This is the Ed of the Road, Boys
Disclaimer: I own EEnE or Star Trek. If I did I'd be loaded. AND THIS WOULDN'T BE CALLED A FANFIC, GENIUS.
Chapter 1: Space… The Final Frontier
"Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before," the TV announced, as in a filthy basement, a boy that was yellow-skinned, wore a white tank top, had just white underwear on for pants, and had a single eyebrow watched.
His name was Ed. He was friends with two other people with the same name- the other Eds. Edd, or Double D as he was called, was amazingly smart, compared to Ed's somewhat stupid nature. His other friend was Eddy, who was smarter than Ed, but still not that smart. He was also obsessed with getting money, and was a natural conman. And just then, coincidently, as Ed thought about how much better watching Star Trek was with friends, the door opened.
And it wasn't friends. A red-haired girl with a pink shirt and blue pants stood there, looking angry. "ED!" she hollered, causing Ed to turn and jump back in fear.
"Demon child from the same mom and dad!" Ed panicked, looking at her. "What is it?"
"Mom and dad said you can't watch Star Trek tonight, because they think you haven't had enough time outside lately," Sarah- Ed's sister- said, smiling, as Ed looked around in panic, as if looking for something to defend himself from a monster.
And in his mind, he was. In his mind, it was as if Klingons had boarded his ship, and the only way he could get help was by- "I NEED TO SEND OUT A DISTRESS SIGNAL TO THE USS ENTERPRISE- THE NCC-1701!" Ed hollered, grabbing his jacket and pants- jumping into the pants, and crawling out his window to flee from his sister, as he put his green jacket on- forgetting his shirt. He quickly returned, slipping his hand through to get his red-n-white striped shirt, and put it on, and as he fled from his home he put his jacket on over it.
He ran, towards another house- it was around 8 o'clock now, and somewhat dark, but he knew that his friends would be awake. "DOUBLE D!!" Ed yelled, banging his fists against the door of a house to knock on it- when the door opened.
Standing there with a toothbrush in his mouth was a boy with a sock-hat on his head, an orange shirt, and purple pants. "Ed, what is it?" he asked, revealing that the was a gap in his teeth by opening his mouth.
"I can't watch Star Trek at home and I wanted to go Star Trekkin'!" Ed yelled, and Double D sighed.
"Ed, it's a fictional TV show. We can't do anything like that in real life," Edd said, and Ed looked down, disappointment in his face. "But tomorrow, I think, we could try," he said, patting Ed's shoulder, and Ed looked up with an excited look on his face.
"We'll go Star Trekkin' tomorrow, Double D!" Ed yelled, hugging Double D insanely tightly, and then let go. "I better get Eddy and tell him!" Ed yelled happily, running off, leaving Edd in his home.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Edd whispered to himself, as he closed the door, and Ed ran towards Eddy's house…
***The Junkyard the Next Morning***
The next day, in the junkyard, the Eds were attempting to build themselves a "space ship". Unlike normal constructions of cardboard, Edd had said that if this was to work at all, they would have to use metal they find in the junkyard. And thus, there they were. By a space ship that Edd was starting to make the frame for, only asking for help gathering materials so the other two Eds didn't do anything to break it. "Can I help, Double D?" Ed asked, as Edd put a metal beam into a slot- finishing what he called the "Bridge".
"Well, Ed," Edd said, looking around. "You can get me some more metal beams- we'll need them for the main part of the ship," Edd said, looking at his now finished Bridge. It was an elongated disc- and it was big enough to fit six, according to Edd- even if it only would need to fit three.
"Roger that, Double D!" Ed yelled as he saluted, before running off to find some more metal beams, as Edd grabbed another one, as Eddy watched, sitting in a lawn chair.
"How much longer till we're done, Double D?" Eddy asked, drinking some lemonade out of a glass he had, as Edd sighed.
"It'll probably take along the rest of the day," Edd said, and Eddy growled a bit in impatience. "We're building a space ship, Eddy- it won't take minutes," Edd explained, putting the beam in, as Ed came back with several more beams. "Thank you, Ed," Edd said, and then looked around. "I think I have another job for you, Ed," he said, as Ed grinned.
"Yes, Double D?" Ed asked, and then waited for Edd to say what he was to do.
"I want you to help me with the beams, so that we can finish the frame," Edd said, and Ed grinned, grabbing a beam.
"Roger Wilco Double D!" Ed yelled happily, as he and Edd began to put beams in place at twice the speed of before…
***Few Hours Later***
"This looks almost done," Edd said, as Ed placed the final part of the hull on, making the very elongated ship finished on the outside. It was around forty feet long, and a mere twenty wide- and the back split into two trident-like shapes. The front of it had two "cannons" made of tubes, that were connected to a chamber where they could load anything into, and it would be shot out.
"What does it need now?" Eddy asked, looking at it. "Wait- don't answer. Interior crap?" he asked, and Edd nodded, and sighed.
"I hate your wording, but yes- interior stuff," Edd said, and turned. "Ed, open the ramp!" he yelled- Ed reached up, and pulled down a ramp from the space ship's bottom, and it had two things connecting it at the bottom for opening and closing. "We'll begin working on the interior now, I believe," Edd said. "I'll manage the electrical programming- Ed, you can move things for me and Eddy when needed," Edd said, and Ed nodded.
"C'mon, Lumpy, let's find some stuff for chairs," Eddy said, as he walked off, followed by Ed. Edd walked into the space ship, and began to work on wiring. The space ship had no power source- yet. But as Edd didn't truly expect it to fly, he thought that batteries would be sufficient. At the least, he figured, he could simulate some space-travel things if he could convince Ed it would never fly- Eddy would hear that idea and make it into a scam right away.
"Eddwaaaard," a voice hissed, as Edd turned, and stopped putting some wiring into the wall- they had designed the walls to be able to come off easy until they were done.
"Hello?" Edd asked, looking around. "Hello?"
"Eddwaaaard," the voice hissed- sounding like it was moving away towards the ramp. Edd raced down the short hall, and turned- to the ramp. No one was there. "Eddwaaaaard," it hissed- sounding like it was coming closer.
"AHHH!" Edd yelled, as everything went black- and then nothing.
***The Next Day, Noon***
"Ed, he's awake!" Eddy's voice yelled, as Edd's eyes opened. He was lying on the ground, and Eddy was standing over him. "What happened, Sockhead?" Eddy asked, as Edd sat up, rubbing his forehead.
"I don't know," Edd said, looking around. "I heard someone hissing my name, went to see who it was, and then… It's just blank," he said, as he got up, and Ed walked over.
"Well," Eddy said, looking around. "You did good at finishing the ship's wiring before hand," he said, and Edd stared at him.
"I never finished it," Edd said, and Eddy stopped as he began to open his mouth. "I had barely started," he said, as he looked around.
"Maybe Captain Kirk and Spock were beamed down and fixed it, Double D?" Ed asked, and Edd smiled a smile that showed he found it funny- Ed didn't realize that.
"Maybe, Ed, maybe," Edd said, and turned. "Let me see what you mean," Edd said, walking up the ramp- and he then covered his eyes. Somehow, the ship's lightning was on, power hummed in the walls, and as the other two Eds walked in, the ramp began to close.
"Cool," Ed said, as it sealed shut with a hiss.
"This… this is incredible," Edd said, looking around amazed. "But… but who did it?" he asked, as the Eds walked down the hall way- a door opened, and the walked in. They were now in the six-chaired bridge. The windows were open, Edd noticed, letting sunlight through- and the lights were off. However, computer monitors in front of the central chair, and by the two front chairs, were glowing. The other three chairs made a semi-circle around the central chair. It was in itself a good layout.
"I call Captain's chair!" Eddy yelled, running towards the chair in the middle- the Captain's chair. "Double D, Ed, to your stations. Prepare to lift off," Eddy said, smiling as he sat in the Captain's chair- thinking it would work.
"I don't think it'll work, Eddy, but if you say so," Edd said, sitting in his chair, as Ed sat in the other chair. Eddy was in the middle- with Edd on his right front, and Edd his left front. "Let's see here…" Edd said, looking at the console, before pulling a lever back. The ship suddenly, without warning, began the shake violently, and then, to their surprise, jerked upwards, causing several G's to go up and down back to normal.
"We have lift off!" Eddy yelled happily, as the ship hovered, floating silently above the ground. "Uh… move us or somethin', Sockhead," Eddy said, looking around, and then Edd sighed.
"Very well, Eddy," Edd said, as he pushed one lever forward and pulled another back- the ship turned, facing upwards now, and began to move forward, upwards in a slant. As it ascended, readings on Edd's display changed, until they exited the atmosphere- and they remained settee.
"Woah... Way cool!" Ed said, breaking a long silence, as he looked around in amazement. The stars looked as if he could merely reach out and touch- the entire galaxy was clear to see, and they looked around in pure awe.
"Holy crap it's big," Eddy said to himself, looking around at all that there was. "Does this thing have a Warp too?"
"Eddy, the mere fact it could fly to SPACE surprises me- I sincerely doubt it does," Edd said, looking at the monitor in awe, trying to figure out what all did what. And then, he noticed two openings on the floor- where they had built the torpedo launching bay. "I shouldn't push anything that I don't know the effect of," he said, looking at it all in awe.
"The Warp in Star Trek was around this area," Ed said, pointing at the center of the console- where nothing was.
"I told you there's no Warp," Edd said, turning in his chair to Eddy.
"Well, keep looking anyways," Eddy said, looking around. "This thing needs a computer…" he said, spinning in his chair.
"I bet that the lever with the numbers on it does something," Ed said, seeing a lever on the console with numbers up to thirteen, it currently at zero.
"Pull it and find out, Double D," Eddy said, and Edd looked at it.
"Fine…" Edd said, looking at the lever. For something so vital as a Warp Drive, it looked almost obsolete… And then, Edd pulled it. In a flash of light, the stars jumped almost- making a continuous line of light, and then, he stopped, leaving it at one. "This is incredible!" he yelled in amazement as Ed grinned happily, bouncing up and down.
"This is so cool, Double D! How did you do it?!" he asked, and didn't give Edd time to answer as he continued. "WE'RE STAR TREKKIN'!" Ed yelled, whooping in joy, when suddenly, the lever snapped forward to zero- the stars returned to normal. The ship almost stopped. And then, in front of them, the windows showed that there was an immense space ship. Right in front of them.
"That thing is enormous!" Edd yelled, as Eddy stopped spinning- his jaw dropping.
"It's the Klingons!!" Ed yelled immediately, and hid his face in his arms out of fear immediately. As this happened, a red light opened on the console- and then, a voice spoke.
"You are being hailed by a space ship- press the red communications button to accept communications," a voice said, as if a character in a video game was explaining to the Eds how to use the controls and play the game. In other words, major fourth-wall breaking. Edd pressed the button- and the center window swirled, forming the image of a… a…
"There's nothing in the image," he realized, as a voice spoke.
"This is Sleeper Ship 6-795 of the Galactic Union," the voice said calmly. "You have been taken from warp and are in a tractor beam, that will pull you into one of our hangers," the Sleeper Ship's computer voice said calmly. "We know your homeworld, species, and even what members of your species are aboard your ship. Ed, Edd, and Eddy," the voice said, as the ship was being pulled towards it- a door slowly opening it. "All will be explained shortly," the voice said before the transmission was cut.
"This is so cool," Ed said, smiling, as they were pulled forward.
"They better explain everything," Eddy said, as he looked forward. "Then we can get back home with an alien, and get rich from this thing!" he said, clapping his hands together.
"I fear that this isn't going to be anything like that," Edd said, gulping. In the pit of his stomach, he had a bad feeling…