A/N: This is a collab with one of my best friends Rickosokay! It's sad, but true, that all of the horrible events that happen to Inuyasha in this fic has been part of our carnival experiences (minus the pregnancy!) so sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh (hopefully)!
Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs to Takahashi sensei, and we borrowed the title from Judith Viorst's novel "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" and in no way do we profit from this work. We simply wanted to make some people laugh. (: The only thing we own are the memories and the idea for this fic. Enjoy!
Kagome skipped up to the front gate and flashed a huge smile, "Two, please!" She pushed some cash through the hole in the booth.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes as he finally caught up with her, "We were supposed to celebrate being engaged, and we drove for over an hour out of the city to go to a backwoods carnival! We could have just gone to the park by the pier!"
Kagome looked over her shoulder at him, "Oh shut up will ya? I've been dying to get my hands on some of this food! I haven't had it since I moved away to live with you! And not all of us have had the privilege of growing up rich in a big city." She put her hand through the opening to receive a stamp, proving she paid her fee and could ride any of the rides she wanted. "Besides, I'm paying, so why are you so grumpy?"
Inuyasha stepped forward to get his hand stamped, "I'd pay triple the price if we could go to a nice restaurant and celebrate like a regular couple! I've never been to a place like this and I don't know how to act." He pulled his hand back too soon and smudged the ink on his stamp.
"I'll keep that in mind when you see how much money I'm spending on these delicious funnel cakes!" She ran off in the direction of some booth in the distance.
"Kagome! We're supposed to stick together!" Inuyasha sighed, but he smiled knowing that he'd be chasing after her for the rest of his life.
Kagome bought two funnel cakes at the booth and decided to wait for Inuyasha to catch up, "Here you go, you grumpy old thing, I bought you one too."
Inuyasha grabbed both plates and followed Kagome over to a table. Kagome reached out for hers first and started breaking off pieces.
"How exactly do you eat this?" Inuyasha looked at her, then back down at his plate, and started to tear a piece off. "Ow!" He dropped it and put his fingers in his mouth.
Kagome laughed through her food, "I forgot to tell you they just took it out of the frier. I'm sorry." But she kept eating.
"I'm glad one of us is having a good time." He frowned and tried to get another piece, this time he was successful.
Kagome finished hers and let out a big sigh, "Oh man, that hit the spot. Do you think they have nachos around here?"
Inuyasha finished the rest of his funnel cake, "Well, while we're here, I wanna ride some rides." He looked around and spotted a few spinning barrels, "That one!" He grabbed Kagome and rushed off with just as much enthusiasm as Kagome had earlier.
He ran over to the barrels and found that he was in line close enough to get a seat on the next round. "How do you ride this? Does it just spin in circles?"
Kagome giggled, "Yeah, there's a wheel on the inside that you grab and spin, and it moves your entire seat around, so the faster you spin the the ride, the more you'll spin around the axis."
Inuyasha held the door open for her and then selected one of the better looking barrels. He sat on the inside and looked at Kagome, not wanting to embarrass himself. The attendant slowly made his way around the barrels, making sure the steps were shut and secured.
"Get ready to spin!" Kagome put her hands on the wheel and waited for the ride to start. Inuyasha followed her lead and put his hands there with hers.
The ride slowly started to move, and all the barrels were moving in a counter-clockwise motion, and Kagome wasted no time in starting to spin their individual barrel. Because Inuyasha thought he was stronger, he decided it would be a good idea to try and move it as fast as he could. Kagome slid back in her seat from all the force and started cackling with laughter, "This is so much fun! I love the carnival!" She threw her hands up in the air as she was sliding around in her seat.
Inuyasha found a hard time keeping up with the barrel, so he decided it would be fun to throw his hands up like Kagome, "This is so much fu-AAH!" He was too excited and he hit his head on the back of the barrel. "Son of a bitch!"
Kagome could hardly breathe, "Are you….heeheeheehe..are you all- pff HAHAHA, are you okay, heeheeheehe?"
"Oh shut up!" Inuyasha said as he was holding his head and trying to brace himself against the barrel, "I shouldn't have made it go this fast! My head is killing me."
Kagome was still laughing, "I'm so- hahahaahahaahaha, I'm sorry, dear, heehehee."
Inuyasha looked up at her with a scowl, "How much longer is this going to take?"
As soon as he said that the ride jerked as it was slowing down, "It'll be over soon." She got out between breaths.
The ride creaked and started to slow down with a whirring sound. Kagome was still giggling, but was calming down, "Are you thirsty? I want to get a lemonade and some nachos."
Inuyasha nodded, but regretted moving his head. The attendant came over and unlatched their steps, "Watch your step, the ground is wet with mud out here."
"Thanks." Kagome said as she was getting out of the barrel.
Inuyasha was dizzy and his head was throbbing. He reached out for a rail he thought would be there, but he ended up falling off the side and went face first into a mud puddle.
The attendant tried not to laugh, so he moved on to the next ride. Kagome turned around and instantly doubled over with laughter, "Oh my god! Inuyasha! Is your head that bad?"
"I thought there would be a rail!" He grumbled as he lifted himself out of the mud. "I'm a mess!"
Kagome was digging around in her little handbook, "I have some wet wipes, hold on." She was still giggling. "Here." She handed him a little box of wipes.
"The pier wouldn't have been like this." He grumbled and opened the box. "I bet the food is better there too." He looked up to see Kagome's face, but she was already off on her quest for nachos.
He stood with a sigh and finished cleaning off his face, "At least I wore old clothes."
Kagome ordered two plates of nachos and a large lemonade out of a booth, and again waited for Inuyasha to catch up.
"Why do you keep running off? I can barely keep up!" Inuyasha complained as he, again, took her food over to a sit-down area.
"That's the name of the game! I don't want them to run out of anything I want to eat." Kagome said as she slurped her lemonade.
Inuyasha sat down at a picnic table while Kagome sat across from him, "I wonder if we'll see anyone we know." Kagome said as he was scanning people. Inuyasha shrugged, "I don't really want any of these nachos." Kagome smiled, "Good, these are all mine."
Inuyasha laughed and suddenly glanced behind Kagome, "Hey, is that Miroku?" She turned around and shouted, "Miroku?"
A man behind the picnic area turned around and waved, "Inuyasha! Kagome!" He nudged the woman beside him and she turned around, "Kagome?! Is that you?" She ran over towards them.
"Sango?! Oh my god!" Kagome jumped up and ran over to her, "I haven't seen you since graduation!" Both the girls screamed with laughter and surprise.
Miroku walked over to Inuyasha and shook his hand, "I never thought I would get to meet you in person! Kagome told me so much about you in high school."
Inuyasha laughed, "I was the out-of-town boyfriend, right?"
Miroku got closer, "If I was the out-of-town guy, I would also have a girl in both places!" He jerked back when Sango grabbed a handful of his hair, "It was a joke!"
Sango laughed, "See? I'm laughing! It was funny." Kagome was in tears.
Inuyasha laughed, "Poor man."
Miroku looked around for a quick escape, "Look! A scrambler! Guys, let's go ride that one together."
Sango, still mad at Miroku, said, "I think I'll stay here with Kagome and catch up on some gossip. Why don't you two ride it together?"
Mikoru linked his arm with Inuyasha, "Let's go!" Both girls waved goodbye.
"Kagome! Wait, I-" He didn't want to admit in front of another guy that he didn't know what to do on this ride, so he fell silent and waved bye, knowing something horrible was going to happen.
Kagome giggled, "Let's go watch this."
Sango smiled, "Definitely."
Miroku dragged Inuyasha in line and waited for the ride to be over, "Okay, it seems like you're the heaviest between us, so I'm going to sit on the outside so I don't get smashed."
Inuyasha glares at him, "You're the heavier one!"
Miroku didn't reply because it was their turn to hop on a cart. They were towards the end of the line, so there weren't many seats left. Inuyasha ran around quickly and found one seat that was empty, "Hey! Miroku! I found a seat." He watch Miroku hop into a cart with a girl. He quickly sat down in the one seat he found for himself, which was directly across from the two, and just glared at Miroku.
"Great, now I'm stuck on a stupid ride by myself! This is the worst!" Inuyasha crossed his arms as the attendant came around. He looked over at Inuyasha and motioned for someone to come over. He didn't even look in that direction so he couldn't see Miroku, and he only looked up when the whole seat moved. He looked over to the man sitting next to him in the seat, and he was nearly triple his size. Inuyasha instantly regretted taking the empty seat. He looked over to Miroku, who was trying to cover his laughter and mouthed out the words, "I hate you."
The ride started slowly, but the small throws pushed the heavy man closer and closer to Inuyasha, and as the ride went faster, he could feel his whole body being squashed. He tried to look out into the crowd to take his mind off his pain, and he found Sango with her arms crossed; she was steaming. He found Kagome on the ground next to her, and he couldn't tell if she was sick or in pain, which worried him. Once the ride threw him a few more rounds, he could see her again, and she was laughing at him. "Of course." He said to himself as he was being crushed against the hard metal.
The ride started slowing down, much to Inuyasha's relief, and once the attendant unlatched the bars he could breathe again. As the man pulled away from him, Inuyasha could feel his clothes "peeling" off the sweaty fellow. Miroku, always the gentleman, lead the girl over to the gate, and he was promptly hit over the head with Sango's purse. She started yelling at him, "You womanizer! I let you go on one ride by yourself as revenge and you just can't help yourself!" She kept hitting him over and over. "OUCH! Sango, what do you have in your purse? Bricks?! It hurts!" She laughed, "I wish it was bricks instead of your damn dirty cell phone! I can't believe you!" She grabbed his ear and pulled him off to the side for a good talking to.
Inuyasha was doubled over with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. Kagome walked over to him, "I'm sorry."
"Don't...even, phew, start…" He was still trying to catch his breath, "I saw you laughing your ass off, having a good time while I was being killed!"
Kagome laughed, "You're fine now! Do you think I should have a taco salad or a cheeseburger?"
Inuyasha looked at her, "How much money have you spent on food today?"
Kagome stood upright, "What are you trying to say?"
"You must have spend a hundred dollars on food tonight! Sooner or later you're gonna be peeling me off you like that fat guy!"
Kagome crossed her arms, "You're such a prick! I'll eat as much as I want!" She stomped off to find Sango.
Inuyasha slapped his hand over his face, "Oh crap. Why did I say that? Kagome! I was just kidding! Come on! I've been having a bad day and I feel like crap."
Kagome was talking to Sango and he walked over, "Look, Kagome, I'm-" She cut him off, "I don't wanna hear it. Sango and I are walking the Haunted House by ourselves. You and Miroku can sit over there on that bench.
Inuyasha sighed and walked over to the bench like a good boy. Miroku walked over to the exit to wait for Sango. Inuyasha sat down and stretched his legs out, "It sucks being in the doghouse." He leaned his head back over the back of the bench with his eyes closed.
"Aah! Shippo! My darling little cousin!" Kagome screamed. Inuyasha looked up and saw Kagome hugging a little kid, and then let his head fall back.
A few moments later, he noticed the sun got a little darker. He opened his eyes and saw the same child staring him in the face.
"Uh...hello." Inuyasha said, trying not to sound surprised.
Shippo licked his ice cream cone and said, "Hi. You're my cousin's fiance, right?" He licked the ice cream again.
"Yes I am. And you must be Shippo, her little red-headed cousin she never shuts up about."
"Yep." He took another lick.
"Why do you have red hair? Are your parents red-headed?"
"Not important. Why aren't you in the Haunted House with Kagome?"
"She left me out here for being an ass."
Shippo nodded and slammed the ice cream in Inuyasha's face, "That's what you get for being mean to my cousin, and for cursing."
Inuyasha sat still for a moment, trying to realize what just happened, and he finally tried to wipe the ice cream out of his eyes.
Shippo laughed, "Tell Kagome I love her, because I have to go now, mom and dad are taking me to dinner on the pier. Don't you guys live close to there? You didn't have to drive all the way out here for a date." He poked his tongue out at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha, furious, got up to chase after Shippo when Kagome came over, "What are you doing?"
Inuyasha, more afraid of making Kagome any more angry said, "Oh, nothing, I just wanted to make sure he didn't trip in this mud!"
"You'd know all about mud, wouldn't you?" Kagome laughed, "Why do you have ice cream on your face?"
"Because I don't have any more wet wipes." He reached his hand out.
Kagome rolled her eyes and winked at Shippo, "Here you go, darling."
"I just thought he should be a little sweeter to you is all." Shippo said with a cute smile.
Inuyasha was boiling, and he buried his face in the wet wipe.
"I gotta go now, I promised Soten I would play a game with her." He said with a blush.
"Yeah, run on home to your girlfriend, ya little-"
"Kagome! He's being mean to me!" Shippo yelled.
Kagome laughed, "Well, you shouldn't tease him in the first place. Run along now."
Shippo smiled and hugged Kagome one last time before leaving.
"I'll strangle that little runt, so help me…" Inuyasha said under his breath.
"What?" Kagome asked.
"I'm hungry." He said.
"Cheeseburgers and tacos!" Kagome shouted as she ran off to another booth. "Bye Sango!"
Inuyasha shrugged and followed her anyway. He looked back at Sango and Miroku who were making out over by the exit of the Haunted House.
He sat down at a table by the booth and waited for Kagome to return with their food. She sat down with three plates: two cheeseburgers and a large taco salad. "What took you so long, girl?"
She laughed, "Some guy was talking to me in line." She handed Inuyasha his burger. He started eating right away, "What about?" She smiled, "Well, he actually started flirting with me and he grabbed my butt."
Inuyasha went to gasp, but instead he choked on a big chunk of his cheeseburger. He was coughing and hacking while Kagome was laughing her head off, "Not really! It was a joke."
He finally caught his breath, "That's a horrible (cough) thing to do (cough) to your fiance!"
She giggled, "Here's a fork for the taco salad."
Inuyasha finished his cheeseburger and most of the salad, "Gosh, I'm stuffed. Maybe we should head back to the car and go home?"
Kagome shook her head, "No way! I haven't been on my favorite ride yet! The Gravitron!"
"The what?" Inuyasha looked puzzled, and Kagome grabbed his arm, "It's over this way!"
She lead him over to a spinning, gray ride that looked like a UFO out of the comic books. He saw how fast it was spinning and instantly didn't feel well. "Maybe we should ride something else?"
Kagome pulled him through the gate and into the dark ride, "Oh come on, don't be a sissy." He looked around and saw that the "seats" were leaned against a wall and on a track.
"So we basically lean against it while it spins?" He found two empty seats for he and Kagome.
"Yeah. It's REALLY fun!" Kagome leaned against the seat next to Inuyasha and held his hand.
"I guess I can deal with it." He said as the ride started.
As it was spinning faster, he could feel that he was stuck to the seat he looked over at Kagome, who had moved up higher on her seat.
"Why'd you move up?"
"If you stay at the bottom your shoes can get stuck in the track. Oh! And don't lean your head forward!"
Inuyasha instinctively raised his head forward, "Why?" And the ride went a little faster, throwing his head back against the seat.
"Told you." Kagome said as he laughed.
Inuyasha grumbled, "I hate this carnival. I'm going to have a knot on my head as big as Texas!"
The ride was moving faster now, and to his surprise, his seat moved up higher on the track, "Ah! Kagome! My seat moved!"
"I know! It's part of the fun!"
"I hate this! I just wanna get off!"
She laughed, "It'll be over soon, you big baby."
The ride was slowing down and Inuyasha let out a big sigh, "Thank goodness! I thought I was gonna HURL!"
He grunted out the last word as the ride sped up again. He could feel his stomach flipping and churning.
Kagome was cackling with laughter and still holding his hand, but he was praying the operator would stop the ride.
And sure enough, the ride slowed down and came to a stop. He was the first one out of the ride and he found the nearest trash can.
"Inuyasha? Where are-oh…" Kagome found him bent over a trash can. She walked over to him, "Are you going to be okay?"
"No I'm-uggghhh not." He started gagging again.
She rubbed his back, "Let's take this trash can over to the chairs there and take a break."
He nodded, but puked again from the motion.
Kagome sat him down on a bench and looked around, "It's getting dark, so maybe the stars will be out tonight! We don't get to see them much in the city."
Inuyasha groaned, "I wanna go home and go to bed. It's getting late, and we still have a solid hour left of driving!"
Kagome sighed and rolled her eyes, then she spotted something incredible in the distance. She had an idea, "I'm going over here for a second, I'll be right back."
He nodded, and gagged again as she was walking away. She cut through line to get to one ride attendant, she whispered something in his ear and made a few hand motions, he nodded, and she slipped him some money. She skipped over to Inuyasha, "There's just ONE more ride I wanna go on, then we can go home. Pleeease?" She put her hands up in a begging motion.
He replied, "Okay, fine, but could you do me a favor?"
"What is it?" She wondered.
"Some woman came over to throw away a hotdog in the trash can, but didn't see my face, and threw it on my head. I have mustard all in my hair!"
She threw her head back and laughed, "There are the last of my wet wipes. You're having the worst luck today!"
He groaned, "I know. I hate carnivals."
She cleaned the mustard out of his hair and threw away the wipe, "Okay, let's go!" She pulled him over to the last ride of the night.
"A Ferris Wheel? Why? These are so lame!" He instantly felt bad for complaining because he knew it would be easy on his stomach.
"Yea yea yea, hey, isn't that your brother in line in front of us?" Kagome pointed to a tall man with silver hair.
"Oh yea! I wonder what he's doing here?" Then he noticed Rin standing next to him. "Oh, he's on a date too."
Kagome slipped her hand into the crook of Inuyasha's elbow and smiled, "We are too."
Inuyasha blushed, "I know."
She smiled and they were finally at the front of the line. The attendant stopped an empty cart just for them and winked at Kagome. She nodded back to him and Inuyasha looked at her, "What was that?"
"You'll see." She giggled and got in the cart first.
The attendant shut the gate and made sure it was secure, then started the ride. They went around a few times, and it was moving at a steady pace. Finally, the ride was slowing down and they stopped right at the top.
"How awesome! We're right at the top, and we can see everything from here."
Kagome nodded.
Inuyasha grabbed her hand, "I can't wait to make you my wife. I love everything about you."
Kagome nodded.
He laughed, "What's with you tonight? You were so talkative until now. Did I say something?"
Kagome shook her head and looked around.
"We have been stuck at the top of this thing for a while, what gives? You know, it would be just my luck if this stupid ride broke while we were on it! I just wanna go home and spend the rest of the evening with my fiance, and now I have to wait on a stupid repair!"
Kagome turned around and puked off the back of their seat.
"Oh...well, that would explain why you were so silent!" He turned to see if they hit anyone. "Kagome! You puked right on that guy!"
She turned to see who it was and started laughing, "It's your brother!"
Inuyasha looked back again and laughed for the first time that night, "You nailed him! Wow! Right on the top of his head! It's in his lap too! Hahaha, I LOVE you!" He squeezed her hand.
Rin was cackling and Sesshoumaru was staring forward with a flat expression.
There was a few chimes in the distance and some fireworks started going off. All rides were stopped so everyone could have a chance to watch them.
"Whoa! These seats are amazing for the fireworks!" Inuyasha said as he still held Kagome's hand.
"I know, that's why I slipped the attendant a $20."
Inuyasha looked at her, "You sneaky little fox! I thought something was up."
She smiled, "I feel a lot better now."
"I say! It's so funny though, the most tame ride in the park made you throw up! It's no surprise after all that food you ate." He laughed, partially over the ride, but mostly over his brother being stuck on a ride covered in puke.
"It wasn't the ride." Kagome said, still smiling.
"What?"
She leaned in and watched the fireworks, "I'm pregnant."
Inuyasha gasped, "B-B-But you rode all those rides! Isn't that dangerous? Are you okay? Do we need to go to the hospital? Are you feeling faint? I can tell this guy to get us off!"
Kagome squeezed his hand, "I'm only two and a half weeks, and the doctor said it wasn't dangerous until eight."
Inuyasha hugged her close and kissed her head, "You've made me the happiest man on Earth."
Kagome giggled.
"Just promise me one thing." He said.
Kagome smiled, "Anything."
"When the kid gets older, can we please not go to another carnival?"
Kagome's laughter could be heard over all the fireworks in the park.
