Walls of My Town
anakin can try all he want, but he's better off keeping his hands at his sides.
1. His mother tells him that he's too young to remember time with Gardulla. But he remembers the stench and remembers that he never felt clean.
Anakin never forgets that feeling of being dirty all the time, despite what he tells his mother.
2. Obi-Wan and the other Jedi Masters tell him to forget his life before he came to the Temple.
Except Anakin knows that not even the men so easily gave up their Mli heritage, and okay, he's not really a man now, but he's still part of the Mli, isn't he?
So he tucks away that part of his life, deep in mind, just as he used to tuck himself away when he didn't want to be found. Anakin when he meditates with Obi-Wan—specifically, when Obi-Wan helps Anakin deal with his past—Anakin thanks the goddesses that his heritage remains safely tucked away.
3. (Anakin never really does deal with his past.)
4. The only part he hates about marrying Padmé is the fact that their love must hide in Separatist rail cars and secluded hallways.
5. Anakin wonders why, despite his and Obi-Wan's constant bantering, bickering, and arguing, they don't seem to say much of anything.
6. Ahsoka wants him to be like Obi-Wan. That is to say, she wants him to know when to be Skyguy, and when to be Knight Skywalker.
However, Anakin just wants to be Anakin and still manage to teach her properly.
(Obi-Wan—and other Jedi and civilians, too—have mentioned much much Ahsoka is like him. Outside, Anakin is humble, gracious. Inside, he flinches at how right they are, and yet entirely entirely wrong.)
7. Master Yoda says fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. But fear helps him keep his focus at what he must do: save everyone.
(He has known this since he was nine, but did not understand until he was twelve, when he saw that dying star.)
8. Throughout the whole of Order 66, Anakin tells himself that it's for Padme; for Leia.
They'll understand.
9. When he kneels to Lord Sidious, the part of him called Vader tucks a small piece of him called Anakin Skywalker into a corner of his mind. He feels little regret. After all, he's never been one to so easily let go of his past. And besides, hiding is what Anakin does best.
10. (What kills him, in the end, is not the damage done to his suit—Vader's suit—their suit; nor is it his not-battle with his son.
Rather, what kills him is knowing that for the first time in forty-six years, he's finally free, but he can't do a damn thing about it.)