Disclaimer: I do not own the Dragon Age universe. Characters you do not recognize were created by me for the purpose of this story. Rated M for themes of a very mature and dark nature including sex, angst, and hurt/comfort – do not read if content along that line could offend you.

Thank you for reading, and for any and all reviews left. They are all greatly appreciated! - Fallon.

Running From A Dream

Part I

Fenris paced back and forth before the hearth, trying desperately to collect his thoughts before she joined him. On a good day her mere presence made speech difficult, and after the events in the slave pens that caused old wounds to tear open he knew he'd have to force himself to give her the explanation she deserved.

The fire popped and cracked amongst the charred logs and ash covered stone, filling the silence that would have otherwise permeated the room.

He hated himself every time he was around her, hated the tightening in his chest and the sweat that slipped down to his palms and made him feel weak. Words always left him then, when she moved to fight beside him or playfully elbowed him in an attempt to snap him out of his seemingly endless depression.

If she had been born a mage like her sister, Fenris figured she could have just read his mind and they could move past the awkward stage of giving voice to his feelings. Despite his hatred of all things magic, he was accustomed to way it effected his mind and body thanks to the hundreds of hours Danarius had spent torturing him. What he wasn't used to was what she brought out in him every time she neared.

"Fenris?"

He turned and swallowed hard, "Thank you for agreeing to speak with me, Hawke."

It was obvious he had interrupted her nighttime routine, as she was clad in a thin, billowy nightgown and robe instead of her armour or finery. Her hair had been freed from its usual braid and fell over her shoulders in soft waves of auburn. She looked surprisingly delicate, though he knew that could not be further from the truth – he had fought beside her after all. She was a lethal rouge who could take down men thrice her size with a flick of her blades.

Lana smiled, "We've been through a lot together...it would take more than you raising your voice for me to turn you away entirely."

"Still," he sighed and looked away from her, "it was wrong of me to take my frustration out on you...you helped me after all."

She pulled her robe tighter around herself and chuckled lightly, "You're not the lost cause you make yourself out to be."

"Aren't I? You are the only one in our strange group that still seems able to bear my presence."

"Not sure about that, Fenris. Isabela has made it clear on multiple occasions that she would very much like to bask in your presence." She crossed her arms and gave him an accusing, albeit lighthearted, glare.

Fenris gave a short, deep laugh but inwardly was shivering.

Isabela had been chasing him for three years, shooting him flirtatious stares and accidentally bumping into him when they both accompanied Hawke. As a comrade on the field of battle she was a good sword to have at your side but her lecherous nature disgusted him and he often times felt the need to wash whenever she brushed up against him.

"The pirate wench is of no concern to me." He said bluntly.

Lana tried to hide her relief but allowed a small sigh to slip past her lips.

"Where did you run off to after the battle?"

Fenris started pacing again, "I needed time to think..."

"You had me worried," Lana admitted softly, "I tried to find you...but eventually decided you did not want to be found."

Fenris pursed his lips together, unsure what to make of the happiness her words gave him. The fact that she was looking for him made him feel something he did not recall experiencing before.

"I needed time to think...clear my head."

"And?" She asked hopefully, "Were things made clearer for you?"

Fenris was unable to think of the right words under the heat of her gaze and looked away. There was nothing remarkable about her eyes, they were common brown, and yet when he locked eyes with her he felt as weak as a kitten.

"You have to understand...what I was forced to endure at the hands of Hadriana was nothing less than a nightmare. Her skills in the art of torture were matched only by her disregard for life. It was what made her such a comfortable fit by Danarius's side."

Lana remained silent and still. Fenris spoke little about the actual details of his enslavement and as horrific as she suspected they would be, she loved Fenris far too much to silence him.

After all, people had been trying to silence him his entire life.

"Danarius would send me to her as a reward whenever she pleased him. Sometimes she would starve me for days before making me watch her eat a feast or deny me sleep. I broke down once and begged her for food...she...she had me whipped. But those were kindnesses compared to her favourite form of torture."

Lana wanted so badly to hold him. Not out of pity, but out of love. That someone she cared so greatly for had been mistreated pained her to the core of her soul. "Fenris..."

Anger surged through him and he couldn't stop himself from spilling everything. Regardless of what she thought of him after his confession, he knew everything had to be laid out in the open.

"I lied to you that time I swore there had been nobody," he clenched his fists and did not flinch even when his nails broke skin, "Hadriana would bind me to her bed with barbed wire and magic. She told me it was a reward for my loyal service, but she never permitted me release or satisfaction of any sort. I was a tool and she reminded me of it often."

Lana took one tentative step forward, "Then she deserved to die a thousand times over, Fenris."

"No! None of this feels as it should!" Fenris snarled in frustration.

"What did you expect it to feel like?"

Fenris sighed, "I thought I'd feel freed from her shadow. But instead I feel more confined then ever and it sickens me..."

When he finally found the strength to look up at her again, he expected to see pity and repulsion in her gentle features. Instead he realized she was closer to him then he had thought.

"You are free, Fenris." She reassured him softly, "You have but to shrug the chains of your past off and live."

"You do not understand..."

His words stung but she tried to hide that from him.

"I'm trying to."

He smiled ever so slightly. "I know...but I did not come here to burden you. This is a poor apology, but it's one of the few I've ever given."

He turned to leave, and she felt her body move before she could tell it otherwise.

She reached out and grabbed his wrist, "Fenris..."

His body flared with lyrium at the unexpected warmth of her touch. Memories of Hadriana's teasing and torture resurfaced despite his efforts to keep them submerged.

Fenris gave a primal hiss born of fear and rage and turned on her.

Lana's eyes opened wide as he pushed against the back of the lounge and pressed the palm of his hand over her heart in preparation to rip it from her body. She could feel the tension in his body and cursed herself for being foolish enough to touch him without his permission. Despite the danger she was in, Lana found his glow stunning. She wanted to reach out and trace the carvings that ran up his neck, to kiss them and whisper in his ear as she held him. If she died in the process of doing such, she'd at least die happy.

Fenris could feel the pounding of her heart under his hand but it was upon glancing to her eyes that he realized what he was doing and his rage began to recede.

She was not an enemy, she had only ever been kind and patient with him.

Her chest was heaving as she tried to prepare herself but she saw something switch in him and the lyrium began to fade.

"Hawke...I..."

"Fenris."

He had done it, pushed away the only person who he considered a real friend, "P-Please, forgive me."

But how could she? He had come perilously close to killing her! Everything was ruined now and he knew for certain he would be forced to flee once again, leaving it all behind.

She murmured his name again and placed her hand over his, keeping it pinned over her heart. Lana ran her fingers over the sharp ridges of his gauntlet, working up the courage to continue what had been set in motion.

"You can't scare me away..."

Fenris stood frozen in place, unable to move or protest her moving even closer to him. He shivered as she trailed her fingers across his cheek.

She needed to be closer to him – damn the risks!

"I'd never hurt you, Fenris."

"I-I don't understand...what do you want from me?"

Lana stood on the tips of her toes and kissed the corner of his lips. "I want only to give to you."

Fenris had up to this moment acquainted sex and intimacy with power and domination. To Hadriana he had been a tool, a means to an end. She took from him what she wanted, and gave him neither release or comfort. Sex was just another weapon to her. But here Lana was offering herself to him, just moments after he nearly killed her. And he was not naive, he knew he could still snap and kill her yet.

He grabbed her hands and held her back from him, "I do not require your...pity."

"I'm not doing this out of pity Fenris," she did not fight his hold, "I'm doing it out of love."

He released his hold on her as her words sunk in, "L-Lana..."

She placed a light kiss upon his lips, "Will you come with me upstairs?"

Fenris said nothing, for her kiss had sucked the air out of his lungs, but followed her willingly as she lead him by the hand.

Lana shut the door behind them and watched Fenris as he took in his surroundings.

He wandered over to her desk and leafed through the various books that laid piled there.

"What...are they concerning?" He asked nervously.

Fenris had admitted to her not long ago that he did not know how to read. She felt foolish for assuming he had been taught as a slave and offered to teach him how. They're lessons were going well, but Lana knew the books on her desk were beyond his current level of comprehension.

"The History of Kirkwall and A Brief History of the Templars. The others are about Ferelden and...Tevintar."

He looked back at her for an explanation.

Lana shrugged, "I wanted to learn more about where you came from."

Fenris closed the book and tensed as she touched his shoulder and had him face her.

"Does my touch offend you?" She asked in a gentle tone, "The door is not locked Fenris...I'll not force you to remain here."

"It's not that." He shook his head and tried to look away.

She stopped him from doing so, "Talk to me..."

He sighed, "I am...unsure how to proceed."

Without hurting you...

Lana chuckled and smiled sweetly, "Let me show you."