Yu-gi-oh Abridged the Zexaled series
Script: episode 6
Title: Super Awesome Ultra Mega Number Investigation Club
Cast: Yuma, Tori, Bronk, Astral, Cathy, Cadswell, Fortuno, Kite, Midget
Episode begins with Yuma, Tori and Bronk walking to school
Bronk: so is he like an angel
Yuma: no
Bronk: A duel spirit
Yuma: no
Bronk: is he the ghost of your dad
Yuma: no
Bronk: then what is he
Yuma: I'm just gonna say that that's a good question that I don't know the answer to
Bronk: oh, don't be like that
Yuma: I don't know what you want from me ok I don't know what he is and neither does he
Astral: if I knew what I was or what I was doing I wouldn't need the numbers, I mean I would still want them, just because
Yuma: why do you even care about my "imaginary boyfriend" as you call him, which I would is false for two reasons, one I'm not gay and two even if I was he isn't exactly a looker, and I'm pretty sure he dosent have anything in the way of genitals
Astral: I'm pretty sure I was created through magic or something, definitely not the way humans do it
Tori: see Bronk it's not an imaginary boyfriend, you should probably just drop it
Bronk: I'm not trying to prove that I'm trying to prove if there really I a ghost or if he is just insane, in fact I just came up with an idea, I'm going to hold fingers up behind my back then and then astral will tell you how many I'm holding up
Yuma: fine, astral
Astral: yeah yeah
Bronk: (holds his hand behind his back) now tell me
Astral: ok and his flipping me off
Yuma: your flipping him off
Bronk: oh, wha how did you….
Astral: wait that's a bad thing you dick, let's see how you like it (flips Bronk off) Hey this, this is kinda fun (continues to flip off everyone and laugh while doing) hey Yuma I'm flipping you and tori off at the same time
Yuma: great now his flipping everyone off, thanks Bronk I get to deal with this for the next week
Bronk: ok um, well if you can't tell us what he is can you at least tell us about the numbers
Yuma: don't try to get involved in that
Bronk: come on Yuma and throw us a bone and tell us-
Yuma: yeah ok I'm ending this conversation by Ash blossoming you (holds up the card ash blossom)
Bronk: your Ash blossoming me
Yuma: yeah now you can't add more words to this conversation
Bronk: thats fuckin retarded
Yuma: Your just mad I pulled this (Bronk slaps it from Yuma's hand) (gasps) ASH BROSM (falls to the ground to get it) that's a 60 dollar card you ass (grabs ash blossom) its ok daddy's got you, alright you now what fuck you Bronk I'm ghost ogreing the fuck out of here peace (holds up a ghost ogre card and leaves)
Tori: why are you always an ass to him?
Bronk: oh, fuck off Tori
Intro
We resume to class where Bronk is talking to Tori
Bronk: Tori we need to get to the bottom of this Astral stuff
Tori: oh my card game God would you just drop it already, I thought you didn't believe in Astral anyway
Bronk: well I used to but now I'm not so sure especially after this morning with the whole flipping off thing and even before that Yuma used to suck at card games but now the kid is unstoppable
Tori: well he did just train with Kaze for two weeks off screen
Bronk: but before that he was still winning duels against all sorts of people it just makes me feel like he real can see a ghost or something
Tori: I do suppose it is strange even for Yuma, I mean he has never talked to himself like this before but still that doesn't mean there is a ghost with him
Bronk: well what about the number cards then, those things are insane not only do they seem to follow their own rules, but they seem to fuck with how ever is using them and turns them into douchebags
Tori: do they, I mean we have only really seen it on like 3 people and they were kinda already like that
Bronk: well that's because we skipped the filler, but after the duels Yuma seems to some how get the cards afterwards not to mention he was pretty defensive about talking about them
Tori: I agree with you on the number cards they are weird and maybe we should try to figure out what they are but how do we do that
Bronk: simple we ask a nerd
Next scene cuts to a water tower where Yuma and Astral are talking
Yuma: (laying on the ground and sighing) you know Astral its great being awesome at card games
Astral: what
Yuma: yeah, I feel like I could take on the damn world in fact I'm gonna take the world and punch it
Astral: oh yeah well what about Kite
Yuma: Kite that guy is nothing compared to me
Astral: no offence but I wouldn't be so sure
Yuma: oh yeah well what does he have that I don't
Astral: much more skill, better cards, high levels of military training, a ton of number cards probably, better looking and a robot that can pause time to name a few.
Yuma: well other then that Kites nothing next time we see him I'll - (suddenly Cathy appears)
Cathy: you'll do what to how my future husband of which we will have 38 beautiful children
Yuma: AH CAT GIRL! I mean Cathy right
Astral: flee Yuma FLEE!
Cathy: that's right my love, I was just around not watching you and was wondering who were you talking to just now
Yuma: uh no one just my uh, uh imaginary boyfriend yeah that's it uh anyway I've got, I uh I gotta uh du, BYE CATHY (Yuma flees)
Cathy: bye senpai (glees)
Next scene Tori and Bronk are talking to Casswell
Bronk: come on Casswell you've got to know something about the number cards
Caswell: Bronk, this is the second time I have been on screen what exactly am I supposed to know about them exactly
Bronk: I don't know but you're the smart asshole nerd guy you suppose to know everything, so you gotta know something
Caswell: I barely know what you're talking about
Tori: well Caswell's useless what are we supposed to do now (suddenly the midget appears from above)
Midget: I may have some answers
Tori: (as everyone looks shocked) WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
Midget: I'm Flip (everyone just stares) I'm in your class (everyone counties to stare) I'm know to be a bit of a prankster (continue staring) I had a duel against Yuma in which I toke control of not one but two of his number cards
Tori: you mean you've been exposed to the number cards then?
Midget: yes indeed
Bronk: well could you tell us what you experienced then
Midget: I'd love to except I don't remember as we skipped my episode
Caswell: looks like another dead end, now what (then Cathy appears out of nowhere)
Cathy: I think I can help
Bronk: another one where the hell do you keep coming from and who are you and are you a frekin neko girl are those a thing in this world
Cathy: my name is Cathy Katherine I came from behind that ally over there, these are just hair clips and we actually did my episode
Tori: well that's good
Cathy: I am also Yuma's future wife and mother of all his children
Tori: bitch what you say
Cathy: you fucking heard me bird
Bronk: (awkwardly) uh so can you tell us something about the number cards then?
Cathy: well in my episode there was no mention of any numbers, but earlier today, while I was definitely not stalking Yuma, I overhead him talking to himself, it was something about a Kite
Bronk: a kite, are you sure
Cathy: as sure as the fact that Yuma likes hentai (everyone looks shocked)
Tori: how, how would you know that
Cathy: wouldn't you like to know
Bronk: wait but were anime characters isn't hentai like normal porn for us, whatever that dosent matter right now
Tori: I feel like it does
Cathy: I can be even more specific if you want
Midget: could you not
Cathy: fine, I'll just say he loves anime girl ass and everything you do to it (everyone looks shocked and creeped out again)
Bronk: ok uh going back to the number cards now, what could they and a kite have to do with all this
Caswell: maybe since there are other people with numbers there is some kinda of tournament going on that Yuma's involved with that's involves getting the number cards from your opponent to win a prize and he just doing really well, and maybe they use kites to, communicate like determine who is still in or not?
Bronk: I've never seen Yuma with a kite
Midget: well know I feel like we just have more questions
Bronk: then there is only one more thing left to do and that is to form the most feared anime organization ever
Tori: the samurai pizza cats?
Caswell: the rare hunters?
Bronk: what no not those dumb things I'm talking about the Super-Secret Ultra mega Uber doper awesome Ultra Number Investigation Club and yes here are two Ultras that's just how awesome it is,
Tori: I feel like the only way it would be feared is by the absolute cringe of that name and the people who would be involved
Bronk: exactly what's more terrifying than cringe
Everyone else: oh yeah, good point (they are all randomly saying the things in agreement in a murmur)
Bronk: also not only will we be able to undercover the truth of the numbers but we'll all be in a club, so it will count as an extra circular activate for school
Caswell: I like it
Cathy: so, what do we do now that that we formed this club of cringe
Bronk: I don't know randomly search the city and hope to find something
Midget: sure
Cathy: I'm up for that
Caswell: eh why not
Tori: all right then team split up and look or clues and meet back here in 20 montage seconds (or however long the next scene takes)
Bronk: (as narrator while everyone searches for clues) and so our newly formed club began our search across heartland city hoping to find something about the number cards, only for us to find jack shit
Caswell: (back at where they were) so did you guys find anything?
Tori: nope what about you Bronk
Bronk: I found a guy named Jack taking a shit
Caswell: did he at least know something about the numbers
Bronk: I don't know he was just screaming at me to get out of the bathroom which was very rude considering it was a public restroom
Tori: damn
Cathy: my cats couldn't find anything either
Tori: did you just say cats
Cathy: yes I have trained cats to do exactly what I say, in fact I believe you have already meet them
Tori: I did wait the cats in the park, the ones who could play red light green light, (gasp) what that means that you, oh you daughter of a bastard (Cathy smirks)
Caswell: did anyone find anything useful (suddenly the midget appears)
Midget: I was, I manage to find someone who might be able to help us
Bronk: alright the midget came through for us
The next scene they are in front of an old mansion
Bronk: I take it back the midget sucks
Midget: hey it was more than anyone else could find
Tori: yeah but a fortune teller, in a creep old looking mansion, really
Caswell: I guess we got nothing to lose (the gates to the mansion suddenly come open)
Bronk: and the gates magically open on their own, yeah that's not creepy at all or anything
Midget: do you want to find out about the numbers or not
Tori: lets just do this (they enter and eventually end up at Fortuno's room he is in)
Fortuno: welcome young ones I am Fortuno and I have foreseen your arrival
Caswell: yeah that's not creepy at all
Fortuno: its not creepy for I have foreseen your arrival as well as this entire conversation such as I know why you're here, you wish to ask me something, something very important
Tori: yes, we need to ask you about a tra-
Fortuno: a trading card
Cathy: how did he know that
Midget: are you serious right now
Tori: yes, but it not a normal card its something about a n-
Fortuno: a number card
Bronk: he did it again
Midget: I'm I the only one here not falling for this
Fortuno: you have a friend a very close friend who has posses a number card correct
Tori: yes, his name is Yuma Tsukmo
Fortuno: Yuma Tsukmo, I believe I've heard this name before, in a vison
Midget: he's not even trying now
Tori: then can you tell us what the number cards are
Fortuno: I can tell you for I posses numbers of my own, but unfortunately for you and your friend, you have just become my next pray (suddenly the floor breaks beneath them and everyone but Cathy falls in, who manages to escape as everyone else screams)
Cathy: guys don't worry I'll go get help (Cathy leaves)
Fortuno: yes, little cat go, go and bring the number holder to me for I shall be the one to take them, for my master Kite (laughs as he camera pans to kite sitting on a throne)
The next scene Yuma and Astral are by a river bed
Yuma: wow we have not been on screen at all today
Astral: yeah its kinda weird being off screen
Yuma: what have we even done today, and are we supposed to do anything
Astral: I'm not sure (Cathy runs up)
Cathy: Yuma
Yuma: AH, CATHY, jeez you startled me
Astral: Yuma get the spray bottle and FLEE
Cathy: (out of breath) no Yuma wait there's trouble you see (suddenly Cathy stops as something happens and she screams)
Yuma: what the hell is happening
Fortuno: (talking using Cathy's body) hello there Tsukmo Yuma
Yuma: Cathy, why do you all of a sudden sound like a guy did the female voice actor we have quit
Fortuno: no TsukmoYuma, I've simply taken a hold of this girls body for a moment to talk to you
Yuma: he just used my last name first, this guy must be serious dangerous
Fortuno: yes, I am as I have captured your friends and imprisoned them, if you wish to save them then have your little kitty cat here lead you to their location, and bring your number cards as I shall collect them for my master Kite (he breaks the connection and Kathy slups over)
Astral: so that was a trick right away for her to lure you into a trap
Yuma: maybe but I don't think Cathy is that good and even if she's a stalker there is no way she knows who Kite is
Astral: so it's a slightly less dangerous trap then
Yuma: then I'll do what I do best and spring it without thinking Cathy lead the way
Cathy: right away my love
Next scene is back at Fortuno's mansion
Bronk: lava, fucking lava are you shitting me
Caswell: this should not be thing why is this a thing! IT SHOULDN'T BE A THING!
Tori: were all going to die, Cathy is going to take Yuma and its all the midgets fault
Bronk: Yeah fucking midget you fucking suck
Caswell: you loser
Midget: how was I supposed to know this would happen and my is FLIP
Yuma: (in the room) this place is scary as hell and you guys actually went in here, you might as well have begged this guy to kidnap you
Cathy: that what we said but the midget we were following insisted
Yuma: why were you following a midget?
Astral: uh Yuma, look up there
Yuma: (noticing the sphere) there they are, and HOLY SHIT is that fucking lava why are they over lava how are they over lava
Astral: actually, I believe that is magma
Yuma: that is not important Astral!
Cathy: I did not expect this seriously how'd did you guys end up in lava
(they respond but with no audio)
Yuma: oh, guys we can't hear you need to talk louder (they continue) ok that's not helping what the hell is wrong with them
Fortuno: you idiot it's a one-way mirror except with sound, they can hear you, but you can't hear them
Yuma: oh, right cause that's something I should know, also I'm guessing you're the one who kidnapped them
Fortuno: that is correct for I am Fortuno
Yuma: Fortuno really,
Fortuno: yes
Yuma: what was pickites a cardis taken already or something
Fortuno: it hardly matters what you think for I possess the power to see….
Yuma: I'm gonna stop you right there and move this along because this episode has been kinda boring
Fortuno: how do you figure
Yuma: because I've barely been in it, and with that said Fortuno, I challenge you to a showdown, the Xiolan Showdown that is
Astral: interesting reference
Yuma: my numbers for yours and the winner takes my friends, and by friends, I mean Tori and those other people, cause Bronk's kind of a prick, I don't like Caswell and I don't even know who that midget guy is in fact you can just give me Tori and I'll be good I mean you can't kill them
Fortuno: I don't think so its all or nothing with these idiots
Yuma: uuh fine
Bronk: well screw you too Yuma
Tori: At least he cares about me
Fortuno: anyway, back to your challenge I accept it
Yuma: then Gong Yi Tem Pi Mother fucker
Duel starts
Fortuno: I'll start by summoning my Gay shaman number 1 in attack mode and place a card facedown
Yuma: my move and I summon my 3 times go golem, now triple golem attack his gay shaman with rock attack thing or something I don't know
Fortuno: sorry but you triggered my Trap card totally not cheating, which allows me to guess a card in your hand and if it's a monster the attack is negated I draw card and you discard it and with my powers I sense that you have the card uh, could you move over a little
Yuma: oh sure is this good
Fortuno: yes thank you, WITH my powers I can see that you are holding the monster Ash blooms and joyous Spring (Gagaga Magician replaced with Joyous spring in this scene )
Yuma: no not again, what do people have against my ash blossom
Fortuno: it also triggers my Gay Shaman's abilty, you see that was very upsetting and has become triggered, so he can now call Gay Shaman number 2 to the field so he has a friend that he has a friend to comfort him now, and since its my turn again I'll also summon my Gay shaman number 3 and then overlay all of them, Behold Tsukmo Yuma as I xyz summon the only Number on the ban list Number 16 Shock Master (shock master is summoned)
Yuma: really there's only one?
Astral: I don't know what's more suppressing the fact that there's only one number on the ban list or the fact there's a number on the ban list, you know depending on if your viewing this from actual game verses show
Fortuno: Now let me show you why he's banned, by detaching an overlay unit Shock master can negate either spells traps or monster effects for two turns
Yuma: ah what that's OP
Fortuno: and I choose to seal your …. TRAP CARDS (Shock masters effect goes off) now destroy his golem (golem is destroyed) aren't you stupefied by how I was able to guess that your face downs are trap cards
Yuma: not real most people would assume their traps and 80% of the time there right
Fortuno: no it was my physic powers that let me read your mind
Yuma: yeah sure and Arc-V had an amazing ending(sarcastic) and Yusaku is a really engaging character (sarcastic). Now it's my move again so Fortuno be amazed as I destroy (Draws kurivolt and then looks horrified for a moment) oh god, oh god no no no no no, oh dear god no
Astral: what's wrong
Yuma: I drew kurivolt when the draw needed to be super important, it's a fucking meme and I just became the meme (he panics) this is horrifying no no why WHY I can't think everything is going black, I think I smell toast
Astral: wait Yuma this just so happens to be the one-time kurivolt is actually useful
Yuma: (still panicked) really, are you sure
Astral: yes now summon it
Yuma: ok, I summon Kurivolt and use its special abilty to detach Shockmaster's overlay units to summon to more from my deck then tribute them for two level 4 monsters to summon my Utopia who can now destroy your Shock master (everything happens as he says it and then the turn is done out) (now sounding relieved) oh thank god, I swear I almost had a heart attack
Fortuno: you think you may have the upper hand now, but I still see your cards and know what you have
Yuma: are you still on about that
Fortuno: what is that supposed to mean
Yuma: it means your faking it
Fortuno: what?
Yuma: oh don't what me, this whole physic duelist crap about how you know what card you will draw or what I'm holding or going to draw bullshit, its one of the oldest tropes in Yugioh, you ain't the first, and you won't even be the last in this series let alone the other shows
Fortuno: you can't be serious I have now twice been able to see the cards you have, and you still doubt me
Yuma: yeah just like Mai Valentine, Maximilion Pegasus, Isuzu Ishtar, Esper Roba, Damion, Sartorius and Carly have also done, it's one of the oldest tropes in the series, not to mention the guy claiming their psychic ends up just being a cheater
Fortuno: and I'd like to point out that most of those were legitimate
Yuma: true but they all gained powers from some kinda of temporary magic
Fortuno: and its so hard to believe that one of my number cards grants me this power
Yuma: I suppose that could be an argument, however the thing is so called number hunters seem to be immune to our numbers power, so they don't work on us, and between you me and Kite that seems to be the case
Fortuno: wait what do you mean by
Yuma: oh yeah, I've meet and dueled Kite
Fortuno: what then how are you alive then?
Yuma: that is a good question that I don't know the answer to, but the point is that thing up there isn't kite, in fact Cathy go kill it
Cathy: yes master (Cathy attacks the kite dummy and it breaks)
Yuma: see fake
Fortuno: what the hell would have happened if it wasn't
Yuma: then there would be one less thing for me to worry about, but I knew it wasn't him because Kite was a lone wolf Batman like Badass, even if he did have help he wouldn't just sit up in a frickin Throne and have his shitty fanboy duel
Cathy: oh he is laying down that hot shit
Fortuno: you dare mock me! I'll show you who's a fan boy,
Yuma: what you gonna show me your deviant art page
Astral: oh no he didn't
Fortuno: silence, I summon my Drag queen Shamon and use asexual change to summon Asexual Shaman to my field
Yuma: I don't like this at all
Fortuno: I overlay both of my Shamans and Xyz summon number 11 Big Eye (Big eye is summoned however the music cuts and it just pops its eye open with a sound effect)
Yuma: is that it?
Fortuno: yes
Yuma: usually they do more this guy just literally an eye
Astral: it's very underwhelming compared to the others
Fortuno: what big eye lack in looks he makes up for in abilty
Yuma: how so?
Fortuno: well if Shockmaster was cold wave on legs then Big Eye is snatch steal
Yuma: uh oh (Big Eye Steals Utopia)
Fortuno: (laughs) now are you so confident, Utopia attack your former master (Utopia attacks) (back inside the lava pit the mound shakes and Tori falls off but is caught)
Caswell: no Tori
Midget: if she dies we die
Fortuno: your lucky that due to Big Eyes effect it can't attack you but with my Freeze Dance you can't summon any monsters and now I activate Twilight Dance so now you can't summon anything from your graveyard you lose Tsukmo!
Astral: Yuma don't lose hope for we can still win this with the power of …
Yuma: the power of what?
Astral: I don't know I wanted to say friendship but that's overused and not exactly true
Yuma: yeah, we aren't really friends just yet, we're more like two people how have to tolerate each other for some kind of assignment or something
Astral: THEN THAT IS THE POWER WE SHALL USE THE POWER OF TOLERANCE OUT OF NESEITY (astral glows and is revealed to everyone)
Fortuno: Nani?
Tori: oh my god that's Astral
Bronk: I guess Yuma's not as crazy as we thought
Yuma: my turn and I activate comeback which returns control of a monster that was originally mine, a card that only would ever see play if I don't know Gradle Kaiju's were the meta and even then, its power crept, but you know what, I can at least use it to get back my Utopia
Astral: then we will combine it together with its overlay unit (Utopia goes through the animation of being transformed into Utopia Ray)
Yuma: woah what is this
Astral: behold Yuma the power of chaos xyz evolution, Chaos number 39 Utopia Ray also known as C39 Utopia Ray, and now we have everything we need end it
Yuma: alright With Utopia Rays abilty by detaching an over lay unit your monster loses 1000 attack point's while Utopia gains 500 and I can detach all three sending you Big eyes attack to zero and Utopia Rays to 4000
Fortuno: no not possible I can't lose
Yuma: hey Fortuno, katobingu Bitch (Utopia Ray attacks and Fortuno is defeated)
Bronk: Yuma won were saved yes (suddenly the lava pit is turned in to a hall way and they are all standing on a table)
Caswell: what just happened
Midget: apparently we were jut standing on a table the whole time
Tori: but I fell way further than where the floor is so were we actually in a lava pit or
Bronk: you know what let's not think about it and instead let's just go congratulate Yuma
Yuma: I won that's right I'm a badass oh yeah
Tori: Yuma
Yuma: Tori and the other people you're alright
Tori: Yuma that was amazing
Bronk: I agree that was cool but the bigger thing here is that apparently Astral is real
Yuma: Wait you saw him
Caswell: we all did it was just before you summoned that chaos number
Cathy: and while we're on the subject he actually your boyfriend
Yuma: what oh no no no no God no, I mean no offense to him, but well we already went over that earlier
Cathy: ok good was worried for a second
Midget: well I say all wells that ends well
Yuma: who the fuck are you, guys who is this guy
Bronk: honestly we don't know
Tori: he just kinda showed up
Midget: what how do you know who I am we dueled
Yuma: well in any case lets just go home
The next scene Fortuno is at the top of the throne and getting his last number
Fortuno: you may have beaten me Tsukmo, but I still have a number card and with it I will destroy you, this is not the last of Fortuno
Kite: I believe it is
Fortuno: what who said that, oh my God is that Batman no wait it's you Kite, holy crap its Kite
Kite: sup
Fortuno: oh great and mighty Kite if you would I would be your humble servant what would you ask of me
Kite: you can give me your number and your soul for one
Fortuno: what but I offer my services
Kite: sorry but I don't need or want help from shitty fanboys
Fortuno: no no noooooooooo
End of episode