A random blurb of mine that all of a sudden turned into an rp...
Disclaimer: -insert generic disclaimer here-
Warning: Contains Skye and Amaya, random crap, and talk of gay men. Oh, and beatings with brooms.
Amaya stood in the room, awaiting what was to come when the door opened and the most unlikely of all people entered.
"Ulquiorra, what are you doing here?"
"I have no idea. They just pushed me in here and told me to kill whoever was in here..."
"Oh... Well, Grimmjow says hi."
"Sure he does. What were his exact words?"
"Um, well, something along the lines of 'I ESCAPED AIZEN, SUCKA!" Amaya shouted in an exact imitation of Grimmjow's voice.
"That was a rather uncanny impression of him" Ulquiorra commented.
Amaya shrugged, "What? I was bored."
Ulquiorra just shook his head, "I don't think I'll ever get what Aizen saw in that man..."
"I know what you- Wait!? Aizen is gay!?!?!?!?"
All of a sudden, Skye ran into the room.
"What's all this talk of gay men?" She demanded.
"I think Ulquiorra just said that Aizen is gay!!!!" Amaya answered.
"NO!" Skye exclaimed in her gossip-voice.
"That's not what I meant..." Ulquiorra tried, but neither girl heard him.
"If I were Grimmjow I would have definitely have said 'I ESCAPED AIZEN, SUCKA!!'." Skye said matter-of-factly.
"Actually, that is exactly what he said..." Amaya informed.
"Who is psychic? Me!" Skye bragged.
"That is uncanny!? And I thought I was the one who actually got divination" Amaya said in a slightly surprised voice.
Skye shrugged, "It runs in the family."
"But you always fail at divination in school."
"I never try at school. Simple enough. I have a life. Who needs school?"
Amaya shrugged, "True."
Skye turned back to Ulquiorra, "So what are you here for again?"
"Some people pushed me into the room and told me to kill Amaya." He informed.
And not me???" Skye pouted
"You weren't here." Amaya reminded her.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiight."
"So... what now?" Skye asked.
"It should be obvious." Amaya stated, but all she got from Skye was a blank look. "Duh, we go spy on him!"
"Aizen?"
"No shit, Sherlock."
"YAY! Spying on people makes me happier than not spying on people!" Skye said happily and Gwin chattered in agreement.
"Let's go!" Amaya cheered.
Gwin wanted in on the excitement, he scurried up onto Skye's shoulders and disguised himself as a furry scarf. He took one last look at Ulquiorra, hissed menacingly, then went back to looking like clothing.
"I don't think the rodent likes me..."
Skye shrugged, "You and the rest of the world."
"Skye!" Amaya suddenly exclaimed, "I just had a brilliant idea!!!"
Skye looked over at her friend, "What is it?"
"We should secretly put Gwin up Aizen's pant leg and watch the man dance." Amaya said evilly.
Skye ran her hand across the marten's back, "I like it. I like it a lot." And with that, they left Ulquiorra behind on their way to torment and spy on Aizen.
-
"Shh! He's right in here." Amaya hissed as she and Skye lay side by side on their stomaches in the air duct, looking through the vent into Aizen's throne room place thingy.
Gwin stirred in his sleep, "Shhh, Gwin!"
Skye moved and the air duct groaned, "I wish... I wish that this stupid, f-ing, air duct doesn't break." She twirled her finger and turned the inside of the vent into a padded tunnel. Too bad for them it was a heating duct and the cushions soon caught fire.
"Aguamenti." Amaya said in her hushed tone, putting out the fire but throughly soaking them. With a flick of her wand, the cushions disappeared and they were all dry. "Now what have we leanrned?" She asked Skye.
"A new way to get out of the crazy place?" Skye replied.
"No, try again."
"Fire is bad?" She tried.
Amaya sighed, "No. Try again."
"I HATE GUESSING GAMES!!!!!!" Skye shouted, waking up poor sleeping Gwin. Her voice echoed in the large cavernous room below them, "Oops..."
"Who's there!" Aizen demanded from below.
"Nice going, smart one." Amaya hissed.
"Um... cockroaches. Just us cockroaches!" Skye squeaked.
"Oh. Ok." He went back to what he was doing. After about 5 minutes of Skye and Amaya sighing in relief he stopped, "Hey! We don't have cockroaches!!!!"
"Shit! Let's go!" Amaya pushed the vent open and the two girls jumped down into the room, running for the door.
"You two!" Aizen exclaimed, "Seize them!"
"The piano knows something you don't know!" Amaya yelled over her shoulder, succeeding in her attempt to confuse Aizen and his men, giving them enough time to run out of the room.
"Ask the piano!" They heard Aizen yell as they ran down the hall.
Skye ran back into the room, used her magic to summon a dog sized cockroach with a high pitched human voice, "The piano knows all!"
"I told you it was the cockroaches!" Skye said before following Amaya.
"Nice." Amaya said, giving Skye a high five.
"Where exactly are we going?" Skye asked.
"Let's go in here." Amaya stopped in front of a random door and opened it.
"BOHAHAHA!"
"AH! WEIRD LAUGHING THAT ISN'T MINE!!!" Skye cringed.
"Don Kanonji," Amaya said in horror, "He's as mad as rabbits."
"Eh! Those rabbid Rabbits!"
"What?"
"Never mind."
"Whatever..."
"I smell bad spirits all around us!" Don Kanonji suddenly interjected.
Skye sniffed herself, "I don't smell bad..."
"Come!" He said, pointing toward Skye and Amaya, "You two shall help me exterminate the bad spirits!"
"Umm, no." Amaya said bluntly.
"You must come, Karakura Periwinkle and Karakura Lilac!"
"We sure chose the right day to wear purple." Skye rolled her eyes.
"Oh, and Karakura Fuzzy Brown!" Kanonji added, pointing to Gwin, who hissed at him.
"I wouldn't if i were you..." Skye warned, she then arched her neck and looked down at the marten, "Bite his fingers off if you get the chance..." 'Fuzzy Brown' sneezed in agreement.
"Here are your weapons or redemption." He said, handing Skye and Amaya each a broom somehow painted periwinkle and lilac respectively.
"What about Gwin?" Skye asked, taking her broom and eying it suspiciously.
"Karakura Fuzzy Brown has his teeth." Kanonji replied.
Skye leaned over to Amaya, "Periwinkle used to be my favorite color... now it makes me kinda sick..."
"Now, ONWARD!" Kanonji called, marching out of the room. Amaya and Skye sighed, exchanged glances, and reluctantly followed the crazy man out.
"Oh someone kill me..." Skye said, dragging the broom along behind her.
"Karakura Periwinkle, Karakura Lilac. There is our target." He said in an overly serious voice, motioning for them to look around the corner with him. The two peeked over the wall only to see a trio of Arrancar sitting on the floor, playing some sort of card game. "Now, on the count of three, attack. One. Two. THREE!"
Kanonji ran out from around the corner and bashed the closest arrancar to him on the head with his broom.
"Hey, that looks fun!" Skye said excitedly and she and Amaya followed suit, bashing the other two arrancar repeatedly.
"I smite you with the power of blunt force trauma!" Amaya yelled, just to add to the effect.
The arrancar stared at them before being bashed unconscious.
"Good job you two!" Kanonji turned around and gave Skye and Amaya a thumbs up. Skye gave him a fake smile. Amaya suddenly had an idea.
"Hey Kanonji," She said and Skye gave her a questioning look, "I know where a super bad spirit is."
"Really!? We must go to him at once! Lead on, Karakura Lilac!"
"Where are we going?" Skye asked Amaya under her breath as they walked along the corridor.
"You'll see."
Skye grimaced. Gwin chattered in annoyance. They arrived shortly in front of the door into Aizen's throne room.
"You're kidding me." Skye said with a huge grin, which Amaya returned.
"Okay Kanonji, this guy is super tough, so we have to sneak up on him." Amaya said. Skye laughed maniacally.
"Right you are. Let's go." Amaya cracked open the door and looked in. All of the people in the room were staring at a piano. The trio crept in without the arrancar knowing and they all hid behind Aizen's throne.
"Go Gwin, do your stuff." Skye whispered to her pet as she placed him right next to Aizen's foot. The marten scurried up the mans pant leg.
Aizen squirmed, then began flailing, "There's something in my pants."
The two girls giggled in laughter.
Aizen danced around the room. Gwin, getting agitated from all the excitement, sunk his teeth into Aizen's inner thigh. He hollered in pain then when Gwin stopped moving, so did Aizen, "Phew. That was a close one." Gwin, finding this sorta funny, raked his razor sharp teeth into the poor man's nuts. He quickly scurried out before the man fell over. Gwin slipped back into Skye's hands.
"Good boy!" She stroked the marten, "You are officially allowed to hunt birds tonight."
Skye and Amaya slipped out of the room again, leaving Don Kanonji behind.
"Ah, glad to be out of there." Amaya said as they walked down the hall.
"Ditto." Skye replied, stretching out her arms above her head.
"Hey, look over there." Amaya said, stopping in mid stride and pointing to a door. There was a neon glowing sign above it that flashed 'The Espada Lounge' in curly letters.
"IT'S LIKE THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE.... ONLY THERE'S A SIGN!!!!" Skye said in awe.
"That is so amazing. Let's go in." Amaya declared.
"MAYBE THERE'LL BE SHRIMP COCKTAIL!" Skye clapped her hands together.
"Let's find out!" Amaya said with a gleam in her eyes and they opened the doors with such force, they banged against the walls and came back, hitting both girls square in the face.
Skye flew to the floor, "Oh shaiza... Why do doors dislike me??"
"What are you two doing here?" Nnoitora asked warily, hiding behind Halibel. He was really tired of puking up slugs.
"What are we doing here? Obviously we came here to be beat up by doors!"
"We came here to spy on Aizen because Ulquiorra said he was gay and we ended up meeting this queero guy and beating random arrancar over the head with brooms painted various shades of purple, but then we got bored and set Skye's pet marten up his pant leg but after that we were bored again so we wandered around till we found this place." Amaya explained.
"Tada!" Skye threw her arms out to the side in a Broadway like fashion.
"Wow..."
The Espada started talking among themselves about them being there.
"Well, now that we're here, the party can really start." Skye announced.
"What's a party?" Aaroniero asked. Skye and Amaya silently stared at him.
"Are you kidding me!?" Skye yelled, "You know, a party! With food and music and dancing and stuff!"
"But none of us know how to dance..."
Skye's jaw dropped, "No. Don't say that."
"Blasphemous." Amaya gasped.
"Fear not. For I am amazing. And no one can top my amazingness!" Skye said, beaming.
"Translation: We can teach you all how to dance." Amaya said.
"Dancing is fun!" Skye said.
Nnoitora shook his head, "I don't dance."
"I say you can."
"Not a chance."
"You will dance, or else you will eat slugs!" Amaya interjected.
"F-fine." Nnoitora stammered, looking very fearful. But hey, having puked up slugs- what? 4? 5? Times before, it really makes you not wanna repeat it.
Skye reached for her wand, "Slugs?!"
Amaya grabbed her wrist, "No. Not. Now."
Skye looked at Amaya with puppy dog eyes, "No slugs?"
"Correct, no slugs."
"Awww..."
Skye sighed, "Fine."
Halibel spoke up, "Um... dancing?"
Skye coughed, "Oh. Right."
"Yes, now what dance shall we teach them?" Amaya said, turning to Skye.
"We shall."
"No, Skye, I asked what dance to teach them."
"Oh. Just kidding..." She thought, "THE HOEDOWN THROWDOWN!!"
"Dear god..." Amaya shook her head in exasperation.
Skye clapped her hands, "I got this!" She then proceeded to dance, singing along, "Pop it, lock it, polka-dot it, country-five it, hip-hop it. Put your hawk in the sky, move side to side, jump to the left, stick it glide. Zig-zag, cross the floor, shuffle in diagonal, when the drum hits hands on your hips, one foot in, 180 twist, and then a zig zag step slide, lean it left and clap three times. Shake it out head to toe, throw it all together that's how we roll!! Now. Did everyone get that?"
She received blank looks from every face in the room.
"What the hell?" Nnoitora said after a while of silence.
"Why don't we start with something... simpler." Amaya suggested, "Like the hokey pokey?"
"Hokey poky is for n00bs."
"Which is exactly what they are."
"Haha you failures!" Skye pointed at them.
"What is this 'hokey pokey' you speak of?" Ulquiorra asked.
"A dance..." Amaya replied.
Skye spaced out for a few minutes. When she came to she pulled out her want and transformed herself into a dog, "Now i can chase squirrels and it'll be ok!"
"Whoa!" Nnoitora was taken slightly aback. "How did she do that?"
"She's an animagus." Amaya replied.
"I go woof!" Skye barked.
"Skye, we are supposed to be teaching them how to dance." Amaya chastised.
"Can i stay a doggy?" Skye wagged her tail, "It's fun!"
"No."
Skye whined then phased back into her human form.
"Now, let's get started." Amaya said.
"Ok. The song is pretty self explanatory. You put you left hand in. You put your left hand out..."
"You can't put your left hand out... that's illogical..." Ulquiorra said.
Skye glared daggers, "Shut up, nerd!"
"First things first." Amaya said, "Every one get in a circle."
They all grouped together.
"That is definitely NOT a circle!" Skye shouted, "It's like a triangle squared."
They all grouped together... again.
"Much better."
"Amaya, please explain. And if anyone questions the logic again," She pointed to Ulquiorra, "They are getting thrown down a chimney."
"Okay. So you put your left hand in the circle meaning put it out in front of you." She showed them what she meant. "And you just do stuff like that depending on what the song says, got it?"
They all nodded hesitantly.
"Good. Now Skye and I will provide the music and you guys just follow along." Amaya said and the Espada all nodded.
To say it was a complete disaster would be putting it lightly.
"No no no! I said right hand, Nnoitora, not left! And Stark, why aren't you dancing!" Amaya yelled.
"N00bs!" Skye yelled, "Failures all of you! YOU ALL GO DOWN CHIMNEYS CAUSE YOU SUCK SO BAD!!!"
"Dear God, even preschoolers get this on the first try!" Amaya yelled some more.
"And they're like 500 million years YOUNGER than you bitches!"
"Yeah! And they can actually tell the difference between right and left!"
Nnoitora snarled, "Well why the hell do we have to dance in the first place?!"
Skye looked at him, "You wanna know why? It's because you're a penisface."
"Now get back to dancing!" Amaya shouted right in Nnoitora's face.
After about 2 hours, a lot more yelling, and a number of injuries (mostly Nnoitora's), they finally managed to do the dance successfully.
"I think I'm getting the hang of this." Halibel said.
"Good, now let's try something bit more complex. But this still has instructions in the song." Amaya said.
"THE CHA CHA SLIDE!?" Skye asked.
"No! Well, if you want, but tell me, what was the dance you suggested earlier?"
"HOEDOWN THROWDOWN!!!!!" Skye screamed, Nnoitora covered his ears.
"You got it."
Skye broke down the song and instructed them all through the steps at minimum speed.
"Okay, this is going better." Amaya said after about half an hour, "Now let's start again."
They were about half way through the dance when Aizen opened the door.
Skye froze mid step (hip-hop it step to be exact) she stared at him, "Hey... Wanna join? We're just about to partner up for tango."
Aizen was speechless. "What are you all doing?" He managed to say after a while.
"What does it look like? Skye and I are teaching the Espada how to dance. Like we said, we're doing the tango next." Amaya answered.
Aizen sighed, "This is ridiculous. Just... never mind." And with that he turned and left.
They all watched him leave and shrugged.
"Well, tango time!" Skye yelled and they all cheered.