The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race: Season Two

by IStalkKirby

The second season! Eleven teams of two race around the world for one million dollars! Teams go from the Mushroom Kingdom to Sauria, where we spend time reading about them driving tanks. Plus, they fall off of Star Road or something!

1. Shut Your Cute Little Faces!

"Last season, on The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race," boomed Crazy Hand in an ominous voice. The entire first season was replayed at six million times the regular speed, all within about four seconds.

Crazy Hand opened the letter, looked at the unemployment check, sighed, and walked away.

Several weeks later...

"Listen, you heartless demons!" shouted Crazy Hand. "You can't just cancel our show!"

"Your ratings are terrible," said Tabuu, the producer. "The show you're bootlegging is way more successful than yours, Crazy. It began its fourth season, and it's already quintupled the viewer count of your pitiful first season! Not to mention a third race show has opened up, and its viewers dwarf yours too! In fact, we have the only viewer of your show right here!"

"The creators feed me poison," coughed a small sweatshop worker boy, clutching a Season 1 box set and crying.

Crazy Hand shot the producers, blew up the studios, and started a second season illegally.

The camera danced merrily around the Smash Mansion, where Crazy Hand's stuff was being repossessed.

"I'm currently outside the Smash Mansion, home to the diverse cast of kooky characters known as the Super Smash Brothers," said Crazy Hand, ignoring the events behind him. "From this domicile, eleven teams will begin a race around the world, for the chance to put on these bikinis and serve drinks at my next cocktail party."

Crazy Hand held up a pair of skimpy bikinis and grinned at the camera. He then glanced down and saw that his cue cards had been repossessed.

"Uh, my actual line was...uh...oh yes, eleven teams will begin a race around the world, for one million dollars!" sweated Crazy Hand nervously. "Gas guzzling SUVs are currently transporting teams from their various rooms to the front gate of the Smash Mansion, which is the starting line. Each team is made up of two Smashers, each with an artificial relationship that will likely disintegrate, either due to early elimination or prolonged fatigue."

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch

"Is it on now?" asked ROB, the boom mike dangling into the shot. "Oh, okay."

ROB cleared his throat. Which robots totally have, I swear.

"Mr. Game and Watch and I are hardened war veterans," assured ROB. The cameraman took a step forward, making a small noise on the ground.

"GUNFIRE!" screamed ROB.

"TAKE COVER!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, jumping under his seat.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch looked around, to see that there was no gunfire.

"Anyway," continued ROB, regaining his composure, "Mr. Game and Watch and I have seen combat, and even though we're a little older than our competitors, we know what it takes to win a battle like the race."

A clip of ROB and Mr. Game and Watch in a death camp was played.

"Plus we have so much more life experience," added Mr. Game and Watch. "So that means-"

"You guys want your pre-race bran muffins now?" asked the cameraman.

"I SMELL POISON!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch, assuming a fighter stance.

"A PLOT ON OUR LIVES!" cried ROB.

"IT'S A TRAP!" added Ackbar.

Mr. Game and Watch karate-chopped the cameraman, screaming war chants.

Luigi and Jigglypuff

Luigi nervously turned in his seat to ignore the faint war chants he could hear in the next SUV.

"My family knew Luigi's family for a very long time," smiled Jigglypuff, showing a creepy smile.

A clip of a father Jigglypuff, a mother Jigglypuff, and the current Jigglypuff grinning creepily at the Mario brothers was shown.

"And eventually, Luigi and I were arranged to be married!" grinned Jigglypuff, showing off a ring on her arm.

Luigi squirmed in his seat and mumbled something about "would have preferred Peach".

"Luigi is such a good husband," beamed Jigglypuff calmly. She started to laugh maniacally, and immediately calmed down.

"In this race, I aim to do as terrible as possible so that this woman divorces me," said Luigi angrily. "The last ten years of my life have been horrible!"

"Aniversaaaaaary!" smiled Jigglypuff, turning slowly in her seat to stare at Luigi, who winced.

Snake and Falcon

"We're best friends!" Snake grinned at once.

"Yeah, we met thanks to an online dating site!" added Falcon.

A clip of Snake and Falcon, both sitting at two different tables in McDonalds was played.

"Turns out we asked out the same girl, but she stood us both up at the same restaurant!" chuckled Snake merrily.

"I may not have got a new girlfriend from that site, but I did find Snake!" smiled Falcon.

"Friends forever!" cheered Snake, hugging Falcon.

"So we decided to test our friendship by running this race," added Falcon.

"We want to win!" smiled Snake, still hugging Falcon.

They immediately let go of each other.

"But we're not gay," they both said firmly.

Falco and King Dedede

Falco and King Dedede were both in a cage in their SUV.

"This is ridiculous," Falco sighed irritably. "I'm all for running the race, but not to be objectified by the fact that we're both birds."

A clip of Falco watching angrily as King Dedede jumped into a birdbath several times smaller than him was played.

"Yo, I think it's pretty coo'," replied King Dedede, grabbing his crotch gangsta-style.

"That's because you're an idiot," snapped Falco. He noticed the camera. "Oh, uh, we're probably going to end up being one of the most irritable teams, we're both sick of the persecution innocent birds encounter on a day-to-day basis or whatever."

"I said I was down with it, dawg," pointed out Dedede. "Anyways, we's both goin' to give dis race our all, yo. People might not be coo' with us, but them's the brakes."

Falco rolled his eyes as the cameraman poured some bird feed into the cage.

Mario and Sonic

Mario and Sonic stood confidently on the roof of their SUV, back to back in an action movie-esque pose.

"Sonic and I-a, we're famous heroes-a!" grinned Mario, showing a pearly-white grin.

"Yeah man, we patrol the world day and night, searching and questing for evil-doers!" declared Sonic proudly. "Some people may see us as the goody-goody team, but we are in fact cut-throat and competitive!"

A shot of Mario and Sonic robbing a bank was played.

"You've been-a foiled again, Accountant Man!" laughed Mario, 'defeating' the 'supervillian'.

"This-a race will be the perfect chance to show the world just what the-a heroes of today are capable of-a!" smirked Mario, puffing out his chest.

Ike and Bowser

Ike and Bowser cracked their knuckles menacingly.

"Bowser and I are bouncers at this hip bar joint in Smashville," explained Ike. "That means we're tough, bad, independent dudes, and you better deal with it."

"Yep, we sure have hardcore jobs," agreed Bowser. "We intend to muscle our way through the race!"

Ike and Bowser stood outside a preschool, cracking their knuckles at a three year old boy whose name wasn't on the VIP list.

"The race will be the ultimate test of strength!" said Bowser, determined. "And that's why we're so sure we'll be the winners!"

"We won't crack under pressure either!" assured Ike. "We already get tons of pressure from the aggressive patrons of our bar!"

The three year old boy frowned slightly. Ike and Bowser warily took out nightsticks.

Samus and Pikachu

"So there we were, in Vegas," said Samus, reading her cue card. "And I got pretty drunk, because I needed to unwind. And like every person ever to get drunk in Vegas, I ended up married!"

"Married to the preacher of Nevada's Dr. Wright chapel," pointed out Pikachu, indicating himself.

"So now that we're married, we decided to give this race a shot," added Samus.

A clip of Samus doing shots off of Pikachu's body was played. "JUST MARRIED" was tattooed across Pikachu's tail.

"We probably have the vaguest relationship of all the teams here," said Pikachu. "So that'll be a challenge, but if we pray our hardest to the green-haired good doc–"

"-and play dirty," cut in Samus.

"-yes, that, we can win the race!" finished Pikachu.

Peach and Zelda

The two princesses sat in their SUV, completely bored. Zelda idly stabbed Peach's leg.

"Oh, right..." Peach sighed, taking the bloodshed as a clue. "Zelda and I are aggressive despite our appearances."

A clip of Peach competing in the Miss Nintendo pageant while Zelda slit Daisy's throat was played.

"Yeah, be afraid," nodded Zelda insanely. "Be very afraid....haha...not that I'd kill to win the race....really....HAHAHAHAHAHA-can you hear a buzzing?"

Peach looked from Zelda to the camera and back again nervously.

Kirby and Meta Knight

"Well, Kirby and I are roommates, so we see each other nearly all the time," explained Meta Knight.

A clip of Kirby and Meta Knight watching TV was played. Well, they can't all be funny.

"Only problem is that I'm irritable, and he's completely blasé about everything!" fumed Kirby. "We were like this last season, too!"

"Whatever," shrugged Meta Knight.

"We're running this race because....we're awesome...and yeah..." said Kirby, not bothering with a cool intro.

"I am, anyway," shrugged Meta Knight indifferently.

Ness and Lucas

"We're students at Smashville Tech!" explained Ness. "And one million dollars would be the easiest bribe to get in the coolest frat on campus!"

A clip was played of Marth and Fox kicking Ness and Lucas out of a frat house.

"We could just make friends with them..." Lucas hesitated, nervously looking at the nine SUVs in front of them.

"That's stupid!" scoffed Ness. "You're stupid! Go stand in the mud!"

"Mud?" repeated Lucas.

"If you know what I mean," added Ness, raising his eyebrow suggestively.

"That doesn't make any se-anyway, Ness thinks I'm incapable of doing anything right by myself, so I'm running the race with him to show him what a strong person I can be...." Lucas told the camera awkwardly.

"Dammit Lucas, make us look cool, we're the last team before the race starts!" shouted Ness.

"No we aren't," said Lucas, pointing at the eleventh SUV.

Ness cried.

Wolf and Ganondorf

In the last SUV, Wolf and Ganondorf threateningly sneered around at the cameras.

"Ganondorf and I both have rough histories as villains," explained Wolf. "So that'll make us as cut-throat and competitive as the rest of the teams, if not more so."

"We love to humiliate and demean other people to make ourselves look better," added Ganondorf.

A clip of Wolf and Ganondorf stealing ice cream from toddlers was shown.

"We argue a lot with everyone, even each other, so we'll be the team to look out for," assured Ganondorf.

Crazy Hand

Crazy Hand floated impressively along the front gate of the Smash Mansion.

"Can these eleven teams cope with the stress of travelling with one another in a race around the world? And which team will have the right combination of brains, brawn and teamwork to win the one million dollars? These are the questions we ask as we get ready to begin..."

Crazy Hand heard the rabble of teams behind him, all waiting for his dramatic pause to end.

...

...

"The Bootleg Smashy Amazing Race!" finished Crazy Hand.

"Super-sexy-sophomore-second-season edition!" added Crazy Hand hastily, before the cameraman turned away.

Smash Mansion

The eleven teams piled out of their SUVs and stood in a semi-circle shape before Crazy Hand, who was floating impressively around them all.

"In a few moments you will be departing on a race around the world!" boomed Crazy Hand. "There are thirteen legs in this race! At the end of each leg is a pit stop! Eight of these pit stops are elimination points, and you need to get to them as fast as you can, because if you're last..."

The teams stared blankly at Crazy Hand.

"...you will be eliminated! At the start of each leg you will receive a small monetary sum, which will cover all expenses, except airline tickets which you won't need to pay for!"

Some of the cheaper racers wiped their foreheads in mock relief. Crazy Hand rolled his eyes.

"Your first clue is waiting on top of the luggage you brought with you. When I say the word, you may run to your baggage, hop in one of these marked cars, and the rest is up to you! The first team to cross the finish line after thirteen legs will win one million dollars!"

Everyone applauded, and cheered and what have you.

"The world is waiting for you. Good luck...travel safe..." encouraged Crazy Hand. "...Go!"

At once, all the teams tore off, darting past Crazy Hand.

"Wait, you need to sign these liability waivers!" yelled Crazy Hand. "Come back!"

No answer. The eleven teams kept running.

"Aw man..." Crazy Hand sighed. "Nobody ever listens to me..."

Wolf and Ganondorf ran through the crowd, tripping as many people as they could. Meanwhile, Ness and Lucas brought up the rear.

"Um, Ness?" asked Lucas timidly. "Why are you casually strolling?"

"It's all part of my master plan," Ness smirked confidently.

"Don't you think we should run?" suggested Lucas.

Ness slapped Lucas for his ludicrously stupid idea.

Meanwhile again, Ganondorf grabbed Wolf and shoved his way to the front of the running crowd, alongside the arriving princesses. Both teams opened the first clue of the race, as others followed suit, injured by Zelda and the villain team.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

Zelda took out her prized stabbing knife, wiped off Luigi's blood, and used it to rip open the clue. Well, the knife, not the blood.

"Fly to Canalave City in Sinnoh," read Zelda.

"Teams must now fly to Canalave City, Sinnoh!" said Crazy Hand. "Once in Canalave, they must travel to Canalave Library, and find the book directing them to their next destination, Oreburgh Mines!"

"I bet the mines are all dirty!" panicked Peach.

Zelda punched Peach. "You will man up for this race, maggot!"

Peach gave a submissive whimper.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"To get to Sinnoh, you must take one of two charter flights to Canalave City," read Wolf, as Ganondorf picked up the bags. "You have ninety-seven dollars for this leg of the race."

"Yes we do," agreed Ganondorf, counting notes. "Hurry, the princesses are ahead already!"

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"We're going to be the first ones out, Miss Zelda!" squeaked Peach excitedly.

Zelda froze and span around on one foot.

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" screeched Zelda. "WE ARE GOOD RACERS!"

"I mean first ones out the starting line," stammered Peach, scared.

...

"I love you too!" smiled Zelda, hugging Peach.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Let's go!" chirped Jigglypuff merrily, dragging Luigi's arm.

"Okay, I'm done with this reality television charade," Luigi sighed irritably, wrenching a knife out of his arm. "Can I pull out or something?"

Crazy Hand whizzed past in his (cardboard) limo. "No takesies-backsies!" he taunted, waving Luigi's contract.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"Time to power through this bad boy!" Ike smirked confidently, hoisting his bag onto one shoulder.

"Yeah! Rock on!" cheered Bowser.

Bowser surreptitiously took the My Little Pony sticker off of Ike's bag.

"Yeah! Rock on!" cheered Bowser.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"We're first to leave, but we've got the villains, those two clubber guys, and Luigi and Jigglypuff behind us," noticed Zelda, looking at the wing mirror.

"Those two 'heroes' have barely moved!" remarked Peach, looking back at Mario and Sonic, the latter of which was doing a dramatic Baywatch run to the clue.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in Last Place

Mario walked up to the bag, and checked the clue.

"Wow, Sinnoh sounds good-a!" Mario grinned. "What do you think, Sonic-a? What are you-a doing?"

Sonic was doing his Baywatch run.

"Dramatic running! Are you getting this, cameraman?" asked Sonic eagerly.

Mario frowned sadly.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Woo!" cheered Jigglypuff, leaning out of the car window. "We're off!"

Luigi was seized by an uncontrollable urge to throw Jigglypuff out of the moving vehicle. He held it in with all the restraint he could muster, but eventually he reached his arm up to shove-

The cameraman cleared his throat.

"Awww..." sighed Luigi.

---

The Teams!

Mario/Sonic (Superheroes)

Ness/Lucas (Students)

Peach/Zelda (Obligatory Pink-Wearing Blondes)

Ike/Bowser (Club Bouncers)

Snake/Falcon (Friends)

Kirby/Meta Knight (Roommates)

Samus/Pikachu (Married in Vegas)

ROB/Mr. Game and Watch (War Veterans)

Wolf/Ganondorf (Villains)

Luigi/Jigglypuff (Arranged Marriage)

Falco/King Dedede (Birds)

---

More marked cars began leaving the starting line, until a stream of five or six lead teams emerged.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"Go this way instead!" suggested Peach, navigating from the back seat. "It goes to the airport faster; everyone else will take the normal road!"

Zelda took out a pocket knife and calmly sat it on the glove compartment.

"You'd better be right..." muttered Zelda icily, turning into the alternate route.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place

"Just passed the villains!" cheered Jigglypuff, driving erratically.

"Dammit, that means we're not last for sure," cursed Luigi. "Try going straight ahead, we'll end up nowhere near the airport!"

"Can you read me the flight details?" asked Jigglypuff, not listening.

"Of course...fly to Mushroom Kingdom and leave one team member behind..." lied Luigi. "I'll volunteer."

"That sounds too hard," said Jigglypuff. "I'll just follow someone instead!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place

"Not sure if Luigi and Jigs are on the right path," said Wolf, following them, "But I'll trust them for now."

"If they're wrong, at least we can murder them and avoid a footrace," reasoned Ganondorf, cackling.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

"Right, so to get to Sinnoh we have to fly either on Smashville Air or Air Smashville..." reviewed Falco, checking the clue again in the back seat.

"Yo, who's this ahead, dawg?" asked King Dedede, squinting at the car in front.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"I'm so sure that Zelda chick stabbed me or something," complained Ike, bleeding all over the seat.

"She needs to calm down," snarled Bowser. "Or else I'll teach her a lesson!"

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"I totally stabbed that Ike guy," Zelda snickered, laughing at her own violence.

"Killing is not an accident, Miss Zelda!" reprimanded Peach.

"Accident?" repeated Zelda, confused.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place

"I hope those cute girls get eliminated as soon as possible," fumed Ike.

"We'll see to that," added Bowser fiercely.

Smash Mansion Starting Line

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 8th Place

"Let's pray for a good race before we leave," decided Pikachu, taking out his doctrines.

"We're eighth!" panicked Samus, downing painkillers.

"Dear Wright, we hope that our journey-"

Samus threw Pikachu in the trunk and drove away.

"-is safe and unimpeded."

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 9th Place

"Oh no, the only two behind us are the kids and the heroes because Ness and Sonic are strolling!" panicked Snake.

Falcon grabbed Snake's hand.

"Dave, calm down, you know you get panicky easily!" soothed Falcon.

"You're right Doug, we're such good friends!" cheered Snake, getting in the car.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 10th Place

Ness strolled over to Lucas before Sonic could stroll over to Mario.

"Wow, I beat Sonic in a footrace!" cheered Ness.

"Great, now get in the car!" called Lucas from the car.

"I have an ingenious scheme to get myself in that car!" called Ness back.

Lucas hit his head against the steering wheel in frustration.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in Last Place

"Alright Sonic-a, let's use our super powers to get to the airport-a fast!" decided Mario.

POW! Mario opened the car door.

BAM! Mario and Sonic sat down.

KEY! Mario started the engine.

UNFOLD! Sonic got out the map.

"Let's rock!" declared Sonic, making a dramatic pose while sitting.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 10th Place

Lucas sat in the front seat of the car with his eyes squeezed shut in frustration.

"I'm gonna totally jump in this car like it was the General Lee!" shouted Ness exuberantly.

Ness jumped through the open window and collapsed in the backseat, covered in blood and broken glass.

"Oh my god!" cried Lucas, turning in his seat. "Ness!"

Ness spat some more blood out of his mouth. "Shut up and drive!"

Ness pulled a foot-long shard of glass from his arm.

"Never give up, never give up," Lucas muttered to himself, trying not to look at any of the car's mirrors.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 8th Place

"Looks like Ness hurt himself!" noticed Pikachu. "Quick, let me pray for him!"

"Forget that, we're headlining the back of the pack!" cried Samus. "And I will NOT finish last!"

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Currently in 6th Place

"Just work it through the traffic," advised Meta-Knight lazily. "Thread the needle, thread the needle..."

"Get out of the way, jackass!" screamed Kirby out of the car window.

"That's an ambulance," observed Meta-Knight.

"Freaking death-traps, man," replied Kirby.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

"Just drive real careful-like, just like reconnaissance on an enemy base..." encouraged Mr. Game and Watch. "Except there's ten enemy bases! And they all move! And we have to move faster!"

"So it's more like an army invasion?" asked ROB from the front seat.

"Invasion?" screamed Mr. Game and Watch. "Nowhere's safe anymore! Floor it!"

ROB sharply hit the gas, sending Mr. Game and Watch flying into the windscreen.

"This is not a drill! Keep going!" bellowed Mr. Game and Watch in a muffled voice.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"See what I told you, Miss Zelda?" asked Peach sweetly. "Look, there's no traffic!"

"I kill smug people and I eat them," replied Zelda casually.

"I love you too, best friend!" cheered Peach.

Zelda slammed a fork down into the dashboard.

"Hahaha...er..." stammered Peach hesitantly.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place

"Excellent, the middle lane has mile-long traffic," said Luigi, surveying the highway. "Pull into this lane, Jigglypuff."

"But the other teams will pass us!" despaired Jigglypuff.

A vein appeared in Luigi's temple.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 3rd Place

"Yo yo yo, I is from the moto'way streets and I know hows to cut traffic!" cheered Dedede, passing several stuck cars and a couple of teams.

"I think we might be in the top pack right now," said Falco.

The cameraman whispered something to Falco.

"A cracker, you say?" asked Falco. "Well, I would love one! But my name's Falco, not Polly....oh, hardy-friggin'-har..."

...

"Racist."

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place

Jigglypuff hesitantly changed to the high-traffic middle lane, going extremely slowly.

Luigi's vein pulsed.

....

"OH WILL YOU PLEASE JUST-"

Luigi realised they were going slowly.

"-go even slower, my...wife...?" finished Luigi.

Jigglypuff zoomed over to the traffic lane in record time.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place

"Seats are first come, first served, remember that," informed Ganondorf, rechecking the clue. "We don't want to be one of those idiot teams that mess up straight from the start."

"Oh really, we don't?" asked Wolf snidely. "That certainly never occurred to me, you jackass!"

"Face! Shut! Yours!" cried Ganondorf angrily.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 5th Place

"Man, hope we don't fall behind and miss the first plane," said Bowser ominously.

"I heard that," replied Ike.

"The guys at the club would never let us hear the end of it if we came last," groaned Bowser.

"We'd be the laughing stock of milk and cookies time," added Ike.

Smashville Airport

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

"Good, we're first to the airport!" celebrated Zelda, tossing her shovel away as she stepped out of the car.

"There's a shuttle!" noticed Peach. "Let's get to it before anyone else arrives!"

The princesses got into the shuttle, which promptly drove off.

"Wow, what good luck!" smiled Peach.

Zelda was holding a gun to the driver.

"Teams are flying from Smashville to Canalave City, Sinnoh on one of two flights!" said Crazy Hand. "The Smashville Air flight has room for four teams, and an Air Smashville flight has room for the other seven! However, while the Smashville Air flight departs earlier, it actually arrives in Canalave later than Air Smashville!"

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 2nd Place

"Why were Luigi and Jigs riding the slow lane?" asked Falco, jumping out of the car.

"I gots no clue," replied Dedede, shrugging. "Yo, let's check fo' a shuttle,"

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Airline shuttles must be around here somewhere!" smiled Jigglypuff brightly.

"Good point, maybe one will kill me," agreed Luigi.

"Silly Luigi!" laughed Jigglypuff appreciatively.

"I mean it," replied Luigi flatly.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place

"We need to man up and beat the birds and the married couple to the shuttle, Wolf," realised Ganondorf, slamming the door shut.

"Man up? Last season you were a frickin' teenage girl," replied Wolf.

"Hey, shut up and die," argued Ganondorf convincingly. "I really hate you, you know that? At least Roy tried to be supportive!"

"Are the therapy-created barriers coming down?" asked Wolf, raising his eyebrows curiously.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 5th Place

"Three teams looking for shuttles up ahead!" Ike grinned.

"We might make flight number one after all!" cheered Bowser. "High-five me!"

Ike and Bowser high fived.

There was a pause.

"Oh god, my hand!" squealed both Ike and Bowser together.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 2nd Place

The birds walked up to a shuttle, and nervously looked around for other teams.

"Hey, shuttle driver dude, if we get on, don't let the plumber, puffball, wolf, redhead, bluehead or turtle on with us," bribed Falco, slipping the driver a bill.

"No bribes," snarled the driver.

King Dedede took out his beatbox.

"My name is D, to the power of three," rapped Dedede, beginning his number 1 Christmas hit.

"Okay, maybe one bribe," said the driver. "Take your seats."

Smashville Air Counter

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place

Peach and Zelda jumped out of their shuttle and ran into the airport.

"No other teams here!" noted Peach happily, walking up to the counter.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Wolf and Ganondorf
Ike and Bowser
On 3rd Shuttle

"Hey guys!" smiled Jigglypuff brightly.

"Oh man, this is awkward..." mumbled Ike bashfully.

"We're going to all have to fight to get on that first flight," warned Wolf. "Did you see the clue? Only four teams can get on number one. And there's three of us, the birds are nowhere to be seen, and we know the girls are ahead."

"But there's also some stupid teams," smirked Ganondorf. "Did you see those pathetic superheroes do their Baywatch run out of the starting line?"

"You guys seem to know what you're doing," observed Luigi. "Any tips for a hopeful first eliminee?"

Mario and Sonic
Currently in Last Place

"Zounds-a!" cried Mario. "I think-a we're still last-a!"

"Holy elimination, Mario!" proclaimed Sonic. "We might just have to ask the commissioner for help!"

Sonic picked up the car phone and dialled the secret code from the cereal boxes.

"Commissioner?" asked Sonic, one hand still on the steering wheel.

"Watch out-a!" cried Mario in alarm.

"Damn, I'm on hold," cursed Sonic.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 8th Place

"Just passed Team Vegas!" cheered Falcon, waving out of the car.

"That is totally awesome!" smiled Snake. "Gimme some skin!"

Falcon leapt out of his seat and hugged Snake.

"Or a high-five," said Snake flatly, blushing a little.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 9th Place

"Oh, I don't think so!" fumed Samus, drinking a road rage martini.

"Drinking and driving is highly against the wishes of Wright!" gasped Pikachu, showing Samus a Dr. Wright poster. "And the law, too!"

Police sirens sounded behind Samus and Pikachu.

"Aw, dammit!" yelled Samus.

A policeman stepped out of his car, walked up to Samus and Pikachu's car and walked away at once.

"It's okay Chief, they're reality TV stars!" called the policeman.

"Awesome!" cheered Samus, realising her potential. She revved up the car to insane speeds, ran over a few cars and drove off.

Smashville Air Counter

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 2nd Place

"Okay, we got to find the marked counter, dawg," said Dedede, running into the airport.

"There's Peach and Zelda," noticed Falco, smirking. "Excuse me ladies, mind if we join your flight?"

"Yo, this ain't marked," said Dedede to Peach, as Zelda pulled a gun on Falco.

"We can't leave," whispered Peach, looking traumatised. "She'll hit me again."

Marked Smashville Air Counter

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place

"Come on, let's go!" urged Ike, looking around for counters.

"Jigs, we'll go to Smashville Air, you go to the other one and we'll meet back up!" called Bowser, running out of the shuttle.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Okay!" grinned Jigglypuff, waving at Ike and Bowser. "Come on, Luigi!"

"I think they're tricking us!" smiled Luigi. "We might fall behind!"

Ike and Bowser
1st On Smashville Air Flight

"When does this flight arrive in Canalave?" asked Bowser.

"1:00 tomorrow afternoon," replied the attendant, checking her computer.

"Sounds good, let's do it," decided Ike.

"I can't believe I managed to fool Luigi and Jigs so easily," Bowser chuckled. "Now they're going to be on the second flight!"

"Is this the first flight?" asked Ike dubiously.

"Yeah, probably," laughed Bowser.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Wolf and Ganondorf
1st and 2nd On Air Smashville Flight

Wolf and Ganondorf ran up to Luigi and Jigglypuff's counter.

"Hey, when does this one land?" asked Ganondorf, panting heavily.

"This nice lady said 12:30 tomorrow afternoon!" smiled Jigglypuff. "What took you guys so long?"

"Lethargo here collapsed after two steps," snapped Wolf.

"I happen to be very stocky!" bellowed Ganondorf.

"Don't kill each other, kill me instead," argued Luigi.

"Just give us the damn tickets," Wolf snapped at the ticket agent.

"We're all such lovely friends!" cheered Jigglypuff. She then hugged Luigi. "Together forever!"

Peach and Zelda
Falco and King Dedede

"Hey, what are Mr. Ike and Mr. Bowser doing?" asked Peach.

"Drop the formal crap before I kill you again," retorted Zelda. "Looks like they're at a marked counter of some kind."

Peach, Zelda, Falco and King Dedede looked at the Amazing Race flags on Ike and Bowser's counter.

Peach, Zelda, Falco and King Dedede looked at the not Amazing Race flags on their own counter.

"Quick!" cried Falco, who was promptly trampled by Zelda.

"Ike! Bowser!" bellowed Zelda. "How many other teams are on your flight?"

"We shared a shuttle with the villains and that married couple," replied Bowser. "So unless they fell for our trick and went to the other flight, they're with us on this flight!"

Ike nudged Bowser. "Dude, ix-nay on the old-bay."

"Well, that means one of us two teams can still get on!" grinned Falco.

"Yeah boi!" cheered Dedede, adjusting the giant clock he was wearing. "Bowser, dawg, let us past to get tickets!"

"Screw you, dude!" scoffed Bowser. "We're too tough to be swayed by the likes of you!"

"Don't grip the counter so hard, you'll blister," advised Ike.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Kirby and Meta-Knight
Samus and Pikachu
On 4th Shuttle

"Well that was an eventful ride," remarked Meta-Knight, awkwardly stepping out into the airport.

"Yes, I loved the part where you two crashed into our shuttle at 400mph and scared the hell out of the war vets," said Kirby bitterly, glaring at Samus and Pikachu.

"Just taking advantage of being celebrities," smirked Samus.

"You are possessed, harlot!" cried Pikachu, dousing Samus in 1-Up Energy Drink from his goblet.

"Everywhere, they're everywhere!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "No escape!"

"See no, hear no, feel no, bleed no, sweat no, cry no..." muttered ROB, scared.

"Hey guys," said Falco, walking up to the three teams. "Ike and Bowser are holding one of the flights hostage. They bought tickets for other people and won't let anyone else on."

"What the fu-why?" asked Kirby angrily. "Hey! You! Ike! What do you think you're doing?"

"Yeah, if you've bought flights for other teams, where the hell are they?" joined in Samus.

"They must be checking something else out," smirked Ike. "Because we definitely didn't trick them as well!"

"We've got a ten versus one dynamic going here," Bowser told the camera. "Everyone hates Ike and I, it's hilarious!"

"Let us get tickets, private!" demanded ROB.

"I'm only a private in your little war game?" asked Ike, positively shocked. "Oh, you're definitely not getting in on this now!"

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 10th Place

"Don't worry Ness," gurgled Lucas, as the cab filled with Ness' blood, "I'm sure we can pass teams at the airport!"

Ness was unconscious, bobbing on the surface.

Snake and Falcon
On 5th Shuttle

Snake and Falcon walked into the airport, holding hands.

"Oh no, is something going on?" asked Snake, worried.

"Why are you two holding hands?" replied Meta-Knight, turning to greet the new arrivals.

"We were...using these friendly joy buzzers!" covered Snake. "Shake my hand!"

Meta-Knight grabbed Snake's hand.

Nothing happened.

Falcon slipped Pikachu 20 dollars. "Shock him."

"Violence is against the ways of the SimCity instruction manu-"began Pikachu indignantly.

Captain Falcon picked Pikachu up and slapped Meta-Knight with him.

"Joy buzzer!" smiled Snake reassuringly.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
On Air Smashville Flight

Jigglypuff, completely oblivious to the six teams angrily confronting Ike and Bowser, dragged Luigi up to the counter.

"Hi Ike and Bowser!" smiled Jigglypuff. "Our flight lands at 12:30, when does yours land?"

Ike and Bowser looked stunned.

"1," replied Ike, dumbfounded.

"We can't change tickets," lamented Bowser. "Damn, we're idiots."

"Sorry everyone, we'll uh...we'll get out of your way now," said Ike, ashamed.

"What's he so depressed about?" asked Zelda forcefully. "Now then...ticket scramble!"

Peach and Zelda
2nd on Smashville Air Flight

"That little plan failed, Ike and Bowser!" gloated Zelda, still not knowing that she was on the slow flight.

Falco and King Dedede
3rd on Smashville Air Flight

"Yeah, up yours!" laughed Falco, taking his tickets.

"Yo, y'all got served!" chuckled Dedede.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Last on Smashville Air Flight

"Take that, guys!" snarled Kirby, shoving people aside to get to the counter.

"Yeah, this is cool, we'll be ahead now for sure," smirked Meta-Knight, buying the tickets.

"Thanks for the free ride through this leg," grinned Kirby evilly at Ike and Bowser.

Ness and Lucas
On 6th Shuttle

"Hey guys, what's going on?" asked Lucas, dragging Ness' body.

"Scramble for second flight tickets!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, among the teams dashing to the other counter. "It's an all-out brawl!"

Nobody noticed Ness was unconscious and both psychics were drenched in blood.

"Ah well, it's for the better I suppose," shrugged Lucas to nobody in particular.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in Last Place

KA-LAWSUIT! Mario and Sonic burst into the parking lot dramatically, and after running over some Japanese businessmen, they searched for the shuttle.

"Quickly-a, Sonic!" bellowed Mario in his 'super' voice. "Let's use our super-a powers to secure a shuttle!"

KA-CHING! Sonic handed a shuttle driver some money.

"Mission complete!" cheered Sonic, sitting down.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 9th Place

"So the kids just got here, and we're still waiting for the superheroes," explained Captain Falcon. "But not to worry, we'll all be on the bad flight together!"

Lucas looked at Snake and Falcon, and then tore off with Ness' body in tow.

"Well at least the heroes aren't here yet, baby!" smiled Snake.

Snake looked at the camera. "I mean dude. I am straight. I like women."

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
3rd On Air Smashville Flight

"You are number three on the flight!" barked the ticket agent. "This flight gets in half an hour earlier!"

"I salute you, curiously liberal ticket agent!" saluted ROB, saluting.

...

ROB slapped the ticket agent.

Ness and Lucas
4th on Air Smashville Flight

"Wow, we might actually survive the leg now!" Lucas grinned confidently.

Ness' head lolled to one side.

Samus and Pikachu
5th on Air Smashville Flight

"Praise all my lords, we are superior today!" praised Pikachu.

"Yeah, let's all get hammered to celebrate!" cheered Samus.

"My lady, last time you got this drunk it resulted in our matrimony," pointed out Pikachu.

"And I'm goin' for kids!" cried Samus drunkenly.

Mario and Sonic
6th on Air Smashville Flight

"Use the powers of wishing!" cried Sonic's faint voice from the distance.

"I believe-a!" echoed Mario's equally faint voice.

Mario and Sonic jumped out of the shuttle at such a force that they ripped the tickets out of the ticket agent's hand. Or to be more accurate, Mario and Sonic hijacked the shuttle and crashed into the queue, ripping off the ticket agent's hand which was holding tickets.

"Another victory!" celebrated Sonic.

Snake and Falcon
Last on Air Smashville Flight

"Golly, Mr. Heroes!" sulked Snake. "You didn't have to cut in line!"

"Good news, chums!" grinned Sonic. "According to the Flight Time Ray I conveniently always carry for this scene, our flight is actually the better one!"

"That is good news!" smiled Falcon.

"And according-a to my Gaydar, both of you are utter-a raging homose-" began Mario, taking out his device.

"YOU WILL REPRESS THOSE THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY!" bellowed Snake and Falcon at each other immediately.

Ness and Lucas
On Air Smashville Flight

"Ness?" asked Lucas timidly. "How you doing, buddy?"

Lucas poked Ness in the arm. A fountain of blood issued from Ness' mouth.

"Oh dear," worried Lucas. "I might just have to call a doctor!"

"I'm a doctor!" smiled a friendly mugger-um-stranger. "I just recently dropped out-I mean graduated medical school!"

"Oh cool!" smiled Lucas. "I'm worried about my friend here!"

The "doctor" closely examined Ness.

"Is he usually unconscious?" asked the stranger.

"No, not intentionally," replied Lucas.

"Well, follow me to my hospital and I'll fix him!" smiled the stranger, leading Lucas away.

"Hey thanks!" smiled Lucas. He looked at the sign. "Wow, this hospital is trendy! You've even wrote "H0zP1tl" on the sign for the hip kids of today, and it's in an alleyway so we can get fresh air!"

Kirby and Meta-Knight
On Smashville Air Flight

"What are all those guys so happy about?" asked Kirby, pointing over at the teams on the other flight.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, this is actually the crap flight," replied Ike casually.

"Oh bother," replied Meta-Knight. "Ah well, as long as we don't come last, eh Kirby? Uh...Kirby?"

Kirby was slitting his wrists with Meta-Knight's sword.

"We're boarding now," said Meta-Knight. "And I think it would be better if I handled my sword from now on."

"Like you do in the shower?" asked Kirby.

Wacky sitcom roommate music played.

Ness and Lucas
On Air Smashville Flight

"Are you going to be done in an hour?" called Lucas, sitting in the 'waiting room', which consisted of a cardboard box.

"I'm bandaging your friend up!" replied the mugger, stapling Ness' stomach wounds together. "Then I have to surgically remove the wallet!"

Lucas' jaw dropped.

"Gland. The wallet gland," covered the mugger.

Without warning, the mugger plunged his hand into Ness' stomach.

"What are you doing?" gasped Lucas. "I need to catch a flight!"

"WILL YOU JUST FORKING LET ME OPERATE?" screamed the mugger, pulling a gun on Lucas.

"Oh no, I don't want to get eliminated this way!" despaired Lucas. "Can't any kind heroes save me?"

Mario and Sonic
On Air Smashville Flight

"Can you sense that, Mario?" asked Sonic, using his 'powers'.

"What-a, what is happening-a?" asked Mario.

"I'm sensing that one of our fellow teams is in jeopardy!" panicked Sonic.

"No, Sonic-a, we're on The Amazing Race," reprimanded Mario. "It's-a Yoshi and Donkey Kong-a who went on Jeopardy."

"Oh that's right," remembered Sonic.

Ness and Lucas
On Air Smashville Flight

The mugger pulled the safety.

Lucas whimpered.

"Hey guys!" grinned Ness, jumping up suddenly.

"Ness, what the hell is going on?" asked Lucas nervously.

"I'm not really hurt!" laughed Ness. "It was all an elaborate hoax! The mugger was in on it too!"

"Shut up or the kid gets it!" yelled the mugger, poking the side of Lucas' head with the gun.

"Show's over, you card!" chuckled Ness. He limped over to the door out of the alleyway. "Come on, Lucas, we've got a plane to catch!"

"B-but the blood and the passing out!" stammered Lucas.

"None of it was real!" smiled Ness, getting paler.

Ness limped into the airport, with a confused Lucas close behind.

Mario and Sonic
On Air Smashville Flight

TICKET! Mario and Sonic showed their plane tickets.

BOARD! Mario and Sonic got on the plane.

POW! Mario and Sonic sat down.

INFLIGHT MEAL! It was chicken.

Wolf and Ganondorf
On Air Smashville Flight

"We're in the first seven, and looking at some of our competition, staying in will be cake," scoffed Wolf.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
On Air Smashville Flight

"I can't believe we're on a flydee-plane!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Isn't it great, sweetie?"

Luigi frantically tried to undo his seatbelt.

Ness and Lucas

"Run! Run! Run!" cried Ness, limping.

Snake and Falcon
On Air Smashville Flight

"Are you ordering the chicken as well?" asked Snake. "I don't want to eat too much, or I'll feel like a cow!"

"Yeah, too many calories, I'll skip this meal too!" laughed Falcon.

...

"Not that I'm worried about my figure or anything," said Snake quickly.

"I know, me neither," agreed Falcon.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
On Air Smashville Flight

"This is what they call the calm before the storm," said Mr. Game and Watch quietly. "Any minute now all hell will break loose!"

"A TERRORIST PLOT!" ROB gasped suddenly, firing a machine gun at a cup holder.

"Nowhere is safe!" panicked Mr. Game and Watch, wildly throwing a Swiss army knife out of the plane window.

Ness and Lucas

"I think we can make it," smiled a relieved Lucas, spotting the ticket counter.

"And there's the plane out there!" noticed Ness.

A Swiss Army knife landed in Lucas' back.

"Oh, how unfortunate," commented Ness, re-stapling a stomach wound.

Samus and Pikachu
On Air Smashville Flight

"Ah, with the first flight, I am another step closer to the blessed victory!" chuckled Pikachu. "Or should I say, the blessed Wrighttry! Ahaha!"

Samus paused in the middle of bogarting every shot-glass on the plane. "See, this is why I drink."

Ness and Lucas
On Air Smashville Flight

Ness and Lucas stumbled onto the plane, both bleeding.

"Uh...complimentary painkillers?" asked a real medic, holding out some drugs.

"Please," sighed a tired Lucas, grabbing a pill and swallowing it.

"Haha, know what? That wasn't a painkiller, that was Viagra instead!" chuckled Ness, taking a painkiller.

Lucas looked down.

...

"Of course it was," Lucas sighed.

"All teams are currently flying from Smashville to Canalave City, Sinnoh!" said Crazy Hand. "The first flight which left second carries Mario and Sonic, Luigi and Jigglypuff, Wolf and Ganondorf, Snake and Falcon, ROB and Mr. Game and Watch, Samus and Pikachu, and Ness and Lucas! The second flight which left first carries Falco and King Dedede, Ike and Bowser, Kirby and Meta-Knight, and Peach and Zelda!"

"Once teams arrive in Canalave City, they must take a bus to Canalave Library, where they will find their next clue in a book!"

"Will the four teams half an hour behind make it to the front of the pack? And who will be the first team eliminated?"

12:30pm
Air Smashville Flight Landed

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 1st Place

KA-BUS!

"I got bus information-a!" grinned Mario. "Let's get that library-a!"

"And I'll use my heat vision to stop the other teams!" declared Sonic.

Sonic glared angrily at the six teams behind him.

"We're good heroes-a!" smiled Mario happily.

Sonic glared angrily at the six teams behind him.

The bus pulled up.

"Can I help you?" asked the driver.

"Yes, we would like to ride your bus ma'am," replied Sonic, glaring angrily at the six teams behind him.

"Ma'am?" repeated the weight-lifting champion of Sinnoh who doubled as a bus driver.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Looks like we're in for a long ride together!" remarked Falcon as Sonic was beaten into a bloody pulp.

"I like women, dammit!" yelled Snake defensively.

"I meant on the bus!" said Falcon, alarmed.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 3rd Place

"We stepped on the bus third," noticed Mr. Game and Watch, his not-even-eyes darting around suspiciously. "Third as in third world. I sure hope this doesn't mean we wind up poor and hungry, having to be saved by liberals, hippies, and other decent people!"

"Let's make sure not to lose our passports just in case!" alerted ROB. "Only an idiot would do that!"

"All I know about Kazakhstan is from Borat," said Mr. Game and Watch.

ROB gave him a weird look.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place

"Want to hear something devilishly fiendish?" asked Ganondorf invitingly.

"Always," replied Wolf.

"I slashed the tyres," cackled Ganondorf.

"On the second bus?" checked Wolf.

"Oh...." muttered Ganondorf.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 5th Place

"That was a hefty bus fare," noticed Pikachu, counting the rest of his money. "I sure hope we have enough for the rest of the leg!"

Samus noticed a sleeping old man next to them.

"Let's steal his money!" cackled Samus.

"My word, thou shalt not steal!" reprimanded Pikachu. "Surely you realise that if you steal you will-"

Samus reached into the old man's pocket for his wallet.

"-lake of fire-"

Samus threw the old man's credit cards and prescription drugs out of the window.

"-Alabama-"

Samus took a hundred dollars.

"Gosh, you're right!" gasped Samus.

"Thou shalt not interrupt!" reprimanded Pikachu. "If you interrupt, you will-"

Samus hit her head against the chair in front angrily.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 6th Place

"Now listen, Luigi," said Jigglypuff. "We need to make sure we're the bestest team on this bus!"

"Yes, we want to win that free elimination," replied Luigi dryly.

"So we need teamwork!" continued Jigglypuff.

"So you're going to give me a pep talk lecture?" asked Luigi.

"No, I'm going to handcuff myself to you!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"What? That's just stu-"

Jigglypuff was handcuffed to Luigi.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 7th Place

"I can't believe everyone is picking on us!" said Ness, outraged. "On that flight alone I was pantsed, wedgied, noogied, wet willied, and made fun of for my abnormally large head!"

Lucas was thrown out of a bush next to Ness, face-first.

"I was thrown out of the plane as a prank and kidnapped," replied Lucas.

"Oh," noticed Ness.

They got on the bus.

"Hi, my name's Ness!" smiled Ness, making conversation with the team sitting behind him.

"I'll kill you at the pit stop," replied Wolf casually.

"The other teams are friendly!" smiled Ness. "Don't you think so, Lucas?"

"Um, not really," squirmed Lucas, between Snake and Falcon.

"Come on, Snake and Falcon are so friendly that they have their hands in your pockets!" smiled Ness. "The only other guy I know who was friendly enough to do that was my Uncle Steve!"

Ness crossed the bus to ROB and Mr. Game and Watch's seats.

"Hi, I'm Ness!" grinned Ness in a friendly manner.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch threw their hands up in the air.

"What's in the backpack?" asked ROB cautiously.

"Why, it's my lu-" began Ness, but Mr. Game and Watch pinned him to the floor.

"HE'S GOT A BOMB!" screamed Mr. Game and Watch.

"Yeah, the teams are real friendly," scoffed Lucas, being felt up by Snake and Falcon while the veterans gave Ness a cavity search.

1:00pm
2nd Flight Landed

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 8th Place

"I can't believe we're in the back with these losers!" shouted an angry Zelda. "It's your fault!"

"Miss Zelda, be reasonable!" reprimanded Peach. "You were the one who-"

Zelda slowly lifted a knife.

"It's my fault," said Peach in a resigned tone.

Canalave Library

"Detonate the device now!" cried Mr. Game and Watch, stealing Ness' bag as ROB opened the bus window.

ROB took the bag and threw it out at the library, which exploded, killing most of the Canalavian population.

The book clue landed in front of the seven teams' bus, and they scrambled out to steal it.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 1st Place

"Can you decode the cipher from HQ?" asked Mr. Game and Watch urgently, putting on a bandana.

"Yes, it appears to be plain English," noticed ROB, checking his sensors.

"Diabolical," cursed Mr. Game and Watch. "Make your way to Oreburgh Mines..."

"Teams must now take a cab to Oreburgh City and find the Oreburgh Mines!" said Crazy Hand. "Here, teams will find their next clue!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Sweet, mines," said Wolf urgently. "Flag down a cab!"

Ganondorf pulled out a handgun and ran to the middle of the street. A cab swerved to avoid him, crushing a small girl to death.

"Got it!" called Ganondorf, getting in.

"Get to Oreburgh Mines!" yelled Wolf, punching the dazed driver.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Quick, get to the mines as fast as possible!" urged Luigi, getting into a cab.

"Wow, you've got a new zest for the race!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"Yeah totally!" lied Luigi, researching ways miners died in the old days on his Blackberry.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"Mario, I think it's time to use our superhero call to alert the nation that we need a cab!" declared Sonic, pulling out a special device.

Mario nodded, and used the device to send a 'Mario and Sonic' symbol into the air.

...

"Look-a!" cried Mario, pointing at his signal. "It's-a the Mario and Sonic symbol-a! Somebody needs us-a!"

Mario and Sonic dramatically ran around in a circle.

"We're here, what's the danger?" asked Sonic dramatically.

A cab pulled up and Mario and Sonic got in.

"We saved the day once again!" cheered Mario and Sonic together.

"We're-a the greatest heroes ever!" grinned Mario.

"Hecks yeah!" replied Sonic, punching the air.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 4th Place

The veterans' placing comically changed as they were passed by three cabs.

"Hey, you guys need to go to Oreburgh?" asked a local.

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT?" screamed ROB. "Who are you working for? Who provided you with that intel?!"

"On second thought, it's within walking distance," replied the local angrily, walking off. "Jerk."

"But everyone else is in cabs!" noticed Mr. Game and Watch.

"We'll have to infiltrate the mines on foot," realised ROB. "You got your camo on?"

"Yes, sir!" saluted Mr. Game and Watch, completely black.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch began employing their secret espionage techniques to walk to Oreburgh.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 5th Place

"Look, ROB and Mr. Game and Watch are doing things I do in my game!" noticed Snake. "Follow them?"

"What kind of things?" asked Falcon sexily.

"Sneaking around under cover of darkness," replied Snake.

"Yeah, let's do that," purred Falcon.

"Okay, let's follow them!" decided Snake, following them.

...

"Hey, why are you pulling out your p-"

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 6th Place

"Hey, Pikachu, you're a Pokemon, right?" asked Samus.

Pikachu blinked.

"Yes," replied Pikachu in a condescending tone.

"So you know where to go, right?" asked Samus in a patronising manner.

"Yes, we go right here," replied Pikachu, getting in a cab.

"Oh, well that makes sense," realised Samus. "I had no idea being a Pokemon was so easy! All I have to do is say my own name and follow you! Samus! Samus!"

"Actually I speak English," replied Pikachu.

"Samus! Samus!" said Samus.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Wait, I'm confused," said Ganondorf, travelling along in the stolen cab. "If we commit so many crimes, we lie, steal, and threaten people, why don't we ever get pulled over by the police?"

"Maybe it's like some kind of awareness thing," replied Wolf. "We don't get pulled over until we mention the police themselves!"

A police car drove up to Wolf and Ganondorf.

"Floor it!" cried Ganondorf to the driver.

"Step on the damn gas!" roared Wolf, pulling out his Blaster.

"As fast as you can!" urged Ganondorf.

"Why did you have to mention the police?" asked Wolf angrily. "Can't you be a whiny bitch like last season?"

"Like, that hurt my feelings!" whined Ganondorf. "Roooooy!"

"Who?" asked Wolf, confused.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"Hey, wait!" noticed Pikachu. "I think we're passing cabs at an alarmingly fast rate! Driver, are we speeding again?"

"No, we're passing them by magic," replied the driver sarcastically.

"Samus, reason with this man!" urged Pikachu.

"Samus! Samus!" declared Samus.

Pikachu sighed, and then counted the cabs behind him.

Samus and Pikachu passed Wolf and Ganondorf.

"Oh, never mind, we're first," noticed Pikachu.

Oreburgh City

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place

"Right, Samus, do you see anything that looks like a mine?" asked Pikachu.

"Samus! Samus!" replied Samus.

"Oh, come on," said Pikachu angrily.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"I guess we're the two fastest teams when it comes to driving and cabs!" called Ganondorf. "Hey, Samus! Maybe we should work together!"

"You're kidding, right?" asked Wolf. "We don't work with anyone!"

"Come on Wolf, I'm sure they're smarter than Luigi and Jigs were when we hung out with them!" reasoned Ganondorf.

"Samus! Samus!" chirped Samus, scampering around on all fours.

"Let's be independent..." sighed Ganondorf.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Can you believe those people, Luigi?" asked Jigglypuff, sprinting into the city. "Speeding right past us just because we're a good team!"

"I know, it's awesome, I hope more people do it!" grinned Luigi brightly.

"I mean we're a big threat as racers!" continued Jigglypuff. "So I understand if they got a bit intimidated!"

"Yeah, maybe they'll kill us," said Luigi. "That'd show them."

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place

"Uh-oh, the other married couple got here," noticed Pikachu. "Quick, Samus! We have to convince them that our relationship is more blessed than theirs!"

"Samus! Samus!" said Samus.

Pikachu sighed, then looking over at Luigi and Jigglypuff, he grabbed Samus and made out with her. Loudly.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Samus, going out of Pokemon mode.

"There, that worked," grinned Pikachu, looking groggy.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"Have no fear, other three teams!" proclaimed Sonic, dramatically jumping over the city limit sign. "Your heroes have arrived!"

"And I'm sure if we work together-a, we can find the mines with our super powers of observation-a!" declared Mario.

Nobody listened.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 5th Place

"Did you see the vets and the two guys running instead of taking cabs?" asked Ness. "Sure serves them right!"

"Yeah," agreed Lucas, getting out of the cab. "Karma...and whatever..."

Ness' stitch burst open and his gooey organs leaked all over the ground.

"Looks that there's more karma right there!" chuckled Ness heartily.

"I wonder how the running teams are doing?" asked Lucas.

The Highways of Sinnoh

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 6th Place

"Snake and Falcon are right behind us!" gasped Mr. Game and Watch, clutching a stitch in his only side as he ran.

"Snake's a military fellow, too!" realised ROB. "We ought to make an alliance!"

"But we've fallen behind all the other civilians," pointed out Mr. Game and Watch. "We should have cross-checked our intel from the clue!"

"The clue would not lie to us!" bellowed ROB. "Unless...of course! The Amazing Race is run by communists!"

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 7th Place

"Man, all this running's getting me sweaty!" complained Falcon.

"Yeah, I need some kind of long bubble bath," agreed Snake. "With plenty of warm, exfoliating water!"

"Yes, and I could rub some relaxing bath salts into the rough, coarse skin all over your arms!" nodded Falcon, perking up slightly.

Snake nodded vigorously, "The excitement would steadily build, until-"

The cameraman stared, wide-eyed.

Snake coughed, and put on a macho voice. "Until I kicked you out of my bathroom and took a straight, manly shower!"

"Meanwhile, I would be back home! With women!" said Falcon, putting on a macho voice.

"You guys creep me out," said the cameraman bluntly.

"Look! We're in Oreburgh!" cried Snake, distracting everyone.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 6th Place

"Well, now that we arrived in Oreburgh," began Mr. Game and Watch.

"No thanks to the corrupt fascists over at CBS!" yelled ROB angrily and pointedly.

"We should probably find the mines!" finished Mr. Game and Watch. "You there! Where are the mines?"

"Gosh, I don't know," replied a local.

Mr. Game and Watch slit his throat.

"What the hell was that for?" asked his friend, pointing accusingly at Mr. Game and Watch.

"LOOK OUT! HE HAS A GUN!" screamed ROB.

"What? No I don't!" panicked the friend.

"Are you arguing with me?" asked ROB, taking out a machine gun.

"Yes!" profused the friend angrily.

ROB shot the friend so hard with his machine gun that he died. Yes, both of them.

Canalave Library

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 8th Place

"Oreburgh Mines!" read Falco. "Come on, Deeds!"

Dedede was staring at a cookbook.

"What's that you've got there?" asked Falco.

"Ch-check it," replied Dedede shakily, showing Falco his book.

"'How To Cook Birds, Especially Falcons And Penguins'," read Falco. "Dude! Where did you get that book?"

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 9th Place

"Okay, Falco and Dedede are distracted," grinned Zelda.

"I still don't know why you gave him that book," said Peach.

"Hey look, it's 'How To Cook Snooty Rich Girls!" noticed Zelda evilly, thrusting a book at Peach. "See? Some evil chef has melted this redhead's face! How delightful!"

"Actually, it's the novelisation to the Sex and the City movie," noticed Peach, reading the book.

...

Zelda shot Peach so hard that she died. Yes, both of them.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 10th Place

"Oreburgh Mines, baby!" grinned Ike. "And look at our competition!"

Peach and Zelda were dead, and Falco and King Dedede were throwing up. Kirby and Meta-Knight looked back at Ike, and flipped him off and rolled their eyes respectively.

"It is pretty good that we're in the back of the pack with the hot chicks," smiled Bowser lecherously.

"They're dead," noticed Ike. "Bummer."

"That never stops meeeee!" cheered Bowser in a high voice.

Ike gave him a weird look.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Currently in Last Place

"I can't believe it!" panicked Kirby. "We're going to be last in the first leg!"

"Whatever, I came last last season too," shrugged Meta-Knight.

"Hey, shut up!" argued Kirby. "I'm trying to make compelling television! That's your problem, you're just too boring!"

"Whatever, your face is boring," replied Meta-Knight.

"And stop with the immature cracks, you jackass!" shouted Kirby.

"Whatever, your face is an immature crack," replied Meta-Knight.

Oreburgh Mines

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"There's the mines!" shouted Ganondorf. "Go, go, go!"

"Don't worry, I'll just use some violence!" replied Wolf. He pulled out a knife and threw it backwards. It slashed Luigi's ankles.

"Yes, slow me down!" cheered Luigi from afar.

"Nice job!" praised Ganondorf. He reached the cluebox and pulled out a clue. "Pull one of three departure times..."

"Teams must now search the mines for one of three departure times for tomorrow morning!" said Crazy Hand. "What the teams don't know is that the three times are 8:00am, 8:30am, and 9:00am! Once a team pulls off a ticket with a time on it, they may not exchange it for a better time! Once teams have their times, they must find this campsite in the mines, where they must spend the night!"

"Alright, let's go," said Wolf. "Make sure you get a good look at the time before you do anything stupid!"

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place

"Okay, try to get one as late as possible," said Luigi, after reading the clue.

"Okay sweetie!" smiled Jigglypuff, walking down the mines.

Jigglypuff came to two tickets near each other: 8:30 and 9:00.

"Which one should I take?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Take 9! Take 9!" shouted Luigi.

Jigglypuff pulled off an 8:30am ticket.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
1st for 8:30am Departure

"What the hell was that?" asked Luigi angrily.

"This is the later one!" replied Jigglypuff defensively. "9 plus 00 is 9, but 8 plus 30 is 38! That's like more than four times as slow!"

"You're an idiot!" wailed Luigi, sobbing.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Once you pick a time, you can't change it," read Pikachu.

"Right, let's go," decided Samus.

"Can you see in the dark?" asked Pikachu, worried.

"I can with my medicine!" smiled Samus, taking out a beer bong.

"I highly disapprove with your methods!" argued Pikachu. "I find them morally objective, and I think you should-"

Samus ran up to an 8:00 departure time and ripped it off the wall.

Samus and Pikachu
1st for 8:00am Departure

"Oh," replied Pikachu.

Wolf and Ganondorf
2nd for 8:00am Departure

"I found the campsite," said Wolf.

"I found an 8:00 departure time," said Ganondorf.

"Oh, that's cool, I guess there's nothing to do but put stuff in the marked sleeping bags," reasoned Wolf.

"I agree," said Ganondorf, putting horse manure into Ness and Lucas' marked sleeping bags.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 4th Place

"Pull one of three departure times," read Ness. "Let's go, all the good ones might be gone!"

"Oh I hope nobody did anything to our sleeping bags!" Lucas panicked.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 5th Place

"Once you have a ticket, you can't change it!" read Sonic. "Hey there little boys, feel like combining forces with some real men?"

Ness screamed and ran away.

"Uh...noooo...you guys are like, the worst superheroes ever," said Lucas.

"What?!" asked Sonic, outraged. "Mario and I have way more superpowers than you!"

"Lucas, I found a 9:00am ticket!" called Ness. "Should I pull it?"

"No, my psychic powers are telling me that there might be a better one!" called Lucas back.

"Psychic powers, yeah right," scoffed Sonic. "I can fly, and I have super speed!"

"Fly?" asked Lucas suspiciously.

"Watch me!" grinned Sonic cockily.

Sonic jumped into an open mine shaft.

Ness and Lucas
2nd for 8:30am Departure

Ness came back with an 8:30 ticket.

"What happened to Sonic?" asked Ness.

"He's flying," replied Lucas dryly, watching Sonic plummet to his death.

Mario and Sonic
Last for 8:30am Departure

"Sonic-a! I'll save you!" declared Mario.

Mario jumped down the mine shaft, and returned five seconds later holding Sonic's dead body.

"Jumpman saves-a the day!" smiled Mario proudly. "Now to revive S-hey-a, is that a ticket?"

Mario pulled the ticket, kicking aside Sonic's body.

Sonic fell down the open mine shaft again.

Mario and Sonic
Interview before leg

"Everyone should be willing to help us, we're the kind heroes of the race!" said Sonic. "The least likely thing to happen would be us dying in a mine shaft!"

"We're gonna play-a nice, because our hearts are pure-a!" smiled Mario.

Mario and Sonic
Last for 8:30am Departure

POW! Mario rescued Sonic's body again, and used it to hit Ness and Lucas with.

"Jerks-a!" shouted Mario, performing CPR on Sonic.

KA-RESUSCITATION! Sonic sprang up once more.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 6th Place

"Search the mines for departure times," read Falcon.

"That's bad..." sighed Snake.

"Once you have a time, you must spend the night together," read Falcon.

"That's good!" grinned Snake slyly.

"In the mines," finished Falcon.

"That's bad..." sighed Snake.

Captain Falcon walked up to two tickets.

"Here's an 8:00am...and a 9:00am..." said Falcon. "Snake, which is better?"

Snake opened his mouth to respond, and then closed it again. Both men looked stumped.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

"I can't believe those commies made us run that far!" complained ROB. "There should be cabs or something!"

"Search the mines for departure times," read Mr. Game and Watch. "Let's get this done!"

"What if the mines are stockpiling sinister biological warfare?" asked ROB.

"No, they're hiding WMDs instead," remarked Mr. Game and Watch.

...

"WMDs!" screamed ROB and Mr. Game and Watch, defusing mine carts and rocks.

Snake and Falcon
Last for 8:00am Departure

"Hopefully this '8 is better than 9' risk we're taking proves useful!" worried Snake.

"Say, do you hear explosions?" asked Falcon.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

"Okay, we've defused all mines!" said Mr. Game and Watch through a radio he found. "What next, General?"

"Look! It's a diabolical terrorist scheme!" noticed ROB. "That is not a military radio, but in fact an iPod!"

Mr. Game and Watch screamed and shot it several times.

"They're sabotaging our communication lines!" cried Mr. Game and Watch.

The sound of a bus parking was heard from outside.

"OH DEAR GOD THEY'RE HERE TO KILL US!" screamed Mr. Game and Watch.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 8th Place

"Search the mines for departure times," read Peach. "I just hope there's a good one left!"

"Dammit, the veterans are still looking," noticed Zelda, pointing down the narrow mine shaft at ROB and Mr. Game and Watch cowering. "They'll just get in our way!"

"Oh dear," replied Peach, looking on the mine walls for tickets.

Suddenly, Zelda dashed forward in a military uniform all of a sudden.

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS!" bellowed Zelda in a gruff Southern accent. "You will march down into the mines and pull the ticket with the latest time possible! Do it or the enemy wins!"

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch looked at each other, and then sprinted off down the mines, firing machine guns wildly.

"Wow, that was a good move!" smiled Peach, taking a random ticket.

Peach and Zelda
1st for 9:00am Departure

A rattlesnake sound played.

"Aww..." sighed Peach, dropping and giving Zelda twenty push-ups.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 9th Place

"Check it, we have to get 'da timez," noticed King Dedede, looking over at Peach.

"Peach, what time did you get?" asked Falco.

"She got a 9:00am," spat Zelda, spitting spitefully on Peach.

"O...kay..." said Falco, stepping backwards. "I guess that's all that's left!"

Falco and King Dedede
2nd for 9:00am Departure

"I sure hopizzle so'," chuckled Dedede, ripping a 9:00am ticket off of the wall.

"Hey, look!" smiled Falco. "Cave graffiti!"

Falco looked at the graffiti. "Bite us, teams on second bus. Especially those two bird guys..."

"Yo, that's wack!" protested Dedede.

"Those damn racists!" cried Falco angrily. "I hate them! I hate them all!"

"A'ight," replied Dedede in a rapper manner.

"And I hate you," added Falco.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
3rd for 9:00am Departure

"We're back, slave driver-I mean, Major Zelda!" called Mr. Game and Watch, proudly holding a 9:00am ticket.

"I'm not in the army any more," said Zelda, her deed done.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch saluted.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch looked at their departure time.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch cried.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 10th Place

"Alright, what kind of kickass stunt are we doing in this mine?" asked Ike. "I'm ready for anything! Gonna seriously impress some chicks with my mad skills!"

"Pulling departure times," replied Bowser.

"Oh, good, I don't like things that are scary and dangerous," said Ike.

Ike daintily skipped and pranced over to a 9:00am ticket and tickled it with his fairy wand until it came down.

Ike and Bowser
4th for 9:00am Departure

"What?" asked Ike, seeing the look on Bowser's face.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Currently in Last Place

"Last clue, ho-hum," sighed Meta-Knight.

"Oh, that's awesome!" shouted Kirby angrily. "Ness might have sucked last season, but he was better than you! We're going to get eliminated because of this! I hate you!"

Meta-Knight pulled the last ticket.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Last for 9:00am Departure

"I'm so moving out once we get back home!" protested Kirby. "I'm moving across the hall!"

"What 'across the hall'?" asked Meta-Knight. "We live on my ship, you'd plummet to your death!"

Kirby hugged Meta-Knight.

"I'm sowwwy..." sniffed Kirby, bug-eyed.

Oreburgh Mine Campsite

"Goodnight everyone!" smiled Ness cheerily. He hopped into his sleeping bag. "Oh, that's warm!"

Lucas sighed, and rolled over in his cow manure.

"It worked!" laughed Ganondorf. In an evil manner.

Oreburgh Mine Campsite – Morning

The eleven teams all woke up and got ready in a fairly uninteresting manner.

"Wow Luigi, it's such a nice day today!" smiled Jigglypuff pleasantly, not able to see the sun. "I hope all our buddies are ready for a fantastic day of racing!"

"Yeah, whatever," replied Luigi dryly.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the campsite, the birds were nervously being interrogated by cameramen.

"Things are pretty tense right now," Falco told the camera. "We still have a Detour to do, and we all know that by this time tomorrow, one of us will be the first ones eliminated."

"Yo, it betta' not be us, dawg," replied King Dedede.

"Can you use a more tolerable dialogue?" asked the cameraman.

"Whatchoo mean?" asked Dedede, dropping it like it was of a high temperature.

"It's just...I've never been a fan of...your kind..." said the cameraman nervously.

"What kind is that?" asked Falco dangerously.

"Bir-" began the cameraman, but Falco pulled out his Blaster.

"I advise you choose your next words carefully!" shouted Falco.

"When teams depart from the mines, they must travel back up to mainland Oreburgh and find Oreburgh Gym!" said Crazy Hand. "Here, teams will find their next clue!"

"The first group, departing at 8:00am, contains Wolf and Ganondorf, Samus and Pikachu, and Snake and Falcon! The second group, departing at 8:30am, contains Luigi and Jigglypuff, Ness and Lucas, and Mario and Sonic! Last to depart, one hour after the first group, is Kirby and Meta-Knight, Falco and King Dedede, Ike and Bowser, Peach and Zelda, and ROB and Mr. Game and Watch!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Samus and Pikachu
Snake and Falcon
1st to Depart, 8:00am

The three lead teams sprinted out of the mines first, and ran up to the gym at nearly the same time.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Villains

"Make your way to..." read Wolf.

Samus and Pikachu
Married in Vegas

"...the base of Mt. Coronet..." read Pikachu.

Snake and Falcon
Friends

"...to find your next clue!" read Snake.

"There are more buses over here, hurry!" cried Falcon, getting into the bus behind the villains and the....vegasers.

"Nooooo!" cried Snake, doing a dramatic leap onto the bus.

"We're not Mario and Sonic," said Falcon.

"Oh, right," said Snake, checking the script. "Um....some kind of innuendo?"

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Ness and Lucas
Mario and Sonic
2nd to Depart, 8:30am

Mario and Sonic used their super-gadgets (a stick) to distract (bludgeon) the other two teams with, and they dashed to the gym at supersonic and Mario's own running speeds.

"Good eyes, Mario!" grinned Sonic.

"Thank-a you, I stole them!" smiled Mario suspiciously.

Ness and Lucas
Students

"Where's Oreburgh Gym?" asked Lucas.

"What does a gym look like?" asked Ness. "I always skipped gym class because of the bullies!"

"Ness, Coach Bailey was not a bully!" said Lucas. "He wanted you to take off your clothes because you had to put the football uniform on!"

Coach Bailey

Coach Bailey watched the surveillance camera tapes of Smashville High School alone at home.

"Coach, I don't want to take my shirt off!" whined Ness' voice on the TV.

"Jackpot," smirked Coach Bailey evilly.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Arranged Marriage

"The gym's got to be somewhere around here!" panicked Jigglypuff.

"Yes, who knows where on Earth it could be," said Luigi sarcastically, leaning against the street sign that pointed to the gym so Jigglypuff couldn't see it.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"I don't think-a the other two teams-a are blessed with such vision-a super powers like us-a!" laughed Mario, getting the clue.

"Make your way to the base of Mt. Coronet," read Sonic. "Team Mario and Sonic, away!"

Dramatic music.

"Oh, we have to walk to the bus ourselves," said Sonic sadly, walking.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Arranged Marriage

"Come on, Luigi!" smiled Jigglypuff. "Let's ask someone here if they know how to find Oreburgh Gym!"

Jigglypuff grabbed Luigi's hand and ran inside Oreburgh Gym. She accidentally nudged the cluebox.

"Pardon me, mister!" apologised Jigglypuff.

The cluebox ignored her.

"Jerk!" snapped Jigglypuff.

Luigi frantically painted a fake face on the cluebox before being dragged away again.

Ness and Lucas
Students

"Ness, don't you think we should start looking for the gym?" asked Lucas.

"COACH BAILEY, NO! NOT LIKE THIS!" sobbed Ness hysterically.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"Wait a second-a!" realised Mario. "We don't have to walk to the bus-a!"

KA-CAB! Mario called a cab.

"Wow, that's quick thinking, sidekick!" declared Sonic.

"I'm-a not the sidekick, you are-a," retorted Mario angrily.

"I think the other teams didn't take kindly to our team dynamic," said Sonic in a voice-over. "But we'll show them! After all, we're the most fully functioning team!"

"Shut up sidekick!" screamed Sonic.

Mario and Sonic got into a wild fistfight in the back seat of the cab.

Mt. Coronet
1st Bus Arrived

Wolf and Ganondorf sprinted out of the bus first.

"We're the fastest team in the front of the pack, we've got this leg all wrapped up!" grinned Wolf confidently.

"No way, there's the heroes!" gasped Ganondorf, looking at a cab appearing on the horizon.

"Quick!" shouted Wolf, stapling the bus doors shut. "These guys can't get out; make sure they don't come near this cluebox!"

Ganondorf ran over to the arriving cab with his trusty shotgun, while Wolf pulled out the clue. Mario and Sonic dramatically opened the cab door, hitting Ganondorf in the crotch. Ganondorf doubled over and grabbed Sonic's ankle, breaking it in three places. Mario didn't notice, and ran to the cluebox.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Villains

"Make your way on foot to Hearthome City," read Wolf.

Mario and Sonic
Superheroes

"However-a, you must carry a heavy-a Coronet rock there-a," read Mario.

"Teams must now make their way to Hearthome City, half a mile away!" said Crazy Hand. "However, they must walk there while carrying a Coronet rock on their backs! Once teams arrive in Hearthome, they will find their next clue!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Right, you're strong," said Wolf. "You can carry it."

"What makes you think I'm strong?" asked Ganondorf defensively.

"Well, you're like twice my size," replied Wolf.

"How dare you make assumptions about me!" shouted Ganondorf, punching Wolf in the stomach.

Wolf coughed up a lung.

"I see your point," said Ganondorf, hoisting the rock onto his back.

"I guess we should let them out now," shrugged Wolf, throwing a knife through the bus door, which miraculously opened.

Samus and Pikachu and Snake and Falcon ran out.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"Go there, carry this," read Samus in a hurry. "Do you think you can carry it?"

"No!" objected Pikachu, the height of Samus' knee.

"Good!" cheered Samus, throwing the huge rock on top of Pikachu.

...

Red liquid came from under the rock.

"Ooh, just like Mom used to make!" smiled Samus creepily, tasting some of the blood.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 3rd Place

"Sonic-a, will you hurry up-a?" demanded Mario. "We fell back a whole place-a because of your broken ankle-a!"

"That Ganondorf is a treacherous villain!" said Sonic. "I'll see to it that he gets eliminated!"

"Quick-a, let's use our super strength-a!" declared Mario, struggling to pick up the rock.

KA-WHEELBARROW! "I just had an idea!" smiled Sonic, scooping the rock up in a wheelbarrow.

Mario stapled the wheelbarrow to Sonic's back.

"That's-a for holding us up!" smiled Mario good-naturedly.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 4th Place

"Make your way to Hearthome City, you must carry this, blah blah," read Falcon. "Who should do it?"

"I think I can do it," said Snake, judging the weight. "Can you hold my gear while I lift this?"

"Okie-dokie! How's this?" asked Falcon.

Snake looked at the location of Falcon's hand.

"No, my guns and stuff," replied Snake.

"Oh," said Falcon, taking Snake's weapon packs.

"Although you could i-if you really wanted to..." mumbled Snake.

"We're still rolling," said the cameraman, scared.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"We've got three teams following us, and if freakin' Mario and Sonic can catch up, anyone can catch up," said Wolf warily.

Ganondorf panted in approval, carrying the rock.

"I just hope there's something at the Detour we can just own at," hoped Ganondorf.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"You're going too slow!" shouted Samus. "Can't you run any faster?"

Pikachu was nearly entirely under the rock.

"Just let me take a break!" panted Pikachu. "You've been whipping me for hours!"

"Please, honey?" asked Samus flirtatiously. "Can't you speed up for me?"

Pikachu struggled to increase his pace.

"Too slow!" smiled Samus brightly, whipping the back of Pikachu's leg.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 3rd Place

"Sonic-a, are you okay?" asked Mario cautiously.

"I have...super stamina..." panted Sonic, dragging the wheelbarrow. "Just tell me where...to go..."

"Here-a, drink more super potion-a," said Mario, pouring some energy drink into Sonic's throat.

"Ineffective," panted Sonic.

Mario put a beer bong in Sonic's mouth.

KA-INEBRIATE! Sonic sprang up and began jogging briskly.

Ness and Lucas
Students

"Make your way to Mt. Coronet..." read Lucas, while Ness suffered repressed memory-induced spasms.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Arranged Marriage

"Make your way to Mt. Coronet," sighed Luigi resignedly, pulling the clue out.

"The other teams are about to depart!" panicked Jigglypuff. "I wish I hadn't wasted so much time being harassed by that stranger who looks like the cluebox!"

"You mean there's still a slim chance at elimination?" asked Luigi eagerly.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Ike and Bowser
ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Falco and King Dedede
Peach and Zelda
Last to Depart, 9:00am

"Luigi and Jigs are still out there!" noticed Kirby and Bowser excitedly.

"So are Ness and Lucas!" added Mr. Game and Watch and Falco, pointing.

"You mean we're not out of this yet?" asked Zelda and Meta-Knight.

"Hey, we could even grab fifth place if we hurried!" smiled Ike and ROB.

"Good point, let's go!" smiled King Dedede and Peach.

The five teams looked at each other.

"Will you guys shut up?" asked everyone. "I can't hear a thing that's going on!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Hearthome City's not too far away now!" grinned Wolf, reading a street sign. "No room for resting now, Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf threw the rock at Wolf.

"Rest that, motherfu-" Ganondorf noticed the police.

"It's not murder!" said Ganondorf quickly. "He's alive!"

Rats dragged away Wolf's arm.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place

"When we applied for the race, did you think this would be one of the first things we'd be doing?" asked Pikachu, annoyed.

"Nope!" smiled Samus cheerily, now sitting on top of the rock.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 3rd Place

Mario and Sonic were about to open their mouths to have a scene, but they were riddled with bullet holes.

"Damn, Falcon!" smiled Snake, impressed. "You really know how to handle my gun!"

"Yes, I do," said Falcon solemnly.

Snake heaved the rock further up his back.

"You're almost better at it than I am!" chuckled Snake.

"Thanks!" grinned Falcon.

"Don't forget to blow the smoke off," warned Snake.

"Oh, I never forget about blowing the gun," replied Falcon.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"Those vile fiends-a!" cried Mario, falling over in a puddle of blood.

"Mario, I think I broke my back when I fell!" panted Sonic, the wheelbarrow lodged in his spine.

"Don't-a despair!" cried Mario dramatically. "I will use-a my super healing powers-a to heal those wounds-a!"

"Please hurry, this rock's making my super spine super dislocated!" panicked Sonic.

Mario got out his superhero medical kit.

"Mario, that's Operation!" shouted Sonic, dying.

"Well-a you should have thought of that before-a you used a wheelbarrow-a!" screamed Mario, as he touched a side.

Sonic died.

"What an unsupportive teammate-a," lamented Mario, prising the wheelbarrow from Sonic's body.

Mario remembered he had super strength.

"Oh, that's-a right!" chuckled Mario. "I have super strength, he has super speed-a! Isn't that funny, Sonic-a?"

Sonic was dead, with a boulder stuck in his spine.

Hearthome City

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Hey, where do you want this thing?" asked Wolf, sprinting up to a marked vendor.

"You put rock in hole," said the vendor, pointing at a huge, fenced-off hole in the middle of the city.

"Oh, that makes sense," nodded Wolf. "Okay Ganon, let 'er go."

Ganondorf threw the rock at the vendor, killing him. It bounced off of his body and landed in the hole.

"Okay, I got the clue," said Ganondorf, pulling the clue from the vendor's stall. "Make your way to Solaceon Town..."

"Teams must now make their way to Solaceon Town, a short route away from Hearthome!" said Crazy Hand. "This town, famous for ranching, breeding, and even discovery of Pokemon, is where teams will find their next clue!"

"Get a cab, the other three are still close behind," warned Wolf.

Ganondorf pulled out his gun. "Right, I got my cab fare right here."

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"You know, I think I'm strong enough to lift this up now," said Pikachu to Samus. Pikachu was gunned down violently.

"Dang, chipped a nail," sighed Falcon, blowing smoke off of Snake's handgun again.

"Good showing, anyway," reasoned Snake, throwing his rock into the hole.

"Make your way to Solaceon Town," read Falcon, taking the clue.

"Can we take a cab? Because walking this much really takes it out of you," said Snake, stretching his arms. "That rock sure was heavy!"

"I know, I'm all sweaty from firing the gun!" agreed Falcon.

"We might have to...take our shirts off..." suggested Snake.

Snake and Falcon looked at the camera.

"And put them back on immediately," finished Snake.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Well, this is the place, I guess," said Samus, watching Snake and Falcon leave. "Up and over!"

Samus tossed the rock with a dead Pikachu stuck to it into the hole.

"Pikachu? You want to read the clue?" asked Samus, taking the clue.

Pikachu was dead, between two of the rocks.

"Ah, he's fine," shrugged Samus. "Make your way to Solaceon Town..."

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"Mario, I think you should carry this thing," said Sonic.

"I thought you were dead-a!" gasped Mario, carrying the rock.

"I was dead, but thankfully I ran around the world three times to turn back time to before I died, then I saved myself!" grinned Sonic. "Luckily for me, I can also see into the future with my magical Sonic device!"

"How did you-a run when you were-a—" began Mario.

Sonic held up a magic 8-ball, painted blue.

"Wow-a!" marvelled Mario.

"Are we going to make it to Hearthome?" asked Sonic excitedly.

"We're in Hearthome-a," noticed Mario, passing a road sign.

"Capital," smiled Sonic, still shaking the 8-ball.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 5th Place

"Make your way to Hearthome City, you must carry one of these Coronet rocks on foot," read Jigglypuff. "Can you-"

"I'm doing it!" shouted Luigi adamantly, throwing the rock violently onto his back.

The rock did not kill Luigi.

"Dammit!" cursed Luigi. He threw the rock up again. "Please, please, please..."

The rock did not kill Luigi.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 6th Place

"Make your way to Hearthome City, you must carry one of these Coronet rocks on foot," read Lucas.

"This'll be easy!" scoffed Ness. "We're both telekinetic! Lift it up with our minds, come on!"

Working together, Ness and Lucas used their psychic powers to levitate the rock a few paces ahead of them, suspended in mid-air.

"And our journey begins," commented Lucas, bored.

Ness took a step.

"I can't take it any more!" whined Ness, breaking down.

"I thought you were a psychic too!" said Lucas, confused.

"I am!" smiled Ness.

"So is your brain not powerful enough to-never mind, either answer would just freak me out..." sighed Lucas.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"We're a really independent team!" grinned Sonic at the camera. "Our super powers make us a cut above the rest! We're the best ever to run this race!"

"We just-a walked right past-a the place," noticed Mario, passing the hole.

"Oh," said Sonic meekly.

Mario and Sonic used their mighty super powers to...turn around...and deposit the rock safely.

"Look, there's two more teams-a!" panicked Mario.

"How'd you guys get done so fast?" asked Sonic.

"Our cameraman said something about not wanting to air hours of footage of idiots carrying rocks!" smiled Jigglypuff brightly, as Luigi reluctantly threw the rock into the hole.

"Yeah, and plus we're psychics anyway," added Lucas, levitating his rock into the hole.

"It's some kind of literary device to show how far you guys have fallen behind," added Ness. "Now you're back with us in the middle of the pack!"

Ness and Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully, Lucas nodded bemusedly, and Luigi flipped Mario off.

"Oh," said Sonic, taking the clue. "Make your..."

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 5th Place

"...way to..." read Jigglypuff.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 6th Place

"...Solaceon Town!" read Lucas.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"We're on the way to Solaceon Town," interviewed Ganondorf in his cab. "And all the teams are more or less in the same kind of area as they departed in, which works out pretty well for us!"

"We also got a reliable taxi driver, who's even paying us!" grinned Wolf.

"I'm not paying you!" protested the cab driver.

"Ganondorf, you hold him and I'll punch," said Wolf, still grinning.

"Okay!" smiled Ganondorf, crawling over into the front seat to grab the driver.

The car spun out of control.

"PAY US OR DIE, DAMMIT!" screamed Wolf, punching the cab driver.

The cab driver weakly handed over his wallet.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"The middle three teams might be done with the rock thing by now," worried Falcon. "I hope we do the Detour easily!"

"Yeah, I hope it's like, accessorizing or something we're good at," agreed Snake.

"Haha, I think you mean drinking beer and watching sports!" laughed Falcon nervously, jerking his head at the cameras.

"But every Sunday we go down to the salon and-"

Snake noticed the cameras.

"-pick up babes!" finished Snake defensively.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Samus, I can't believe you just hindered me in that rock task!" complained Pikachu. "That was the first task of the race, and you were no help at all! You even let it crush me! I could have died permanently!"

"Wear your silencer," grinned Samus creepily.

"I most certainly will not!" argued Pikachu indignantly. "I tell you, if my superiors at the NES chapel found out you were doing these things to me, they'd-"

Samus stapled a silencer to Pikachu's face.

"I totally silenced you!" laughed Samus maniacally.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"This is bad-a, how can we find a cab-a?" panicked Mario, looking around desperately.

"Ness, Lucas, Jigs, Green Mario, look!" cried Sonic desperately. "The bottomfeeder teams are here! We're screwed!"

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

ROB threw the rock in the hole and covered his robotic ears.

Silence.

"All clear, they're not bombs!" called ROB. "Take the clue!"

Mr. Game and Watch picked up the clue.

"Make your way to Solaceon Town!" read Mr. Game and Watch. "We need a cab."

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 8th Place

"Okay Miss Zelda, this is the place!" smiled Peach brightly.

Zelda threw the rock (which had a painting of Link's face on it) into the hole.

"And stay dead this time!" screeched Zelda. "Make your way to Solaceon Town!"

Peach gave Zelda a weird look.

"Don't you ever blink at me," hissed Zelda.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 9th Place

"Yo, I can't belizzle we gots all those locals to help us, mang!" smiled Dedede cheerfully.

"Of course!" smiled a local, carrying the rock. "Your race needs a little extra help with these things!"

"Gee, thanks, yo!" grinned Dedede.

"Our race?" asked Falco indignantly. "Just because he's a rapper and I have a deep voice like this doesn't mean we're...we're...we're...birds! Equality for everyone, dammit!"

"But I helped you!" panicked the local.

"I don't care!" shouted Falco. "Make your way to Solaceon Town, Deeds!"

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 10th Place

"Quick Ike, toss it into the hole!" called Bowser, looking at what everyone else was doing.

"Nice innuendo, Bowser!" chuckled Ike.

"Innuendo?" repeated Bowser. "More like in-your-end-hole!"

"I just tossed it into the hole!" laughed Ike, in hysterics.

Ike and Bowser laughed merrily at their wit and maturity.

"Make your way to Solaceon Town..." read Bowser, wiping tears from his eyes.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 5th Place

"Oh no, all the back of the pack teams caught up!" lamented Jigglypuff. "And we still can't find cabs! It's an-"

Jigglypuff counted.

Jigglypuff counted.

Jigglypuff counted.

"-eight way tie for last!"

"Awesome, maybe we'll lose," grinned Luigi.

"But wait!" grinned Jigglypuff. "It's also an eight way tie for-"

Jigglypuff counted.

"-fourth place!"

Luigi cried.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 6th Place

"Ness, I got an idea," said Lucas. "The other teams hate us, so if we can find cabs for enough of them, maybe they'll like us!"

"Okay!" smiled Ness. "So who do we help?"

"Well, ROB and Game and Watch are veterans, and I saw an online PSA about Veterans' Day," said Lucas. "So I think them, and Zelda so she doesn't kill us!"

"But not Falco and Dedede," dismissed Ness. "I hate their people."

"Well that's a given," replied Lucas. "Ike and Bowser maybe, and Luigi and Jigs because they're both slow enough for us to win a footrace!"

"We really are high school students!" smiled Ness, enjoying his pettiness.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Currently in Last Place

"How do they expect us to carry that thing?" demanded Kirby, limping into Hearthome City with the rock crushing him.

"Foresight or whatever," shrugged Meta-Knight, shrugging in his boredom.

"Make your way to Solaceon Town," read Kirby. "Great, nobody here has a frickin' cab!"

"Falco, can we get cabs with you?" asked Meta-Knight. "You're about the most tolerable team in this town."

"Tolerable?" repeated Kirby. "He has freaking Dedede!"

"Yo, homeboy," smirked Dedede.

"Uh, sure guys," said Falco. "Just as long as we don't get any more lucky breaks because of our race!"

A cab swerved around the highways and skidded to a halt in front of the two teams.

"Need a ride, I give rides to minorities like birds and puffballs," said the driver, mopping his brow. "Puffball cab's just coming."

"Uh, sure," replied Meta-Knight. Falco sighed and got into the cab, as Kirby and Meta-Knight's puffball cab arrived.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 4th Place

"I really am sick of this," Falco told the camera, perching on the parrot-cage seats.

Kirby and Meta-Knight
Currently in 5th Place

"What just happened?" asked a bemused Kirby.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 6th Place

"Ness, Lucas, thanks for the cab!" laughed Jigglypuff cheerily, diving headfirst into a third cab heading straight for Ness and Lucas.

"Dammit, now we're not last," lamented Luigi, continuing the one-dimensional attitude.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

"Cabs are getting here!" pointed out Mr. Game and Watch. "Thanks for the help, Ness and Lucas!"

"We support your political beliefs!" called ROB enthusiastically, getting in and driving off.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 8th Place

"I wasn't aware we'd actually done anything," remarked Lucas, getting into another cab.

"It's like all plans made by kids," laughed Ness. "We talk big games, but nobody's really going anywhere!"

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 9th Place

"Quick! To the Cabmobile!" cried Sonic, noticing the influx of cabs.

"I'll thwart the villain driving it-a!" declared Mario, pulling out a handgun.

Mario sprinted up to the cab.

"Out-a of the cab, fiend!" bellowed Mario, firing a few rounds.

The driver was dead.

"Play my jingle-a, Sonic!" grinned Mario. "I have saved the day-a!"

Mario and Sonic drove off in the stolen cab.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in 10th Place

"Uh-oh, there's only one cab left," noticed Bowser. "How do we decide who gets it?"

"We kick their butts!" roared Ike, punching his palm.

"Hi there," smirked Zelda.

"We let the hot babes take it!" roared Ike, punching his palm.

Peach and Zelda drove off in the cab.

Ike and Bowser
Currently currently in Last Place

"Why'd you do that?" asked Bowser angrily. "We could have left them behind!"

"Dude, Zelda would have killed us!" gasped Ike. "Besides, help the girls, get better stuff in return, know what I mean? Bow chi-"

"You're an idiot," replied Bowser flatly. "We're last."

"No we're not!" scoffed Ike.

Bowser looked around briefly. "Well, yes. Yes we are, Ike."

"Oh, so we are," sighed Ike.

A final cab arrived and Ike and Bowser got in.

"You freaking idiot," criticised Bowser.

Solaceon Town

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

Wolf and Ganondorf jumped out of the cab and began running around.

"Wolf, look!" noticed Ganondorf. "Race flag at those ruins!"

Wolf bit Ganondorf's ankle and slapped him with his gun.

"We need a clue first, silly-billy!" smiled Wolf, dubbed over with a PBS kid's show voice.

Ganondorf kicked Wolf in the crotch.

"You're right, Wolfie!" simpered Ganondorf, dubbed over with a Mr. Rogers voice.

"Where's the clue?" asked Wolf in his regular voice, looking for the cluebox. "Hurry!"

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Got no time to waste!" yelled Snake, running out of the cab. "Falcon, come on!"

Snake grabbed Falcon's hand and began to sprint to the cluebox.

Wolf and Ganondorf swivelled round to see Snake and Falcon holding hands.

"Uh...let go!" snarled Snake in a fake tone, throwing Falcon's hand off.

"I got the clue!" cried Falcon, trying to hide his tears as he fished a clue from the cluebox.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"How the – flower- did we miss this –shirt?" demanded Wolf angrily, being dubbed at certain moments.

"Never mind," sighed Ganondorf, pulling the clue out.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Run! Run! Run!" panicked Samus, running towards the cluebox.

"Will you take this blasted thing off of me first?" demanded Pikachu, struggling along with a ball and chain.

"No time!" Samus shouted back, taking a clue.

Circulation ran out and Pikachu's foot dropped off.

"Never mind, we're good!" cried Pikachu, sprinting up limply.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"Detour!" read Falcon, ripping open the clue. "Old or New?"

"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with their own pros and cons!" explained Crazy Hand. "In this Detour, teams must choose between two methods of Pokemon searching! The choice: Old or New?"

"In Old, teams must make their way through to the city to Solaceon Ruins! Once there, they will receive a card and a Pokeball from an archaeologist! Teams must journey into the ruins and capture an Unown that matches the Unown on their card to receive their next clue! This is an easy enough task, but teams will be given a time limit!"

"In New, teams must make their way to Solaceon Daycare Centre! Once there, they will receive a baby Pokemon, which they must match to the parent Pokemon! This task is harder, but there is no time limit, and teams who know their Pokemon could finish quickly!"

"Let's do New!" simpered Snake. "I love babies!"

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"New, I want to kill some serious babies," said Ganondorf, finishing his clue reading.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 3rd Place

"Hey, Pikachu, you're a Pokemon, right?" asked Samus, reading the clue.

"We've been over this," replied Pikachu flatly.

"Oh, yeah...so doing New might not be such a bad idea!" decided Samus. "Especially if we get that baby version of you! What's his name?"

"P..." sighed Pikachu.

"Paul?" asked Samus.

"Pich..." continued Pikachu.

"Peach?" asked Samus.

"Pichu," finished Pikachu.

"Pichu?" asked Samus.

Pikachu nodded slowly.

Solaceon Daycare Centre

Snake and Falcon
On New

"We're here!" smiled Falcon cheerily. "Where's our baby?"

"Right here," said the daycare woman, handing Falcon a newborn Bonsly.

"Uh, you hold the wood," said Snake, looking nervous.

"Okay!" grinned Falcon enthusiastically. "Oh, wait, the Bonsly. Okay."

"Parents are this way," said the daycare woman, opening the door for Falcon.

"Snake, try and look for anything that looks like my wood," ordered Falcon, looking around.

"Okay!" grinned Snake enthusiastically. "Oh, wait, the Bonsly. Okay."

Wolf and Ganondorf
On New

"Hand over the damned baby!" shouted Wolf, storming into the daycare centre.

Several baby Pokemon began to cry.

"Shut your cute little faces!" bellowed Wolf, stabbing some babies.

"H-here's your Pokemon!" panicked the daycare lady, handing Wolf a happy looking Wynaut.

"Wynaut!" grinned Wynaut.

"Aww, he's so cute!" simpered Wolf. "Hey there, little guy!"

"Who's a fuzzy-wuzzy little man?" asked Ganondorf in a baby voice. "You are! You are!"

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 4th Place

"Okay, here's Solaceon Town!" grinned Jigglypuff, running out of the cab. "Are you ready to rock, Luigi?"

"I'm ready to kill myself with one," sighed Luigi.

"There's a race flag!" smiled Jigglypuff, pointing at a flag on the ruins. "Let's go there!"

Jigglypuff dragged Luigi through to the ruins. The camera panned on the left-behind cluebox and high string music played.

"Right, you're with the race," said the Ruin Maniac gruffly. "Here's the Unown, here's the Pokeball. Any questions?"

"Are these things dangerous?" asked Luigi hopefully.

"Not particularly," replied the Ruin Maniac. "Catch the right Unown before the time's up, you get the clue. Go."

Snake and Falcon
On New

"Let's see..." thought Snake. "I'm looking for taller and stronger wood..."

"Aren't we all?" joked Falcon.

"Maybe the women are!" laughed Snake. "But we aren't! Remember?!"

"Oh, right!" laughed Falcon.

Wolf and Ganondorf
On New

"Aww, the Wynaut's warm!" chuckled Wolf, cuddling the baby.

"Somebody misses Mommy and Daddy!" simpered Ganondorf, skipping merrily along. "I bet they miss you too!"

Samus and Pikachu
On New

"We're here!" called Samus loudly. "Give us a Pokemon!"

"Okay, here you go," replied the daycare worker, handing Samus a Pichu.

"Oh, this'll be fun," said Pikachu, taking Pichu.

"Look! Look! A Pikachu!" cried Samus, holding Pikachu up. Pikachu embarrassedly waved. "Is he the parent?"

"He came in with you," replied the daycare worker.

"Damn, she's clever," whispered Samus.

"Oh, come on," scoffed Pikachu. "No wonder you and Game and Watch sucked last season,"

"You and Link won, right?" asked Samus.

"Point taken," nodded Pikachu.

Wolf and Ganondorf
On New

"Here's the parent Pokemon!" cheered Wolf, spotting two Wobbuffets.

"Wobbuffet," said one Wobbuffet proudly.

"I quite agree," replied Ganondorf, handing over Wynaut.

"Okay Ganondorf, get that clue! We're not losing this thing!" called Wolf, looking over at Snake and Falcon.

Wobbuffet handed Ganondorf a clue.

"Make your way to Pastoria City and find the Great Marsh," read Ganondorf.

"Teams must now travel north to Pastoria City and find this place, the Great Marsh!" said Crazy Hand. "This marsh, a Safari Zone of sorts for Sinnoh, is the pit stop for this leg of the race! The last team to check in here will be eliminated!"

"Last team to check in will be eliminated," finished Ganondorf.

"Get our taxi back!" cried Wolf, diving out of the window.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 5th Place

The two cabs screeched to a halt, and Falco and Dedede were kicked out.

"Oh man, the cluebox is away over there!" despaired Falco. "We'll never run there fast enough!"

"Yo, we could fly," pointed out King Dedede.

"Don't even start," said Falco flatly.

Kirby and Meta Knight began opening their doors.

"Caw! Caw!" chirped Falco, taking flight. "Detour!"

"Old or New," read Dedede.

"Let's do old, I wanna be the very best like no-one ever was," decided Falco.

Kirby and Meta Knight
Currently in 6th Place

"Tailgate Falco and Dedede, quick!" shouted Kirby, in a panic.

"There's a cluebox back there," observed Meta Knight.

Kirby was gone.

"I guess he's clueless," sighed Meta Knight flatly.

Sitcom canned laughter.

Meta Knight walked off, ignoring the high pitched string music and the cameraman turning to look at the cluebox.

Snake and Falcon
On New

"There's some tall wood!" noticed Falcon excitedly. "Oh, and look! I read online that Sudowoodo is the evolved form of Bonsly!"

"I'm just happy we're so good at picking out wood," smiled Snake. "Let's go!"

Snake ran up, gave Bonsly to a couple of Sudowoodo parents, and got the clue.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Make your way to Pastoria City's Great Marsh, pit stop, come last and get eliminated," summarised Snake hurriedly. "We need to get back to our cab, and fast!"

"Good thing I packed my jogging shorts!" smiled Falcon.

"Is that spandex?" asked Snake coyly.

"Uh...no...of course not..." said Falcon, sweating.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
On Old

"Pokeball, go!" cheered Jigglypuff, tossing the Pokeball at the Unown. "Is that the right one?"

Luigi was buried under a pile of Pokeballs containing every different kind of Unown.

"Wait a minute...there are 26 letters....and Unown come in all the alphabet's letters...and we have to match the picture..." said Jigglypuff slowly.

Jigglypuff got out a wheelbarrow and wheeled every Pokeball (and Luigi) to the Ruin Maniac.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Pit stop!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Come on, honey!"

Jigglypuff picked up a groggy Luigi and ran back to the cab.

"I had a dream where I died," groaned Luigi. "It was so nice..."

Kirby and Meta Knight
On Old

Kirby ran up to the ruins, only to see Luigi and Jigglypuff leave.

"Hi Kirby!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"Yeah hey," scoffed Kirby. "Where's Meta Knight?"

"What's up?" asked Meta Knight, walking up.

"You mean I ran while you walked, and you still beat the birds?" asked Kirby incredulously.

Meta Knight shrugged. Sitcom canned laughter.

"Here's your Unown," said the Ruin Maniac, giving Meta Knight a picture.

"Okay...thanks..." replied Meta Knight, unsure of what to do.

Falco and King Dedede
On Old

Falco strolled up to the ruins, with a panting Dedede in tow.

"Dammit Deeds, you're so fat," chastised Falco.

"Love handles, mang," replied Dedede cockily, panting off into the ruins.

"Here's your Unown," said the Ruin Maniac. "It's Unown B! For bird! Ahahahaha!"

"You racist son of a-" said Falco, but Dedede came back, with a Pokeball.

"Yo, I used my bird sightizzle to find B for bird," said Dedede. "Kirbs and Meta are still in there!"

"Here's your clue," said the Ruin Maniac.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 4th Place

"I'm so confused," said Falco. "Should I be offended or not?"

"Last homies in get eliminizzle!" cried Dedede.

"Quick, get back to the cab!" shouted Falco, running.

Wolf and Ganondorf
Currently in 1st Place

"Oh crap, teams are getting that Detour done fast," noticed Wolf. "Snake and Falcon are right behind us, and there's two teams coming out of the other Detour!"

"I sense a pit stop showdown," said Ganondorf excitedly. "You got your assault rifles?"

"Always," smirked Wolf, loading several guns.

Kirby and Meta Knight
On Old

"Here's our thing," said Meta Knight, handing over a Pokeball.

"Haha, you said here's our thing," chuckled Kirby. Sitcom canned laughter.

"Here's your thing," said the Ruin Maniac, handing Kirby and Meta Knight a clue.

"Wow, that's just not funny," said Kirby angrily. Sitcom canned laughter.

Kirby and Meta Knight
Currently in 5th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, last team to check in is eliminated," read Meta Knight.

"Hurry back to the cab, the birds passed us on that task!" panicked Kirby.

Falco and King Dedede
Currently in 4th Place

"Luigi and Jigs must have came and left that task," realised Falco. "And behind us, the puffballs are leaving."

"Yo, and since they missizzled the clue, them crazy fools are gonna have to get hit with a penalty," added King Dedede.

"It might come down to a footrace," added Falco.

Kirby and Meta Knight
Currently in 5th Place

"Do you think that Unown-catching thing was supposed to replace a Detour?" asked Meta Knight.

Ominous orchestra music.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Currently in 3rd Place

"Oh no, I just realised something!" panicked Jigglypuff. "There was a cluebox back in the town, wasn't there?"

"Yep," grinned Luigi hopefully.

"I hope we don't get a penalty for this!" squealed Jigglypuff. "It's a really close leg!"

"I know, isn't it great?" asked Luigi, beaming.

Samus and Pikachu
On New

"How are we supposed to know what Pikachus look like?" asked Samus frantically, gunning down several sets of Pokemon parents.

"I'm a Pikachu," replied Pikachu, holding Pichu. "There's two more over there."

"Oh," said Samus, taking the clue.

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 6th Place

"Make your way to Pastoria City's Great Marsh, last team to check in is eliminated," read Samus hurriedly.

"We can still grab third, I think," called Pikachu, running.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 7th Place

ROB burst out of his cab and shot a missile at the cluebox, making it explode.

"An explosion!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "Nowhere is safe!"

"Detour!" said ROB, reading the clue. "Old or New?"

"Oh, New then," replied Mr. Game and Watch calmly.

Ness and Lucas
Currently in 8th Place

"Wow, a chance to see the historical ruins of Sinnoh!" beamed Lucas. "This could be a great opportuni-"

"BABIES! BABIES! BABIES!" squealed Ness. "I want to play with them! We're doing New!"

Lucas frowned softly.

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 9th Place

"Quick-a!" called Mario. "To the cluebox!"

Mario and Sonic powerfully flew (read: haphazardly jumped) through the air and pulled open a clue.

RIP! TEAR! POW! DETOUR!

"Detour, Old or New?" asked Sonic.

"What-a do you think, trusted companion-a?" asked Mario.

"I have been informed by the Chief that a chance to see the historical ruins of Sinnoh is a great opportunity!" declared Sonic.

"I'm not your Chief!" shouted Lucas from afar.

"To the ruins-a!" yelled Mario.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 10th Place

"Deto-"

"Shut up Peach, I want to play with the fuzzy wuzzy ickle babies!" smiled Zelda.

"Wow, I did not expect that from you!" beamed Peach. "This could be a positive change in your attitude!"

Zelda stabbed Peach for fun.

Mario and Sonic
On Old

"My Sonic senses are tingling!" grinned Sonic. "They tell me that Peach just died!"

"My Mario senses are tingling-a!" grinned Mario. "They tell me that we have way too much airtime for our one-dimensional superhero gimmick!"

The fourth wall...uh, of the ruin....collapsed.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
On New

"Is this where we get the babies?" asked ROB covertly.

"Yes," replied the daycare woman. "Stay put, I'll bring you yours."

"Now!" shouted ROB.

Mr. Game and Watch whipped out a gas canister and began drugging all of the Pokemon.

"Now none of them can report the race to the liberal media," droned Mr. Game and Watch slowly, slitting a Meowth's throat.

"Here you go!" smiled the daycare woman, giving ROB a Mime Jr.

"What do you know?" asked ROB coldly.

Ness and Lucas
On New

"Okay, quick!" urged Ness. "We can beat the girls if we hurry!"

Zelda jumped through the air and stabbed Ness in the back of the neck.

"Seriously, why us?" asked Lucas sadly.

Zelda shrugged, and then stabbed Lucas too.

Lucas sighed.

Peach and Zelda
On New

"Here's your baby," said the daycare woman, scarred for life. She handed Zelda an Azurill.

"Perfect," grinned Zelda, red liquid casually dribbling down her chin.

Azurill burst into tears.

"Peach, get over here!" screamed Zelda.

Peach awkwardly stepped over Ness and Lucas' bodies.

"Must you do that to everyone?" asked Peach.

"Yes," replied Zelda flatly.

Mario and Sonic
On Old

"There's an Unown!" shouted Sonic. "Use your energy attack!"

Mario shot a tiny fireball at the Unown, weakening it.

"I got it-a!" grinned Mario. "Now to use-a my special move!"

Mario threw a Pokeball at the Unown, capturing it.

"Here's your clue," said the Ruin Maniac as soon as Mario and Sonic emerged. "Just leave."

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 7th Place

"To the pit stop!" cheered Sonic confidently.

Mario took out a keyboard, played a quick superhero jingle, and quickly threw the keyboard aside.

Pastoria City – Great Marsh

"Five cars here!" shouted Wolf desperately, pulling into the marsh.

Ganondorf lit up a cartoon bomb and threw it straight backwards.

Snake and Falcon's cab blew up in an extremely violent explosion, putting both out of commission.

"Four cars here!" corrected Ganondorf desperately. "Sprint, sprint!"

Around Wolf and Ganondorf, the other teams began getting out of their cabs.

"Every team for themselves!" bellowed Kirby at once, kicking Jigglypuff in the face.

"Ow! Help me, Luigi!" squealed Jigglypuff, as Kirby beat her up.

"Screw you," replied Luigi, trying his hardest to get to the mat last.

"Yo, Falcs!" cried King Dedede, throwing Waddle Dees at Wolf. "Get to 'da mat!"

Wolf shot Dedede in the face and began clawing at his eyes.

Ganondorf ran over to help Wolf, but Meta Knight flew through the air and began slashing Ganondorf's knees.

Falco ran towards the mat, but was hit by a flying Jigglypuff as Kirby continued smacking her around.

Kirby stepped on Jigglypuff's face, and jumped off onto the mat.

Jigglypuff weakly pulled herself up onto the mat.

Wolf and Ganondorf continued beating up King Dedede, while Meta Knight furiously slashed all three. Luigi continued wandering around aimlessly.

"You take care of this!" Wolf shouted, sprinting onto the mat.

"Um, should I stop them?" asked Crazy Hand.

"Nah," replied the cameraman.

Meta Knight began to use his magical tornado attack of doom, but King Dedede pounded his face in with his hammer, and waddled towards the mat.

Ganondorf did a flying tackle and knocked Luigi into King Dedede, sending both skidding to the side.

Meta Knight picked up Luigi, and began dual-wielding him with his sword to fend off Ganondorf.

Ganondorf elbowed Dedede in the face, and got up weakly.

Meta Knight stepped onto the mat, placing Luigi haphazardly beside him.

"Yes!" cheered Kirby.

"Yay," coughed Jigglypuff.

"Welcome to Sinnoh!" smiled the greeter.

"Kirby and Meta Knight, you're the first team to arrive," said Crazy Hand grimly.

"Awesome!" grinned Kirby.

"Trouble's brewing!" realised Meta Knight.

Sitcom 'ooooh' sound.

"However, you did not pick up a clue for the Detour, so you must return to Solaceon Town and retrieve the clue before I can check you in." Crazy Hand finished.

"Dammit!" lamented Kirby. "How could we have been so stupid? I blame you!"

"You were the one that tore off in the other direction," scoffed Meta Knight.

"Yeah well, it's your fault for not restraining me and my zany roommate antics!" argued Kirby.

Kirby and Meta Knight angrily got back into the cab.

"Ha, idiots!" cackled Jigglypuff.

"Luigi and Jigglypuff, you're the second team to arrive," continued Crazy Hand. "However, you did not pick up a clue for the Detour, so you must return to Solaceon Town and retrieve the clue before I can check you in."

"Oh no, we might fall behind!" realised Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, I know, this is great!" cheered Luigi, jauntily strolling back to the cab.

"I hope we don't come last," sighed Jigglypuff, walking past Dedede and Ganondorf, who were still fist-fighting.

Kirby and Meta Knight
Roommates

"Luigi and Jigs did the same thing," noticed Meta Knight, looking in the rear-view mirror.

"Good, all we have to do is beat them," observed Kirby. "I just hope they suck harder than we do."

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Arranged Marriage

"We need to beat Kirby and the other one!" panicked Jigglypuff. "This is so exciting!"

"Know what else is exciting?" asked Luigi excitedly. "The prospect of coming last and not having to travel the world with you!"

"But if we come last we get to have a month in an island hotel together!" smiled Jigglypuff.

Luigi's eye twitched.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
On New

ROB threw Mime Jr at a pair of Mr. Mimes and took the clue.

"Wait, Mr. Mime parents?" asked ROB.

"Oh dear god, they legalised same sex marriage!" panicked Mr. Game and Watch. "What will they legalise next?"

"Those commies will probably legalise other forms of happiness too!" panicked ROB. "Quick, get the clue! I can't look at those two...Mr. Mimes!"

Mr. Game and Watch took the clue.

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch
Currently in 8th Place

"Make your way to the pit stop, Great Marsh!" read Mr. Game and Watch. "The last team to check in will be eliminated!"

"Is that a threat?" demanded ROB, holding the clue at gunpoint.

Pastoria City

"Ow, ow, ow..." droned Ganondorf and Dedede simultaneously, trading blows in a bored manner.

"Got any fours?" asked Wolf, sitting on the mat with Falco.

Peach and Zelda
On New

"Here you go, little baby!" smiled Peach. "Have fun with your lovely family!"

The two Marills and the baby Azurill waved happily at Peach.

Zelda was viciously murdering Ness and Lucas.

"Don't mind her," said Peach sadly, taking the clue.

Zelda walked up, covered in blood.

"Yo," greeted Zelda, casually throwing her chainsaw aside. A Mudkip screamed.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 9th Place

"The last team to check in will be eliminated!" read Peach.

"Well, maybe we should hurry!" grinned Zelda, stabbing Peach with a syringe.

Peach fell over, dead.

"Oh, these aren't steroids, they're compressed air conveniently put into syringes," noticed Zelda. "So these aren't toned muscles on Peach's arms...they're air bubbles...oh..."

Zelda walked away.

Pastoria City

"This is lame, dawg," said Dedede, worn out.

"This is really lame," agreed Ganondorf. "But look, over there, it's..uh..P Diddy."

"Yeah right," scoffed Dedede.

"Puff Diddy?"

"No, yo,"

"Diddy Kong?"

Dedede looked up.

Ganondorf kicked Dedede in the back and walked onto the pit stop.

"Sup?" asked Wolf.

"Aw," lamented Falco.

"Wolf and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" smiled Crazy Hand. "As the winners of this first leg of the race, you have won a free pink scooter!"

Everyone looked at Falco.

"Is that supposed to hold significance for me personally or something?" asked Falco.

"No, not at all," smiled Wolf evilly.

"Does it have to be pink?" asked Ganondorf.

"Why, are you insecure?" replied Crazy Hand.

Everyone chuckled heartily.

"Yes," sobbed Ganondorf.

Ike and Bowser
Currently in Last Place

"Detour!" read Ike. "Old or New?"

"Let's do New, and fast," said Bowser. "Chicks love babies, and we love chicks. Ergo, we love babies."

"Wow, that's true!" beamed Ike. "Let's go!"

Ness and Lucas
On New

Ness and Lucas weakly stood up.

"Nobody ever really dies, I suppose," noticed Lucas, wiping away some blood.

"Oh no, Ike and Bowser are right behind us!" panicked Ness. "Hurry!"

Ness jumped up onto the counter and stole a baby Igglybuff.

Pastoria City

King Dedede wheezed, and struggled onto the pit stop.

"Falco and King Dedede, you are team number two!" awarded Crazy Hand.

"Dag, yo," sighed Dedede. "We coulda got first, mang."

"Good one, Wolf, Ganon," lamented Falco sadly, shaking hands with Wolf and Ganondorf.

"Do you feel as if you can overcome racial adversity on this race?" asked Crazy Hand.

"The hell's that supposed to mean?" snapped Falco. "There's nothing wrong with being a bird! We are a proud people!"

"Yo, don't be dissin' da birds, man!" agreed King Dedede.

"Maybe not proud of each other, but still!" argued Falco.

Ness and Lucas
On New

"Igglybuff...that rhymes with Jigglypuff..." realised Ness.

"Yes, it does, now hurry!" cried Lucas fearfully.

Snake and Falcon
Currently in 3rd Place

"Snake and Falcon, you're team number three!" smiled Crazy Hand.

"We would have done better if we hadn't been attacked!" called Falcon, hoping to be overheard by Wolf and Ganondorf.

"Don't worry, at least we get a long 12-hour rest with each other in this marsh, alone," consoled Snake.

Falcon tried to hide his grin as Snake covered his mouth.

Kirby and Meta Knight
Roommates

"Who knows how many places we've slipped?" asked Kirby incredulously, sitting in the cab.

Luigi and Jigglypuff
Arranged Marriage

"Look, teams are passing us on the way to the pit stop!" grinned Luigi enthusiastically. "We're bound to come last!"

Samus and Pikachu
Currently in 4th Place

Samus and Pikachu sprinted out of the cab and touched down on the mat.

"Samus and Pikachu, you're team number four!" grinned Crazy Hand.

"Praise Wright!" cheered Pikachu.

"This calls for four shots!" grinned Samus, downing tequila. Samus passed out.

Ike and Bowser
On New

"Okay, we have a Mantyke," checked Bowser, reading the nametag. "Any ideas what Mantyke evolves into?"

Mantyke died of dehydration.

"Check the aquariums!" decided Ike at once. "The parents must be in them!"

Mario and Sonic
Currently in 5th Place

"Sonic-a, what does the scouter say about our placing level-a?" asked Mario, jumping out of the cab.

"It's...it's over NINE THOUUUUUUSAAA-ninth. It's over ninth," read Sonic embarrassedly.

Mario and Sonic dramatically did a Baywatch-run to the pit stop.

Crazy Hand sighed.

"Mario and Sonic, you're team number five!" checked in Crazy Hand.

Sonic decided to punch Mario for their middle-class placing.

POW! BAM! FIFTH!

Ness and Lucas
On New

"Here are some Jigglypuffs!" panted Lucas, having run through the entire daycare centre.

"It wasn't really that far," said Ness, leisurely strolling with Igglybuff in his hands.

Lucas took the clue.

"Hurry, Ike and Bowser just threw a dead body at two Mantines!" noticed Ness, seeing Bowser take the clue.

Kirby and Meta Knight

The two cabs returned to Solaceon Town, and Kirby sprinted out to the cluebox, beating out Jigglypuff by seconds.

"We can go to..." began Kirby.

Ike and Bowser

"Make your way to..." read Bowser.

Luigi and Jigglypuff

"...the pit stop now!" cheered Jigglypuff.

Ness and Lucas

"...the Great Marsh, the pit stop for this leg of the race, the last team to check in will be eliminated!" read Lucas. "Run!"

Pastoria City

A few flying Pokemon flew over ROB and Mr. Game and Watch's cab.

"Stealth helicopters!" cried Mr. Game and Watch. "Evacuate, quickly!"

"Deploy parachutes!" commanded ROB.

The veterans jumped out of their cab dramatically, and opened their parachutes. After an excruciating half-inch fall, they ran to the pit stop.

"ROB and Mr. Game and Watch, you're team number six!" smiled Crazy Hand.

"Know who else was team number six?" asked ROB suspiciously. "Gore! Know what else Gore did? He lost to George Bush! Know who else lost to George Bush? George Bush's brain! Are you comparing me to George Bush, hand?!"

"No," replied Crazy Hand. "And I don't even want to know how you went from team number six to-never mind..."

"Don't mess with us," threatened Mr. Game and Watch, pulling out a shotgun.

Peach and Zelda
Currently in 7th Place

"Did my diabolical plan to release these Pokemon work?" asked Zelda, holding empty cages.

"No, Miss Zelda, they didn't kill them," noticed Peach resignedly, running up to the pit stop.

"Damn," lamented Zelda.

"Peach and Zelda, you're team number seven!" said Crazy Hand.

"Seven, you say?" asked Zelda angrily, burning Peach.

Pastoria City

Quick shots of the four remaining teams appeared, and four cabs pulled up to the pit stop.

"Fight number two!" cheered Kirby enthusiastically. He immediately kicked Lucas in the groin.

Lucas weakly stood up, but Ike swung his cab door open, hitting him in the face.

Luigi snuck out of his cab and tried to leave altogether, but Meta Knight caught up with him and began slashing at him.

"PK FIRE!" yelled Ness, throwing a match at Bowser. The latter burst into flames.

Ike picked up Jigglypuff and threw her at Meta Knight, who turned around and dived at him. Jigglypuff bounced off and began hurtling towards Luigi.

Kirby continued beating up Lucas, as Bowser took a large bite out of Ness' face.

Luigi caught Jigglypuff in midair and began punching her insanely.

Kirby wildly threw Lucas at Ness and Bowser, and ran to the pit stop. Meta Knight noticed and began to follow, with Ike chasing him.

Ness used his psychic powers to throw Luigi and Jigglypuff at Kirby and Meta Knight, knocking them onto the pit stop. Luigi and Jigglypuff landed on the puffballs.

"Yes!" cheered Kirby, Meta Knight and Jigglypuff. Luigi cried.

"Ness!" shouted Lucas. "That's two teams you let in!"

Ike ran onto the pit stop, and Bowser began to follow, stepping on Lucas.

Ness quickly threw Ike aside with his powers, and stepped on the pit stop.

Ike ran back to the pit stop.

Bowser lifted his foot to stand on the pit stop, but Lucas' hand fell off of Bowser's foot onto the mat.

"Yes!" cheered Ness. Lucas was dead.

Bowser sighed and landed on the mat.

"Kirby and Meta Knight, you're team number eight!" awarded Crazy Hand.

"Made it," sighed Meta Knight.

"I'm awesome!" beamed Kirby.

"Luigi and Jigglypuff, you're team number nine!" smiled Crazy Hand.

"I wanted higher, but at least we're not out!" grinned Jigglypuff.

"Yeah," agreed Luigi sarcastically. "I'm so freaking happy! Woohoo, I get to spend more time with Jigglypuff! That's awesome!"

Jigglypuff hugged Luigi.

"Ness and Lucas, you're team number ten!" continued Crazy Hand. "How do you think you'll cope now that Lucas is dead, Ness?"

"He'll be fine by next leg," pointed out Ness.

Crazy Hand slapped Ness.

"And lastly, Ike and Bowser, you're the last team to arrive," finished Crazy Hand. "I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

"I didn't want to be first out," sighed Ike.

"We'll miss racing, but I'm kind of relieved we can go back to our lives of picking up chicks and being tough!" chuckled Bowser.

"Yes, I can't wait to make this sex thing I've been hearing about with a lady friend," chuckled Ike.

"Well, good for you," said Crazy Hand. "See you next TrekFest."

"Nobody's supposed to know about that!" sobbed Ike and Bowser.

---

Arrival Times!

Wolf and Ganondorf: 12:48pm

Falco and King Dedede: 12:49pm

Snake and Falcon: 12:54pm

Samus and Pikachu: 1:05pm

Mario and Sonic: 1:08pm

ROB and Mr. Game and Watch: 1:13pm

Peach and Zelda: 1:17pm

Kirby and Meta Knight: 1:28pm

Luigi and Jigglypuff: 1:28pm

Ness and Lucas: 1:29pm

Ike and Bowser: 1:29pm – ELIMINATED

---

And there's the first leg! Let me know who your favourite teams are, who you think will be eliminated next, who you want to be eliminated next, etc, etc!

Future legs most likely will not be this long.