asked, trying to work up the emotional effort to care about Finn and Rachel's fights which usually revolved around ballet or the theatre.
"Not exactly" Finn said slowly, taking another swig from his beer. "I have something to tell you but you gotta swear you won't tell anyone, and I mean anyone." He said looking at Puck for the first time since he arrived.
"Dude, please tell me you did not knock her up. Did you learn nothing from me?" he asked incredulously. "I mean don't get me wrong, Beth is great and I love her but having a kid changes your life forever." He continued oblivious to Finn's rapid head shaking.
"No! It's not that…" he said starting to regret ever asking Puck to come around. "I started thinking about things a lot, when my mom told me that my dad didn't die in Iraq" he said swallowing thickly and trying to ignore the ache in his chest. "I felt lost again, no ambition, no dream, no direction in life." He added, draining the rest of his beer and reaching for another. "I was spiralling into despair, thinking once again how I was gonna be a Lima loser and never get out of this town…" he went on.
Puck was confused, Finn was not usually the type to be so open about his emotions, at least not with him anyway. Suddenly he felt uneasy. "Uh shouldn't you be talking to Rachel about this stuff man" he said running a hand through his Mohawk and wishing he had something stronger than beer to drink.
"I can't you idiot! That's what I'm getting at if you'll shut the hell up for five minutes and let me finish" Finn said almost angrily.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry man, keep going" Puck said defensively, gesturing with his hand for Finn to continue.
"So…I was wallowing, and then suddenly everything became clear to me. Rachel has always been my direction, my star, guiding me. Helping me. Every time I have been lost in the past, she has helped me find myself and I realised I didn't need any direction or great life plan because as long as I have her, everything will be okay. I'll find my way eventually, when I'm supposed to and she will be the one there to help me ya know?" he asked. Puck nodded slowly, resisting the urge to say something sarcastic. "So…I asked her to marry me" Finn finished bluntly.
Puck initially thought he had misheard, then when he realised he hadn't his mouth fell open in shock, spilling a little beer down his chin. "What the fuck?" he asked in shock. "Is this for real?" he asked again. Finn nodded slowly, showing Puck the ring that Rachel had not yet accepted or rejected. "Dude. You're like 18 years old, you know how many women there are out there for you? How do you even know she is the one?" he asked. "I know she's pretty damn special but you'll learn there are a lot like that out there." Puck elaborated.
"Not for me. Rachel Berry is the only one for me. There's no one else like her in the world. She is so inspiring and good, and passionate and driven" Finn said fiercely. "You have no idea how good she makes me feel, I love her with everything I am, it's the only thing I know how to do." He said gulping down another large mouthful of beer until the second bottle was empty.
"Yeah man but marriage…" Puck said disbelievingly. "It's forever…Sure not in most cases these days but I think for you and her, it would be" he added.
"That's kinda the idea" Finn replied, giving his friend his token half smile.
Puck leaned his head back on the couch, trying to process what Finn was saying to him. He had never seen him like this. So sure and determined that he was doing the right thing. He exhaled deeply and gestured to the ring. "So I'm guessing she didn't say yes?" Puck asked.
"She didn't say anything yet. She needs time to think it over, it's been like a week now and I still don't know her answer" he said miserably. "I can't eat or sleep, I just need to know that she wants what I want you know?" he asked.
Puck nodded sympathetically. He couldn't pretend to know how Finn felt, he had never felt that way about anyone. Not even Quinn. Sure he loved Quinn for a time but never like this, he never felt like he couldn't go on without her. "So you are in limbo huh?" he asked his friend, as he passed another beer his way. "Need to know one way or another?" Finn nodded in response.
"One way or another" he agreed.
"So ask her" he said. "Get off your butt, stop drinking beer with me and go around and ask her" he added.
"Now?" Finn asked stupidly.
"Yes now" Puck answered. "I've only had one beer, I'll drive you round there." He said getting up and grabbing his truck keys off the side table.
Finn stared up at the house, with dread. He knew he had to do what Puck said. He couldn't keep on this way, the not knowing was killing him. He walked around to the back of the house, underneath Rachel's window and looked up. Her light was on, she was still awake. He wondered with a small smile if she was thinking about him now. With one last check around the yard to make sure her dads were not around, he hauled himself up onto the wooden trellis that was nailed to the wall beneath her bedroom and began to climb.
As his head came up by the panes of glass, he tapped lightly. She was laying on her bed, staring at something on the side table, he could hear soft music coming from her room. She sat up, confused when she heard the tapping and her mouth fell open in surprise when she saw him. "Finn" he saw her lips say through the glass, although he couldn't hear her. She jumped up and rushed to the window to let him in. "What are you doing here?" she hissed. Did she sound pissed? He was pretty sure she sounded pissed.
"Thought I'd just drop in" he said dryly. "Can you let me in? I think my arms are going numb" he said, feeling pins and needles snaking through his arms where he was holding on tightly. Rachel rolled her eyes in response but moved backwards to let him in through the open window.
"My dads will kill you if they find you here you know that right?" she asked. "What are you here for?"
"Nice welcome, can't I even drop in and see my beautiful girlfriend?" he asked sarcastically.
"Have you been drinking?" she asked smelling beer on his breath.
"Can you blame me Rach?" he asked softly. "You got me in agony here."
"I know it's not easy Finn but you promised me space" she said crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "This is not my idea of space."
He was confused. She actually looked angry at him. She was doing that angry pose, with the arms crossed and the tight lips. He suddenly felt mad.
"I don't think you realise what hell I'm going through at the moment Rachel." He said. "I've just had the worst few weeks of my life and the only thing that could make it better, my girlfriend, is giving me the cold shoulder treatment." He said pursing his lips and beginning to pace up and down the room. "Is it really too much to ask to get a simple yes or no from you?" he asked her, trying not to raise his voice.
"You know as well as I do that this is not a simple question Finn." She scolded. "Don't you get that I need some time to figure things out? This is not a 'do you wanna go on a date' style question. This is the rest of our lives. This will change our lives. Both of us, forever!" she added frustratedly. "Sometimes I wonder if you even take this seriously or you just asked me out of desperation" she said.
He felt like she had just slapped him. He reeled away from her words, his heart now thudding in his chest but more from anger and hurt than from nerves.
"You just don't get it do you Rachel?" he asked, raising his voice now, not caring if her dads heard him. "I love you. I didn't ask you to marry me because I had no other choice, I asked you because I know I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, every last minute, every last breath." His eyes flashed angrily as he moved closer to her, forcing her back against the wardrobe. He lowered his tone a little. "All I want, is to spend the rest of my life making you happy and making you proud of me" he said through gritted teeth. "I know what I'm doing here, I'm not some dumb kid any more. I'm a man. You made me that man and I'm asking you as a man, to be my wife." He said, searching her eyes with his own.
Rachel couldn't breathe. He was so close and she wanted desperately to reach out and hold him. She had never seen him like this before. So worked up, every emotion she had ever seen him display. showed on his face as he spoke to her. She put her hand weakly against his chest and fisted it in his sweater. "Finn" she whispered hoarsely, a tear slipping from her eye as she pulled him towards her. She could feel the heat from his body against hers and every nerve inside her screamed out for his touch. Finn raised a finger to her cheek and wiped her tear away tenderly before pressing his lips softly against her cheek.
"Just say yes" he whispered, pushing his body up against hers, revelling in her warmth, her scent and her touch. "Say yes and I'll love you for the rest of my life, I swear it" he whispered against her hair, feeling his body unwillingly responding to hers.
Rachel melted against him. She was powerless in front of the man she loved. Her hand flew to the back of his neck, digging her nails in, not caring if she hurt him right in that moment, she just wanted him. She pulled his lips to hers hard, kissing him roughly and pushing her tongue between his lips. Another tear slid slowly down her cheek as she deepened the kiss, groaning into his mouth as she pushed her hips back against his. Finn was surprised. He and Rachel had made love before but he had never seen her like this. She was wild, rough, totally sexy and he loved every minute. He didn't know exactly what it meant but he was beginning to suspect it was good news.
Finn reached one hand up between their bodies to grope her breast, just as roughly as she was treating him, and he pressed his growing erection harder against her body. He needed her so badly right now, he needed her to be with him always. No one else could ever make him feel like this, so alive, so in love, so absolutely out of control. She moaned again as he twisted her nipple through the sheer fabric of her nightgown and he moved his lips purposefully downwards towards her neck.
"I need you so bad" she whispered, turning her head to the side, to allow him better access to her sensitive flesh. "I fucking missed you Finn Hudson." Finn froze for a second. He had never heard Rachel curse like that before and it threw him a little.
"I'm here for you baby" he whispered against her skin as he bit down on her pulse point hungrily, sliding his hand down to the soft, smooth surface of her toned inner thigh. "Whatever you need I'll give you" he whispered as he ran his hand up towards the heat between her legs, shocked but pleased to learn she did not wear underwear in bed.
Rachel looked up at him, her large brown eyes, dark with lust beneath her long eyelashes. "I need you inside me" she whispered seductively. "I want to feel all of you" she groaned, fumbling at his belt and jeans as he slid a long finger between her folds and inside her tight wetness, making her gasp with pleasure. "Oh fuck yes, that feels so good." She groaned, her eyes rolling back inside her head as she finally got his jeans undone. She pushed them down roughly, taking his boxers at the same time, her nails biting into the flesh around his hips. Rachel eagerly reached for him as he sprang free, wrapping her tiny hand around his length and squeezing hard to show him just how much she had missed him. Finn hissed at the pressure on his cock. Her hand felt so good against him, he was worried he might explode. Thoughts of the mailman filled his head as he pushed his finger in and out of her pussy faster and faster, enjoying the warmth of her, the silky smooth feeling of her tightness wrapped around his finger. "More" she whispered, nipping his earlobe with her teeth.
He couldn't get over this. He knew Rachel was no prude, but he had no idea she could be dirty too. He did as she asked and introduced a second finger into her impossibly tight hole, making her gasp and then moan again. He could feel her beginning to move her hips in time with his thrusts and her hand joined in the rhythm, stroking his length up and down, adding a slight twist of her wrist each time she reached the head of his aching cock. "Rach…" he murmured against her lips. "I don't have any protection" he whispered. "I wasn't expecting to uh" Rachel silenced him with her tongue, caressing his own with it. She didn't care about such things, she had just had her period and knew this was the best time if they were going to risk it.
"I want to feel all of you" she said again, emphasising the point. Finn didn't need any more encouragement. He hoisted her up around his waist, kicking off his jeans and boxers and walked her to the bed, his lips never leaving hers. He lay her down and sank between her legs, nudging his length up against her smooth folds. He looked down at her, laid on the bed, her silky brown hair fanned out around her head like a halo. She looked so beautiful. He gripped her legs behind the knees and parted her legs wider, pressing his length up against her and feeling her wetness coating him. He had never experienced the sensuality of skin against skin before and it felt amazing. He had to concentrate hard to make himself last as he plunged his entire length deep inside her making both of them groan in unison. He held his position for a minute, looking deep into her eyes, allowing both of them to get used to it and then, with her urging, began to move his hips. At first, he moved slowly, enjoying every sensation of being totally joined like this with her, no barrier in the way. Soon enough she was pulling him into her faster and harder, pushing her knees up on either side of his chest so he could get deeper inside her, making him groan with lust.
"You feel so good baby" he grunted huskily as he began to pound into her with long, hard strokes. With each thrust, her breasts bounced beneath him hypnotically and her eyes fluttered as they rolled back in her head. She was getting close. A flush was forming over her cheeks and he could feel her pussy begin to throb and grip him harder as her juices spilled down his length.
"Finn…" she gasped as her body began to shudder beneath him, her pussy squeezing his cock so hard it pushed him over the edge too.
"Fuck!" he groaned as he came hard inside her, squirting his come against her inner walls as waves of pleasure crashed throughout his body. He panted heavily and collapsed against her chest, not pulling out of her, wanting to keep the connection for as long as possible. He could hear her heart beat in her chest as he lay against her.
"You still didn't give me an answer Rach" he said softly when he had come down from his high. "Will you marry me?" he asked her, stroking her hair softly as his breathing went back to normal. To his relief, she smiled up at him. That smile that could light up a room, make everything okay when his world felt like it was collapsing.
"If it means I get this every day for the rest of my life…" she joked but stopped herself when she saw the dismayed look on his face. "Okay, okay." She took a deep breath. "Yes."