Disclaimer: Paramount owns all the characters, I'm just taking them and as much as I hope it's where no one has gone before I really don't think I've managed to escape any of the clichés. Oops!

Author's Note: This is my first fic, so please be kind! All reviews welcome, not only on the plot and storyline, but writing as well. Thanks and I hope you enjoy!

Kathryn Janeway smiled as she tapped in the final commands that would end the launch sequence and settle the shuttle Kelvin into cruise mode. She leant back in her chair, curling one foot beneath her and propping the other up on the chair to watch the stars whizz past. It was her first time back in space since Voyager had returned home and though she often joked that if Starfleet ever sent her on another space mission it would be too soon, truth be told, she had missed hearing the quiet hum of the engines and the thrumming of a ship beneath her feet.

A chuckle emanated from the seat next to her and she reluctantly drew her eyes off the view screen to give her co-pilot a glance. "What?" she asked, a little too harshly, slightly upset at being interrupted just as she was finally beginning to relax after weeks of endless debriefings and interviews that bordered on interrogations.

"Nothing. It's just that this is the first time I've seen you so relaxed in such a long time." Chakotay continued to busy himself with the controls, undoubtedly double-checking that all systems were functioning and that they were heading to the correct destination, a small formal gathering of Starfleet's elite on Mars – the last of their obligations before they were allowed to embark on their post-Voyager lives.

"Hmm," she mumbled absent-mindedly, taking advantage of Chakotay's preoccupancy to study him. Apart from a few minutes here and there before and between briefings to get their stories straight (not that it had been needed, it just gave her peace of mind to know that they were on the same page) this was the first time she had been alone with him in several months. Their relationship on Voyager had been strained in the last leg of their journey through the Delta Quadrant – she often speculated if her counterpart, The Admiral, had decided to turn up when she did to preserve what she was sure that she and her counterpart both considered the most important relationship in their lives. She wondered if now, in the quiet of things, he would finally bring up his blossoming relationship with Seven of Nine or if she should be the one to acknowledge that she already knew about the two of them and put him out of his misery. Countless of times, before and during launch she had noticed him watching her carefully out of the corner of her eye and start to say something before stopping himself.

Carefully, she noted his chiselled features that stood out against the backdrop of gentle starlight and as was common should she but more than glance at him felt the same rush of adrenalin and attraction that had consumed her when she had first regarded him on her bridge seven years ago. She would not lie – she found his advances on Voyager extremely flattering, but at the same time knew that there was a consensus that their flirting could not go any further. She had always believed that while emotionally, their relationship could be likened to that of a married couple, the barrier between them was but a physical one. Theirs was an unofficial marriage that she had always believed would become a formal one when they arrived back on Earth. But now, even that had changed. The stresses of the last few months on Voyager had forced them apart and lacking that emotional contact that had always seen them through, she had become bitter and he had found solace in the arms of another woman.

Not a woman... a child, she corrected and immediately chided herself, Kathryn, there's no need to be malicious. In the months following their return when she was alone in her quarters at the end of a long day of debriefings, she had finally come to terms with her conundrum once and for all. Naturally, she had debated the sensibilities of rushing to Chakotay, shaking him by the shoulders and declaring her undying love for him – but that was a fantasy, a course of action that went against her nature – she was after all Kathryn Janeway and considered herself to be a woman of class and decorum and Chakotay, well, he was a grown man with a mind of his own. Yes, they had an unspoken agreement that there was a possibility they could be together once they got home and he did seem to have turned his back on it, but that did not mean she should be angry, after all their accord was an unspoken one – perhaps she herself had simply wished it into being – but what was true was that they shared a special bond and even if she had to reconcile herself to the fact that it had to be a mere friendship, she was more than willing to accept that.

She had come to this raison d'être, weeks after they had returned to Earth, she had buried all her conflicting emotions regarding Chakotay to the back of her mind and in true Janeway fashion vaulted them there and it was with this renewed purpose that she agreed with the Admiralty that she and Chakotay should be the ones to represent Voyager's crew at this function on Mars.

It was Chakotay's eyes on her that brought her out of her reverie. "What?" It was his turn to ask.

"Nothing," she grinned at him, "It's just the first time I've seen you so relaxed in such a long time," she echoed. She shifted her position so that both her feet dangled over the chair's armrest in a very un-Captain-like manner. "No seriously Chakotay," she said voicing her thoughts from earlier, "I dare say your once-greying hair is reverting back to its natural colour. It defies logic!" She threw her hands up in the air signalling her amazement.

He chuckled. "That's because my hair and I don't have to put up with your withering death glares every time I suggest you've overdone it with the coffee."

She smirked in an attempt to hide her smile and narrowed her eyes, "Right now, I'm too happy even think about getting annoyed with you over that snide remark... over anything in fact." She said, hoping that he would catch her drift and open up about his new relationship. She knew that only it was only once they had acknowledged this gnawing tension between them and had everything out in the open could they revert to the camaraderie they had shared on Voyager. When he didn't pipe up, she joked, "So, I think this is a good time to tell me that you never did get 'round to cleaning those carpets on Voyager when I was away."

"Drat," Chakotay played along, beating the air dejectedly, "I was hoping you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Though perhaps it's time I told you something..."

Finally, Kathryn flicked her eyes to the sky in a gesture of gratitude to a higher power, she only half believed in as she leaned in conspiringly. "Yes?"

Chakotay's eyes caught hers as she leaned closer and he was reminded of another time when she was like this, like a child – wheedling.

"Chakotay, what is it?"

"Well... Uhm... once when I was preparing for the Andurian Prime Minister's visit, I spilt a cup of tea on the Briefing Room floor and covered it up by moving the table a couple of inches."

Kathryn forced a laugh and leaned back, disappointed. "Is that it?"

Of course it wasn't. Chakotay had been prepared to tell her about his relationship with Seven of Nine – it was perhaps the fifth time he had tried to bring it up in the last hour and there, she had presented him with a golden opportunity to alleviate himself of all sin and he had refused it. His stubborn streak told him he owed nothing to her, his relationship was his own business, but truth be told, he simply wanted to enjoy this time alone with Kathryn, as friends, without any barriers and for once it seemed, no pressure about the future, and he didn't want the conversation to take a sharp turn for the worst. He didn't want to have to address their silent contract regarding the future, the one where she had promised to do everything in her power to get the ship home and he had promised to wait for her, and more importantly he didn't want to face the fact that he had let the most important woman in his life down. When he tried to think back to what had changed and how they had got to this point, he realised that it had been quite anti-climactic. It seemed that he had one day woken up and decided that Voyager's return to Earth was no longer a looming 'when' but a mere 'if'. He hardly saw Kathryn and when he did, all they spoke about was the crew and ship's business. Upon reflection, he realised that overnight, Seven of Nine had started showing him affection and it had filled the gaping hole left by Kathryn's withdrawal and complete submergence into her role as The Captain. He had not only let Kathryn down by giving up on her, more importantly, he had let his Captain down by losing faith in their goal. And with that he concluded that he was unworthy of her, besides he felt some affection for Seven, perhaps he could make amends by fulfilling his duty to her – to help her adjust to leaving the "Voyager collective" and to adapt and integrate into life on Earth. Besides, gone were Kathryn's touches and her secret smiles, he wasn't sure if she still felt the same – perhaps he had imagined their unspoken agreement, wished it true to comfort itself in times when he felt that he was most alone.

Next to him, Kathryn got up and placed her arm on his shoulder, she peered down at his console before turning back to him, "Well, everything seems to be okay here. Mind if I grab a coffee?" He shook his head. "What can I get you, tea?"

"Please."

She smiled down at him and before she knew what possessed her, had cupped his cheek and said softly to him. "You know Chakotay, I don't suppose I'll be alone with you again, for a long time..."

"Well, until the trip back," he interjected, but she brushed him off, in that moment and without realising it, knowing something he didn't. "...And if anything should happen, I just want you to know, your friendship means the world to me. I adore you." She allowed her thumb to caress his cheek, not sensually or romantically, but affectionately before she pulled away to order coffee from the replicator, using that moment away from him to compose herself. She didn't know what had come over her – in that second, she had for a moment worried or sensed that they would be apart, that there would be some sort of trouble and that she might never see him again. She brushed those thoughts away and decided she was being silly – she was over-emotional and tired and she couldn't wait until these official functions were over so she could focus on becoming herself once more.

Just as she was about to turn back, she sensed him behind her. Knowing her all too well, he asked "What was all that, Kathryn?"

"I don't know," she said honestly, her hands still cupping both mugs. She didn't want to acknowledge the feeling of dread or danger that had come over here, fearing that in doing so she would be welcoming it. As a Captain, you developed a second-instinct about things – hunches, they used to call them on Voyager, and yet, when she was in command, she feared the worse 24/7 and undoubtedly she was again worrying unnecessarily – she still couldn't get over the fact that their lives were not in peril each and every day, she rationalised. "I guess, now we're close to the end of the line, I just wanted you to know how grateful I am for you, for having you by my side all these years and how much I have come to treasure you."

"And I you, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, listen." She said as she turned to him, handing him his mug. "We're about to go our separate ways for the first time in seven years, you with Seven and me – well God knows where - but I want you to know that if you need anything, I'll be here for you and well, we simply must keep in touch."

Stunned, Chakotay paused as she brushed past him back to her seat. How could she have known? He had met with Seven rarely and as discreetly as he had thought possible – was there anything this woman didn't know? It was almost as though she was a spy in the wall in every room, or at least had an informer. Was it Seven? He didn't think she was ready to take their relationship public, though it wouldn't have surprised him if she needed to confide her woes to the Captain, and then of course it dawned on him.

"The Admiral? Did she tell you?" He asked, towering over Kathryn as she pretended to busy herself at the console.

"Yes."

He knelt down and swivelled her chair around, so she faced him. "Listen, Kathryn..."

"Chakotay, you don't have to explain to me. Really, I'm the last person..." she paused looking for the right words, but still picked the wrong ones, "We made no promises to each other."

Chakotay jerked back, startled by this revelation – surprised that she had shared his dream and that she too believed in the promise. However, she mistook his withdrawal for anger and rejection. He stopped her as she was about to turn back to the console.

"Chakotay, please. Let me go. "

"I wasn't sure that you knew I was still waiting. I thought you'd forgotten, so I chose to forget too."

"I understand. I don't begrudge you the fact that you've moved on, Lord knows you waited long enough. Just promise me, we'll still be friends, okay."

He opened his mouth to say, 'It's not too late to be more', but when he looked at her steely eyes, seemingly devoid of love, but in reality an attempt to protect herself, he instead blurted out, "No hard feelings."

If not for her vaulted emotions and the fact that she had for weeks now come to terms with the fact that they could never be together, she would have cried, but instead, she focused her eyes and responded: "None whatsoever." She took a swig of her drink. "Ugh," she groaned, holding the mug out and away from her as though to distance herself from the drink, "I gave you my coffee."

As they swapped cups, it was as though they were returning parts of each other that they had kept hold onto for years now, freeing each other from their burdened and complicated relationship. It seemed that in the end, it was careless words and steely emotions that would keep them apart, but the fact was they were both running away from their feelings, not because they wanted to, but because it was what they had always known. They were now accepting of and comfortable with the masks they had perfected, and were it not for the events that would transpire in the next few weeks and month, those masks, would have eventually fit.

To be continued...