This is just me writing whatever flowed at 11:57 pm on the 27/05/2010:
'Summary sucks' doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about that, this piece or whatever. Criticize if you must, but no flames/flamers(?) please. Seriously, this is not meant to be the greatest literary work by a long shot, it's just a creative thing (yeah, "yay" my first fanfiction post ever) I'm trying out with a very very very vague and possible storyline.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or any of the storyline from before (the books, the movie), Stephanie Meyer does and all credit should go to her. The purposes of this is purely for creative reasons, non-comercial: there is no money being made, yada, yada
My name is Bella Swan.
I came back from the brink of destruction. From seeing the man I love almost destroy himself, give himself up for me. He thought I was lost. I was, but now I am found.
This is my story.
Nothing can describe the agony I felt watch Edward about to reveal himself. He almost took that final step out into the sunlight, and my heart thundered in my chest, to a roar as my mind figured out what was happening, and my physiology caught up.
12 months later:
My alarm clock went off. I bolted awake, only to calm down my racing heart as I remembered the reason I was feeling like this was because my stupid ANS was going haywire, sending hormones all over my body into the 'flight or fight' mode. I rolled over to my left hand side- and there he was, Edward, smiling slightly as he pulled on of his usual jokes: pretending to sleep. Of course I knew better-my boyfriend was acting- he could never be asleep because of his 'condition'. It was all an act, a ploy to make me feel as if our relationship were more 'normal'.
"Stupid flashback dream," I thought in my head as I turned slightly into Edward's shoulder and grumbled (well, made grumbl-y muffled sounds). Out of frustration- this flashback had occurred for the second time this week, and waking up feeling like I had been running 400m was getting old.
Edward looked down at me and said simply, "We have to talk about this, about why you're getting so stressed, but after…" My breath hitched. And then he hugged me, enclosing my whole body as I jumped and squeaked as the icy coldness of his skin became colder on mine. It was like a cold shower, startling me rudely awake. I pushed (well tried to) him away, scowling. His perfect eyes crinkled slightly as he chortled internally at my discomfort, and he let me go. "You get you're butt up and walk it to class," he whispered in my ear, squeasing my left ass cheek slightly for good measure. The bastard. Well, I was awake alright, the last traces of sleepiness had left me.
The reason I thought about my ANS response as I woke up was because I was back at it-biology that is. Because, let's face it- I had no hope of passing the subject well enough to remember, let alone understand it, the year I was put into a class with Edward Cullen. Only this time I was taking it as a foundation class as part of my first year at college.
This time around I would study my butt off- after some careful thinking when we returned from that fateful trip from Italy, Edward decided that if we were going to continue our relationship, we would have to develop a way for our relationship be less intense. For both our sakes, so we didn't end up back in that situation. His family backed him up. Carlisle Cullen had a chat to me and made me see that regardless of how passionate we were to each other, in order to keep Edward from having the constant guilt about taking over and disrupting my life path, I would have to show him that he could fit into my life. I would have to develop a purpose, if I wanted Edward, so that Edward could be in it. As devoted as we were to each other, we had to reign the mutual obsession in. Whilst we could spend all day looking at each other, it wasn't necessarily healthy. It didn't bother me, but I had to show Edward he wasn't completely stopping me from having a normal life. He didn't want to be my life-because as romantic as that sounded, that was too intense. He wanted to be in my life. A part of it, not the other way around.
So I settled on having a goal. Medical School. That was what I was aiming for. It was just so ridiculous a goal that it would be sure to make me distract myself from becoming too engrossed in my relationship with Edward. Not a surgeon though- God knows the horrors I'd do with my level of clumsiness and lack of co-ordination. However, knowing this ANS stuff really helped me to know the reason for my reactions and calm it down, even when it felt like I was having random-spasms of klutzy behaviour. So I was getting better at controlling it. Edward said I would do fine as a doctor- he'd done the course twice himself ( yeah, 17 year old genius intern), and that it was just the snowballing effect when I got flustered that was the problem; my initial clumsiness would stop over time as I repeated actions with patients again and again and got used to not making mistakes. Though in pre-med I'm not too sure how true it is, but Edward and Carlisle give me confidence that if I actually get through, I will be able to deal with this and make a moderately good paediatric doctor.
I still haven't seen Jacob since he left. I only hope that when he comes back to Forks, he'll realise where I've moved on to university and 'look me up'. It's weird. Waiting for your werewolf best friend to 'look you up' at university one day. I shake my thoughts as I head out the door of the dorm room, dressed to meet Alice and Jasper for our class at the lab. Science 101- don't ask me why they decided to redo it with me, Alice has decided to try her hand at doing a science degree majoring in chemistry, Jasper too, but for engineering. Safety goggles: check. Lab coat: check. My bag is complete.
I've walked up to the bed and given Mr. Cullen a customary goodbye kiss, saying I'll meet up with him with the other as per usual after his art history class (He chose an arts degree-the idea being to keep slight boundary line to our interaction at uni) at 1, and wave at him from the door as he proceeds to keep up with his 'I'm human, I'm so sleepy' charade in bed. Of course I know as soon as I step out the door, he'll be up in record time, putting on clothes and following me unseen when I get to my 11 o'clock lecture, never mind normal. I never know where he is, it's just an unspoken rule for me not to know, and I've gotten used to still being able to concentrate on my biology lecture whilst knowing his gaze is on me as he watches from afar in the big dark lecture theatre room. Who knows, maybe I'll go in one day and sit right next to him without being distracted by the feeling the air is electrically charged between us and we're the only two people in the room. He wants normality, and I love him, so I'm going to do my part to give him some semblance of it. I will learn to breathe comfortably, but that doesn't mean I love him any less.
So how was it? If you hated it, I beg of you, then please, please, please do not read or continue reading. I don't know how mediocre it is but apologies in advance for those who think it's the dogs breakfast. For those of you who don't, an encouraging review would be greatly appreciated by this humble *writer* (I accept positive criticism).
Rating will be scaled up if things possibly get hot and heavy in possible future chapters- they may be trying for normalcy but they're still a couple, and they ain't no saint's, however much as Edward tries to be angelic
Dooks out.