Author's note thingie: This is kind of a weird parody on both the Grimm brothers' tales and on Cowboy Bebop. I do not own neither, i made this fic for kicks, so no flames, thank you. Feedback appreciated. :smiles:
The Grim-fairytales
New session: Snow-grey
Once upon a time, there was a small kingdom in the middle of nowhere. It was ruled by Queen Julia, and her step-son: Snowgrey. He was called like that because of his grayish hair. In a nice and sunny day, the queen sent her stepson to walk in the forest. Snowgrey didn't want to go, because he hated nice and sunny days, but he obeyed, and grabbed his katana by the way…
Shortly after he left, the queen called for her secret lover, the Hunter, and gave him a gun, and told him:
- You must follow Snowgrey and shoot him through the heart… It is for the whole kingdom's sake… Please, bring back his heart for proof you succeeded…
So the Hunter, Spike, followed the Snowgrey on his path, and cornered him in the dark woods…
- Now it's time for your end, Snowgrey! – Spike grumbled as he pointed the gun into Snowgrey's chest.
- What are you talkin' about? – Snowgrey replied. – You can't kill me… I'm the main character in this fic, so booya!
And with that, Snowgrey drew his katana and cut the Hunter in half. He got shot too, but it only pissed him up. He left the hunter and started to walk deeper into the forest, kicking up the bush and the unfortunate squirrel what got in his way. Grumbling constantly, he found a nice little hut in a clearer place.
It was getting dark outside, so he decided to ask in for the night. He knocked on the door, and waited a few seconds before kicking it in, just to be polite. He found no one in there, so he shrugged and walked in. He found a table with three plates on it, each one contained some sticky-glueish material, he didn't dare to touch, so he rather went upstairs. There he found three beds, one small one middle and one huge…
- What's wrong with people nowadays? – He shook his head and decided to wait and see what kind of creature sleeps in the largest bed… He crawled under the small one, but he was partly visible, so he hid under the middle-sized… He was still visible.
- Dammit… - he grumbled and decided to hide under the large bed, no matter if even a dragon sleeps in it…
A few hours passed, and Snowgrey fell asleep under the big bed, he barely heard footsteps that were closing to his direction. Someone sat on the bed, almost smashing him, so he woke up. He heard as someone was complaining about some moron, who cleaned the dust from under his bed… And another voice was searching for the leftover mushroom from last year. Snowgrey had a bad feeling about this… He looked over himself, and found that he was all grey from dust, and something disgusting was stuck on the back of his formerly black coat. His face went green for a moment, and he decided to escape…
The event later went on in the "daily rumor" as "The ghost and the three bear's case" They probably got a heart-attack, but Snowgrey just went on, continuing his journey. He grumbled constantly, kicking up the bush and poor forest animals that got in his way…
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One day he found another hut in the forest, and heard voices singing a cheerful tone.
He shrugged and almost walked away, when a creature with red hair glomped him.
- Ed Ed dwarf found grumpy grey ghost…- she chirped cheerfully.
- Let…Go… - Snowgrey grumbled. But the strange creature held him tight. He started to crawl to get her off his back, but she held on tight, and was hell of a stubborn one. Later the other two "dwarves" and a dog too walked into his way, and was staring at him wide eyed.
- Ed, let him go! – said the male dwarf with a metal arm. She obeyed, and jumped off from him finally.
- Who are you and what are you doing here? – asked the female one. Snowgrey examined her over, and decided to be polite once again.
- None of your concern…
- But…but…
- Shut up!
The male dwarf tried to save the day by reprimanding Snowgrey for being rude. But after a few kicks, and sword slashes he decided to give up.
- Good. – Snowgrey said. – You know what? I'll stay here with you…what did you say, what are you guys?
- Dwarves! – The little dwarf, who's name was Ed replied. Snowgrey raised his brow.
- Okay, you maybe. But him and her?
- They are papa-dwarf-person, and mama-dwarf person for Ed Ed dwarf.
- I…see. – Snowgrey nodded slowly. To be honest he still didn't understand it, but he just didn't give a insert ugly word here about it. – So… Let's set the new rules, shall we? From now on, I will protect you from forest villains, but I will live here in return.
- No way! – The female dwarf yelled at him. – What do you think? You come here, terrorizing us, and we let you kick us out from our home?
- Exactly, miss Dwarf. – Snowgrey nodded, and kicked them out.
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Years passed, and the dwarves made another hut for themselves next to Snowgrey's hut. He really protected them from forest villains, so Jet, the father dwarf could go to work every day in safety. Snowgrey locked himself up in his hut, barely poking his nose out, only when it was a fight. One sunny day, Faye, the mother dwarf wanted to collect some apples for a pie, but she ended up being chased by three bears. She ran as fast as she can, and stopped under the window of Snowgrey.
- Snowgrey! Come out! The bears are chasing me!
No reply.
- Snowgrey do you hear me?
No reply.
- Snowgrey, come out and fight like a man!
Rain.
- I will curse if you won't come down! …Okay, you wanted it!
Words that we couldn't…write down.
Snowgrey finally opened his window and looked down on Faye-dwarf.
- How many times I have to tell you, that no cursing under my window during a rainy day!
- But…But…
- WHA?!
- The bears are chasing me!
Snowgrey looked into the direction Faye had pointed and saw the bears approaching. He threw away the cigarette he had smoke and ran down from the attic, drawing his katana by the way.
- You stay here… - he barked to the dwarf, and stepped in front of the three bears.
- What do you want?
The bears looked to each other, and then the largest of them stepped forward.
- You poked your pale little nose in our case, Snowgrey… The bear family no longer wants to bear your presence here…
- Tough luck… - Snowgrey shrugged. -…I'll stay.
- No, you'll leave.
- Make me…
The bears grumbled and rushed at him.
Later the three dwarves were sitting on the nice new bear-rug they got from Snowgrey.
- Look, we're really glad for your help, Snowgrey…- said Faye-dwarf. -… Please take this little gift.
She placed a nice apple in front of Snowgrey, who looked at it, and back to Faye-dwarf.
- I hate apple.
- Fine then. More will be left for us.- She smiled victoriously, and ate the apple.
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The queen was mad. Not enough that she lost her hunter, (who was now in one piece again, thanks to the giant patch on his stomach) but Snowgrey was still alive and breathing.
- If you want something to be done, do it yourself. – She grumbled, and took on some other clothes to disguise herself, and grabbed a basket of apples, and headed to the dark woods.
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Snowgrey was sitting in front of his hut and smoking, when he saw motion from the corner of his eye.
His hand slowly reached for his sword…
The "old lady" approached the silver haired man, and waved at him.
- Good day, my son…- she said – I'm an old lady selling apples… Would you buy some?
- No.
- Oh please…have a heart…
- I don't have one…
- Shame…. I would gladly trade it with you for something else…- she chuckled.
Snowgrey raised his brow.
- Aren't you a bit old and ugly for this…?
A giant slap landed on his face, and knocked him out immediately.
- Asshole! – The queen hissed and left him there, lying on the ground, and his head bleeding slowly from the harsh landing.
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The three dwarves were working long that day. They were cheerful as always talking and joking. But they suddenly heard Ed-dwarf screaming. She ran forward, for greeting Snowgrey. When the older dwarves reached her, they knew why she screamed.
- Grumpy-Snowgrey died…- she sobbed. -…He's cold…
-He's always cold, Ed…- Faye-dwarf snorted. Jet-dwarf stepped to the body, and felt his pulse.
- Ed's right, Faye… He's gone…
Ed-dwarf started to cry again…
- At least we should make a funeral for him… He protected us after all…- Jet-dwarf said. The others nodded.
Faye-dwarf made a coffin from a giant plastic box, to keep the handsome Snowgrey in one piece. Jet-dwarf took the body, and put it into the box, and they placed the lid on, to keep him fresh until the end of time.
The two older dwarves lifted up the "coffin" and walked to the backyard, while Ed-dwarf was crying constantly.
- Okay, here will be the best place. – Faye dwarf said, and they stopped.
- Hey now…We shouldn't put him into the compost…
- I won't carry his stinking carcass one more step forward.
They settled that, and put the coffin down right into the middle of the compost.
But he didn't sink down, because of the plastic box.
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Years passed again, and the summer turned to fall, fall turned to winter, and a beautiful prince has arrived into nowhere. He sat on his white horse, and was looking for something, he couldn't find no matter how hard he tried. He wandered around the dark woods once, and found the small hut of the dwarves too. He jumped off from his horse, and stepped forward, to ask some questions from the dwarves.
Only Faye-dwarf was at home, and she opened the door unwillingly, but she changed her mind right after she saw the prince in front of her. Tall, lithe, with delicate features, and long navy-blue hair, and sapphire eyes.
- Excuse me, can I ask some questions from you?
"Even his voice is nice"- Faye-dwarf thought.
- Of course I will marry you. – she smiled, but the smile faded away when the prince chuckled softly, and showed her a rainbow colored badge, with the text "gay pride" on it.
- What can I do for you then? – She asked bitterly.
The prince told her that he's looking for something he just can't find. She was thinking for a while, and tried to help him, but in vain.
- Well, how about some apple pie before you go? –she asked.
- Thank you, I accept one piece. – He smiled, with a smile that could melt an ice-mountain.
She disappeared in the hut, and left him to wander around the house. He took a look around the backyard, and saw a thing, that reminded him of an oversized plastic-box.
He raised his brow. "What does a plastic-box doing in a backyard of a nice dwarf-lady?"-he thought to himself…
He stepped closer, and tried to get the thing out from the compost. With one strong pull, he freed it from the mud and decaying leaves, and slowly managed to open the lid.
Snowgrey woke up to a big bump. He opened his eyes, just to realize that he is in a box.
"WTF?!" – He thought. His surprise was even bigger, when someone removed the lid of his box.
-WTF? – He said. He saw the prince in the red shirt and black pants leaning above him, and looking into his eyes.
- Are you all right? – The prince asked.
- Who the heck are you and what are you doing here…? – Snowgrey croaked.
-I am the prince, and I think I just found what I'm looking for.
Snowgrey looked up on him, and realized that he knows the prince.
- Er…what are you doing here, really…?
The prince shook his head and helped Snowgrey up.
- I'm the prince and I'm going to take you away…
Snowgrey was leaning to him, and felt something soft pushing against his torso.
- Excuse me, but how are you supposed to be the prince? You have boobs…
Another giant slap knocked him out, and back to the box.
Meanwhile Faye-dwarf walked out with the piece of pie she promised for the prince.
They sat down and ate it together. The afternoon finally passed, and the prince told the dwarves about Snowgrey's "resurrection". The dwarves were cheerful again.
And so, the prince picked him up, and started to ride away on his white horse under the setting sun, and they…
Snowgrey: Hey! Wait! I'm being kidnapped!
Ghost: Er…Yep, you are… What's with that?
Snowgrey: What's with that you ask…? Well, nothing, only that I AM the one, who supposed to kidnap people!
And with that, Snowgrey wrapped his arms around the prince, took over the control of the horse, and they will ride away…to the opposite direction.
Are you satisfied now?
Snowgrey: Eeeeeh…yea. Kinda.
Ghost: Good. So I can finish this darn tale yet?
Snowgrey: Of course.
Ghost: Jolly good. So, they all lived happily ever after…Except the bear clan…
THIS IS THE END, ALL YOU READERS OUT THERE!