Starting Up Again, a glee fanfic

This fic has been eating away at me for days and it just wouldn't go away. The song that is mentioned is my favorite Christmas song, and I thought it was perfect for what Finn and Rachel were going through right now. It was my inspiration.

I want to thank tjcrowfoot for being my beta and also to my Skype ladies. You know I love you!

Disclaimer: Glee is owned by Ryan Murphy and Co. This is merely just for fun. Finn and Rachel would still be together if I was writing this show. I Don't Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You is property of Nsync and their affiliates.

Enjoy!

Christmas is supposed to be the time of cheer and laughter, but Finn doesn't really feel like doing either. If he had it his way, he would stay locked away in his room until school started again. He's barely slept a full night's sleep since she did that to him. When he does sleep, all he can see is her beautiful, pleading face, wishing for him to forgive her, and he can't take that. He can't forgive her. Not right now. Not when the wound is still freshly open. He wants to so badly. He would give anything to wrap her in his arms and kiss her until he can't breathe. But he can't. Not when she hurt him like this. He closed his eyes tight, willing the tears away.

He sighs and swings his legs over the side of the bed and stares out his bedroom window. The snow is falling lightly from the sky and covers his front yard in sheets. How he wishes she was here to share this moment with him. He would light a fire downstairs and they would cuddle with a blanket and hold each other tight as the snow would fall to the ground from the living room window. Christmas music would be playing softly in the background and he would steal a few kisses, maybe more. He needs to get out of the house. Everywhere he looks he wis surrounded by her and memories of her. He is suffocating and he needs air.

He puts on his coat and boots and trudges downstairs where Burt and Carole are cuddled up on the sofa, watching It's A Wonderful Life.

"Hi honey, where are you going?" His mother asks him.

"I, ummm. I'm going to go get something to eat. I'm kind of hungry." Carole's face sets into a frown.

"Honey, we had dinner over an hour ago and you barely ate anything. There's some leftovers in the fridge if you want those. I really don't want you driving in this weather." She says, concerned.

Finn has to think quick to make up an excuse. "Well, ummm, Artie just called me and they're having some kind of Glee Christmas get-together at his place and they're gonna have food there." He smiles a little, proud of himself.

"Well, okay, but be careful. The snow is really coming down out there." She turnes around towards the TVand snuggles closer to Burt.

"I will mom." He grabs his keys from the hook on the wall and walks outside to his car. He shivers at the sudden change of temperature and walks quickly to the driver's side door.

He rubs his hands together to warm his frozen fingers. He starts the car and turns the heat on, but gives it a moment to warm up before he eases out of the driveway.

He has no idea where he is going but he doesn't care. He just needs to clear his head. He knows that he screwed up by not telling her about Santana. He should have. He loves her and he wanted to be honest with her, but he didn't want to hurt her. Maybe he should have stood up for her when they all taunted and ridiculed her in the green room before Sectionals. Maybe, maybe, maybe. That's all there is. Maybe if they both did something or didn't do something, they wouldn't be in this situation. But the past did happen, and neither one of them can change it.

He sighs as he fumbles through the stations on the radio for something. Anything. He doesn't really care. It is just noise in the background in his life right now. Since she ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He shakes his head to force the thoughts away.

Are you missing someone this holiday season? Do you want to tell someone you love them but you can't?

Finn laughs sarcastically. "Sure, just make it sting more, lady."

Finn turns the radio down, drowning out the woman's voice. The last thing he wants to hear is a love song from some poor sap that is on business for Christmas and he misses his loving wife. You're a pussy, dude.

"Hello my dear! How are you tonight?"

"I'm not doing so well this evening, Sara"

The voice he hears coming from his speakers makes his eyes grow wide. He fumbles with the volume to make sure he isn't hearing things.

"I'm sorry to hear that dear. What's wrong?"

"I've done something absolutely horrible and I've probably lost the best thing in my life and it's entirely my fault. I've tried time and time again to apologize and tell him how sorry I am for what I did, but he won't listen. I love him so much and I miss him all the time. I'm Jewish and I don't celebrate Christmas, but I just don't want to spend it without him."

He knows it. He knows it's her. Finn can't believe it. He was in such a daze he didn't see the car in front of him until he hears the horn and he swerves to the side of the road. He starts breathing heavy from his near-death experience, but he can't get what just happened out of his head. Rachel had called into a radio station to request a song. He smiles a little. It's totally something she would do. He focuses his attention back to his radio.

"I'm sorry to hear that honey. I'll see if I can find a song that fits your current situation. Don't worry, if it's meant to be, true love will always find it's way back."

He hears her sniffle. "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

Finn is curious as to what song was chosen, so he turns his radio up louder. He doesn't recognize it as it starts to play.

This is the time of year, that we learn to give
And the greatest gift is learning to forgive
We will have the best that time we ever knew
If you forgive me and I forgive you

I don't want to light a fire
Unless it will warm your heart
I'm playin no holiday songs
I need you to sing your part
And baby if I could have just one wish come true
I don't wanna spend one more Christmas without you

It's so hard to believe
We're staring at the end
When all we think about is starting up again
Whatever we lost, when we were apart
We'll find it all alone in the dark

I don't wanna light a fire
Unless it will warm your heart
I'm playin no holiday songs
I need you to sing your part
And baby if I could have just one wish come true
I don't wanna spend one more Christmas without you

There's nothing more that I want from you
Then to lie here together
And stay here forever with you
There's no one I ever knew
That I wanted to spend Christmas with, more than you...

Finn tries to wrap his head around the song that just played. It was everything he felt at that moment. They were both hurt from each other's actions and they both wanted to be together.

He looks behind him to see if there are any cars coming, and backs out onto the main road. It's as if his car knows exactly where to go.

Ten minutes later he is sitting in his car staring at her house. He can see the light on in her bedroom and knows that she's awake.

He digs his phone out of his pocket and sends her a text message.

Hey.

He waits patiently for a response, if one ever comes. An instant later, she replies.

Hi.

He smiles a little and sends a response back.

I think you should come outside.

Finn. That is absolutely ridiculous. It's 20 below outside and I am in my pajamas. I am not going out in that horrendous weather.

He laughs to himself slightly. That's Rachel. Always stubborn. His thumbs move furiously over the keyboard.

Well, then can I come in? Because it's kind of cold.

He looks up at her window after he sends the message and waits for her to appear. A minute later he sees her pull the curtain back, and he waves slightly. She moves from the curtain as fast as she appeares and he frowns. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, he thinks to himself. As he 's about to turn his car on, a soft knock comes from his window.

He turns his head and gives her a lopsided grin. He opens the door and gets out and stands in front of her.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hi back." She replies with a soft smile.

"Look, Rach, I ah-" He rubs the back of his neck, trying to find the words to say. She smiles. He used her nickname.

"Why don't we go inside where it's warmer?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and dips her head as she makes her way to her house as Finn follows behind her.

She moves to the side and closes the door as Finn walks in behind her.

She rubs her hands over her arms to warm them up.

She looks up at him and into his eyes. "So, there was something that you wanted to tell me?" She asks softly as she searches his face. All she wants to do is lift herself on her tip toes and kiss him, but she knows she can't do that after everything that happened.

"I wanted to say that-that I was sorry, for everything. And, that um-that-" She's staring so intently at him and he just has to do it. Before he knows it, his lips are crashing against hers. He grips her waist tightly to him and she grips his shirt just as hard, neither one wanting to let go.

If it wasn't for lack of air, neither one of them would have pulled away. Finn presses his forehead against hers and she speaks softly. "I'm sorry too, Finn. So, so sorry."

He pulls away to look into her eyes. "I know you are, I just, I needed space and I was just so hurt and I knew that if I let you, I'd give in, and I just-I couldn't do that. I needed time. I also heard you on the radio and that song after? Really made me think." Her face fills with panic. He squeezes her to calm her down. "No, no. It was a good thing. It made me realize that I really don't want to be without you. I just, had to be away from you to see it."

"And now?" She asks him, hope lilting in her voice.

"And now?" He asks her, keeping her in a little suspense. "Now, we can start up again." He gives her his trademark half smile.

She gives him a watery smile in return. "I know that we still have a lot to work on, but I'm willing to do it. Together."

He nods his head and looks in her eyes. "Together."

"I love you so, so much Finn."

"I love you too, Rachel"