Till Morning Light…
God keep us safe this night, safe from all our fears. May angels guard us while we sleep, till morning light appears.
Lord, I pray for Mom and for Missy,
For Bill and Tara and Matthew,
For Charlie and Susie and their Connor/Jessica to be.
Lord, I pray for Daddy, God rest his soul, and Great Aunt Alsie as she mourns the passing of my Great Uncle Douglas. I pray that the people who killed him be quickly brought to justice with as little fuss from the media and as little interruption to old Alsie's life as humanly possible.
Lord, I pray for Agent John Doggett in this hectic time, as his new wife, Monica (nee) Reyes, settles into the last few weeks of her pregnancy. I pray for a happy, healthy little Emilia Grace to be joining her older sister, Kelsey, sometime very soon.
Lord, I also pray for Kelsey in this time of change and upheaval. Please help her to understand that a mother's love can only grow from the birth of another child, and it is infinite, boundless. Her Mommy will always love her.
…Please help William to understand this, wherever he is. Please help him to know that I still love him, no matter who or what he has become in the eleven years since I saw him last. Lord God, please help him to know my love for him.
And Lord… about Agent Mulder.
Please help him to understand that it is for his sake that I have returned to the X-Files and his alone, because I can't lose him again. Please help him to keep his head on straight, to stay safe and to, for Christ's sake, stop leaving me behind! You'd think he'd learn after so many years…
Lord, please help him to remember to take out the garbage tomorrow, when I leave early to meet Mom at that little café in town... Please help him to close the lid on the compost bin by the kitchen window so he doesn't stink out the place by the time I get back. Also Lord, please remind him to wash his hands properly and to spray the area with disinfectant once he's done with all that.
Dear Lord, please don't let Mulder forget to pick up the engraved photo frames from the jeweller tomorrow afternoon (4-ish), and please, please remind him to thank Mr Elton a million times for doing the job so promptly and so cheaply—we really owe him one. Also, please remind him to buy cello-tape when he goes to the store because we have to wrap the darn thing tonight, just in case Mon's baby is at all premature!!
Lord, please convince Mulder that even though I will be assisting Monica will the homebirth, he himself doesn't have to be anywhere at all in the vicinity when the time comes; you know how squeamish he is. Tell him that I will feel far more "morally supported" if I can be sure he's not going to chuck his breakfast over poor, innocent little Emilia Grace! Tell him to go and get a beer with John or something like that—calm the nerves—and I'll call when we're ready for him.
Lord, please remind Mulder that I won't be home until late the night after next so he'll have to organise take-away or something for the both of us if he's not in the mood to cook. Tell him I'm sorry (I know it's my turn to do it), but I'll make it up to him by bringing home dessert—his favourite. Tell him to leave me leftovers too, if he eats early, even if it's something I'm going to hate: I'll need it. Monica is driving me up the wall with nerves and since she doesn't eat meals anymore (just snacks all day), I'm not getting to eat them either.
Lord, could you also please remind Mulder not to get too far ahead of himself with the X-Files right now? I'm not flying out to Nowhere, Kansas for some alien-themed camping trip anytime soon. I'm just too stressed. Furthermore, please help him to take a more pro-active approach to paperwork. I mean honestly, it's not that difficult and he is not a child!!
…I guess, most of all, though, Lord…
Tell him that I love him. And that I need him. And that every day without him is an agony in and of itself.
Tell him that he doesn't have to feel guilty about our son anymore. That somehow, somewhere William knows him, and loves him. Simply because he's his son.
Tell him that even though not everything worked out the way that we wanted it to, I'm really grateful to him. Tell him that, contrary to what he might have thought at first, I wouldn't have asked anyone else to be the father of my child. I didn't ask anyone else. Though I don't think he realised it at first, William was always going to be his child. Alien DNA be damned.
Tell Mulder that's he's my life.
My soul.
My all.
Tell him, though we fight sometimes, I never want to wake up to a day that he's not right there by my side.
Even if the world ends tomorrow.
Even if he never has a chance to take out the rubbish, organise the compost bin, disinfect everything within a ten mile radius…
Even if he never picks up the engraved photo frame from the jewellers, never thanks Mr Elton for his kindness, never picks up the cello-tape from the hardware store…
Even if Mon's baby suddenly ceased to exist, tragedy as that would be, or if he was adamant enough on watching the birth that I let him and he ended up being sick…
Even if he forgets dinner again and I end up going another day without a proper meal, what's one more? Even if my next meal is cooked on a spit by a clumsily drawn up tent in Nowhere, Kansas in the middle of some dud of a crop circle…
Even if he never does another scrap of paperwork in his life…
If the world ends tomorrow…Tell him I love him.
----
::Quoted from last available journal entry of Dana K. Scully::
-December 31, 2011