I was the nothing; I was the worthless abyss of nothingness. Everything I had done up until today seemed suddenly intentional; all of my pointless fights, all of my-self harming, my eating disorder, even my stupidity. I come off as a teenage girl full of meaningless banter; I play a roll of a girl who has no secrets, a girl who is above all. In reality, I am nothing; I am nothing but a girl who pushes others away, a girl who lives behind a lost soul. I ask myself the reason to why I am like this; is it because there is something wrong inside my head?, Am I just over reacting the pain I have felt, more like, prolonging the pain? Or, is this person actually me?
Am I this girl who feels the pain even when she shouldn't, honestly I don't believe I am because if I was, I'd feel the pain; in all honesty ,I feel nothing. Whatever I may feel, psychologists will find the text book definition to what I am. How do I label myself? I label myself as a freak, a girl who is as screwed up as any other teenager in America. I feel nothing; I am nothing, which is how I describe myself to the internet. People who know me see an artificial, semi-happy fifteen year old. In my head I believe myself to be an anorexic, cruel, self-harming, heartbroken mess. It's hard to try and fit yourself somewhere or to classify yourself as an exception to society and by that I mean, it's hard to feel worth something when you feel weak, and when you've been cutting ties between you and the people you love. It's hard to feel emotions , it's hard to feel the happiness , you struggle to feel the slightest emotion, even pain; but that's me , a freak, a mess, a nothing.