Moving on
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Jean/James
Rating:- K
Achieve:- http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/
Summary:- I have moved on, left him behind in favour of a love that eclipses what I had with him and I've moved on and that for me is all that matters now.
Author's Note:- 500 word ficlet in answer to Gee's meeting up with new partner's challenge. Enjoy and reviews would be delightful!
At a table alone the sight that I'm met with still makes my stomach knot just a little. I should be used to it, Oxford is a small place, to avoid someone forever, when so many of the places you like to eat or socialize are tied up in the time you spent together would be impossible yet it still shocks me a little every time.
His hand in hers the way he pulls the chair out from the table gently guiding her into it just as he used to with me. The over familiar smile to the waiter, the wine order without looking at the menu are all things I can predict from memory though seeing him do them with someone else no long holds the power to hurt me.
A quite word from the waiter and I see him glance in my direction and pretend not to have noticed. I may no longer care that he is here with her, the edge of the end of our marriage may have dulled and no longer be sharp enough to cut through me like it once did but I don't have to pretend I want to be part of their picture of domesticity.
A different smile from across the room and my reaction is so different the knot in my stomach turns to butterflies, the desire to be unnoticed turns to a wish that everyone in the restaurant including them should see how happy I am. On the other side of the room is my past, walking toward and retaking his seat across the table from me is my future.
With him I never have to fear the sort of rejection my marriage brought at the end, with him I know I'm loved for who and what I am and his only aim is to make me happy. With a final glance I watch him follow my eyes and the way he reaches across the table gently squeezing my hand reminds me that he understands and doesn't ever doubt my love for him even when the past tries to wind it's cold tentacles around our time together.
"Jean. James. Nice to see you both." Unlike me he can't stay seated, he needs that moment of control, the appearance that he is the "bigger" person in this, that he can take those steps across the crowded restaurant that I couldn't but what he doesn't grasp, has never grasped, is that my days of power games and petty point scoring with him are long over.
"You too Richard." I don't engage him in conversation and neither does James with a polite nod as my ex-husband walks away he dismisses him as completely as I have. Unlike him I no longer feel the need to play games or make grand gestures. I have moved on, left him behind in favour of a love that eclipses what I had with him and I've moved on and that for me is all that matters now.