Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot, the poem and the way it was written. It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer and CTV.
The perfect kiss
A fairy tale ending
Simply the beginning of my story
I Bella Swan was getting married to Edward Cullen. I was leaving my past for a fairy tale ending depending on who you ask. Yet somehow I can't stop thinking about those blue-green eyes and the last words he ever said to me.
"You could be happy. I truly hope you are."
It was cliché of him to quote a song but how it fit to my situation so perfectly I wondered how much he knew about me right now. It was strange how after one night of crying my feelings my hopes and my dreams about Jacob evaporated almost immediately. If you ask me to tell you about the truth who kept me sane. I would tell you only one name and I can swear to you he was neither a werewolf nor a mystical creature but somehow he sent me a miracle.
Somehow I can't let the past go
Memories, secrets and songs
I can't dream and I don't want to sleep
Lately I even lock my window at night or just pretend to sleep. Edward doesn't catch on. What surprised me most about my mind was it refused to let me think about anything but him. I hated being alone and kept planning the wedding with an ecstatic attitude. As soon as I'm alone or as soon as I dream I see his face. The eyes that haunted me in truth. I hated waking up since all I could dream about what his face and that image was taken from me as soon as I woke up. I could remember his face contorted in pain as he asked me the question and I answered every morning even if he couldn't hear me.
"Why did you leave? Why?"
"I had too. I love- cared about you too much."
My head spins with the fantasy
The hope as I surrender to something I gave up
I pretend to act like they wanted me too
I would never tell anyone the wedding I really wanted to have. I often imagined it in my head. I would be in a small chapel in Italy.
"He's late" Someone would say blandly in the back of the chapel.
"Isn't he always?" I would remark back as everyone looked at me with curious faces.
"To his own wedding?" Several people would whisper throughout the chapel.
Then he would come in and everyone would gasp. He would smile at me and pull out an engagement ring three months late when I asked for an excuse to his lateness. He wanted something a bit nicer as he kisses me a way that might have insulted the pope and we go up to the alter as the minister would begin and we would say our vows.
I close my eyes and realize that fantasy can't come true. Since Edward my current Fiancée was not included in the fantasy. Nor would he be late to his own wedding. (Alice would have his head). Edward was ecstatic to how interested I was in our wedding. Not suspecting I had other motives.
Lips touching
Bodies moving
Lust overturning
Trying to forget a night I never can
The reason I didn't sleep with Edward that day in the meadow was because I wasn't ready to pretend. I had given myself to him. Not that I can forget it ever happened no matter how hard I try. I just wish sometimes that I could be his girl for five minutes and let go but unfortunately I had to keep up my facade. What scares me is that my feelings for Edward can fade just as easily as Jacob's. Not that he needs to know.
Becoming someone else
Running away
And hoping to see him again
With someone else or alone
Just to see him happy
I was selfish. I rather see him happy then myself. That doesn't sound selfish many people may say but here I am sacrificing the happiness of so many people just to see him happy. The faces flash in my mind Edward, Alice, Emmett, Esme, Charlie, Renee, Jacob. So I rather see him with someone else happy then waiting for me suicidal. I needed closure that's the thought running through my head as I run out of my room and into my truck driving 400 miles to see him.
I need closure
A sweet goodbye
One more night
One more risk
One night where I'm not pretending
I run to his door. He answers and sees me before pulling me to his lips and against the door. The only thoughts running through my head was the pleasure fuck I missed him. He pushes me to his couch and kisses me deeper before I warn him.
"This is only closure."
He looks hurt but continues down and lower I moan. Then he back up and he whispers in my ear.
"No it's not if it was you wouldn't have kissed back. Girl how do you feel just tell me."
The words escape my mouth before I have time to think. I'm still in his arms and his gaze is looking deep into my soul.
"I love you. So much it hurts. I'm scared, terrified, and tired but please let this go."
He stares at me hurt and doesn't respond but kisses me with haste urgency and desperation. My clothes are coming off and so are his. As he thrusts into me and the sheer pleasure makes me explode. He's banging me using me but then he whispers words in between. Words of love.
You haunt my memories
Show my true self
You scare me
But somehow I can't let go even if I'm fated too
And neither can you
After that night I linger on my bed the memories fleeted back. The lyrics that are ringing in my head right now are by the fray. Heaven forbid you end up alone and you don't know why. I drive back and it happens again and again and again. I'm cheating but for once I get to escape my fate. Edward doesn't suspect and neither does Alice, no one does. Tomorrow I getting married but tonight I'm escaping fate even if it doesn't let me tomorrow morning because I know I'm fated to pretend.
I try and try
Tomorrow I meet my fate
And leave you
But tonight let's let destiny decide
Because if fate chooses my path
I'm fated to pretend