~I Own Nothing~

Sometimes being a brother is better than being a superhero.

-Marc Brown

This was written as a gift to ColouredKittens for recently joining fanfiction...

I want to dedicate to my own AWESOME older brothers, my own superheroes. To the people I know will threaten my dates and be there if I'm sad... this is for you, too...

I present...

Big Brothers Mean No Matter What

Jason's Point of View

Okay.

To start off, this wasn't suppose to happen.

I had been Robin for a little while now, about a month since Dick had up and left, becoming Nightwing. I think the thing Bruce may have been most upset about was the fact that Dick chose the name after a story Superman had once told him. I think Bats was thinking: "Why couldn't he have been Bat Jr. or something?"

Well, either way, I was Robin and there was no changing that.

I kind of miss Dick though, I mean, he's only sixteen but he's gone. Said he's never coming back. He and Bruce had a mega-fight, but I know them. Bruce will be a turd, but Dick'll come back like a puppy with his doe-eyes and Bruce will melt. All will be happy again.

Unfortunately, in the meantime, Dick has disappeared. Kind of has Bruce panicked, though he'll never admit it. So when he got a lead that Dickiebird may be somewhere in Blüdhaven, he naturally told me: …

Yeah, he told me nothing. But that's ok, I just opened his history on the Batcave, gathered up info, and so, tonight I'm off in Gotham- alone! Isn't that awesome?! First solo patrol ever! I mean, Bruce must really trust me. Even Dick didn't go on a solo patrol until he'd been Robin for a long time!

Or maybe Bruce just doesn't care about me as much.

Now there's a downing thought.

Delving into what did not happen correctly, I was running. Racing across the rooftops after Catwoman. Selina, that jerk. She'd stolen a gem, as usual. But of course, she'd figured if I was chasing her, her moonlight lover wouldn't be too far behind. I snorted. It was just me tonight, meaning no Big Bats protecting her from Black Gate.

I laughed, knowing it wasn't as creepy as Dick's and not caring (too much) as I cornered her on a building rooftop. End of the line. She had no grappling hook, she'd never make it over Gotham River. Even I don't think my rope was long enough.

"Here kitty, kitty!" I called.

Selina froze in confusion. "Jason?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! NO NAMES ON THE FIELD!"

Selina rolled her eyes. "Sorry, sorry. Where's Dick?"

"He's not here! In Blüd, or somethin'."

Selina wrinkled her nose. "Not Blüd..."

"Tell me about it." I snorted, before jumping into a fight-ready position. "I'm taking you in!"

Selina raised her eyebrow. "Oookay. Whup, never mind!" She laughed, jumping off the building, right into the river.

I did what any good hero would do. I jumped in after her.

Unfortunately, I'd forgotten to take into account that terrible thing called physics. Jumping from seven stories up was plain stupid. Batman had trained me for this, though, and despite the panic raising in my chest and up my throat, I was able to fan out my cloak like a parachute. It didn't work like wings, but slowed my descent long enough for me to roll into the water without being smashed like a bug on the windshield.

It washed over me, and at impact, I'm going to be honest, I blacked out.

I'm sorry. I'm not perfect yet, guys. Sheesh. Give me a break. I'm no Flying Grayson, or flying rodent. (Don't tell Batman I said that).

When I came-to about a minute later, I was sinking quite wonderfully. I'm good at that, people! I can sink just as well as Dick, thank you very much! Unfortunately, my breath was running thin, my chest pained from the lack of air. Especially since I blacked out, my body hadn't held it's breath. And of course, since I'm so good at sinking, the surface was rather far away.

All was dark, black. I felt like I was in the nature documentaries, the deep seas with jellyfish and squid. It was Gotham, after all. Even if the river wasn't so clogged with filth, the moon and starlight was rather dim. Oh well, I'm used to the dark. I remember the first time I saw the sun, really truly saw it. Dick had been appalled with the idea I'd never seen it other than occasional glimpses when something cut the smog just enough for it to peak through.

Panic was clogging my thoughts, but I could hear Bruce's voice in my head, over and over: "Stay calm. The number one thing is to always stay calm and assess your situation. If you can't do that, you're nothing. Powerless. You'll die."

Usually, this is where I'd take his advice, take a deep breath, and think it through. Problem was, I couldn't breath. No one was helping me. I'm nothing, powerless, and I'm going to darn right die. Just like Bruce said.

As I slipped into unconsciousness again, I vaguely felt a sense of "Oh goodness, I am really going to die this time."

A minute or five, who really knows, later, I gasped, my eyes shooting open as water rushed into my lungs further. I don't know how I was still alive, all I knew is I was very, very alone.

And the water was very, very deep.

And very, very dark.

And very very cold.

The gravelly sand under me brushed against my back, making me remember that I couldn't sink if I had air in me. But I didn't. The pain tearing at my chest told me so. But somehow, deep down in the dark, scary, cold wetness, where the world was a black hole and so very quiet, I began pondering my life choices, relaxing into it.

Yes. That's what I did. I reflected my life.

Well, what do you expect me to do when I was about to die?

I gave up to the darkness, letting the world disappear into shadow. I closed my eyes, simply... relaxing. I couldn't breathe, but as I gave up, my body seemed to except it. Knowing that all would end soon. All would be... okay. All my fears, all of my tears, the scars I bear... they'd all be washed away.

The freezing, lapping water would wash it all away. My breath, my tears, my scars, my pain... all would be washed away. It's not like my life sucked WAY to bad, but any pain I had... gone. So. as the freezing water swayed, I accepted my fate, relaxed into the still, quiet, black recesses of Gotham.

You know, would death really be that bad? I mean honestly. Really? Some people say there is a heaven. I dunno if I believe that, but I do know there's no better way to find out than this.

And that's when a mega AH-HA! moment kicked in. I had a rebreather, having one breath in it thanks to paranoia. I kind of didn't want to touch it, though. I was so far gone, so far out, that the thought of moving my frozen arms to my belt and fumbling to find it just seemed so... alien.

Because I was okay with death.

This was a rather horrid and unheroic way to die, but I was ok. It was part of the job. And as I floated in oblivion, it didn't seem so bad. Death had never really phased me. I could live in fear of dying, or I could live without it. When I died, I'd die, and that was better than living in a state of holding still like a scared mouse. So I always ignored it. As long as my death wasn't ignored, as long as someone cared when I died, then I'd be okay.

Then is washed over me.

Nobody would care if I died.

Alfred wouldn't have to clean up after me.

Bruce wouldn't have the defect Robin, he could have Goldie back, no strings attached.

And Goldie? Goldie wouldn't have a replacement, a useless little "brother."

They wouldn't care. I want to believe they would, but they wouldn't. They really wouldn't. They are suppose to be the people who care. But they wouldn't. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean, not even my own mother, the woman that cared to bear me for nine months, wanted to keep me. No one would want to keep me. It wasn't them, it was... me. They wouldn't care.

This is what made me want to move. The survival factor kicking is as I fumbled maniacally for the rebreather, pressing it firmly to my face. I wasn't going to die until I didn't want to- if that makes any sense.

I have no idea how to explain the feeling as I took that first gasp of air... no idea. Problem was that I still had water in my lungs. I was still going to die.

But my drive was too strong. I ripped off my belt, kicked off my boots, tore back my cloak, untied the laces of my shirt and left it behind, kicking off my pants and gloves and leaving myself in just my... erg, hate to admit, leotard. It's quite efficient in battle, but still, when it comes down to it, I'm still a guy wearing a leotard.

Each hand in front of the other, each kick in the frigid water... and that was when I couldn't do it anymore. But I couldn't not. Forgetting the pain, the nausea, I kicked.

It felt like... heaven, I dunno, when my head broke the surface.

My hair flying as I released my rebreather, breaking through the tension of the surface, shattering it like glass. My eyes were wide, and finally, in relative safety, the shock set in as adrenaline washed out of me.

It was all I had to stay above the water, my lips blue and my whole body trembling. My hand clawed the surface as I sunk again, not moving from my spot as if hoping someone, something would save me.

And as I began to give up again, I felt warm hands slap onto my shoulders, turning me around and pressing me towards a wet chest, my head just above the water. The figure leaned back, and I fizzed out for a minute as it swam me back to shore.

When I came back, I felt so cold. The air breezed, chilling my skin. My leotard hugged my shaking frame. I didn't know who, but someone was rocking me, running their hands through my hair as if attempting to dry it faster. I mumbled, nosing into their wet but warm chest.

My world blinked away again.

"Jaybird? Little Wing, you with me?"

I blinked my eyes about a thousand times, seeing straight into Dick's brilliant blue eyes. They were practically glowing in the darkness. As my senses sharpened, I realized I was in the den, wrapped in a million blankets and in fleece pajama pants with a thin but ridiculously soft shirt, as if worn down to the silkiness only achieved by washing and wearing it thousands of times.

I was warm on the outside, although my bones still felt hollow with cold.

"Dick...?" I mumbled, my head pounding.

"LITTLE WING!" Goldie jumped on the couch, ripping away my worm blankets to hug me tightly. He was wearing his Superman fleece pajama pants with a Green Lantern hoodie. I noticed that it was some of his only clothing that didn't have some sort of Batman symbol on it.

"Jason, are you okay? What happened? Darn, you're still so cold... can I get you soup? Soup's good for sick people, right?"

"DICK! Stop fussing! I'm old enough to take c...c...c... ACHOO!" It was a violent sneeze, leaving me with ringing ears and an aching head. "'M sorry..."

"For what?" Dick cocked his head.

He must have been crazy. I'm so... "For... no' bein' goo' enough... I almos' drowned... sorry for no' being like you, for no being good enough, for no' bein' able to... f...f..." I sneezed again, shaking my head. "Fall like you. Sorry for not being smart enough to swim up fast enough. Sorry for just... just being horrible... for being the dirt I was on the the streets... for-" I was choking by now. They may have not been poetic, my words simple... but I really meant them.

"Jason!" I hesitantly looked him in the eyes, dreading the disappointment I'd see there. I was shocked to find tears in the wide blue eyes.

I was quiet for a moment, his eyes strained as he just stared at me. Suddenly, he lurched forward, drawing me into a hug.

"Jason..." he whispered. "You, you are n-no mistake." He paused, his warm tears wetting the collar of my shirt. My blue shirt. No, this wasn't mine at all. It was his. Blue, with white silhouettes. A vinyl print of a Flying Graysons poster.

"Jason," he whispered in my ear, "You... you are... I... Jay, I love you. You're my brother. When Bruce found you in an alley, it was nothing to do with pity, taking in a street rat. He didn't pity you. He saw a fire in your heart. A fire that I could never have. A... fire, an indistinguishable fire, a flame of fury... a passion of a dragon, a heart of a warrior. Yet... an understanding. You couldn't be broken. He knew this. When he saw you, he saw a warrior, he saw a hero, he saw a beautiful person... a dreamer in a world of pessimists. He saw someone who couldn't be be broken. He saw... he saw you.

"Jason, I can be beat. I can be broken. I still have nightmares... about them. You know my story. You know I've fallen, you know I've needed Bruce, Alfred, Barbara, Superman, you... to stand back up. Because... deep down, you know it, I know it... I-I'm broken. But Jason... you can't ever be broken. You will always stand back up. You will always try harder than you can in a world where no one tries hard enough..."

He took a shaky breath, choking his words out. "You can't be like me, Jason. And to some people, that might mean you're not good enough. But that's not... Jason, I can't ever be like you. I know that when you're ready to spread your wings, leave Bruce to face the world... you'll meet it with honesty. You won't be hiding yourself. Every smile will be meant, every frown will have meaning. Jason, I can't say I can ever be like you. When I'm with the Team... even with my friends... I can never be Dick. I can never be broken. I can't ever be sad. Because I need to smile, I need to be that shining hope, but Jason... everything you do, every step you take, holds a fire that I can never have. An honesty I can't claim. Everything you say... it burns with passion. Every smile you give is filled with your own type of innocence... of purity.

"Jason... I... you don't need to be like me. I don't care if I have to save you a million times. I don't care if I had to resurrect Krypton to see your smile. I don't care if I had to run around the world a million times. Just seeing you be... you, makes me happy. Jason, you make me, so, so happy.

"Jay, you're the perfect Robin. I don't you to be anything other than that. But I don't want you to be who I was, I want you to be who you are, even if that's 'imperfect.' I love you Jason, I love you bro."

The silence held emotion, a charge in the air... but a tranquility as we cried.

"Dick..." I whispered. "Why'd you come back?"

"Because, I remembered. Brothers don't leave brothers." he answered just as quietly.

"You're leaving again, though."

"Well, I need to freak Bruce out, so yeah."

"You've already forgiven him, haven't you." It wasn't really a question.

"Of course."

"See, Dick," I shifted, making more room for my older cuddle-bug of a brother to sit with me on the couch. "This is why you're perfect. You... forgave him. I... I just can't do that."

"Little Wing, I've found the most important part of forgiveness... is you to forgive yourself." Dick whispered.

"Huh?" I looked at him in slight confusion. What did forgiving yourself do with loving others, always being quick to forgive them?

"I know you don't believe in God, but... He can forgive everyone. So why can't we? Give up our selfishness for... someone else?" Dick traced some pattern in the air with his finger, as if showing me the stars.

"Dick... I don't..." I didn't know. Just... I didn't.

"But why not? How can so many people live, breathe... spend each day without seeing the stars? See the grass and noticing millions of leaves all woven into a tapestry... how can... if you see the world, all you can see is Him..."

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. "I don't know why, Dick. How could he exist in a world where... where things like... how can he love a world with so much bad?"

"Have you ever seen a new baby? Like, brand new?"

I was quiet. I didn't know what to think.

"Have you... ever seen someone die? Been there, when they... they left?"

I nodded, tears running down my cheeks.

"I've felt it. It's... it's like the whole world suddenly stills, with quiet peace... But Jason..."

I exhaled, relaxing towards him.

"I..." He blinked with tiring blue eyes. "I love you."

"I... I love you to, Dick."

Written for ColouredKittens

For my brothers. I love you guys, so, so much. Keep up the awesome work, bros. You're my superheroes.

Thanks to everyone. Reviews are welcomed. If you love your brothers, brother-figures, if you think you're not enough... review, but you don't have to. Just enjoy the story. Love you guys.

We're all family in the end though, right?

~Universe

"Can't keep calm, miss my older brother." (how I feel)

"Do you know why big brothers are born first? To protect the little ones that come after them."

"Loved and protected by my big brother... and he's accurate with his weapon."

"I smile because you're my brother. I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it."

"My favorite superhero is my big brother."

"Brother- a person created by God chosen to love, protect, and share life memories through our whole lives."

"She's my sister. Hurt her and I will break your face."

"When you start dating, I'ma get my shotgun." -My own bros

THIS IS FOR ALL BIG BROTHERS, AND LITTLE, WE NEED A BROTHER'S DAY

YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO DARN ANNOYING I MIGHT NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN...

I walk proud everyday, I look everyone in the eye, because I know if I get in trouble, I've got a 6'8" and a 6'6" brother right behind me. They will always protect me. I love you guys.

THIS IS FOR ALL AWESOME BIG BROTHERS! (and little) WE NEED A BROTHER'S DAY...