a/n: So...this is...erm...pg? HA! I CAN write something not rated R!!! Anyway, a little reflective piece. He tries to deny it, but in his own eyes he has no worth.

Self Worth

I sit here.
I'm alone.
It's dark.
I'm cold but I won't turn on the heater.
I'm hungry but I won't eat.
I'm tired but I won't sleep.
There are two people alone who see a value in me that I do not see in myself.
I'm thinking about them right now.
I'm thinking about Wakaba.
She's everything I ever wanted in a friend.
She truly loves me unconditionally.
I love her in return but some how I feel that's not good enough.
I'm not quite up to snuff.
She's better than me in so many ways and while I love her company...I feel as though she's being cheated out of her time spent with myself.

I'm thinking about Hijiri.
He says he loves me.
I believe him.
But still I question why.
What have I to love about me?
A scattered, wounded past?
My stolen innocence at merely thirteen?
My stolen life just three years later?
Three agonizingly long and painful years.
Three very lonely years...
I'm...attractive.
Why will no one but these two people truly show me that I am worth something more than a beaten down sex object?
Without a realization of self worth one can never be complete.
I have never been complete.
I have been alone.
I have been beaten.
I have been abused.
I have been hated.
I have been chased down.
I have been raped physically and emotionally.
I have been torn.
But...
I have never been loved.
I have never been held.
I have never been kissed.
I have never found myself in arms from which I do not wish to escape.

These things I wish for.
Upon every star in the sky.
Upon every wave that crashes upon every shore.
Upon every tender kiss shared by lovers.
Upon my sorrowed life.

These things shall I ever have?

Two people love me.
Two people mean more to me than life.
And still I wonder why.
I have never been able to find my self worth and until I do I will silently ponder the questions again and again. Why do you love me? What do you see in me? What...is my self worth?

And I beg.
I beg unto every heart...
Love me because I cannot love myself.
I am hallow.
I am emotionless.
I am detached.
I have no...

Self worth.