Here's a oneshot I thought of while I was in the shower yesterday. Thought you guys would like it. Enjoy :D
John dropped Dean and Sam off at Bobby's for the next two months while he went on a hunt. They usually only stayed with Bobby for a week or two, never long enough to enroll in school, but this time they had to.
Dean was a senior and Sammy was a freshmen. Dean really wasn't all that worried about getting his school work done or graduating, he was only passing enough to graduate for Sammy. Their dad would be back in two months tops and then they would leave again.
He walked into his English class as slow as he possibly could, receiving an annoyed glance from the teacher.
"I'm new." Dean said giving her a smile that looked awfully like a grimace.
"Mr. Winchester I presume?" the teacher asked.
"No shit." Dean huffed and took a seat in the middle of the room.
Then a student ran in late.
"Late again Mr. Novak, one more time and I'm giving you a detention."
"Well, I already have like seven so I don't think one more would really affect me now would it?" the boy asked.
Dean snorted and looked up to see the student who had made the disturbance. He wasn't very tall, maybe five foot eight. He had messy dark hair that was covered by a worn out snap back and his dark blue t-shirt stuck to his slightly muscled frame. His black skinny jeans were as worn as his hat with holes in the knees and the quarter size tunnels in his ears were silver. The ratty doc martins on his feet left dark scuff marks on the floor.
Dean's feet were in his chair. He looked at Dean's feet and then at Dean. Dean gave him a smirk and before he could even do anything this so called Mr. Novak sat right on his feet.
"What the hell man?!" Dean asked surprised and yanked his feet from under the pale boy's ass.
"What?" The boy asked turning to look right into Dean's eyes. Dean's breath caught a little, (which is something he would never admit to), because the boy's eyes were as blue as the friggen ocean.
"You sat on my feet." Dean finally managed to choke out, and glared at the boy.
"They were in my seat."
"You could have asked me to move them." Dean offered.
"You didn't ask me to put them there, so I didn't ask you to move them." The boy said with a shrug.
Dean couldn't help it, he smiled.
"Dean Winchester." He offered his hand to the boy.
"Castiel Novak." The boy took his hand.
"Nice to meetchya Cas." Dean said with a wink.
Dean and Cas became fast friends. They spent all their time together in school and outside of school. They always went to Cas' home or stayed out somewhere, Dean never took him to Bobby's. Cas didn't even know about Bobby, he knew about Sam and he knew Dean and that was it.
"I'm not a permanent thing Cas. It's better that you don't know everything because knowing things means you get attached." Dean would say.
Cas would look at him and smile before saying, "I'm already attached Dean, so it doesn't really matter."
The Winchesters had a month left when Sam helped Dean realize how he really felt about Cas. Dean had fallen for him and he couldn't stop himself from falling harder. Whenever he was with Cas he couldn't help but smile.
They would hang out in the impala, laying down in the seats and blasting Led Zeppelin and ACDC, they would stay up until three in the morning watching Star Trek and Lord of the Rings. They constantly flirted with one another, they made dirty jokes and innuendos and sometimes Cas forgot himself and became so awkward and stiff that it was adorable.
They were inseparable, they sat with each other at lunch and people had been wanting them to get together for weeks. Finally Dean found the courage to tell Cas how he felt.
It was a hot day in Kansas, a Friday, and Dean and Cas had dropped Sammy off at a friend's house and then they went and got giant slushies. Dean got a Dr. Pepper flavored one and Cas mixed blue raspberry and Mountain Dew flavors together. They were lying on the hood of the impala. Dean had stripped his shirt off and it was lying on the floor of his car. Cas was shirtless too, only his t-shirt was tucked into the back pocket of his jeans.
Cas had unlaced his doc martins and pulled out the tongues to let his feet air out, Dean had taken his shoes and socks off all together. He liked the burn of the impala's hood on the soles of his feet, it kept him alert.
Dean looked over at Cas and couldn't stop himself from thinking the boy was beautiful. Cas' hair was sticking up everywhere because he'd removed his hat and ran his fingers through it. His long dark eyelashes left shadows on his incredible cheek bones, and his pale pink lips were dark from the cold of the slushie. Sweat made his chest shiny, his small muscles were more noticeable without a shirt, his flat hard stomach lifting with every breath. His hip bones looked like they were going to cut open his skin they were so sharp.
"Hey Cas?"
"Mmm?" Cas asked slurping down the cold beverage.
"I'm leaving soon."
"I know."
"I just, I…." Dean sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingers, "I didn't want to get attached to you but I did. I mean, you're the only best friend I've ever had and gosh I don't know how to say this without being weird so I'm just gonna say it," Dean took a deep breath and looked up at the sky away from Castiel's confused but prying eyes, "I think I'm in love with you, man. I can't get you outta my head and it's gonna suck major ass when I leave because the only time I feel whole is when you're next to me and I don't know how to deal with that."
"Dean," Cas said and Dean turned hesitantly to look at him, "I love you too."
"Wait what?" Dean asked double taking, "You're serious? This isn't some sick joke?"
Castiel laughed and took Dean's hand, "No this isn't a sick joke."
"Well that's fucking great because I've wanted to kiss you since you sat on my feet you bastard." Dean said grinning and leaned over the smaller boy to kiss him.
Cas eagerly accepted the kiss and gripped Dean's sweaty shoulder blades, digging his blunt fingernails into Dean's tan and scarred skin. Cas never asked about his scars and Dean never told.
Dean knotted his fingers into Cas' hair and pushed one of his legs between the boy's beneath him so that he was straddling one of Cas' thighs. Dean kissed Cas long and hard and he barely gave Cas enough time to breathe. He bit and nipped at Cas' lips and slid his tongue inside seeking out dominance and exploring the boys mouth.
Cas let out a moan and sucked on Dean's tongue before rolling the larger boy's bottom lip between his teeth. Finally after a few minutes they broke apart with chests heaving and Dean rested his forehead on Castiel's, looking down at him and smiling.
"That was awesome." Dean said breathlessly. All Cas could do was nod. "Listen Cas, I'm not gonna be here much longer and I understand if you wanna get up and leave but I wanna make the most of this while it lasts."
"I'm not going anywhere Mr. Winchester," Cas said with a grin, "Now. You can kiss me again."
The last month of Dean's stay in Soux Falls, South Dakota was one of the happiest time of his life. He got to spend time with Sammy without worrying about him, and he got to spend time with Cas.
They went on dates and they cuddled on Cas' couch, (also something that Dean would never admit to doing), they kissed a lot and they held hands and they did couple things and Dean loved it so much because he loved Cas.
Cas lost his virginity to Dean, and although Dean wasn't nearly a virgin it was the first time he'd ever made love.
He loved the way Cas bit his bottom lip when he was concentrating, or the way he ran his fingers through his already messy hair when he was overwhelmed or nervous. He loved how Cas only understood certain pop culture references because Dean taught him them. He loved how much Cas cared about Sam, and how much he cared for his own family.
Cas loved the way Dean licked his lips before he said something. He loved the way Dean was slightly bowlegged and he loved how unhealthily in love he was with his car. He loved how Dean was so protective of Sam and how much he loved him, he loved the way Dean hugged; so tightly and full of emotion. He loved how Dean could sing but pretended he was bad at it, and he loved how Dean cared about him.
And then he had to leave.
It was the day before Dean was heading off and he was saying goodbye with Cas, he wouldn't have time tomorrow; Dad was picking them up around five in the morning so Dean spent most of his night with Cas.
Finally when it was time for Dean to leave Cas' home and finish packing he trudged out the door and stood with Cas on the front porch.
Cas was crying, he tried not to but he couldn't help it. Dean was holding Cas' face in his hands.
"Cas baby, listen to me." Dean choked out, "When I say this I'm saying it because I'm leaving and I'm not lying. You are the only person other than family that I have ever loved. My love for you is so deep and profound that it hurts to even think about leaving."
"Then don't leave." Cas whimpered out.
"I have to." Dean said, "I can't….I can't tell you why and I wish I could but Sammy and I have to go with our dad, and keeping in touch with me is dangerous and it's not worth it. I love you Cas, god I love you so fucking much."
Dean was crying now and they were wiping away each other's tears.
"I love you too Dean, I love you. I love you." Cas kept repeating in a whisper.
Dean kissed him. He kissed him so fiercly and so lovingly that Cas thought for a moment he might not leave. Then he pulled back and kissed him on the forehead. As Dean backed away and slowly let go of his hand he said, "You gotta forget about me Cas, please, just forget. It'll be better this way." And then he drove away.
"I can't forget Dean, I could never forget." Cas whispered.
He never forgot.
-x-
Castiel Novak had lived in Soux Falls, South Dakota all of his life. His parents died when he was twenty and he bonded with, what people called, the town drunk and also town mechanic; Bobby Singer.
There was something about Bobby that didn't meet the eye, he was different from what people said about him. Sure he drank a lot, and sure the junk yard next to his house was a mess, but he was kind. He was grumpy and grouchy and he tried to act like he didn't care but he did.
Cas always went to see him when he had a day off or felt like talking to someone. His best friend had recently moved away, and sometimes a phone call just wasn't enough.
It was the 23rd of December, and Cas thought he'd visit Bobby before his apartment was taken over by his obnoxious older siblings. It was his turn to do Christmas this year. He'd brought Bobby a present, an old book that he found in his apartment's basement that had no owner. Bobby always said that Christmas wasn't about presents but about family. Sometimes when he heard the way Bobby said things, or the way he thought of things…they reminded him of someone.
They reminded him of Dean.
He hadn't seen Dean in thirteen years, he was thirty one and he hadn't been in love since he was eighteen.
He found the spare key that Bobby had hidden just for him under a lawn ornament and let himself inside. He was taken by surprise though, because he heard voices. One voice in particular that he thought he would never hear again.
"BOBBAYYY, YOU GOT ANY BONES OF A LESSER SAINT? BECAUSE SAMMY AINT BACK YET AND IF HE DOESN'T COME HOME SOON I AM GONNA SUMMON HIM AND GO WITCHCRAFT ON HIS ASS."
There was no mistaking that voice. Sure, it was deeper and gruffer but it was his voice. Dean's voice.
But why was Dean at Bobby's?
"SHUT UP YOU DAMN IDJIT. SAM'S FINE." He heard Bobby shout back.
Slowly he walked further into the house, "Um hello?"
Before Cas could blink he was being held against the wall with someone's forearm pressed against his throat and a very sharp and very large silver knife in his face.
"Wait a second…..Cas?" Dean whispered letting him go and backing up a little.
"Hello Dean." Cas said nervously.
"Well I'll be dammned." Dean said shaking his head. A small smile was gracing his lips.
Cas thought he was beautiful, even more so than before. He was taller, around six foot one, and he was bigger. His muscles strained against his t-shirt and his jeans were snug on his waist. His skin was tanner and scars littered the places that were exposed. His jaw and line and cheek bones were even sharper than Cas remembered, and his face and his eyes….they were hard and sad, not happy like he remembered.
Bobby walked in and stopped when he saw Cas. "Hey Jimmy watchya doin here?"
Bobby had started calling him Jimmy, after his middle name; James, because saying Castiel was too much of a mouthful. Dean had called him Cas, no one else had ever called him Cas because he had never let anyone else call him that.
"Why the hell did Bobby just call you Jimmy?" Dean asked.
"My middle name is James, he thought it was easier."
"Wait, you two idjits know each other?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah, we uh went to school together that time Dad left us here for a few months." Dean said.
"We have a history." Cas added.
Bobby's eyes widened in recognition but he didn't say anything. They went into the living room and sat down. Dean returned to his seat on the couch where an assortment of weapons were laid out on the coffee table.
Cas chose not to question it, he asked a different question instead.
"How do you know Bobby?"
Dean snorted, "Cas, Bobby's who Sammy and I lived with while I went to school with you. I guess you could say he's like a father to me."
"Your daddy was a good man but he didn't raise you kids like he should've." Bobby said shaking his head and handed Cas a beer.
"Uh Bobby, I would normally visit you after Christmas but unfortunately my siblings insisted on having Christmas at my apartment so I came to give you your gift early." Cas explained and Bobby grumbled and glared at him.
"What did I tell you about gifts boy?"
"That it's not the point of Christmas, family is, I know. But I wanted to anyways. I promise you I didn't spend a dime." Cas said and offered Bobby the book.
He tried to focus on Bobby but he found that he couldn't. Dean was looking at him with deep interest and was not looking away while he cleaned his gun.
"Thanks." Bobby said looking at the book, "It's always good to have a second copy of something."
Cas huffed in surprise, "Second copy? You already have a copy of this? It's centuries old!"
"That's Bobby for yah," Dean said setting his gun on the table, "Paranoid bastard. He's got second and third and fourth copies of everything stashed everywhere."
"Shut up," Bobby said glaring at Dean who only smiled.
Dean was trying his hardest to hold it together. Sam and Dean had been coming to see Bobby for years after he left Cas and he hadn't once crossed paths with him. Dean was convinced that Cas no longer lived in Soux Falls. Bobby never knew who he was, at the time all Bobby knew was that Dean had a boyfriend. That's as deep at the secret went, Dean was seeing a boy, not a girl, but nothing further. Dean didn't even use Cas' name in the house.
He had missed Cas so much, he still did, even after thirteen years. He never loved anyone the way he loved Cas. Frankly, he never loved anyone else at all. Dean even kept a photo of him and Cas in his wallet still. It was crinkled and frayed and the color had worn away because he looked at it all the time.
Then Cas walked into Bobby's house, of all places. When he realized who he had pinned against the wall he had to use all of his control to not just lose it and slam their lips together. Cas had changed a little, but not really. He looked older obviously, and all the baby fat that was once in his face was gone and his jaw line was so square and his lips were so full. His blue eyes were just as blue; but less bright than he remembered. Cas' hair was still a mess and raven colored, he still had the silver tunnels in his ear lobes but he was wearing a black suit with a blue tie and a dirty old tan trench coat.
"So Cas, how do you know Bobby?" Dean asked.
"After my parents died in a car accident and I drank down my grief with cheap whiskey Bobby found me wandering around outside his house and took me inside. We've been friends ever since."
"I'm sorry for your loss, Cas." Dean said. Cas could hear the sincerity in his voice.
Then someone came in the front door. Bobby craned his neck to see who it was and then smirked at Dean.
"I told you he was fine."
A very tall man walked into the room and Dean stood to greet him. Dean was a big man, and this man towered over him. His chestnut hair was almost shoulder length and was incredibly shiny. The man's face was familiar but Cas couldn't place it. He was smiling, he looked almost like a puppy.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dean demanded.
"Dean chill out would yah? Jesus, the line at the liquor store was a mile long. And I brought pie." The man said.
Dean's features immediately brightened at the mention of pie and Cas laughed.
"Some things never change, do they?"
"You know how I love pie." Dean said with a wink. The tall man stopped short when he noticed Cas on the couch, Cas got up to shake his hand but the tall man smiled and pulled him into a giant hug.
"Cas! Wow man I haven't seen you in ages!" The tall man released him and Cas tilted his head to the side in confusion.
"Do I know you?" he asked.
"Cas, you don't remember me?" he asked, "Uh I'm Sam, Dean's little brother."
Cas' eyes widened in recognition and surprised, "Holy shit you got huge." Cas said and Sam laughed, "I'm sorry if I offended you Sam it's just the last time I saw you, you were up to my shoulder and you're hair was more floppy than flowy. Not to mention you were scrawny as all hell."
Dean snorted again and Sam hit him in the back of the head.
Later on that night Cas was sitting in the living room with Bobby while Dean and Sam were talking in the kitchen.
"So uh are you okay?" Sam asked.
"Yeah I'm fine, why?" Dean replied.
"Oh I dunno, the love of your life that you never thought you'd see again is in Bobby's house with us right now, I wasn't sure if you were okay."
"Sam I don't wanna talk about this."
"But you need to Dean," Sam insisted, "Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever seen you do. Ever, in our fucking messed up lives. Maybe this is your second chance?"
"Sam I can't try and be something with Cas, not when we live the way we live." Dean hissed, "Earlier tonight we took down some demons who have been terrorizing Soux Falls every few years with car crashes. Just last month I chopped a vampire's head off with a butter knife. I'm not putting him in danger."
"Okay fine," Sam said holding his hands up in defeat, "Are we sure we got all the demons who were behind these serial killings?"
"Yeah I'm positive." Dean said sighing, "Friggen sicko demons man. Makes me wonder if any of them are behind other things, like boats sinking or trains catching fire or whatever. I mean how didn't we catch wind of this sooner?"
"I dunno Dean, they were doing it in a five year pattern. Every five years they would crash three cars and kill three people or families. I still haven't found out how they were hiding their tracks right under Bobby's nose."
"Did you just say demons?" someone asked behind them and Cas was standing right behind them, Bobby was walking over to them.
"You two idjits need to learn how to whisper." Bobby grumbled.
"Um no?" Dean offered, "We did not say demons?"
Cas gave Dean the; are-you-kidding-me-I-know-you're-lying- face and rolled his eyes, "I heard you."
"How much did you hear?" Sam asked.
"I walked in when Dean said he chopped a vampire's head off with a butter knife." Cas dead panned.
"Okay, so why aren't you looking at us like we're crazy?" Dean asked.
"The kid knows," Bobby said leaning against the kitchen sink, "He's known for a while. Caught me burring a body in my backyard and before he could ask any questions…the body hit him in the face." Bobby said trying not to laugh.
"It's not funny, it put its fucking dead fingers in my mouth." Cas said shivering and Dean and Sam couldn't help laughing. Dean was actually sliding down the wall he was leaning on and hit the floor with a thud, turning over on his side and laughing. Cas was trying to look angry but he was smiling.
After a few minutes Dean calmed down and stood up, whipping the tears from the corners of his eyes.
"Man I haven't laughed like that in a really long time." Dean said shaking his head.
Cas wondered why he hadn't laughed in so long.
"So um, how do you two know all about this…this monster shit?" Cas asked.
"We're hunters Cas." Sam said.
"Say hello to the two best hunters ever known." Bobby said with a small smile.
Cas' eyes widened, as he stared at the Winchesters in shock. Sam patted Cas on the shoulder harder than he realized and went into the living room with Bobby, leaving Dean and Cas alone.
"That's uh, why I had to leave, Cas." Dean said rubbing the back of his neck. "Our dad raised us as hunters because a demon killed our mom and he dragged us all over the U.S. looking for it."
"Oh." Cas said. He thought once he knew why Dean had really left he'd feel some closure, but he didn't, and he wouldn't, not unless he could be with Dean again and he wasn't sure that something like that was even possible.
Dean rubbed the back of his neck again and Cas spotted a tattoo on his wrist. Cas grabbed his hand and yanked forward so he could inspect it. Dean was blushing furiously and trying not to look at him. On Dean's wrist in small black ink were the initials, C.J.N.
They were Castiel's initials.
"Dean…" Cas whispered, he ran a finger over the tattoo and Dean closed his fingers around Castiel's palm, turning his wrist towards the ground.
"I got that one night, like two or three days after I left. I was very drunk and very upset, but I don't regret it."
Cas took a step closer, eliminating the small amount of personal space that Dean had left and hugged Dean around the neck. Dean froze instinctively at first but then melted into Cas' embrace. He wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and nuzzled his face into Castiel's hair, Cas buried his face in Dean's neck. They stood there for a while, they weren't entirely sure how long but when they pulled back Cas had a tear on his cheek, but he was smiling. Dean wiped it away with his thumb.
Then Cas pulled Dean into a kiss, and Dean kissed him back and he wanted to keep going, to kiss him with all of the emotions that he had bottled up inside of him but he couldn't. He pulled away and Cas looked hurt.
"Dean-"
"Cas I can't…I can't." Dean said putting his face in his hands, "Cas I'm not the same boy from thirteen years ago. I'm not who you were in love with."
"I know that-"
"Cas just listen to me," Dean sighed, "I am hard and mean and ruthless. I'm a functioning alcoholic and the muscles around my mouth that help me smile are stiff and tired from constantly feeling sad. I'm broken Cas, what I've been through, what I've done….you wouldn't want me if you knew."
Cas stopped himself from saying something right away and looked at Dean, really looked at him. He had changed. His features were sharp and strong from age and eyes were hard and menacing but you could see how broken he was, if you really looked. If you were just an everyday stranger you would see a face that had a wall up, no emotion would seep through the man's façade. But Cas saw, Cas saw in Dean's face how he'd been through more than he could ever possibly imagine. He could see Dean's self-loathing but then when he saw how Sam and Bobby looked at Dean, like he was one of the most good and kind hearted people on earth? He knew that Dean was being too hard on himself.
"Dean, you listen to me." Cas said stepping forward again, "I know it's been a long time and this might be hard for you to believe but I can still read you like a book." Dean smiled sadly at that, "And when I look at you I do see someone broke, but I don't care. I don't care. I know you, and you're a good person no matter what you seem to believe and what you've done in the past doesn't really matter to me."
Dean stared at him for a moment, he couldn't believe he'd actually forgotten about how utterly and completely amazing and kind Cas is. Well, it's not that he forgot, it's just that his kindness was shocking to Dean, things in his life were rarely kind, those were the consequences of being a hunter.
Dean couldn't even prevent himself from choking up. His eyes watered but the tears didn't spill over at least. He always had a wall up, a solid steel and cement wall that he kept all of his feelings behind. It never broke, ever. Sometimes is sprung a leak and he would down a bottle of jack to patch it up.
But with Cas? His wall just crumbled.
"Are you serious?" he asked, "Cas I need to know if you're serious because if you're not then—"
"Look at my face Dean, do I look serious?"
Cas looked serious. Dean knew Cas' serious face, and his face was the epitome of serious. Cas reached out with a hand to squeeze on of Dean's. Dean gripped his hand and then turned his own hand to grab Cas' wrist and pull him forward.
Dean gripped one of Cas' hips so tight it would leave a bruise and brought his other hand up to roughly cup Cas' jaw and slammed their mouths together. Dean let out a deep breath through his nose and Cas sighed loudly, it sounded like a moan. They moved their lips together and it was almost magical, and who knows, with what the Winchester's have seen it could have been. When their tongues collided it sent a jolt of electricity through each man's body and Dean grabbed Cas' other hip to pull him even closer.
Now flush against Dean's chest Cas gripped the taller man's hair with his fingers and pressed his mouth harder against Dean's. The kiss was rough and passionate and full of clinking teeth and bitten lips and most people would have seen it as needy but to them it was absolutely perfect. They had been apart for so long and now that they were touching again they couldn't seem to figure out how they'd managed the separation in the first place.
"God I love you." Cas whispered when they pulled away and he rested his head on Dean's chest.
"I love you too." Dean replied after he kissed Cas' hair.
-x-
Sam and Dean were tired. They'd been hunting for all of their lives, they were both over thirty, and their bodies were rapidly wearing out. There's only so much the human body can take.
They moved in with Bobby. Sam and Dean still went on hunts regularly but tried to stick to the area and only went on long trips when it was absolutely necessary. Cas moved in with them and Bobby taught him how to be, well… Bobby Singer. Cas helped a lot when Bobby was busy finding information for another hunter, and he and Dean were inseparable when Dean wasn't on a case.
A year and a half later South Dakota legalized gay marriage. Dean and Cas got hitched. Bobby married him after he spent an ominous amount of time trying to become a justice of the peace. They hung their marriage license on Bobby's fridge and then had copious amounts of sex in the impala. Thirty years later when they were in their sixties they tried to have sex in the impala for their anniversary and Dean broke a hip and slipped a disc, that's when he and Sam retired.
Im sorry I haven't been updating I just barely have time for sleep recently. Read and Review? Also please follow my PSA thing if you haven't already, it's easier for me to tell you things that way. One love.
Liz.