I Want to Forget
Summary: Some wounds are just too deep to heal... Some memories are too bitter to forget... Some aches are just too painful for time to mend... You just found yourself wishing... You want to forget...
Pairings: Ren/Pirika
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Yeah, that's what I'm feeling... I want to forget... Make me happy. Leave a review. By the way, the poem is mine.
Through the path of silence and isolation,
I was walking, head bowed...
You're happy. You know you are.
You know that every smile you gave to each passer-by was real.
You assure your friends that you're okay, and you mean it.
After all, nothing changed. Even though he left you, even though you just woke up from a dream to a nightmare, you don't care.
Why should you care?
You're happy. You're doing okay.
Right?
You're happy right?
You're okay, right?
Why then, are your eyes, so dull?
Then, why do you cry before you sleep at night?
Why do you feel like you're breaking?
Why do you feel so empty? So lifeless?
Why then, did you turn your back from this world?
I want to forget...
Because that's what you're doing right now...
You want to forget...
You want to forget everything. You want to forget that once upon a time, in a blissful dream, you did love him, and he said he did love you back.
You want to forget all those times the two of you spent together. You want to forget all those thousand promises, those tender words, those sweet kisses, and those warm caresses.
You want to forget this horrible dream.
You want to forget so much that you want to forget that you are alive, not merely existing. You want to forget that you turned away from this world.
You close your world. You dwell in isolation.
Steps on the other side.
I looked up.
I saw you.
Was this real?
Or a mere memory?
You want to forget, you said that.
Why then, are you still here?
Why did you freeze in your tracks, when you saw him again?
I stared.
I looked.
Amber eyes... Pale cheeks...
Why do you continue to stare at him?
Why do you continue to bare your soul?
Why do you continue to bare your heart that loved him once?
No. I closed my eyes.
I want to forget.
You close your eyes. You can't take it anymore.
You want to forget.
Why then, did you start to remember?
Euphoria... Love...
You remember that night on the lake, when you confessed your love.
You remember the smile, the warm feeling in his arms as he embraced you.
You remember the words that he tenderly whispered before he kissed you.
"Pirika, I love you too..."
A Promise... A Soul...
You remember the promise that he would never hurt you, and that he would never leave you.
You remember the time you surrendered, and gave him your soul.
You remember everything too well.
Tears.
You remember your brother's warning that what the two of you have would not last.
You remember his sister's warning that in the end, it would be you who gets hurt.
And you remember what you said to them at that time,
You don't care.
Pain.
You remember the exact moment you woke up from a dream to a nightmare.
You remember him telling you that he had to go.
You remember him telling you that this had to end.
You remember his words, that everything was just a dream.
That everything had just been a sick joke.
You remember the slap you gave him.
You remember how he turned his back from you.
Yes, you remember that too well.
Days. Months.
You remember the very first tears you cried.
You remember the unbearable pain.
You remember how you refused to eat anything, feel anything.
You remember the time you wished you had died.
No, I want to forget.
You remember the very first time you wore a mask.
You remember the time you stopped looking at yourself in your mirror.
You knew you wont like what you would see.
You remember the time you went back to the world.
But this time, you knew you built a wall.
Warmth tickled my cheeks.
I opened my eyes.
I was alone.
You remember you devoted yourself to work.
You remember you told yourself that you want to forget.
You remember a promise that you would have nothing to do with him again.
Cool. Wet. Numb.
A soft whisper.
Why are you crying?
You're happy, right?
You're doing well without him, right?
Why then, that for a moment, you yearned for his presence?
Why didn't you want him to leave you alone?
Why did you suddenly wish that everything was back to normal?
Why did you suddenly want him back?
I want to forget.
You know the problem, do you?
You want to forget. Sure.
You want to forget that you loved him.
You want to forget that you still love him.
You want to forget all those sweet-bitter memories.
You want to forget that you need him.
You want to forget simply everything about him.
But you can't. You want to, but you can't.
You can't forget that you loved him.
You can't forget that you still love him.
You can't forget all those sweet-bitter memories.
You can't forget that you need him.
You can't forget simply everything about it.
You want to move on, but you can't.
And you find yourself wishing, you want to forget all those realizations as well, but still...
You can't.
End:
Chapter updates.. Itsumo has been updated. Entrapment... Next week...