Title: Wait For You
By: Jessica
Pairing: Jake/Calleigh
Rating: T
Timeline: Post 7x01, Resurrection
Summary: He would come home to her. And she would be waiting.
If there was something that Jake Berkeley had always deluded himself into believing, it was the idea that no matter what he did, there would always be time to fix it. In college, in the academy, there was always time to fix the dent made by a bad score on a test – hypothetically, of course, since Jake had always settled comfortably into that spot at the top of the class. At work, there was always time to fix to fix a small slip-up; if he arrested the wrong suspect, there was always time to find the right one. Even undercover, there was always a way, always time to fix anything he did to cause suspicion in whatever group he was infiltrating.
It was that assumption that he carried over to his personal life, his relationships. He'd honestly believed that whatever he might do wrong, there would be time to fix it.
Today, however, Jake was hearing four little words running on repeat through his ears, playing repeatedly in front of his eyes – too little, too late. What he'd finally done today had come ten years too late; it made no difference at all. He'd blown his cover; he'd thrown his case away and perhaps even signed his own death warrant, all for nothing.
Given the chance, however, Jake knew he would do it again. There was no longer any question now as to what was most important in his life; or rather, what had been most important. He didn't have that anymore. There was just too much damage from the past; too much that simply couldn't be erased by one right choice.
He'd sacrificed everything, maybe even his life, for Calleigh today, but it had come far too late. And there was nothing that tore at his bruised and battered heart more than knowing that he had driven their relationship too far into the ground to be saved. He'd seen it in her eyes today; heard it in her voice. Jake had single-handedly broken her heart too many times, and now he was finally feeling the extent of that heartache, a pain far worse than any physical agony he'd ever been subjected to.
For the majority of the evening, Jake had hidden out at the precinct, knowing it was the only place he was really safe. The Crypt Kings had been looking for him as soon as he got out with the guns, and if they really wanted to find him, Jake knew it was only a matter of time. He'd waited until long after darkness fell to venture out, stealthily utilizing the city's taxi system, knowing that his car or his bike could be found. He'd had to abandon both.
Now, at a quarter past midnight, Jake stood outside his townhouse, knowing that after tonight, he would never be able to return here. He could only hope he had enough time to get in, grab what few personal possessions he would need, and get out again. And from there, he would disappear, hoping that the Kings would eventually leave Miami. After all, they did get bored when they stayed in one place for too long.
As he quietly made his way up the driveway, Jake froze in place a few steps away from his front step, feeling as a cold block of ice dropped into his stomach. It was the first time in months that he'd been back here, and all was just the way he'd left it…except for one crucial difference. Under the cover of darkness he could easily perceive the faint glow from his window, and as he realized what it could mean, the deepest kind of fear gripped him, drying his mouth, stopping his breath.
The light came from the overhead in the kitchen, Jake could tell immediately. It was the same light he always left on if he knew it would be past nightfall before he made it home. But today he hadn't left it on; as far as he knew, the light hadn't been on since the last time he left here, all those weeks, months ago. And yet, now it was the light that greeted him as he stood frozen outside.
There was only one possibility.
Had the Crypt Kings found him already? Were they inside, merely waiting for him to waltz through the door before they made their attack?
Or, a better question. Did he have anything to lose now if they were? If Jake were to slide his key in the lock and walk right into death's path, would he turn and run the other way or choose to meet it head on? Weighing the options, Jake knew immediately that death would be preferable to a lifetime of heartache, a lifetime of pure, guilt-filled regret.
A shaky hand he ran through his unruly hair, feeling what was left of his heart pounding erratically against his ribcage. Oxygen only came in short gasps, and despite all his efforts to stand tall and face what he deserved, Jake couldn't deny that he was honestly scared. He was frightened beyond anything he'd ever felt before, and for the first time, Jake had no idea what he could do at all.
With heavy steps, Jake began the long trek to the front door, clenching his fists to try and control his trembling. He felt the key in his right hand dig into his skin, but he didn't care about that. The physical pain was welcome, giving himself something else to concentrate on, lessening the amount of his mind he could spare for all other thought. Before he was fully ready, his key was in the slot and he was pushing the door open, tensing as he halfway expected an ambush, right then and there. For a moment, he simply held his breath, standing silently, his eyes darting wildly through the darkness.
When nothing came, he moved further inside, decisively not turning on any lights. He could see perfectly fine in the low light that streamed from the kitchen; lack of light wasn't what made him hesitate halfway there. It hit him as he stood around the corner, the very faintest aroma. He knew that scent, had breathed it in only that afternoon. It was soft vanilla, just the faintest hint of it, but enough to really make him wonder if he was imagining it or not.
Even so, he couldn't help but lower his guard as he stepped around the corner. His breath caught in his throat as he caught first glance of his intruder in the low light from above. Nothing about anything else in her posture gave her away, but the blonde locks that guarded her downturned face were unmistakable. She was perched on the edge of the nearest barstool, almost as though poised for flight at any moment. Her elbows rested on the counter, only the slimmest indication of defeat in the way she rested her chin in her hands. Had she even heard him come in?
Jake didn't move, however desperately he wanted to draw nearer to her. Instead, he called her name softly, watching as she slowly turned her head to him; watching every little flicker that flashed in her eyes. She murmured his name, just as quietly as he'd called hers. "Hey…" she whispered, and even though he was several feet away from her, he could tell her eyes were just a bit wider than usual.
Calleigh swallowed, attempting to alleviate the feeling of cotton that had accumulated in her mouth. Even though she was in his home, she couldn't deny that she was a little more than slightly surprised to see him. She hadn't prepared adequately enough to see him, if the sudden trembling in her fingers at the sight of him was any indication. At her sides, she clenched her hands, hoping to stop it, and with a deep breath, she rose to her feet, feeling her heart pounding erratically in her chest. She felt dizzy, weak; a feeling that left her feeling so out of control, so lost. "I – I wasn't sure you'd be back here…" she murmured, meeting his eyes steadily save for the occasional darting of her unreadable green eyes.
His keys slipped from his sweaty grasp, but Jake made no move to retrieve them. He was almost afraid to look away from her, for fear she was merely an illusion. "Why – what are you doing here?" He made no effort to conceal the quiet tremble in his words; it was a little too late to worry about allowing his secrets out into the open.
Five hours, Calleigh had been there. Waiting, wondering, wishing, playing the same game she'd played so many years before. By far, it was the shortest time she had waited like this for him, but Calleigh couldn't help but rank it up there as one of the most agonizing. She'd watched the sunset, watched the darkness fall around her numbed body and soul, consuming her, leaving her alone with no light to fight the shadows, the demons that haunted her.
It had been on mere impulse that she'd ended up here. She'd used his key to get in – the key he'd given her so long ago, but had never asked for back. As it hung on her keyring long after he'd disappeared, Calleigh couldn't ascertain why she had kept it, but never once had it crossed her mind to get rid of it, and it had proven useful just earlier in the evening. There was never any indication that Jake would be back here, that she would ever see him again after he'd walked away from her earlier. His cover blown, his life in danger…his home was probably the very last place to which he should return. And yet, still, she'd hoped…
And now he was here, right in front of her. A flurry of emotions crashed through her, each one vastly different than the one before. Worry, relief, regret, desire, anger…she had no control over any of it. She never had any control when it came to Jake, and the one time she thought she had, she'd ended up making a split-second decision, instead of thinking it through and realizing what she really wanted; what she was unwilling to live without. If the way she'd felt today as he walked away from her was any indication, Calleigh just could not move past him. He had taken possession of some part of her, some part that she would never get back; it was his forever.
The realization only made her want him even more. His inquest sailed straight over her head; her only concern was the words that had echoed through her ears with a chilling repetition, the words that had floated through his lips earlier with an almost nonchalant undertone. "If they find me, I'm dead."
Her voice as she spoke was just mere sighs above a whisper. "Are you safe here?" she asked, her feet carrying her another two steps toward him, hesitating only slightly before taking a third. "Won't they find you here?"
Jake shook his head, brushing off her concern for him. "You're the one who shouldn't be here," he murmured, shuddering as the thoughts of what could've happened swirled before his mind's eye. He wasn't stupid; he'd never associated his townhouse with his undercover alias. But now that the Crypt Kings knew he wasn't on their side, that he wasn't one of them…it was only a matter of time before they put all the pieces together. Like him, they weren't stupid either; they had their connections. They couldn't not know that he was a cop; it would surprise him if they hadn't already discovered his true identity. And once they discovered that he was Jake Berkeley, everything about him would be fair game. Address, phone number, his past…all of it would be opened up to them.
It wasn't safe for him to be here, but Jake would take that chance before he ever allowed Calleigh to be in that kind of danger. After all, he'd already risked his life once today; what was one more time? And besides, at one time he'd thrived on that kind of risk, but there was no way he could ever, ever justify Calleigh being in that kind of danger. "Calleigh, they know who you are, remember? The warehouse, with the Crypt Kings about two years ago? If they were to find you here now…"
Calleigh swallowed. It was a possibility not unknown to her; it had shrouded her in fear the very moment she'd opened the front door, yet it was not enough to turn her away. Jake had risked his life for her, and she'd turned him away. Maybe it was her turn to take the risk. For him.
Dangerous thinking, yes, but nothing was ever purely safe when it came to Jake Berkeley. "I don't care," she murmured, a wild light flickering through her eyes. "I needed…to see you."
Her words sparked a premature desire within him, and Jake did his best to force that away, knowing that her words could mean any number of things. It didn't necessarily mean she wanted to see him, and it sure didn't mean there was any hope that she had changed her mind. To hope for either of those would be little more than foolish. For all he knew, she just wanted to wish him a friendly be careful out there.
His eyes drifted momentarily to the clock on the wall, the late hour sparking another jolt of fear within him. "Calleigh," he murmured, his eyes dark with significance. Every second they spent here was a second that the Crypt Kings could be closer to finding him. Or Calleigh. "You should go home," he demanded quietly, hoping for once she wouldn't be her typical stubborn self, but somehow already knowing that hoping for that would do him little good.
Calleigh hesitated, wanting to take a step forward, but holding herself back. She allowed her eyes to travel over him, from his unruly, slightly tousled hair, to his deeply expressive dark brown eyes, to the stubble along his chin and cheeks, more abundant than it had been when last she'd seen him. But that was where she forced her eyes to stop their descent, knowing that letting her eyes go further would only make her want to feel his arms around her that much more. Instead, she held his eyes, though perhaps that was the more dangerous option after all. A slow, lingering shiver coursed through her body, beginning at the top of her spine and fanning downward and out, all the way to the tips of her fingers.
Shaking her head slightly, Calleigh reached for some semblance of control, some ability to stand her ground. "I know what I'm risking," she said steadily, licking her parched lips in an attempt to moisten them. It was the very same thing Jake had risked – life itself – and in her opinion, what she was risking it for was very much worth it. "I just…really need to say a few things to you…things that can't wait."
"You didn't say everything you needed to say this afternoon?" It was a low blow, and Jake knew it, but if getting her out of what he perceived as harm's way meant angering her, then so be it. If the Crypt Kings were to burst through his front door right now, Jake knew he would never be able to absolve his guilt if they in any way harmed Calleigh.
Calleigh averted her eyes, her teeth gently nibbling at her lower lip. "That's just it, Jake," she murmured. "What I said today…" she paused, feeling immediately as Jake took a step closer to her. Lifting her eyes once more, they locked again with his, and though a fair amount of distance remained between them, Calleigh couldn't help but feel the magnetic pull between them. The thoughts spiraling through her head just moments before scattered, finding themselves immediately replaced by thoughts of Jake caressing her face, kissing her cheek, her lips, her neck…
And suddenly her fingers itched, her lips tingled, and her entire body felt almost aflame. There was a reason she had come here; she'd needed to say the things she'd left unspoken as he walked away from her earlier. He needed to know what she'd been too frightened to say, too defiant to feel until he'd left her alone.
But as she stood before him now, her eyes locked upon his, it was gone. Her carefully crafted speech, all her declarations and reasons, all the words that had eluded her before…all of it died on her lips now, leaving her wordless once more. For five whole hours – more than that, really – she had agonized over what she would say to him, how she could possibly allow those silenced for too long words to fall from her lips now. A speech was exactly what it was; it was always easier to reveal her emotions when she rehearsed them beforehand.
Now, however, she had none of that. No ready-made speeches, no carefully rehearsed words, nothing in any logical realm of reason.
Now, raw emotion was all she had, ten years worth of raw, uninhibited emotion. It was the same emotion that had settled over her in waves as she realized he'd probably just walked away from her for the very last time; the same emotion that had filled her as he'd kissed her cheek with a kiss so gentle that no other feeling could possibly be construed from it.
It was a kiss goodbye. She'd laid her cards out on the table in complete honesty for the first time. And instead of fighting her, he'd let her go. For the first time, Calleigh had admitted without any sarcasm the depth of what his absences had done to her, and Jake had immediately let go of what he'd wanted for what Calleigh had thought she needed.
Again he'd walked away from her, but this time, it wasn't for himself. This time, he'd walked away for Calleigh.
But just like before, Calleigh found herself wishing he hadn't.
She had the chance, right now, to tell him that, but the only word that left her lips was a hoarse whisper of his name. And then, almost of their own volition, her feet were carrying her toward him, before her mind ever even had a chance to process the movement. Words still would not reach her lips, but words had since become archaic. They were worthless to convey what she needed to convey, but her body, her heart knew exactly what to do. What she needed was nothing that any amount of careful articulation could provide her. She needed him.
Calleigh's eyes remained unreadable, but as she moved toward him, Jake instinctively opened his arms to her, somehow knowing that was what she wanted. He whispered her name into the night, only barely having a chance to get it past his lips.
Before she even realized it, her arms were around his neck, frantically drawing him down to her level, almost as though it were the very last chance she had to touch him, to be in his arms, to simply be with him. There was no hesitation, no desire to think anything through before her lips crashed into his with a desperate sense of urgency, a need like she had never quite felt before. If she had surprised Jake, he made no indication of it – as soon as her mouth was connected to his, his lips were matching the urgency of hers. And as she felt his arms snake tightly around her body, Calleigh shivered, unable to deny the utter sense of completion that settled upon her. She wanted more, wanted that feeling to never fade, and she kissed him with such a deep sense of desperation, driven by the way he responded eagerly to her.
His arms held her tightly, almost to the point of discomfort but Calleigh didn't care about that. It wasn't hard to decide which was the better alternative – her body crushed against his body, or having him let her go. Her fingers tangled in his short locks, tugging at them as she pulled him ever closer to her, wanting more and more of him.
Frantically their lips met, an insatiable hunger coursing through the both of them as they kissed; hard, bruising, intensely desperate kisses. It was almost as though in that moment, nothing else mattered. Not Jake's decisions, past or present. Not Calleigh's difficulty in trusting him, past or present. Not the future which lay ahead. All that mattered was the feel of being in each other's arms, feeling the way their bodies just seemed to fit together.
Oxygen also mattered not; it served only as an obstacle, a need thrust between them to break them apart. In that respect it was nearly as bad as the trials that Calleigh knew lay ahead, and even though the burning in her lungs threatened to rip her chest apart, she broke away from Jake's lips only long enough to take one short, gulping breath. And then once more her mouth meshed with his, even more intensely than before to make up for the partial second that they had missed.
Her knees nearly gave out when he nibbled gently at her bottom lip, and Calleigh moaned softly as her entire world spun around her, leaving her dizzy and unable to do much else than hold onto him as tightly as she could. Before she even fully realized what was happening, Jake was spinning them, dizzying her even more until she felt the hard wall against her back, adding that extra amount of support to Calleigh's short-circuiting body. Her tongue snaked its way into his mouth, and as he gave a low moan of approval, Calleigh couldn't help but give one of her own, feeling once more her addiction to his unique taste grow.
His arms loosened only slightly as his touch descended along her body, before lifting her effortlessly from the ground with a low growl. Calleigh gasped softly against his mouth, instinctively wrapping her legs around his waist as she kissed him fervently, with every last feeling of lust, of need, of love that she had ever felt for him.
She had no chance to contemplate the gravity of her realizations, for she could concentrate on nothing more than the sheer desire in Jake's kiss as his mouth moved with hers, as his tongue battled with hers. He kissed her with the same hunger with which she kissed him; it stoked the fire within, and in that moment Calleigh knew her choice had been made not that afternoon, but long before that – no matter what words she forced herself to lend her voice to, somehow, there was a part of her that would forever wait for this man. If that something couldn't be silenced in ten years' time, it probably would never be silenced.
Vaguely she felt them moving, but Calleigh paid no attention to that. All her comprehension was given to the feelings that surged within her, feelings she had felt so many times before with Jake, but for the first time, she could truly put a name to what she was feeling – completeness.
His absence from her life all those years before, it was the same time that Calleigh had been searching for something, searching in all the wrong places. She'd wanted to find again what she'd already had and lost, but for the first time she finally realized there was a reason why she was unable to find it. These were feelings she could only feel with Jake. Jake completed her; he carried the matching half to her heart, her soul. And it had almost been far too late when she'd finally realized it. It had taken the utmost despair as he'd walked away from her earlier to make her realize that he was the one.
What would she do if the Crypt Kings were to find him? The prospect not only frightened her; it stopped her heart cold. She'd feared for him before, but this time, it hit her almost out of the blue; she had not the time to prepare for it. Right there in the lab, she'd found herself short of breath, staring through the glass at his retreating form, her eyes blurry, unfocused. The memory sent a cold shudder through her body, and Jake quickly responded to that, tightening his arms around her, if it was possible for him to hold her any closer to him.
It caught her completely by surprise when she felt her center of gravity shift, feeling her body slowly drift backward. It wasn't until she felt the familiar softness of his bed that she truly realized where they were. Her mind couldn't comprehend it; it seemed only seconds before that she had been in front of him, just outside the kitchen. She gave a deep shiver as her head fell softly upon his pillow, and suddenly she felt herself so inundated with his scent. It washed over her in waves, calming the fears within, soothing the ache in her heart. No longer necessary to hold onto him, Calleigh let her hands roam upward and into his hair, her fingers threading tightly into the unruly dark strands. Jake gave a low growl as she tugged at it, the sensation just enough on the wrong side of that line between pain and pleasure that it forced him back into reality, the reality he'd left behind as soon as she had kissed him.
Almost unable to not give in to her whimper of protest, Jake forced his lips away from hers, his eyes slowly fluttering open as he gazed down at her. He'd been all but unaware that he'd been carrying her here, and he couldn't help but find himself slightly surprised to see her gazing back at him, her tousled blonde locks spread over his pillows. He'd been so lost in her that he hadn't realized the disheveled disarray their clothing had become; he certainly hadn't realized until now that some pieces had gone missing, probably discarded somewhere on the stairs. He murmured her name softly, and as he watched her tongue flick at her swollen lips, it was all he could do to hold onto his control for just long enough, especially with her trying to tug him back down to her.
With a deep breath, Jake reached behind his neck, gently extricating her hands from his hair. "Calleigh…" he murmured, lacing his fingers with hers. His gaze never leaving hers, he slowly lifted one hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to each of her knuckles.
Calleigh felt her spine tingle as his stubble brushed against her skin. She could easily hear the question in his voice, see it in his eyes, but her body, her very soul was crying out for him, wanting him in a way she'd never wanted anyone else. With careful motions, she extricated her hands from his and placed them back at his hips, sliding them upward until she reached the bottom of his shirt. Her eyes never straying from his, Calleigh bunched the fabric in her hands and slowly she pulled the fabric upward, making sure her hands brushed against his bare skin. With a little help from him, she pulled the fabric up and over his head, letting it fall to the ground below. "Jake…" she murmured, running her hands along his back, feeling his muscles ripple beneath her touch.
Without a word, Jake lowered his head, pressing a series of tender, gentle kisses to Calleigh's jawline, following a trail upward to the sensitive spot just below her ear. As soon as Jake's lips brushed over that spot, Calleigh found herself in heaven. She whimpered as his lips teased it again and again, and as one hand slowly slipped beneath her top and caressed the silky skin beneath, Calleigh squirmed beneath him, his name and a whispered plea on her lips.
It was all too much for Jake. The moment itself, the intoxicating scents and tastes that were so uniquely Calleigh, the way her body squirmed beneath him, the way her body seemed to fit perfectly against his own...plus the urgency, the underlying fear that colored the moment – it was just too much. His lips at her ear, his breath tickled her skin as he breathed the words he'd known to always be true. They were low, soft, almost hidden within his breath, but they were undeniably, unmistakably there.
"God, I love you…"
With that, there were no more words, no more questions. The words, silenced for so long, had awoken something deep within Calleigh, something that increased her need for him at least tenfold; something that had her kissing him just a little bit deeper, holding him just a little bit tighter.
It wasn't long before the final barriers that separated them were gone, leaving them fully exposed, fully open to each other. As he gazed deep into her eyes, Jake slowly and skillfully made love to her, letting the earlier frantic, needy pace completely fall away as he took his time to rediscover every last inch of her body with the caress of his fingertips, with the gentle brush of his lips. He had never, ever found any sensation like that of being so intimately one with this woman, and even with such a dark shadow hanging over them, Jake couldn't help but give himself completely over to that sensation, that feeling of completeness.
The greatest high, though, by far came as he gazed into her eyes, seeing and knowing that Calleigh was feeling the same rush of emotion; the exact, same rush. It was a feeling that persisted long after they had caught their breath, long after their heated bodies had cooled once more. They'd fallen easily back into old comforts; Jake on his back, his arms around Calleigh as she lay snuggled at his side, her head resting in the crook of his neck, one arm tossed lazily over his abdomen.
A certain tranquility had fallen over them, and suddenly, there was nothing else that mattered outside of that moment, outside of each other's arms. For awhile, there was nothing but silence, the night filled with the soft cadence of gentle breaths inside, and the quiet chirp of crickets outside. Slowly, though, Calleigh found her original reasons for being there creeping back into her mind. She hadn't come for this, as nice as it was. She hadn't come here to let him dissolve her control so easily once again, like he always did. What she'd come here for, she'd yet to accomplish.
"I came here to talk to you, you know," Calleigh murmured, her soft voice breaking Jake from his trance. A feeling of trepidation rose up within him; he knew Calleigh, and he knew how quickly her moods could shift. She'd been the one to kiss him in the beginning, but what if now she regretted that? What if this was a mistake?
Jake didn't quite know how to reply to her; he wasn't even sure if she expected a response to that. Calleigh shifted against him, and instinctively Jake tightened his arms around her, afraid she was going to slip away again. Instead, she merely pressed herself closer to him, breathing his scent in as she grasped for the strength to continue. "I felt bad about the way we – the way I left things with us, today," she began, the slightest tremble audible in her voice. For a moment she closed her eyes, allowing herself to gather her thoughts. "I knew it wasn't safe to come here, and I knew there was a possibility you wouldn't even show up because of that, but I – I had to come. I had to…wait for you."
She hesitated, and almost as though he sensed her need for comfort, Jake softly pressed a kiss into her tousled locks as his fingers began tracing a soothing pattern over the soft skin of her back. Calleigh gave a slow smile, grateful for that. "I'd been sitting at your kitchen counter since a little after nine. The two hours before that, I spent pacing through your living room, watching the sun get lower and lower before it was finally gone. I knew that the later it got, the less the chance you would be here, and the better chance that – they would be here. But…I stayed." A rueful chuckle escaped from her lips, and instinctively she burrowed her face against him, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I came here to talk. I put together this whole thing – all these things I needed to say to you, and yet, look at us…"
Biting at his lip, Jake fought back the wave of despair that threatened to swallow him – he'd already been through that enough for one day…the fact that technically it was already a new day notwithstanding. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, the words like sandpaper as they left his mouth. "Maybe I –"
"No," Calleigh interrupted, shaking her head. "You don't get it…"
She was right about that. Jake was thoroughly confused. There was no telling exactly what she was getting at; sometimes, he was so damn good at reading her, but other times, she might as well be an unsolvable enigma to him. "No, I don't," he sighed, staring up at the dark ceiling above. For a moment, he couldn't help but let his mind wander; how much time did they possibly have just to spend together like this? The Crypt Kings had to know who he was and where he lived by now. Selfishly, he never wanted to move from this position, but for Calleigh's sake, he knew he had to let her go eventually. For now, though, he pushed that from his mind; clearly Calleigh was unsettled about…something. What, however, remained a mystery to him. "Care to fill me in?" he asked after a moment of silence had passed.
"I…" Calleigh had never tried to tell herself the words would be easy to say. It was why she had spent all that time trying to organize her thoughts, even if it was all for naught. "Don't you see what the problem is, Jake?" she shifted gears, for what purpose, she knew not. "Don't you see?"
"I can't read your mind, Calleigh," Jake pointed out quietly, hoping the words were not condescending to her ears; it was the last thing he intended.
Calleigh exhaled deeply, fighting back the urge to lift her head, to look into his dark, comforting eyes. "I wanted to talk to you," she repeated, unable to control the sudden movement of her right hand. She rested it upon his chest, right over his heart. The steady beat was comforting to her, as was the warmth of his body. "As soon as you walked through that door…as soon as I saw you, I lost it all. Everything I wanted to say to you…it just left me."
Jake didn't reply, and Calleigh closed her eyes, almost certain her words were not making any sense to him. "I don't know, Jake," she murmured, a low groan of frustration in her words. "I was…afraid, today," she admitted, the hand on his chest now drawing irregular patterns over his skin. "You've never just given up like that. You fight. But today, you gave up and walked away from me without another word."
"You basically told me to," Jake reminded her quietly, making no attempt to hide his own pain.
It was a moment before Calleigh spoke again, allowing his words to permeate the air, to echo in her ears. "I know," she whispered, so quietly that Jake barely even heard. "And it wasn't – it's not what I want." She paused, swallowing the growing lump in her throat, surprised at the wave of emotion that taunted her. "I had everything I wanted to say to you tonight memorized, but as soon as I saw you…I just wanted you. I think it's kind of always been that way, and tonight…I just wasn't strong enough to fight it. I was so relieved to see you again, and I just…wanted to be with you."
She didn't add it to her admission, but deep down, Calleigh knew that it always had, and probably always would be that way. Jake had always affected her like none other; what he did to her was unreal. Just by standing in front of her, he'd made every one of her carefully chosen words dissolve, replaced only by the desperate need to be in his arms, to feel his lips move against hers. He turned her world completely upside-down, and in the process she'd had the truest desire of her heart revealed to her. Jake Berkeley had never really been the silly little crush she'd thought he was during those first few months of the academy. He'd always been far more than that – he was meant to be her forever, her predestined soulmate. It was the crucial fact she had been blind to until it had almost been too late.
It was the deepest confession that Jake had ever heard her give. It floored him, honestly astounded him. He opened his mouth, though he was at a loss for words; what could he say to that? "Calleigh…" he murmured, and once more he kissed the top of her head, allowing his lips to linger as he breathed her in.
"I want to ask you something," she said suddenly, feeling a bit exposed in the wake of such a deep confession. She pursed her lips, her eyes affixed on the circles her fingers drew over Jake's chest. A closer inspection of those circles stunned her slightly, though she couldn't help but smile at the realization. She wasn't really drawing circles at all on his skin, but small hearts. Finding herself further relaxed, Calleigh found the strength once more to continue. "It's something I've been wondering all day."
A few quiet seconds passed by, and Jake gently prompted her. "What is it, beautiful?"
The endearment melted her, perhaps more so than it ever had. Her smile did fade, though, as the gravity of her inquiry fell once more upon her. "I just wondered…why? Why now?"
Her question needed no exposition, and Jake swallowed heavily, knowing he didn't have a good enough answer for that. "I don't have an excuse for the past," he murmured, eyes once more to the ceiling. "I just know that, being away from you for these past couple of months…it has never hurt like that before." At his words, Calleigh lifted her head, gazing at him in stunned silence as he spoke more emotionally than she'd ever heard before. "The way we left things before…I never got a chance to make that up to you, and I wasn't sure I ever would. I never got to tell you that I was going under again; it all just happened so fast.
"I never stopped caring about you, if that's what you ever thought. Not this time, not ten years before; not ever. I thought about you, every single day I was out there; every minute of every day. I couldn't focus on anything but you. And…" Jake paused, unsure of the best way to word his confessions. Truth was, it had killed him to leave her like he had, without a word, without any indication that he even cared.
She held his gaze, her emerald eyes fixed upon his dark, troubled ones. "And what?" she coaxed gently, lacing her fingers with his. Her heart pounded in anticipation, just waiting for the words she desperately wanted to hear, yet dreading the ones she knew would break her. She wasn't fully sure what she could expect.
Jake sighed, turning his gaze momentarily to their joined fingers. "I did what I did today, for you, because it's what I should've been doing all along. It should've always been you." He hesitated for a long moment before he continued. "It's why I didn't fight for you today," he whispered, his words almost lost to the night. "I didn't want to hurt you anymore. Didn't want you to worry, to wonder, to wait…you're right, you've waited long enough. I never – I never had the right to ask you to wait any longer. It was…it was selfish."
For a moment, she allowed his words to sink in, mixing in her mind with the repeating echo of his earlier whispered confession. "You know," she murmured softly, pausing for only a second. "I don't think it matters."
"What?" Jake asked, slightly confused.
"I don't even think it matters," Calleigh repeated, slowly lifting a shaky hand to his face, her soft fingertips grazing against his stubble, shivering again as she could all but feel it tickling the skin of her throat as he laved kisses there not too long before. "The fact that you asked me to wait for you this time. I just…" she continued, cupping his cheek fully. "Selfish or not, it doesn't matter; I think in the end you would've gotten the same result whether you'd asked me to or not." She paused for a moment, a slight smile on her lips as she allowed Jake to take in her words. "I can't say no to you, Jake, and when I try to…it just doesn't work."
Slowly, Jake lifted his own hand, gently covering her smaller hand at his cheek. He parted her fingers with his own, threading between them and locking their hands together. "What are you saying?" he breathed, his mouth dry with anticipation.
For the shortest moment, Calleigh looked away, a sheepish smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I didn't even know you were gone before; I didn't know if you would be back, or if you were gone for good. I had no reason to believe I would ever see you again, especially with…with how we left things. I made some, uh, pretty harsh accusations before you left."
She bit her lip, and Jake could see the pain, the regret in her eyes. Reaching out, he gently tilted her chin upward, cupping her face, smiling softly as she leaned into his touch. "It's okay," he murmured, though immediately Calleigh shook her head.
"I waited for you for months, Jake," she continued, moving forward. "You might've been gone for good, and still I would've waited." She let out a shaky breath, trying desperately to steady herself. "Today, when you asked me…I told myself no. It had to be over; it wasn't healthy and I had to let go. But as soon as you walked away from me…" She swallowed, searching desperately for the words to tell him how she felt, how she had always felt. "I don't think I could ever not wait for you," she breathed, the emotion plain in her words.
His eyes were guarded, though his heart was elated at her words. Did she realize what she was saying, though? He couldn't help but wonder. And she had told him no before. "What if…" he began, his mouth dry. "What if I can't see you for a year? Year and a half, two maybe? There's no telling –"
He was cut off midsentence as Calleigh shifted upward, bringing their lips together once more. It was a soft, lingering kiss, with none of the urgency, none of the rush from before. Even so, it felt as though it was over far too soon, and as Jake opened his eyes, he gazed straight into Calleigh's emerald ones as her face hovered just above his, her silky blonde locks falling in a vanilla curtain around them, hiding them away from the world outside. He could feel her breath, warm against his face as the words he wanted to hear so badly earlier fell from her lips. "I'll wait for you."
Lifting a hand, Jake gently caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Then I'll come back to you; I promise," he whispered, such resolve in his voice that Calleigh had no choice but to believe those words, as well as the ones he'd murmured earlier.
"I believe you." Lowering her head, she pressed the softest of kisses against his lips, once, twice, and again. As her lips lingered against his, she pulled back only far enough to speak, to breathe out three small words, words that had never before belonged to anyone else. "I…I love you..."
And in her heart, she knew there was no greater truth. She loved him; always had, always would, despite his flaws, despite mistakes made. Maybe she even loved him more because of all that.
Calleigh knew that the coming months would be some of the most difficult she ever had to live through. She knew she would worry; she knew she wonder, maybe even entertain a sliver of doubt here and there. But above all, she knew that he would be taking her heart with him, and leaving his with her, just like he had done more than ten years before. In that respect, nothing had changed.
Before the first light of dawn rose over the horizon, they would part ways once more, neither knowing when they would see the other again. It might be weeks, perhaps months, maybe years before Calleigh would ever feel the comfort, the warmth of Jake's arms again; before she would ever gaze deep into his eyes, or softly kiss his lips again. She knew at times the pain, the loneliness would be unbearable; the nights endless and cold. But above and beyond all that, Calleigh would hold onto the promise he'd made her, the one truth that would carry her through.
He would come home to her.
And she would be waiting.