"…I love you Bella. Goodbye"
he panted and then his hand went limp in mine. I screamed at the top
of my lungs and collapsed on top of him.
"Edward, no" I
whimpered and that was when Mike came up behind me and stabbed me in
the back just as he had done with Edward.
I sat ramrod straight in my bed. It
had been two days since my birthday and I was having a therapy
session after school today. I was shaking and I saw that my pillow
was tear-stained. Most of the time, it was Jessica and Lauren who
killed Edward and I in my dreams, but last night it was Mike. I was
whimpering and clutching at my chest just thinking about how much it
hurt to think about Mike that way.
"Isabella, time to get up"
I heard my Dad call my downstairs and I shuddered. I didn't want to
face school today because I was sure to think my dreams were reality
once again.
"Dad, I don't feel up to going to school today"
I whispered as I descended the stairs. Charlie took one look at me
and nodded.
"Bad dream?" he whispered and I nodded weakly
before breaking into tears. Charlie yanked me into his arms as I
sobbed pathetically on his shoulder.
"It was so real. Mike
killed us both" I whimpered and Charlie rubbed soothing circles
into my back.
"Maybe you should reschedule your therapy for
earlier today" he suggested and I nodded.
Charlie had to leave for work so I
was left in the house with nothing but heart breaking thoughts in my
head. I trudged over to the phone and dialed the number of my
therapist. It dialed six times before someone answered.
"Hello,
Psychological Therapy, how may I help you?" The woman spoke calmly
and it took all I had not to break down again as realization hit
home. I wasn't normal, I was a freak and I couldn't possibly ever
be mentally stable. I finally remembered that I was supposed to be
talking to her.
"Uhm, yes. Hello, my name is Isabella Swan and
I have an appointment at three thirty this afternoon" I whispered
and I heard computer keys rattling.
"Psychiatric dreams?" she
said and I sniffled because of how true it was.
"Yes" I
mumbled and then, yet again, the computer keyboard sound.
"Ok
Isabella, I have your appointment up on the computer. Did you have
any questions?" she asked and I coughed a sharp, quick sound.
"Yes, I was wondering if it was possible to get in earlier
today?" I whispered and then, once again I heard her typing on her
computer.
"We do have an open appointment in an hour, but I'm
afraid it's not with your usual doctor" she said bluntly and I
knew I couldn't wait until three thirty.
"I'll take it" I
said and she gave me the doctors' name. His name was Doctor Madina
and he specialized in psychiatric dreams. I thanked the receptionist
and hung up the phone. I had twenty minutes to get ready and then
twenty to get to the clinic, and then an extra twenty to calm myself
down enough to speak.
I called Charlie and told him what was happening and he thought it was good I was seeing a different doctor because Doctor Chippendale obviously wasn't helping. I laughed slightly but then explained that I had to go or I wouldn't get to the clinic in time to calm myself down. Charlie said his goodbyes and I said mine.
I ran up to my room and started to get changed when my phone went off. I checked the message and it was from Mike. I opened it hesitantly and my brain was telling me it was stupid to react this way but my heart was telling me that I should be cautious.
Hey Isabella,
you're not at
school today and I hope you feel better soon.
I love you.
Mike
xo
Part of me felt bad because I didn't love Mike back, but the other part of me was holding onto the false hope that one day I'd meet Edward and I could be happy. I re-read the message again and I was shocked when I thought to myself, my name is Bella. I pressed the 'reply button'.
Hey Mike,
yeah I'm not
feeling happy today.
Isabella.
I pressed 'send' and threw my phone on my bed. I picked out a suitable outfit and walked into the bathroom. I turned the nozzles on the shower and made it mostly hot. I sat on the floor of the shower and let the water untie all the knots in my fragile body. I felt so weak and vulnerable right now and I detested myself for being this easy to get to. After about ten minutes I got out of the shower and got changed. I tied my hair in a messy pony tail and went down stairs.
I ate a bowl of Wheat-Bix before
getting into my car. I drove to the clinic fidgeting the entire way
and it wasn't until half way that I decided to turn some music on.
I started singing along to my favourite song.
"Hoping
I can run today and get away faster
Than ever from here
Another
night and who can say if leaving is better
Than living in
fear
Here's
to all the broken hearts tonight
Here's to all the "fall-a-parts"
tonight
Here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy
They
let it get away
You know it's never too late
Get up and
start all over again
You know it's never too late
There's got
to be a better way
Don't settle for the cold and rain
It's
not too late to start again
Find a way to smile and never let it
get away
It's been too long and we've been down and out
without laughter
No smiling just tears
We're tired of falling
down and being such a disaster
We've been here for years
Here's
to all the broken hearts tonight
Here's to all the "fall-a-parts"
tonight
Here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy
They
let it get away
You know it's never too late
Get up and
start all over again
You know it's never too late
There's got
to be a better way
Don't settle for the cold and rain
It's
not too late to start again
Find a way to smile and never let it
get away
I'm gone, I'm gone, there's got to be a better way,
I'm gone
I'm gone, I'm gone, there's got to be a better way, I'm
gone
I'm gone, I'm gone, there's got to be a better way, I'm
gone
I'm gone, I'm gone, there's got to be a better way, I'm
gone
You know it's never too late
(I'm gone, I'm gone)
You
know it's never too late
(I'm gone, I'm gone)
There's got to be
a better way
(I'm gone, I'm gone)"
I finished singing at the same time as I pulled up at the clinic.
I
got out of my car and walked up the few steps to get into the clinic.
"Isabella Swan" I checked in at the reception and the
assistant waved me onwards.
I walked through the small hallway
and proceeded up the next set of stairs. Once I'd reached the
psychiatric dreams section, I noticed, for once, I wasn't the only
one here. Normally, I was the only one, but today, it looked like a
boy was in the same boat as I was. I couldn't see anything else
about him. He was wearing a black hooded jumper and it covered his
head and he was also wearing black skinny jeans and black converse.
"Isabella, I will see you now" a man said as he came out of one of the two rooms. I nodded and strode over to him.
"Please take a seat" he said politely while closing the door. I accepted and sat down on the comfy sofa.
"So
when was the last time you had a dream?" he asked.
"Last
night" I whispered.
"What was it about?" he asked and I
breathed deeply.
"All of my dreams are about the same thing. A
boy named Edward Cullen, whom I have never met before but I think
I've fallen in love with" I mumbled and his head snapped up.
"You
always dream of this boy?" he asked and I nodded weakly.
"Always;
ever since the dreams started he'd starred in them and I always end
up dying in the end and so does he and then I wake up crying" I
whispered and he nodded while scribbling down on his note pad.
"And
how does him dying make you feel?" he asked and I took a deep
ragged breath.
"Like I don't want to face another day" I
whimpered and he nodded again.
He continued to ask me questions and I continued to answer them. I explained the dream about the torture I faced that I'd dreamed the night before my birthday and he found it extraordinary that I could dream up such things. He also told me that there was another psychiatric dreams patient. I suddenly didn't feel so alone.
When my session was up, I walked out of the room. On my way out I heard the ending of some words and they stuck to my heart.
"…ard Cullen" I heard and my breathing accelerated. Edward Cullen was here? That strange boy stood up and walked into the room and I felt my heart explode. I'd been standing in the same room as him?
I
followed him and the door shut in my face. I heard a musical voice
full of fear and anxiety.
I couldn't handle it anymore, so I
opened the door, uncaring whether or not I interrupted the session.
"Please, it's been months. Just tell me her name" and
that's when I saw him. He looked exactly the same as h had in my
dreams. He turned to me and a glorious smile lit up his face.
"Bella?" he whispered hopefully.