"I love you"
"I'm so sorry, but I'm in love with Ladybug"
Do you know what it's like to feel numb? To feel all of your emotions at once, cry your eyes out, fret all night, and wake up after passing out to realize you feel nothing? You try to stay positive, but you can't.
I know what it feels like. The worst part is that there's nobody to blame except me. It's my fault for falling in love with a star, my fault for confessing those feelings, and my fault for being my own rival.
I fell in love with a shining star who was already in love with a ladybug.
I fell in love with a blond haired boy with emerald eyes, a boy who has never even thought to look in my direction. And it's all because of my alter ego.
He's in love with all that I'm not. He's in love with the risk and the confidence. With how swift she moves in the dark, and how unreachable she is in the day. Of how she is afraid of nobody, of how she never hesitates to act. He's in love with the mystery of what she stands for, of how she brings luck everywhere she stands. His eyes gleam when he so much looks at the color red, and his face turns a pretty pigmented color when she is so much as near. He looks at her and it's as if he is looking at all the stars and constellations, he looks at her as if she is the only one who is there.
He's in love wit her and unbeknown to him she is me. I am her, we are one.
I am the one behind the mask, I am the one he adores and he is clueless to it and I can't blame him. I can't be mad at him. I can't say I didn't expect this.
I am the opposite of what he loves. I take no risks and instead am a safety sign, my confidence is no where to be seen. In the dark I'm nothing but a girl with dreams, and in the day I'm like a weak daisy in the grass letting everyone step on me. I'm a riddle that nobody wants to solve, and I am a walking calamity. When he looks at me I am nothing more than a girl, another face that he'll forget, I'm simply the girl who confessed her love and got shot down. If she's the stars and constellations then I might as well be the dirt and mud.
Her and I, we have things in common though. We are both in love with a star but he only loves one of us. But we are one, she can't be loved if I'm not loved and that's the reality we fear. Me and her are the same but me and her are the exact opposites at the same time.
We fell in love with a boy, I hoped he would fall in love with me yet he fell in love with her first. He is engrossed with everything that is her, he says he loves her and everything she stands for. He says he loves the girl behind the mask but that is a lie.
Because I am the girl behind the mask and he tore my heart in a million pieces. I am the girl behind the mask yet he made me cry, he took my heart and stepped on me. He saw me as nothing more than a daisy in a meadow full of them, he sees her as the solitary rose that bloomed in the meadow. If she's the rose then I'm the thorns.
I regret letting those three words escape my mouth but my biggest regret is hearing him say nine words back. I regret falling in love, but it's inevitable right?
I'm expected to look him in the face again, to smile for him again, to act as if he didn't shatter me. I'm supposed to continue saving the day, continue being the person he fell in love with.
It's dumb to imagine. That a ladybug would fall in love with a Star. And to think that the Star would shine so bright he was blinded. He thought he loved the ladybug because she was red and flew but he never noticed her black spots and therefore didn't love them. This is our story; he's in love with her but not me. He's in love with her, and she is I.