This work is still in progress, but I loved it too much to keep it to myself.

Please comment and leave kudos if you can!

Title of chapters by this awesome poem I found on pinterest; didn't manage to find the source despite scouring everywhere so if you know who did it, please let me know!

You stand up tall, to every strike
That is courage, hidden in your dread.
Even when you say you had enough,
There is courage in every tear you shed.
By a dim-lit corner, you cower alone.
Their mere presence triggers cold sweat.
Bullies are weak, cowards in disguise.
Ignore them, wear a smile instead,
Fear is real if you let it cripple you,
For once listen to what it has to say,
« Escape ain't your sole option,
Bravery is just a thread's width away. »
Aw'waad

- Work beta-read by Twitter_hikari.

There was an itch under Severus' skin.

Most day he could ignore it – it wasn't bad per say, but still it tingled at the back of his mind. It got worse though.

He started to shop with his mother and saw the pretty dresses on the rack, was steered away from them by his fearful mother. People told him how he would be "handsome like his father" when all he wanted was to be as striking as his mother. He made a friend and couldn't help but be jealous over the really pretty clothes she was allowed to wear; always tidy skirts and dresses, and pretty ribbons in her hair.

She had fire in her hair and green eyes as pretty as the jewelry Severus' mother hid in the closet.

But she was his first friend, and when Lily told him she had noticed him eyeing his dresses and if he wanted, he was welcome to try it, Severus was almost glad but —
…but what if his father learned of it? The itch got worse at that thought.

But pretty, fiery, fierce Lily seemed to understand his reluctance and just put a finger on her mouth before saying: "We can always go to my house. Even if they don't agree, my parents won't say anything to yours."

Severus couldn't help the smile on his lips when following Lily back to her home.

Severus twirled, admiring himself in the mirror of Lily's parents' bedroom. He was wearing one of the skirt he had so admired on Lily, and a shirt that probably belonged to Petunia — though scrawny, Severus was still a fair few centimeters above Lily, and all her shirts fell awkwardly on him.

Next to him, sat on the floor, Lily clapped her hands happily and beamed at him when he turned around to face her. "You should keep it, it looks really good on you!"

And Severus could only shake his head while thumbing the pretty skirt.

"Father won't like it and… and you know how he gets. Not to mention Mother will hate it too. They don't like freaks, I told you."

And Lily only shook her head.

"You're not a freak Sev', you're a pretty princess. It's a shame your parents can't see it yet."

The pretty black skirt, with a bit of decorations on the hem, felt good on him, felt right. And for once, the itch he always had somewhere in the back of his mind was finally finally calm.

One of the reasons Lily thought Petunia was so jealous of Severus was because he made a prettier girl than either of them.

And Lily wasn't even lying. Her mom said so, and she wouldn't lie, not to her and Severus and Petunia.

Mom was happy to have a third girl at home, even if he had to change before going back to his home. For now though, she encouraged all of them to still call him his birth name and pronouns — for she feared Tobias' reaction to an innocent or (as Petunia was won't do) not so innocent slip of the tongue.

Still though, she thought while trying to put mascara on Sev's face, she really hoped her friend would be able to be himself soon. She worried for him when things got heated at home. It only increased when he came back with a heavy bruise on his jaw.

"Mom?"

Eileen Prince-Snape only hummed in answer, absorbed in her stitching. While she wasn't the best at it, her stitching was efficient and durable which, she thought, was really what stitching was about.
Eileen was never really good at creating pretty things. Except her son. She would always be grateful for him; he was the light in her otherwise rather bleak life.

"You said Father chose my name…"

Eileen looked over to her son. He looked like his father when he had a puzzle turning in his head. She put down her work and motioned for him to come over before hugging him and putting his head on her thigh.

"Yes, your father did indeed chose your name. He wanted a good and well-bred name for you, fitting for a young Prince," She teased while tickling his nose.

Her too wise boy wrinkled his brow before smiling at her.

"What would you have named me?"

Eileen paused a moment, taking a deep breathe.
It had been so many years since she thought of her family, all dead or dispersed, with none left to care about the two of them stranded in the Muggle world without a Galleon to their name.

"I… do not know, dearest Prince. My own grandparents were Ukrainian, and I might have named you for one of my numerous cousins."

"Your grandparents were Ukrainian? Do you speak it?"

"A bit, just enough to sing you lullabies when you were younger. But your father has forbidden me to teach you it"

"…Do you want to speak about your cousin, mom?"

And Eileen Prince-Snape smiled at her son and told him tales of her numerous cousins; Zlatan who was too shy to do much, but always willing to jump in the river with her; Ruslana the brave who dreamed of being a knight and a princess; Aleks who drew as if he could breathe life into his creation-

At her knee Severus only smiled, his eyes closed, and repeating the names under his breath.

"Ruuuuus!"

Severus could hear the distant call of Lily, but she didn't want to move from his spot under the tree, not while she was examining his latest tentative to find a name.

She didn't want to hope too much yet, but she doesn't feel like Severus lately. Which is why she asked Lily to change his nickname: Rus sounds more feminine to her ears, more herself.
On the matter of pronouns it's still a forbidden little joy to call herself a 'her'. She doesn't dare to do it often, especially not at home, but in this little refuge she and Lily had built? Everything was allowed, especially being herself.

"Sooo, what are you doing?"

Rus jumped a fair few centimeters in the air, letting out a shriek of surprise as Lily appeared suddenly behind her. The redhead took advantage of Rus' surprise and stole the notebook she was writing in it, only to wrinkle her nose at it. "What are these Rus? They look like names…"

She nodded shyly at her friend. "Yes, Mother told me about her cousins and how she wanted to name me after them and I… I've been trying to find a good name for me."

Lily sat next to her and pointed to one of the names - one that had been discarded at the very beginning because Rus certainly wasn't brave, not like the Ruslana of her mother's tale. When she told Lily that, Lily grew back her head and laughed.

"Really Rus? You're the bravest person I've ever known. The most beautiful and so brave and yet you still doubt yourself. It would be a nice reminder that you are worth more than you imagine."

And as Rus traced the letters, drawn by her childish hand, she tried to sound it in her head, just like her mother had pronounced it.

Ruslana.

"RUS!"

Elbows deep in the sink, Ruslana frowned before shouting back at her friend.

"In the kitchen Lils! I'm trying to do the dishes!"

A breathless Lily appeared in the doorframe, waving a piece of paper in her hand.

"My letter came! They sent someone to explain to me, and they told me we're going to go shopping! Do you want to come with your mother Rus?"

Ruslana didn't grimace, but it was a close thing. This month was a bit tight, what with Father having lost his job at the mine and an unusual lack of little jobs for her mother to take. And while Eileen was without a doubt ecstatic to see her child receive a letter, there was simply no money this month. And probably not much the next.

By this point, Rus was fairly certain she wouldn't get to see Hogwarts.

Lily understood what Rus wasn't saying and she just said: "It'll be fine. You see, mom told me she didn't give you your birthday gift that year, right?"

Rus had to frown a little to think back — but not much. The apparent oversight of her birthday by the usually very cheerful lady Evans who did not miss an opportunity to spoil Rus and her daughters had been a deep wound that Rus had done her best to forget.

"Yes… Yes I remember. What do you-"

Lily just interrupted her blissfully: "Well mom saved for your year at a boarding school — that's what your mom told her and now that she knows about magic she said she'd pay for you!"

Ruslana let the plate drop in the sink before putting wet and soapy hands on Lily's shoulder and started to babble how she couldn't let Rose do that, please tell your mom it's too much Lily, I can't accept really… only for Lily to laugh at her and telling her that it was a done deal and that she only needed her letter, shoes and coat.

And despite wanting to shout that she didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve any of the kindness the Evans gave her, Ruslana dried her eyes — when did she start crying? — and went to get her things.

After all, the best way to thanks someone wasn't to tell them she didn't deserve their gift but properly appreciate it, as Rose Evans always said.

And Ruslana thought Rose Evans a very wise woman.

Rus was staring at Petunia, glaring daggers at the blonde girl.
She would gladly admit that Petunia was a brat. The worst brat even.

Rus had tried to be accommodating on the journey to Diagon Alley — after all, as a muggle, Petunia was really out of place and knowing how badly she felt among muggles, Rus thought Petunia would welcome the help.

Only to get sneered at and her hand slapped because Petunia "didn't need the help of a freak queer, thank you very much".
Well then. War begets war, and in a battle of snide remarks and subtle digs, Rus was clearly a cut above the horse-faced Petunia.

Lily did not look into either their direction, as she had already started to brawl with Petunia and Rose had warned the girls that another physical attack would see all three of them back home while she would do all the shopping by herself.

That said… nothing was ever said about making Petunia trip mused Rus to herself while using an accidental-almost slip of magic to braid Petunia's shoelaces together.

The squeak and subsequent scolding was completely worth the highly suspicious gaze Rose shot her.

Flourish and Botts was awesome and Rus only regret was that she couldn't get more books. Everything looked so interesting! Mother had only taught her the names of plants and potions, often disguised in a lullaby.

But here spells and books for every occasion appeared and Ruslana was honestly this close to give herself a five fingers discount, but wouldn't on the account that Rose didn't deserve to have one of her crime pinned on her.

Still.

Her fingers itched once they were done with the school list — Rose telling them both that there was a library at Hogwarts (she had asked, knowing her girls perfectly well) and that they did not have need of anything but their coursebooks.
The hungry gaze of Petunia that Rus could see made her a bit uncomfortable though. Just as well that the blonde girl kept to the other end of the group.

Rose read the list aloud trying to figure their next stop before their guide interrupted them. Silent until then, the quiet slip of a man told them that Madam Malkin's, robes for all occasions was the one who had the only right to sell Hogwarts uniform, and as such that should be their next stop as they already had trunks and books.

However, Ruslana didn't expect to almost die of mortification upon entering the shop. Up until then, everyone in the group had used the masculine set of pronouns and name for her — it was safest, and even Petunia had bowed to Rose in that matter.

Being accosted by a plump woman who had a no-nonsense look on her and who started calling her "Miss" was a surprise that made Rus go bright red. Their guide started to stammer apologies for having apparently misgendered her and Rus couldn't help the second wave of embarrassment she got.

"I'm… I mean that's— I've been in the Muggle world you know and it's… it's not really…" and then she shot a desperate look at Rose, who aptly took over the conversation.
After a minute or so of explanation, Madam Malkin patted Rus' cheeks and simply asked her whether she wanted the boy's or girl's uniform? Also she should tell her if she had any particular allergies, as there were other materials available.

Rus was so happy she couldn't— couldn't even believe it. And yet, just like the Evans' had accepted her as she was (more or less in the case of Petunia), the wizarding world did not care one wit whether she was a girl or a boy.

It felt truly good.

And yet, just like all good things, it couldn't last.

Not that it was any fault to any of the Evans family that went with her today, Ruslana acknowledged. Or maybe a bit Petunia's.

Okay no, it was totally Petunia's fault.

But for all her jealousy and pettiness, Rus couldn't really blame the girl — for she understands what it feels to be overlooked, and mocked when you aren't.
And she understands better than most the deep sting when someone you thought yours would take another's company.

Though her father now preferred whiskey and beer, it had not been the case when Rus was younger, and she could yet remember the golden days of Before when her father brushed her hair and played with her and taught her how to twist woods in pretty sculpture.

And since she knew how it felt to be relegated to second best, to never be given a kind word unless pushed to do it, Rus doesn't blame the girl.

But she is too much of a twisted and greedy creature to let her fire-haired friend go.

Which meant, that when at last, Petunia starts to show how much she despises the two of them, Ruslana can't be surprised. She could act like she is — her mother was a Slytherin and Rus learned at her knees how to twist words and place masks upon her face; but ultimately, she doesn't.

What surprises her, however, is how Petunia finally choose to act.

Rus had to admire the precision of the strike, Petunia was indeed a Slytherin if she ever saw one, if one that didn't have her skills as honed as she did… But a snake didn't need training for some things and hurting others in one swift and destructive movement was certainly one of those things that didn't need any training.

She waited until all of them were back home — Spinner's end home, not the lovely Evans' house in the upper streets. And then, as Rose Evans and Lily and Rus were talking to a flustered but happy Eileen, she stroke true, waiting for Tobias to be near.

"Sooo mom, when are you gonna tell the Snape's that Severus dresses as a girl? I mean, he will even go to that freak school as a 'she'!"

Shocked and fearful, the black-haired girl still took a few seconds to admire the sheer balls of steel of Petunia, and the cunning in saying it at that moment.

But to the surprise of everyone, and probably Tobias included, he only grunted before asking Rus if she needed any new clothes, and if yes, to take it up with her mother since Tobias had managed to get a bit of money back.

Ruslana only managed to stammer a bit before Tobias went to the shed in the backyard, leaving behind a fuming Rose Evans who was glaring and promising a furious scolding to Petunia, a shocked Lily and a happy Eileen who just squealed and promptly hugged the stuffing out of Ruslana.

(the fact that she only let her go to inquire whether she wanted to change her name was telling)

(the tears that Rus felt in her hair upon telling her true name to her mother were even more telling)

(nobody said anything about the two Snape women having suspect red eyes after getting out of the last hug)

"Uh… Father? You… You haven't said anything since… I thought you'd… well…"

The softly spoken words made Tobias look up from his woodcarving, to look at the child he had gotten from the Fey woman he married.
He simply shrugged at his… well daughter, now… before tapping the chair next to him in an invitation.

She went to it, a bit like a scared cat would, eyes bright and suspicious.

He waited for her to be seated and gave himself a bit of time to get his thoughts together.

"You know, I always knew there was something strange about your mother. I never imagined that I'd marry a Fair One, and gave her a child, but here you are."

The girl looked startled and really, how could he not see earlier what she was? For as much as she had his nose and hair, she had the soulful deep (unnatural murmured a part of his brain) eyes of her mother.

Eyes that were a direct window to her soul as is.

Tobias shrugged a bit and went to get the wood shave of his knee before continuing.

"I always figured you'd be a bit weird — you turning out to be a girl isn't the most surprising thing really. Changelings are always like that, queer and out of the time, but I…" and then he sighed. "I hope you can manage to grow up as both a human and a Fae. You're my daughter after all."

He didn't expect the armful of a sobbing daughter, crying in relief, but he figured it was a step in the right direction.

(back to them)

(this time, it hadn't been the Underhill folks keeping him from home and family — it had been himself and it wouldn't happen ever again he swore).

"I won't say sorry. No need to come and bother me."

Rus had expected a lot of things when she tried to talk to Petunia. The defeated and depressed tone of voice, combined with a Petunia burrowed in her covers, wasn't something she expected.

"I'm not. I mean, I don't expect you to say sorry. You don't regret what you've done, only the consequences. I know, I'm the same."

The book at her head that Petunia just throwed was more in-line with what she expected.

"No, you DON'T! You and Lily are always together, and I'm always left to follow behind! And this time-" and there her voice broke. "This time I can't follow my baby sister."

Oh. So that's what it was about.

But Petunia wasn't over with her rant.

"And it's not fair that you get to be both boy and girl and be pretty at both and handsome and I'm still stuck with a horse-face and awful neck, and stick body and just— It's unfair!"

And at the end of it, Petunia just fell down and started crying in earnest.

But one of the thing she said stuck in Ruslana's ears. She kneeled next to Petunia and started to hug her.

"You know, I'm not both. I'm a girl, I always was. The problem was the world was convinced of the contrary and I tried to fit as a boy as best as I could… but I never was a boy. And you don't feel like a girl either, am I right?"

The dresses with more taffetas and laces than a noble lady, the make-up overdone but still applied with care every morning without fail, the heeled shoes and the dance lessons… suddenly it fit with what she just saw of Petunia. She never really understood that the glances she took as jealousy about the friendship between her and Lily was a jealousy at Rus going from boy to girl seamlessly to Petunia.

The shy nod she felt in her shoulder only confirmed what she thought.

Well then.

"You know what? With what happened, I've got tons of boy's clothes to get rid of. They're a bit too big for me, but they're gonna be just right for you. You'd look so great in them 'Nia. Would you like that?"

"…yes please, Rus."