A/N: Boredom concocted this…enjoy…
This is a paring I want to work with a little more often, but like my usual routine, I want to just do a few simple one-shots with them for now.
I don't own Maria-sama Ga Miteru.
A Game of Cat and Mouse:
Breathless Confession
"It is not something I should address haphazardly, I fear doing so will end in pain."
"Maybe it will. Maybe it won't…who is this person, Shimako?"
"I am unwilling to divulge that information. The matter is a personal one, surely you understand."
"I do."
"Then, what should I do, Sei?"
"If you can't stand to express yourself, Shimako, you will inevitably gamble and lose a great many things…reversely far be it from me to tell you that you should speak of your desires, because even if you do, I doubt that alone will give you any comfort. In fact, quite possibly, you stand to lose even more if you do choose to say exactly what you want."
"I see."
"Shimako…if I were you, I wouldn't say a word."
"Yes, I know…"
"Even though I say that, I doubt you can stay silent…still it would comfort me to know who this woman is."
"If I speak to her…if my feelings are not shunned, then I will tell you."
"Understood…Shimako, if you are shunned, you will come to me."
"Does it really worry you so much, Sei?"
"Worry? No. That is merely a fact I've come to expect of you. I won't chase you down, Shimako. So if you need me, come to me and I will try to put you back together. That is all I can do."
It was those distant words that had once been gifted to her by her elder sister…if the often pragmatic woman could really be called that. Shimako was often unsure, because as involved as Sei could be, she was equally aloof and questionable by nature. It was in that sense quite bothersome at best that she would follow in Sei footsteps.
And what ludicrous footsteps they were too!
Shimako knew that to be the case. In spite of her dreams to be as devout as any woman of the cloth could be, she would choose to place her beating heart and soul before another person.
At the mercy of one who was not a god…and even a man.
The entire idea was a mockery at best, and Shimako knew that Sei had only experienced the worst. That she would even think to follow this path, to voice her deepest, most profound desires, left a very uneasy drumming in her head.
"I love you…"
She was so reserved that even her turmoil was nearly silent as she leaned on the door to the student council room, eyes screwed shut as she clutched at the infuriatingly dark green uniform that wrapped her up with poise unmatched.
She wanted so dearly to set the blasted thing askew, as her fists formed out of angry confusion. With her lips thinning into a tight line, and her breath little more than ragged puffs of truth that her lungs simply couldn't catch, she felt near ready to curse.
She knew the confession of her greatest dreams was not one that would easily be returned, and yet, she had spoken the words with little more than a quietly quaking voice that struggled to find its place in the room around the dead air between her and the woman of her deepest affections.
She was sure the wide eyed girl stood there, mouth agape. Likely equally flustered, if not appalled, but Shimako couldn't bring herself to open up her eyes and take in the sight. Instead, she stood stock still, waiting for the hammer to fall.
"You…you what?" Yumi murmured.
It was first words of sure to be rejection. They fell so heavily, weighing them both down.
"I said that…" Shimako took a breath. "In spite of that fact that we're both women…or, perhaps due in part of that." She changed a glance at the girl in front of her. "Whatever the reason is, I love you, Yumi-san."
Again, the confession hung in the air, the theoretical noose on the end of a long, thin rope. The problem was, Yumi was quite unsure of just how to cut through the uncomfortable reality that had just befallen her. "Shimako-san….that's just…I mean this sort of confession…" It was stupid quite frankly to beat around the bush any longer, and Yumi sighed. "It's a little sudden."
"To you, perhaps." Shimako murmured, agreeing that she had likely ruined a very important friendship as she steadied herself as best as she could. "To me, it is not so simple." She could feel the uneven beats of her heart, and they mingled with the cool chain around her wrist...she could feel her own pulse. "I've waited too long to say those words."
Hesitant, uncertain...and yet unwilling to leave the matter well enough alone. Her mind drifted momentarily to Sei, wondering if this was how she felt every waking moment. "In fact, because I've been so quiet, it is quite a bit more complicated than I care to admit." The inadequacy was entirely unnerving. "This is a burden to you, isn't it, Yumi-san?"
"Ummm…it's not that I don't care about you. It's just that…" Yumi paused, feeling as if those were not the right words. "Well, aren't you and Sei-san…like that?" Her pointer finger twirled about slowly in the air, as Yumi swallowed hard, a blush creeping up her cheeks.
"Romantic?" Shimako supplied.
"Y-Yes." Yumi replied ashamed. "That."
Shimako smiled a bit softly, but shook her head. "Sei and I could never be together." A long suffering sigh fell from her lips at the mere idea. "There's too much between us…to many similarities, if you will. Hesitations and mindsets that make us wonderful sisters for the rose family." In worry she crossed her arms and sighed. "However, those selfsame things are what ensure that our close bond could never be more than sisterly."
"This is just too much." Yumi said, feeling as if Sei had been the brain behind this little scheme. She was still waiting for someone to just out from a closet or a door and yell surprise.
"It is more than too much." Shimako agreed. "Feeling anything for a women the way that I do, well quite frankly, it is nothing short of blasphemy." That tempting edge of friendship and something more….teetering on the brink of absolute agony should she take the plunge and not be able to swim…it was both invigorating and terrifying.
"Regardless, I speak truth." Shimako took a step forward, bowing deeply, her hands cupped neatly at her lap. "I am in love with you, and it comes so easily for me to say it that. I felt as if you should know." Worried, she pushed some of her deep fawn tresses behind her ear. "It isn't as if I expect you to act on my feelings, or, to even consider them."
"So, you'll tell me something like that, and then just pretend it never even happened?" Yumi hated even thinking it, let alone saying it. "Isn't that going to be a burden to you, Shimako-san?"
"There isn't any other alternative." Shimako concluded simply, though it didn't ease away the pain in those words. "My feelings aren't returned. I already came to terms with that and I knew it from the beginning."
"N-no don't misunderstand Shimako-san." Yumi said quickly, a deep blush. "I-it-it's not that."
"Then what exactly is it?" Hope…a very fragile one, danced timidly in blue-gray eyes.
"I've never even thought that." Yumi said, fidgeting at her place. "It's not something that crosses my mind."
"Then perhaps you should." Shimako offered kindly, clinging onto the deep feeling in her heart, the embers of dearest friendship burning and catching flame. Yearning for something more. "You are a beautiful girl, and suitors will line up at your feet. When they do, they will wait for an answer." Another step, and she took Yumi's hands gently in her own. "If you can't say it clearly, it's the same as not saying it at all."
"Even if you say that, there isn't much I can tell you." Yumi answered. "I-I wish I could, but I can't." Shimako's hands were soft, warm, and delicate. "I've never experienced love of the romantic kind."
"If I could be given the opportunity to prove those feelings, I would do my utmost." Shimako told her, her eyes flicking to Yumi's lips, the way they quivered and expressed her turmoil was memorizing. "If these words are not enough, if you would permit me, I would do more." She let go of Yumi's hands, but smiled in spite of the clouded eyes peering into her own.
The intensity in which brown orbs continued to bore into her was strangely welcoming. Alluring even, if she were honest with herself. As if Yumi grappled with the statements as for more than a mere offering, and Shimako felt almost inclined to answer that visual outcry with something a bit more tangible.
"I would also erase myself from you, if you demanded that." She held back for Yumi's sake, not wanting to frighten the girl, but still remained unwaveringly truthful. "If you wished, I would keep out of your sight, and never burden you with the sight of me again."
"No!" yumi said then, her voice hitting an unnaturally shrill sound as she shook her head. "Shimako-san, no! that's not what I want at all!"
"Then, if I may ask..." Shimako licked her lips, and considered once again to kiss the girl in front of her, slamming down the urge just as quickly as it had tickled the back of her mind. "What is it that you do want?"
"I-I need to think about this…" Yumi said weakly.
"Thinking, I believe, is not going to be of much help." Shimako returned, more confidence finding purchase in her voice. A little distance would go a long way, and she turned to the door. "Yumi-san, I am not afraid to be hurt in order to gain something…and perhaps that is a product of my time here, within the rose families."
A product of being at the side of Sei for so long...too long. "If you do happen to decide that you'd like the experience, seek me. I cannot promise that you will find contentment, but at the very least, you will have felt the truest depths of my feelings." When the door clicked behind her and she began to leave the home of the student council, she nipped her lower lip, wondering if she had really done the right thing…even in her fear, she didn't regret it.
Instead, she released a shaky breath into the air around her, feeling as though for the first time, in a long time, she could be free.
