Stay by Cosmic Castaway
"Shippou, are you in there?"
I started, stirred from sleep. Vision blurry, I blink away forgotten dreams and try to feign a frown.
All at once, the simple sound of his voice had brought to me a rush of emotion. Warmth, adoration, yearning...
I hide it. I have always hidden it.
"Kohaku~! I was sleeping!"
The annoyed tone I deliberately place in my voice is nothing but charade. I have to follow the script, no ad-libbing allowed. This is nothing but a game. A cruel game with rules set by nothing more than my own cold fear of rejection. Now, I may not have him. But at least I have the hope of that slim possibility that he may, by some act of God, love me back.
"I'm sorry," he says, shy eyes wide and sincere.
I love the sound of his voice. I smile, dreamily.
He blinks, his awkward boyish grin flattening out into a thin, tight line. His eyes become curious and prying, and shine with his once-forgotten youth. "Nee, Shippou...have you ever....?"
A pause.
He chuckles, like silver rain. His eyes dart away from mine. "Nevermind."
I give a ragged sigh. "What?" I ask roughly, as I normally do, with a crooked smile played out on my lips. "You came in to my den and woke me up. You'd better have something interesting to say."
Kohaku, if only you knew. Just to see you near me is enough to make the rest of the world melt away.
"Shippou," he asks, eyes still averted. "You are...my best friend. How long has it been?"
Six years seven months fourteen days. I know it better that my own mother's face, but I don't dare to let on. "I don't know. Seven, eight years? Ever since the quest ended..." I choke back a lump of emotion in my throat, hating the past for all it was worth. For all it had taken away from me.
"Ever since it ended, time has been a blur to me."
It's a lie. Every day had been agonizingly slow and painfully clear. I had lost half of my former traveling companions. No - half of my new family. They were all I truly remembered from my childhood, all I held dear to me. So many happy memories were now shattered into pain and sadness.
"Shippou," he says, softly.
Him. He's all that matters now. An enemy in the past, who Sango so desperately tried to save. Who she died to save.
Her life traded for his. His memory wiped clean of her, he held little grief - all that remained was a fond respect for what others had told him she'd done. He really had no idea of what he meant to Sango. It's better that way. He needs to remain untainted by sorrow. He's already lost his soul more than once.
"Ship-pou!" he demands, more roughly.
"Ah! Oh, sorry...what?" I blink away the memories. They always seem to linger in my sad turquoise eyes.
"I...do have something important to say. At least...important to me. But I need to know that you will take me seriously." His face is set in childish determination. I give him my sincerest gaze.
"Kohaku, of course! You were there through all the depressing shit that I went through seven years ago...and you're still here now, putting up with me. I owe you more than I can ever repay," I say honestly, the passion in my voice as real as the fur on my tail. "I give you my word as an honorable youkai."
He glances away again, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even doubted you for a moment."
Instant forgiveness. "Don't worry about it."
A short silence lingers.
"Well...the reason I needed to see you is..." a deep blush dances on his freckled cheeks. I stare, dumbfounded.
"I need your advice."
I feel a panic well up deep inside me. No! It can't be!
"Shippou, I...like someone. You know...like someone." He stares intently at the ground as my insides began to shatter.
"Well," I say, my voice trembling. "I wonder who the lucky girl could be."
He scoffs at the remark. Usually, I'd be delighted to see him cheer up. Now, the mocking laugh drives through me like a katana made of ice.
"That's not important, Shippou. It's a matter of...well, how do I...tell this person...how I feel?" It seems difficult for him to ask me that question. It was a question I had asked myself more times than I could remember. A question whose answer still remained so simply clear, and at the same time, so impossible to achieve.
In my hurt, I broke my promise and angrily spewed out the first thing I could think of, in the meanest and coldest voice that I possibly could.
"Shit-head, just walk up and say 'I like you.' Dammit, don't bother me with stupid, moronic questions anymore. Here I thought you had something actually meaningful to say. You really piss me off sometimes, Kohaku!"
I had turned away from him, curling myself into a tight little ball with my back to him. I cover my face, contorted with sorrow, with my large, puffy tail. I twitch the toes of my fox-feet as I desperately try to keep from sobbing.
For a long time, no one speaks a word. The silence hangs like a plague in the barely moonlit darkness. The only noises are that of the whispering wilds of night, of the soft rustling of dried leaves as the breeze sweeps through the large rounded opening of my den. I shift slightly, and the sound of crackling vegetation as I do so seems almost deafening.
"Well, okay," he suddenly says, barely above a whisper.
I need him more than I ever and I want him to leave all at once. All hope of having him is shattered. I am selfish and spoiled, unable to be satified any longer with just being friends. Why?
He likes someone else. He likes some girl.
I hear him shift loudly and stand up. Fine. Leave.
No! Please don't go!
He doesn't. He's walking towards me. A loud crackle of leaves as he clumsily sits beside me, and I shiver as I feel his gaze.
"Leave me alone. I was sleeping." I say it, but I don't mean a word. My speech is weak and soft, and barely convincing at all. "I was sleeping."
Gods. His soft, gentle hands stroke through my copper-colored bangs. I shiver involuntarily.
"Please, go away. Baka, I'm tired..."
"Shippou," he says shakily. I feel something cold spatter on my neck, and then another. Is he crying...?
I feel his breath, hot and sweet, on the tip of my pointed ear. He leans in close, whispering.
"Shippou, I like you. Please don't hate me...for loving you."
Indescribable joy enraptures my soul, and I turn abrubtly and capture those sweet, pink lips in a whirl of heated desire. Those lips I had so longed for...
Wrapping my arms about his neck, I pull him in closer, running my fingers through raven-black hair. More cold tears rain down on my face, and I reach up a thumb to wipe them away. I begin heaving with sobs, the joy of release intoxicating.
We part, and I gaze at him, breathless.
"Kohaku," I cry, face streaked with shining trails of joy and releif. "Hating you is impossible. Gods, I love you more than you could ever know. I'm so..." I stop, at a loss for words.
I sit up and take him in my arms.
"Just stay."
He reaches up a hand, tugging at my face and pulling it to his lips. "I will."
-:- Owari -:-
"Shippou, are you in there?"
I started, stirred from sleep. Vision blurry, I blink away forgotten dreams and try to feign a frown.
All at once, the simple sound of his voice had brought to me a rush of emotion. Warmth, adoration, yearning...
I hide it. I have always hidden it.
"Kohaku~! I was sleeping!"
The annoyed tone I deliberately place in my voice is nothing but charade. I have to follow the script, no ad-libbing allowed. This is nothing but a game. A cruel game with rules set by nothing more than my own cold fear of rejection. Now, I may not have him. But at least I have the hope of that slim possibility that he may, by some act of God, love me back.
"I'm sorry," he says, shy eyes wide and sincere.
I love the sound of his voice. I smile, dreamily.
He blinks, his awkward boyish grin flattening out into a thin, tight line. His eyes become curious and prying, and shine with his once-forgotten youth. "Nee, Shippou...have you ever....?"
A pause.
He chuckles, like silver rain. His eyes dart away from mine. "Nevermind."
I give a ragged sigh. "What?" I ask roughly, as I normally do, with a crooked smile played out on my lips. "You came in to my den and woke me up. You'd better have something interesting to say."
Kohaku, if only you knew. Just to see you near me is enough to make the rest of the world melt away.
"Shippou," he asks, eyes still averted. "You are...my best friend. How long has it been?"
Six years seven months fourteen days. I know it better that my own mother's face, but I don't dare to let on. "I don't know. Seven, eight years? Ever since the quest ended..." I choke back a lump of emotion in my throat, hating the past for all it was worth. For all it had taken away from me.
"Ever since it ended, time has been a blur to me."
It's a lie. Every day had been agonizingly slow and painfully clear. I had lost half of my former traveling companions. No - half of my new family. They were all I truly remembered from my childhood, all I held dear to me. So many happy memories were now shattered into pain and sadness.
"Shippou," he says, softly.
Him. He's all that matters now. An enemy in the past, who Sango so desperately tried to save. Who she died to save.
Her life traded for his. His memory wiped clean of her, he held little grief - all that remained was a fond respect for what others had told him she'd done. He really had no idea of what he meant to Sango. It's better that way. He needs to remain untainted by sorrow. He's already lost his soul more than once.
"Ship-pou!" he demands, more roughly.
"Ah! Oh, sorry...what?" I blink away the memories. They always seem to linger in my sad turquoise eyes.
"I...do have something important to say. At least...important to me. But I need to know that you will take me seriously." His face is set in childish determination. I give him my sincerest gaze.
"Kohaku, of course! You were there through all the depressing shit that I went through seven years ago...and you're still here now, putting up with me. I owe you more than I can ever repay," I say honestly, the passion in my voice as real as the fur on my tail. "I give you my word as an honorable youkai."
He glances away again, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even doubted you for a moment."
Instant forgiveness. "Don't worry about it."
A short silence lingers.
"Well...the reason I needed to see you is..." a deep blush dances on his freckled cheeks. I stare, dumbfounded.
"I need your advice."
I feel a panic well up deep inside me. No! It can't be!
"Shippou, I...like someone. You know...like someone." He stares intently at the ground as my insides began to shatter.
"Well," I say, my voice trembling. "I wonder who the lucky girl could be."
He scoffs at the remark. Usually, I'd be delighted to see him cheer up. Now, the mocking laugh drives through me like a katana made of ice.
"That's not important, Shippou. It's a matter of...well, how do I...tell this person...how I feel?" It seems difficult for him to ask me that question. It was a question I had asked myself more times than I could remember. A question whose answer still remained so simply clear, and at the same time, so impossible to achieve.
In my hurt, I broke my promise and angrily spewed out the first thing I could think of, in the meanest and coldest voice that I possibly could.
"Shit-head, just walk up and say 'I like you.' Dammit, don't bother me with stupid, moronic questions anymore. Here I thought you had something actually meaningful to say. You really piss me off sometimes, Kohaku!"
I had turned away from him, curling myself into a tight little ball with my back to him. I cover my face, contorted with sorrow, with my large, puffy tail. I twitch the toes of my fox-feet as I desperately try to keep from sobbing.
For a long time, no one speaks a word. The silence hangs like a plague in the barely moonlit darkness. The only noises are that of the whispering wilds of night, of the soft rustling of dried leaves as the breeze sweeps through the large rounded opening of my den. I shift slightly, and the sound of crackling vegetation as I do so seems almost deafening.
"Well, okay," he suddenly says, barely above a whisper.
I need him more than I ever and I want him to leave all at once. All hope of having him is shattered. I am selfish and spoiled, unable to be satified any longer with just being friends. Why?
He likes someone else. He likes some girl.
I hear him shift loudly and stand up. Fine. Leave.
No! Please don't go!
He doesn't. He's walking towards me. A loud crackle of leaves as he clumsily sits beside me, and I shiver as I feel his gaze.
"Leave me alone. I was sleeping." I say it, but I don't mean a word. My speech is weak and soft, and barely convincing at all. "I was sleeping."
Gods. His soft, gentle hands stroke through my copper-colored bangs. I shiver involuntarily.
"Please, go away. Baka, I'm tired..."
"Shippou," he says shakily. I feel something cold spatter on my neck, and then another. Is he crying...?
I feel his breath, hot and sweet, on the tip of my pointed ear. He leans in close, whispering.
"Shippou, I like you. Please don't hate me...for loving you."
Indescribable joy enraptures my soul, and I turn abrubtly and capture those sweet, pink lips in a whirl of heated desire. Those lips I had so longed for...
Wrapping my arms about his neck, I pull him in closer, running my fingers through raven-black hair. More cold tears rain down on my face, and I reach up a thumb to wipe them away. I begin heaving with sobs, the joy of release intoxicating.
We part, and I gaze at him, breathless.
"Kohaku," I cry, face streaked with shining trails of joy and releif. "Hating you is impossible. Gods, I love you more than you could ever know. I'm so..." I stop, at a loss for words.
I sit up and take him in my arms.
"Just stay."
He reaches up a hand, tugging at my face and pulling it to his lips. "I will."