A/N: This was a gift-fic for the wonderful Caro, who requested some Christmas Feng/Lee.
Please R&R! xD
A Surprise in Every Box!
Lee Chaolan sighed anxiously, staring down at the watch on his right-wrist for at least the twentieth time on this night.
"Come on, come on, come on!" Lee cursed to himself, wondering what was taking a certain someone so long to arrive. The person Lee was expecting was already fourteen minutes late as it was, on this night of all nights! What was so special about this night?
It was Christmas Eve.
Then finally, a knock on the front door was heard...
Chaolan exhaled a small sigh of relief, ceasing his back-and-forth pacing in front of the colossal Christmas tree so that he could answer the door.
Upon reaching his destination, the Silver Devil glanced briefly through the peephole, before proceeding to unlock the door. Lee opened it, to see one of his secret lovers...
...Feng Wei.
"Well it's about damned well time," Lee scolded, stepping out of the way so that Feng could enter the large penthouse.
Feng rolled his eyes as he entered the living-room, wearing his velvety red tuxedo. "Is that any way to speak to me after I went through all of the trouble selecting the perfect present for you?"
Lee only sighed likewise, before shutting and relocking the door. "It's just that you never know when someone might show up unexpectedly. Or expectedly..."
The other Chinese man elicited a small grunt. "Kazuya, I take it. I honestly don't know why you bother with him. If that bastard's better for you than me, how come he's not spending Christmas Eve with you?"
"Oh he's probably screwing-around," Lee muttered, ambling his way over to the violet couch his penthouse was equipped with. "I swear, sometimes I think entering the Iron Fist is like signing-up to participate in a swinger's party."
Lee then sat down on the couch's cushioning, before Feng Wei sat down at Chaolan's side.
"Really? I never would've guessed it," Feng replied with small shrug, though he was... yeah, lying.
"Right..." Lee replied with notable sarcasm. "Anyway, let's get the celebration underway. First, we can unwrap our Christmas presents."
"Sure thing," Feng agreed, gathering the present he had bought for the other fighter into his grasp.
"I'll open yours last. I want to save the best, for last after all..." Lee sensually chuckled.
Feng grinned like Grinch.
Score!
He was so getting laid tonight.
Lee stood up, and walked his way to the fancy Christmas tree. Lee then sat sown on the carpeted floor, and rubbed the palms of his hands together. Hopefully, there'd be something good in each and every one of these unopened boxes.
Feng walked over to join Lee, and paused momentarily.
Feng blinked. "...Alright, who the hell are all of these from? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the names next to 'from' on a few of those tags are a bit familiar to me."
"They're just... acquaintances. I don't really know most of these competitors at all," Lee said in defense. "Now, let's see... Oh! This one here is from Hwoarang."
"Oh yes, him," Feng remarked, sitting down next to the Silver Devil. "The guy with the horrid shade of red hair who cusses all the time. How do you know him?"
"I don't, really," Lee lied, "Hwoarang just likes to stalk people. Mostly to annoy them, except in Kazama Jin's case, of course," he added-on.
"That doesn't make much sense..." Feng said under his breath in a partial retort, "Why would he send you a present if he doesn't even KNOW you?"
"Beats me. Like I said, I don't even know him at all," Lee informed. "I wonder what's in this box?" he stated, shaking the package...
...which promptly began vibrating.
Lee and Feng both blinked simultaneously.
"Lee... what the hell?" Feng grunted, balling one of his fists.
"Um... uh... well..." Lee stammered, holding the buzzing box in his hands, "It could be... a lot of things, really..."
Damnit.
"Open it up," the younger man scowled.
"Wait a minute, what's that!" Lee suddenly exclaimed, pointing towards, well... a wall.
"Where!" Feng asked, looking off to the side.
Then, Lee swiftly turned, and threw the unopened present through an open window.
"I don't see anything," Feng stated, redirecting his attention back to Lee. "Hey, where'd the vibrating present go?"
Lee loosened his black bowtie a bit. "Hmm... I'm not sure. Anyway, moving on, this next one here's from Lei Wulong."
Feng growled slightly. "And why are you receiving a present from that bitch?"
"I have no idea, seriously," Lee responded with assurance, "Probably just another lame attempt of his to investigate me."
"I hate that guy," Feng grunted, folding his muscular arms across his chest. "He's the most annoying, idiotic person I've ever met."
"Well, that's true. He is annoying, and he is an idiot," Lee agreed with sincerity, giving Lei's present a brief shake. Just in case it was anything like Hwoarang's... When it thankfully didn't begin buzzing like a bumble bee, he unwrapped the glittery pink wrapping-paper and proceeded to open the box.
After seeing what was inside, Lee just... sighed, and looked away.
Damnit.
"Let me see!" Feng ordered, snatching the box right out of Lee's lap. "What the...? Lee, just why in the hell would you be receiving fuzzy handcuffs from that slut?"
"He's... just trying to mock me," Lee said in an attempt at self-defense, "Yes. You know... Lei... sent me the handcuffs because he wants to arrest me, and they're pink and fuzzy because he's trying to mock me. It's representational. Lei's obviously homophobic. He's just trying to make a statement."
Feng pondered the issue. "Yes, I suppose you're right... damn that bitch. If someone doesn't kill him soon, I will."
Lee sighed in relief.
That had been close.
"Maybe I... shouldn't open the rest of these..." Lee then suggested. If Lei's present of all people's was perverted, then surely the others were, too... Hell knows what Bryan Fury had sent him, not to mention Kazuya...
"No, go on ahead. We have time," Feng replied.
"Well... I suppose," Lee responded, wondering why the hell he had decided to open these gifts in front of Feng Wei in the first place. Lee was a genius, so he should have so seen this coming... The perversion, that is.
Deciding to go with what would probably a safer route, Lee chose to open Steve Fox's present next. He gradually unwrapped the blue paper, and hesitantly, opened the box...
Lee blinked once again, as did Feng.
Lee removed the small figure from the opened box, and studied it. It was some kind of strange figure... Sadly, it appeared to be a brown statuette of a guy on all fours...
Damnit.
"What in the hell is that?" Feng questioned, sounding bedazzled.
"I... think it's one of those... Chia Pets," Lee informed in yet another cover attempt, "You know, you coat it, spread seeds on it, and it grows."
Record scratch.
"I mean, not like that..." Lee then followed up after seeing the way Feng's jaw had dropped significantly.
"Well that's certainly a gay present," Feng argued nonetheless, "In fact, this is probably gayer than whatever was in Hwoa-what's-his-name's present and the fuzzy cuffs combined. That's like... one of those presents you give people at the last minute because you actually forgot about them. Only an idiot buys a Chia Pet as a present."
Chi-chi-chi-chia...
"Agreed," Lee sighed, placing the statuette back into the confines of the box.
Another close call...
"Try that one next," Feng suggested, gesturing to the present which was wrapped in black wrapping paper.
Lee sighed. "Alright..."
Tentatively, Chaolan began opening the present Bryan Fury had sent him earlier that day.
Oh God.
This had to be something terrible...
With caution, Lee progressively unwrapped the box, and opened it to see...
"Pweh..." Lee sighed out of relief. "It's just a jewelry case... A pretty damned expensive looking one at that."
"Finally, something relatively decent," Feng agreed with approval.
With another sigh of relief, Chaolan opened up the jewelry case without hesitation.
Damnit.
"Uhh..." Feng stammered, "That's not... real, is it...? Not the ring, I'm sure that's real..."
"Ah shit..." Lee cursed, sighing YET again. "It's a pretty damned nice ring, only it's still on someone's finger!"
"Hey..." Feng began, once again sounding suspicious, "And just why would this Fury guy be willing to cut-off someone's hand for you?"
"He's just... insane, Feng," Lee guaranteed, closing the ebony jewelry case, "Take it from me, he's crazier than you and I are combined. I heard that in the past, he's sent out human organs that were wrapped as presents. This previous April, Lei Wulong received a human heart on his birthday from Fury."
A rather... strange expression surfaced on Feng Wei's face. Then, much to Lee's surprise, Feng began laughing out loud...
"That's great," Feng applauded, "I'm going to have to get to know this Bryan Fury guy..."
"If you like getting your ass pounded..." Lee whispered under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said if you like feeling astounded."
"Oh," Feng said in a simple response.
"Well, this next one here's from..." Lee paused momentarily, glancing at the small tag the package was equipped with, "Jin Kazama..."
"Ugh," Feng grimaced, "That guy's fucking off his rocker, but being Kazuya's son, it doesn't surprise me. I mean, sure, I've murdered people, too, but at least I did so with actual reason."
"Point," Lee once again agreed, "I've killed a few myself, but it was... for 'experimental purposes'. I'm not actually a psychopath or anything. Yes..."
"Right, you and I are justified," Feng stated with certainty. "We're not crazy. In fact, you and I are probably two of the sanest people in the world."
Cricket noises.
"Right..." Lee muttered, beginning to open up Jin's present.
And then...
"What the hell?" Feng inquired lowly, once again sounding bemused as ever in reaction to the revelation of another opened present. "Just why would he be giving you a gun?"
"I... don't know..." Lee replied, being sincere.
"Hey, it has a tag on the handle..."
Lee held up the loaded handgun, the tag along with it, and turned the front of the tag towards himself so he could read the greeting. It probably just said "Merry Christmas" or something, right?"
"Lee, what the fuck is this?" Feng inquired, catching a glance at the message on the tag, "What does he mean by 'Kill yourself now while you still have the chance, because if I catch you fooling-around with Hwoarang again, I'll blow your brains out myself.'?"
Damnit.
"I... fought Hwoarang in one of the tournaments, and Jin's mad about it because Jin and Hwoarang are... in love," Lee swiftly stated. "Plus, as you stated, Jin is off his rocker now, and since he wants all of us to die, why would I be an exception?"
"I guess that makes enough sense," Feng eventually answered.
Another save.
"Well, I suppose that leaves Kazuya's," the younger man then grunted.
Lee nodded, proceeding on to one of the final presents. It was wrapped in violet paper, complete with a fancy red ribbon and bow.
Trying to remain casual enough, Lee de-wrapped the present which had been sent by Kazuya.
Figuring it just... couldn't get any weirder than it already had, Lee was quick to open the present.
"Huh?" Feng questioned, peeking into the box, "Alright, I take back what I said about the Chia Pet. This is gayer."
Appearing perplexed, Lee removed the teddy bear from the box, which was holding a small camera in its paws.
"Alright, even I'm confused..." Lee admitted, glancing at Feng out of the corner of his eye, "I mean, Kazuya usually gets me something lavishly expensive, but this? Damn, he must really be angry at me."
Then suddenly, a light flashed in front of Lee's and Feng's faces. The teddy bear's camera had snapped a shot of them.
Damnit.
Then, a recording of Kazuya's voice began to play, which stated: "This image is now being wired to me, Chaolan. I will find out once and for all who you are fucking for Christmas. Then I'll kill them. Happy Holidays, you Silver Slut!"
Lee and Feng both blinked.
"If we're going to fuck, we better hurry..." Lee stated, his dark eyes widened.
"Damn that Kazuya..." Feng scowled, his voice filled to the brim with anger, "The even sadder thing about this present is the fact that it was the most intellectual of the bunch..."
"Kazuya has that affect," Lee stated, shaking his head side-to-side in a few motions. "But oh well, he's just trying to ruse me. He's too busy with whoever he's fucking tonight to care enough about ruining the night for you and me."
"I bet he's all alone," suggested Feng Wei, who let out another scowl of the sorts, "In fact, I'm sure of it!"
*
Kazuya Mishima glared at the screen on his Sony Laptop. "I knew it! Chaolan's with Wei! Damned those Chinese tricks."
"With Lei?" the man sitting back on the colossal-sized bed inquired, "That figures... He's a Chinese trick, alright."
"No, you idiot," Kazuya corrected, spinning around in his chair, "Wei, as in, Feng Wei!"
"Oh..." the other man replied, shrugging, "Who cares? Now, can we get back to the sex already? Hell knows I know another Chinese trick who will be upset if I'm not back to my hotel by midnight."
Kazuya sighed, rising from his seat. "Fine, Phoenix."
*
"You're probably right, I suppose," Lee agreed, eyeing the fighter next to him.
"Anyway..." Feng said with a devious smile, handing yet another gift to the Silver Devil, "Don't forget my present..."
Lee formed a smile as well. "Of course not."
Wondering what he was now in for, Lee proceeded to unwrap his Christmas gift from Feng.
"Alright," Lee appraised, beaming, "A brand new pair of Gucchi sunglasses. Thank you!"
"You're very much welcome," Feng replied, just wanting to get into Lee's freggin' pants already. "I remember that ass Kazuya broke your other pair during a match you two had or something."
Lee nodded. "Yes, that's true... Anyhow, I have a present for you as well."
"Where is it?"
"In the bedroom."
Feng smiled. "Oh hell yes. I'll open it now..."
Lee simpered. "Actually, I was referring to an exquisite bottle of Chenin Blanc I picked up just for you. But... the other present you're pondering about comes with it."
"Great, I'm satisfied already," Feng approved, once again curling his lips much like the Grinch. "Well, almost. Look up."
Lee looked up, and saw the mistletoe that was hanging from the ceiling.
Lee chuckled ever so slightly, before leaning in to give Feng a pleasant and much awaited kiss on the lips.
Feng ran his hand down the right-hand side of Lee's face, causing Lee to deepen the kiss all the more. When they pulled away from each other finally, Lee stood, and extended his left-hand downwards.
"Shall we?"
"Of course," Feng agreed with another grin, accepting Lee's hand before he made his way to stand as well. As expected, they headed straight for the bedroom.
It was time for some real Christmas fun.