Shatter
The raindrops fell from the thick clouds above like fat tear drops. I thought back , how I'd been such a fool. How easy it had been, how blissful it all was; but in the end how it only made it hurt all that much worse.
I tilted my head till my tears mixed with the cold rain, that had already soaked me to the bone. I could not help but wonder how it felt from the other end. How it felt to be the one delivering he pain. Did she feel the some hysterical warmth of embarrassment and humiliation an extreme mixture of disbelief and fury? Did she even have second thoughts, as she watched our friendship shatter on her word. After two years in the making. Two years of trusts and truths, of ups and downs; or was all of that one sided?
Maybe she'd known from the start, even then that our friendship was knee deep. A shallow empty exchange of one sided trust.
Things began to add up though, and I began to catch on. The unanswered phone calls, how all I'd ever hear was the empty ringing on the other end a lonely all to repetitive message; "I'll get back to you as soon as possible". Soon never came; not for me, not from her.
But she'd answer our other friends phone calls. She'd ignored me, she was ignoring me. And the only part that didn't make sense, that didn't fit, that didn't just click was Why?
When confronted she spun up an honest empty apology. But at the time, in desperation to be wrong I believed her. There were moments of doubt, moments where her explanation didn't add up. I wasn't going to push it though, I wasn't going to accuse her of lying to me. I wasn't like that.
But soon enough the doubts added up and things were brought to light. I finally saw who she was, who she'd been all along. A stranger. And like every stranger she could be anybody. Anybody in the world right now. But there was one thing she could not be, not ever; my friend. She had the chance and some chances only come once.
Thursday
I glanced outside the window of the bus, looking at the overcast sky with clouds just waiting to burst with rain. The weather was horrible, but it mirrored how I felt right now. I brought up my hand to push my orange bangs out of my eyes. I sighed, lately things had been spiraling downwards. I had to find out on the weekend of my birthday that my friend of two years hadn't really been my friend. Nice way to celebrate the bridge to adulthood. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was one of those friends you had no doubt in your mind would never ever stab you in the back. I really had thought I'd known that.
I noticed I'd reached my stop, and picked up my bag. Another great day at Ridgewoods High. I stepped out of the bus and headed to my doom. Drama? Maybe, but that's sure what it felt like since Leslie spread the rumors around. About how horrible I was, how I'd gotten with her ex, how I'd tried to spread rumors about her. The problem was not that I did it, but that everyone believed I did. Except Aubrey and Luke, they'd both known me since childhood and they knew I didn't stoop that low.
I reached my locker and began to do my combo, and as was becoming normal, I could hear the whispers. Whore, slut, backstabber, lowlife. At first I'd been torn, I'd even cried myself to sleep. But after two weeks the hurt turned into anger. I could still see Leslie wearing her neatly torn jeans and graphic tees, smiling with her vibrant blue eyes, her usual ponytail swinging. And the worst part was how she didn't seem to have an ounce of regret for what she'd done to me.
"Under the weather?"
I glanced up to see Luke, giving me a slightly sympathetic look of understanding.
"Yea," I said smiling lightly, leave it to Luke to be there when you need him.
"So what are you doing?" Luke said, looking into my locker. He whistled lowly, as his eyes critiqued the wreck. "Why didn't you tell me you were one of the victims of hurricane Katrina?"
At this I laughed, "Oh come on, its not that bad."
"Pretty darn close." Luke said as he continued to look at my locker, I could tell he was already thinking about how to organize it. He was the neatest guy I knew, honestly if he came to school without his hair brushed and his clothes perfect it probably meant the world was coming to an end.
I sighed, "Well, whatever. You know why it's like that."
Luke gave me a look of agreement, and then gave my arm a gentle squeeze, "Cassie, it's gonna get better. Just give it time."
I nodded, feeling a knot forming in my chest as I thought of Leslie again.
"So when are we gonna clean this?" Luke said, jabbing his thumb towards my locker.
"It doesn't need cleaning." I stated.
"This afternoon? Good, met you here right after school."
"Don't you have soccer practice?" I said, trying to get him to change his mind.
"Nope, we're having a game tomorrow, coach wants us to rest." Luke said, smiling "don't look so sad, you know you'll have fun. We can go for coffee or something afterwards."
"Okay, okay." I said putting my hands up, smiling even after he left. Luke had that effect on me; he could almost always make me feel better.
Afternoon
"Hey," Luke said as he came up to me at my locker.
"Hi." I said, staring at my locker with him.
"You really don't have to help with this." I said, feeling slightly humiliated for being such a slob.
"Yea, I don't. But I know that if I don't its not gonna get done. " At this Luke gave me a teasing smile.
"You are so full of it." I said, giving him a look trying my hardest not to smile.
"But you know you like it." Luke said, wiggling his eyebrows. I could never get over how funny that was and cracked up.
"Okay neat freak, where do we start?" I asked.
"Neat freak? You know maybe I don't want to help you. And if I'm a neat freak does that make you a slob?" Luke asked, acting as hurt as he could.
"No it doesn't, I like to think it makes me…unique." I said.
"Unique?" Luke practically scoffed, but I knew he was joking.
"Yea, you know sorta like how when you're a kid your mom tells you that your special?"
Luke laughed and smiled at me, "Okay, come on lets start cleaning. I'm already ready to get some food."
"Your always ready to get some food." I said, laughing.
Twenty minutes, two mochas, and two sub sandwiches later; Luke and I were sitting at a bench in the park near his house. The weather was beginning to get colder, and the breeze nipped coldly at my face.
"Do you remember that time when you broke your arm cause I threw you off the jungle gym?" I asked as I nibbled on my turkey sub.
"Yea I hated you till I realized a broken bone was the coolest thing ever," Luke said, smiling at how childish he'd been.
"Yea, sorry about that." I said, still laughing.
"It's okay. I mean I got even with you that time I broke your mom's favorite platter and blamed you." Luke said.
"You know she still thinks it was me."
"Really?"
"Yea I'm not even joking. At dinner the other night she brought it up."
"No way. That was like 7 years ago."
"I know," I said laughing. My mom had a problem letting things go.
We sat in silence, eating our food and sipping our mochas.
"Your coming to my game tomorrow right?"
"I always do. I'm your number one fan remember?"
Luke gave me a smile, "Good."
"Who you playing?"
"Polton."
"Ooooh." I said, Polton high school was Ridgewoods rival school and competition was fierce.
"Yea I'm stoked." Luke said, his brown eyes shinning with determination.
"Is Leslie gonna be there?"
"Yea, I think so isn't she still dating Jesse?"
"Dunno," I said, Jess was Polton's soccer team captian.
"Hey, don't look so sad. Your better than that." Luke said soothingly.
I nodded avoiding eye contact.
"Really, you are. Leslie wasn't even good enough to be your friend." Luke continued, trying to make eye contact.
I stared stubbornly at my Mocha
"Cass, look at me."
I turned my head slowly and looked into his deep brown eyes.
"What are you thinking?"
At first I didn't say anything. But the I saw something in Luke's eyes that I almost never saw. Concern.
I caved.
"I don't know… What if it was the other way around?"
I could tell Luke didn't really get what I meant but he stayed quiet and waited.
"What if I wasn't good enough for her?"
"It wasn't the other way around. Your not the one who dumped a friend and spread rumors around about them. That's low, she wasn't, isn't good enough for you." Luke said firmly.
"What if she had a reason? A good one, that I just can't figure out?"
"No reason can justify what she did to you. You've got to know that, you've got to believe that."
I nodded looking away from Luke's concerned gaze.
"Look at me."
I did, even though I knew I shouldn't.
"You know that right?" Luke asked seriously.
"Yea, but…"
"No buts. Cass if somebody doesn't want to be your friend and does shit like that, they're not good enough for you."
"Okay, okay." I said.
"Cass?"
"Yea?"
"You don't sound convinced." Luke stated.
"I just don't understand why else, like what reason-"
"Sometimes people don't need a reason."
I nodded, running things over in my head. Looking back at our promises, our trusts, our truths.
"Your still not convinced." Luke said sighing.
I just stared at my half eaten sub and picked at the crisp lettuce.
"What can I do to convince you?" Luke asked earnestly.
I paused for a moment. I almost said nothing, but decided not to ruin Luke's sunshine attitude.
"Beat Polton at the game."
"You've got a deal." Luke said, grinning confidently.
Friday: Polton game
The bleachers began to fill with people as me and Aubrey sat near the front with red T-shirts with white fabric paint stating GO RIDGEWOODS BOY'S SOCCER!! I'd told Luke I was his favorite fan why not go all out?
I spotted Luke warming up in his red and white jersey, rather than his normal casual bleached jeans and a T-shirt. I smiled lightly.
He spotted me and Aubrey in the bleachers and waved, giving us a big smile. He jogged up to coach and asked him something he nodded a couple times and affirmed something. Next thing I knew Luke was running over to us.
"Hey." He said, a bit breathlessly.
"Hey," I said smiling, already hyped up with school spirit. "So you gonna win this game?"
"I already told you, it's done." Luke said all confidence.
"Okay okay, then get out and help you team." I said shooing him away with my hands.
He laughed and nodded, before jogging back to his team.
Aubrey gave me an eyebrow raise, and looked back and forth between me and Luke.
It was a subtle hint, but I got it. I rolled my eyes at her sighing, she was convinced me and Luke were soul mates or something. But that was obviously not the case, we were just friends. It was basic and simple, nothing more.
We stopped our silent argument as the cheer team started to cheer and dance in their incredibly, not in a positive way, short skirts and showy tops. The band began thrumming out the school song. The noise filled the stadium with positive energy and school spirit, I could feel the noise from the bottom of my feet pounding to my ears. I immediately felt involved, like I was also a big part of winning this game.
The game began, the team spreading out and getting ready. I watched the ball get tossed in the air at the mid point and come down. Then all hell broke loose, there was a frenzy till Jesse got the ball and sprinted down the field.
I could see everyone spreading out and running the same way, I spotted Luke near Jesse. Running closer and closer to him by the second, till he was right next to him; he went in for the steal. But Jesse passed it to one of his teammates, who promptly kicked the ball into the goal.
I sighed, 1-0.
Ricky, the goalie, did a good flip to toss the ball into the field getting it right to Adrian. He caught it with his chest and took it towards Polton's goal. I stood up in the bleachers, as did others. I watched as Adrian ran down the field passing up five people, he almost lost the ball to one of the Polton players, but passed it to Lee. He gave it a nearly perfect kick, but the goalie deflected it with the tip of his fingers.
The crowd let out a groan and sat back down.
The teams went back and forth across the field, taking shots at each other's goals; missing by inches. It was getting intense, but nobody had scored since Polton. It was nearly the second half of the game, and sometimes 1-0 was enough to win, especially if one team could hold out till the end.
I watched as Ridgewoods ran back toward Polton's goal for the hundredth time that night. Adrian passed Luke the ball with a precise side pass. Luke caught the ball with his inner foot, and took it past two players. It was almost unreal, he had a perfect shot the goal was close enough for this to go perfectly. I sucked in a breath, anticipating.
Luke delivered a perfect shot, now it was just up to the goalie. The ball soared toward the higher left corner of the goal, Ricky tried to get it but missed by hardly anything. The crowd broke out in applause. Luke ran over to Adrian and did a tummy slam, jumping in the air.
I almost broke out laughing, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
The game was coming to an end though, and it was tie. I knew Luke hated shoot outs, or overtime. So that meant he was going to try to get this last point and win, within the next half hour.
During the last 10 minutes, Luke ran with the ball past five Polton guys and aimed for the goal, everyone gasped because he was too far to make the goal; and everyone knew it.
But then he passed to to Jacob. Who took the ball, closing in on the goal. Then he took a shot, it was nearly flawless; but Ricky got it with his head, sending it straight out of his goal.
Luke was backing up trying to regain control over the play, when suddenly he began running faster, then before anybody knew what he was doing; he did a bicycle kick. And he made the goal. No more goals were made for the rest of the game, meaning the Ridgewoods had won.
I ran out of the bleachers to go and congratulate them. Luke met me in the middle, grinning from ear to ear. We hugged each other, Luke spinning me in a circle as I laughed.
"Told you I'd win." He whispered in my ear, once he set my feet back down on the ground.
A few weeks later
Saturday
I slipped on my long brown sweater, it was a loose knit more for looks than for warmth. I tied the bow on my brown and black boots, when my phone began to ring.
I walked over to my drawers and picked it up my phone. Luke.
"Hey." I said answering, as I grabbed a scarf out of my pile of clothes at the bottom of my closet.
"Hey" Luke replied.
"You sick?" I asked after realizing he sounded a little off.
"Uhh, no."
"Ooh okay, sorry you sounded a little off. " I said, laughing a little "So what's up?"
"Not much, I was just wondering if you had a minute."
"Yeah sure."
Silence.
"Luke?"
"Yea?"
"Ooh sorry, I thought the line cut off. You were saying?"
"Can you met me at the park?"
"Is something wrong?" I said a little worried.
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, everything is fine."
"Okay, I'll be there in a minute." I said hanging up and heading out, I was suppose to met Aubrey to go bowling, but I could spare a few minutes.
The walk wasn't long, but I was freezing by the time I got there. I found Luke sitting on one of the swings, his shoulders slightly hunched over.
"Hey," I said sitting down on the swing next to him.
"Hey," Luke said, and smiled at me.
"You wanna spill already? Your making me worried."
"I told you nothings wrong."
"Okay, fine I still want to know."
"Okay…Well it's just that- I've been thinking a lot." He paused to take a breath, I knew he had more to say and I just had to wait.
"And I wanted to ask you…."
"Ask me?" I said.
"Well it's just, Cass, your not like other girls."
"You wanted to ask me why I'm not like other girls….?" I asked after a moment.
"No. It's just your special." Jacob said, giving me a smile, then staring at the snow flakes falling from the sky.
My heart beat faster for a moment, then returned nearly to normal.
"I wanted to know if you'd like to go to dinner with me sometime. If you'd like to try to be more than friends." Luke said at last, at this point he pulled out a white rose from his lettermen jacket and handed it to me almost in slow motion.
At first I didn't say anything, my heart was pounding so fast I could hear my blood pulsing. I was speechless. I took the rose slowly, and twirled it slowly in my frozen hands.
"It's okay if you don't want to." He stood up, " see you around."
I let him take a few steps, I didn't know how I felt about him being more than a friend. I'd seen him as a friend for so long, for 17 long years. I wasn't sure how to feel.
"Luke! Wait!" I called out, running after him. I caught up to him after a moment.
He turned to me, his hands in his jacket pockets. His cheeks a rosy color because of the cold, his lips more pink than usual.
"I, umm, thanks." I said, twirling the rose again. "I'm speechless…I just don't know how to feel about this. How to feel about you…"
"It's alright. Cass, I can take rejection. Just say no, and nothing ever happened."
"No. NO! I mean no I'm not gonna say no. A least not without thinking about it."
Luke gave me a confused look and waited for me to continue.
"Can I just have some time? To think?" I said after a moment.
"Yeah, sure. But if you don't want to give it a shot, that's fine. Just tell me okay?" Luke said.
I nodded a lump forming in my throat, why'd he have to be so nice? Didn't he have some kind of flaw? I nodded "Okay."
"Alright cool." Luke was still acting a little off, which I realized was because he was nervous and I felt a pang of guilt, but I really did need some time to think.
"Thanks." I said, nodding again. I took a step toward him and gave him a hug, and stayed there for a moment. "No matter what happens, we're going to be okay, right?"
"Yeah, of course."
Sunday
I was on the doorstep of Luke house, about to knock. I was going to say yes. Yes I'd like to try to be more than friends.
Aubrey gave me a pep talk about how giving it a shot couldn't hurt and how I was obviously into him; which was not true. Regardless I did take her advice, because it was true. And I knew better than anyone that sometimes chances only came once, and maybe this was the one chance I had to take up on. I knew I already had feelings for Luke, I just never took the time to define them in my heart.
I reached my hand to the doorbell, when the door opened revealing Luke.
"Oooh, uh, hey." I managed.
"Hey, whats up?"
"Uh…I want to give it a shot."
"Wha…?"
"I want to try to be more than friends," I managed after a full moment of silence, I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and burn like ember.
Luke smiled, "Can we start trying now?"
At first I didn't get what he meant till his lips slowly met mine, softly and gently. I could feel my cheeks getting even brighter and warmer, if that was even possible. When he pulled away, I was smiling and breathless.
"We can try all the time." I declared, pulling him back to me with my hand on the back of his neck.
I felt for the first time in a long time, peace. Serenity. Calm. Sometimes things can be broken so badly that they won't ever be fixed, but that didn't mean that things couldn't be better around it, that that broken part of your life could become something less important. It's not that what had happened with me and Leslie didn't matter, it was just that right now it wasn't about her. It was just about me and Luke, here and now, love and lust.
Remember u Review
This for the time being is just a one shot, but if you all want it to be longer give me some input and I will try to see if I can make long version. It is only short because it was class assignment. :D