Sup Peoples, Kiba-Incarnate here with my first Fairy Tail Fic. Should be pretty awesome, so read and review if you would be so kind. A warning to all, this fic may contain some serious crack I've got pairings, but it might not, I have yet to decide. Any constructive critisim would be welcomed along with any ego-boosting praise. Spread the love and all that. All that I've got left to say is I hope you enjoy it and HERE WE GO!

"Moody's Crypt" was an infamous name in the town of Hargeon, its reputation as the roughest bar around solidified by the constant stream of criminals, mercenaries and scum that passed through its doors every night. Most were thrown out, some were carried out, and a few didn't come out at all. It was dirty, dangerous and completely lawless.

Gazille liked the place immediately.

"Now this is what a real bar looks like" He declared, standing hand on hips outside the saloon doors. He struck an impressive figure in the foggy moonlight, his long black hair cleaving between his broad shoulders and his piercings winking in the dark . A patched duffel bag hung from one shoulder, on the other was pinned a large, black feathered epaulette. With his red eyes piercing through the night and a wide sharky grin stretching his face, Gazille looked like he was thoroughly happy to be there.

His companion however, was less amused.

"It looks like an utter shambles to me" Pantherlily stated. "Full of men with large swords and small minds. Not a place for dignified soldiers like myself."

An onlooker may have been shocked to see that this rather intelligent observation was made by what appeared to be a small, bipedial cat, sporting a collection of scars and, most ironically, a rather large sword himself. A fact that didn't escape Gazille's notice.

"Lily, have you seen the size of the thing on your back" Gazille snorted. "It must be at least what…? Twice you're size? Maybe more." He poked the tiny warrior with his foot. "I'm surprised you're still upright to be honest"

The contact upset Lily's rather precarious balance, forcing him into a silly little hop and twirl manoeuvre to stay upright. After regaining his composure and checking his admittedly rather large scabbard, Lily turned and glared, looking highly affronted at the dragon slayer's words. With a jump, he sprouted wings and delivered a quick boot to the face of the now cackling Gazille, not that it stopped him laughing.

"You know full well why my sword is this size BOY!" the cat hissed. "It was crafted for my original form, not this puny existence. And while, yes, technically this sword is rather large in comparison, the point I was making was that this… pit is full thick skulled gamma males with more muscle than sense." He threw a sly glance at the man next to him. "You'll feel right at home"

It was now Lily's turn to laugh at Gazille's humiliation, as he'd shut up rather quickly.

"I hope you realise you are the only person who makes those kind of comments and lives" He growled at his cat, less annoyed than he let on. He secretly enjoyed the banter with Lily.

"Yes, well if you did away with me, you'd have no cat partner now would you, hmm?" came the reply from a rather smug looking Lily, who knew full well his partners feelings, as they mirrored his own. "However, this still doesn't solve the problem. Why do I have to go in there again?"

Gazille exhaled noisly. "Look, we've travelled all day to get here, the mission starts tomorrow and I need a drink. This looks like the only bar that won't throw me out on sight. That enough?" He sighed at the look on his partners face. "OK, fine, we can also do a bit of digging for tomorrow. The kind of dirt we've come to hunt probably call this place their second home. Happy?"

"For the time being, yes" replied Lily, "I don't know why you didn't say that first though, it's obviously your real reason for coming here." He frowned at the incredulous look on Gazille's face. "Don't look at me like that; you don't have to put on the macho mask for me you know. You do have you're intelligent moments, shocking as it may seem, and you don't have to hide them."

Gazille raised his eyes to the sky in mock prayer. "Jesus, it was easier when I beat everybody up and they were all scared of me. I didn't have to take lip from bouncing balls of fluff either." He added, winking at the disapproving look he received from said ball of fluff. "Still, I suppose you're right… for once."

The slayer's grin slipped a bit though as he continued to think. "Hell, a few months ago I would've never had said that. I would have killed you on the spot for even suggesting it. This crazy guild better not be turning me soft Panther."

The Exceed sneered. "By soft do you mean inserting a moral backbone and a vague sense of emotion into that iron skull of yours? Then yes, you definitely are turning soft. And no it's not a bad thing" He said hastily as an outraged Gazille opened his mouth to reply. "Becoming a more likeable person is never a bad thing Gazille" Lily continued, waggling a paw at the grumpy looking dragon slayer. "Though if you ever turn into Natsu Dragoneel I swear I will stab you myself."

There was a pause, then the street suddenly rang with the deep boom of laughter as both Gazille and Pantherlily cracked up, knowing full well that Gazille could be injected with pure sunshine and still be nowhere near as annoying as Natsu. When the snorts finally started to subside, Gazille lent over to ruffle Lily's head, a huge sign of affection for him. Lily rolled his eyes, but leaned in with a small smile. A huge sign of trust for him. Both being outsiders, they tended to hide emotion, and an action as big as this was a rare sight in public. However this touching scene was cut short as both males leapt aside to dodge the body of some poor unfortunate who had been chucked through a second story window of the Crypt.

"Shame, we were having a cat and master bonding moment too" Said Gazille sadly, giving the unlucky soul that had interrupted their "moment" a hefty kick to the ribs.

"The day you become my master Gazille, is the day I bury my pride and dignity" answered Lily haughtily.

"Cat, have you looked in a mirror lately" Gazille sauntered past his partner up the stairs to the bar door. "You look like a second hand plushy" he kicked the door open, spinning round to flash his companion a predatory smile.

"And you Sir, look like something hideous has taken refuge on your head" was Lily's quick response. He waited a beat to let the insult digest, then flew up the stairs, flashed through Gazille's mad grasp and let the door slam in his face. Lily heard a muffled "DAMMIT" before the door was blown off its hinges, slamming into several unsuspecting patrons.

There stood Gazille, his eyes glowing and his mouth spread in a wide grin. He retracted the iron pole from the wreckage of the door, slowly turning it back into his arm. He then threw back his head and laughed. "I KNEW I CHOSE YOU FOR A REASON!" he yelled at a smirking Pantherlily. "YOU SMART-ASS BASTARD YOU!" Gazille then leapt with ferocious speed, catching Lily in a crushing embrace.

"MY CAT IS SO AWESOME" he shouted to the packed and thoroughly confused bar. "AWWESSSOOOMMMEEE"

And Lily, who was helpless in Gazille's bear hug, was surprised when the whole bar raised their glasses and cheered. Lord, he thought, the idiot really does fit in here.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After the ruckus had quietened down and drinks had been purchased, Gazille and Lily made their way to the back of the bar, selecting a corner table. Gazille immediately slung his bag on the table top and flung himself onto a bench. Both pieces of furniture crunched audibly, but to Lily's amazement stayed upright.

"Well that's certainly a first" he commented, hopping up onto a bar stool. "They certainly cater for all sorts here. Even the guild struggles to find furniture to cope with you and your supplies." He threw a pointed look at the rather beaten duffle bag on the table before returning to look at the still prostrated teenager. Lily could only see the top of his head and half of one eye. The swords-cat snorted into his beer. Gazille looked like a soot covered mop with a bad case of pink eye. That hair really was dreadful.

"Told ya this place was a real bar Lily" Gazille rumbled, completely ignorant of his cats less-than-complementary thoughts. He groped across the table for his bag, his gloved hand slapping the battered wood several times before finding it. To Lily it seemed as if the mop had now grown a questionable appendage. Snorting again, he hurriedly took a gulp of his brew as Gazille frowned at him.

"What are you giggling at Cat?" The mop's single eye narrowed with suspicion, the appendage frozen midway through searching the bag.

"Oh nothing, a sip of beer went down the wrong way, that's all." Lily lied, quickly looking away, searching for a change of subject. He couldn't handle looking at his partner at the moment, he'd burst out laughing.

"Hmph" was Gazille's only response, but he let the subject drop, preferring to continue looting his bag full of scrap metal. It probably wasn't worth the hassle. Besides, he thought, I'll save the "Fairy Tail's changed you too" speech for another day. Reaching for his own beer Gazille admired the Exceed from his lowered vantage point. Pantherlily was still as gruff and as strong as he had been the first time he'd met him on that god-damn rock, nearly 6 months ago now. But even in that short time, Gazille had noticed the change in the diminutive fighter's demeanour. He laughed much more nowadays and seemed comfortable in his new body, something Gazille was happy about, though it had been funny watching his unfortunate partner misjudge steps and leaps.

Gazille's daydream of Lily falling down drains and tumbling off barstools was interrupted by the cat himself banging his empty tankard on the table. "You're slipping young one, a pint behind already" declared Lily, wiping his whiskers clean of foam. "That makes it your round I believe." Gazille's furious answer was cut short by the swinging hips of the barmaid sashaying towards them, carrying two heaped platters of steaming food.

"Two Jumbo Mystery Meat Specials!" She called out in high, nasal tone, causing everyone in the vicinity to wince slightly. Gritting his teeth slightly, Lily held up a paw to wave her over, but before he'd completed the movement Gazille had shot upright, arranged himself in what he obviously thought was a casual position and yelled "Over here babe". Lily looked incredulously over at him. Of all the bars in all the world, his idiot partner had chose here to go girl hunting. And he'd chosen this revolting specimen? UNBLELIVEABLE!

Said revolting specimen waltzed over, dancing between tables and ducking under flying tankards with practiced ease. Lily observed her with a warrior's eye. Her dirty blonde hair was held up in three uneven bunches, strands still managing to fall in front of her face as she bounced along, her rather large breasts extenuated by the tight sleeveless top she was wearing, and bore the title "SUPERBITCH" in green fluorescent writing. Impractical, Lily thought, a single tight bun would keep the hair out of her eyes and the shirt provided not a scrap of protection. The whole look was rounded off with a pair of ripped jeans riding low on her hips, leaving a sizeable gap of unconcealed flesh between her waist and her breasts, on which a belly ring was on proud display. Lily raised his eyebrows.

"Wow, classy and modest, what a catch." He muttered under his breath, knowing full well Gazille could hear him. His companion pretended not to notice, leaning forward with a predatory smile as the barmaid approached.

"These for you then?" The girl questioned, not looking up from her notepad, balancing the plates on one arm precariously while she studied the order. "Two Jumbos, 2 beers and extra cutlery".

"They certainly are hotstuff" Gazille purred "but I don't remember ordering extra sex on legs, not that I'm complaining"

The waitress looked up sharply "Hey bub, you better back off or…" she tailed off as she got her first good look at the young man in front of her.

"Well hello handsome" she cooed, setting the dishes down, narrowly missing Lily's head. "I didn't see you come in, I must have been round back. Shame, I would have loved to watch you walk away." She leaned over the table, giving Gazille a full view of her attributes. His grin widened.

"Well baby maybe we can put that right. It seems unfair that I got to watch you walk all the way over here, and you get nothing in return" Lily shuddered. Gazille was doing his whole bad boy/pervert thing. It never normally worked, and that was half the fun, but Lily had a feeling this time the dragon slayers distinct flirting technique might actually pay off.

"I can think of a way to remedy our situation" the girl continued, inching across the table "though it would be a long, slow, hard process…" She left the words hanging in the air, barely an inch away from Gazille's ever smiling lips. Lily began to gag.

Without even looking away, Gazille smacked Lily hard on the back, sending him face first into his plate of food. "Sounds good for me, I'm always up for a challenge." The girl giggled and gave him a sly wink.

"Glad to hear it, so I'll see you at closing time…"

"Gazille"

"Tali. See you round tiger" and with her last remark, Tali slid off the table and sauntered back through the bar and into the kitchen. Lily removed himself from his plate.

"What, in God's name did you do that for!" He spat at his team-mate, trying and failing to look imposing with a face full of gravy.

"You sounded like you had a hair ball" Gazille replied, arching his back to try and see into the back of the saloon "was just trying to help."

Lily growled. "Yeah, sure, I'll believe that when Hell freezes over"

Gazille chuckled, finally turning back to his partner. "That's alright then, when we get home we'll kill Stripper. He's bound to go to Hell."

Lily snorted, spraying gravy along the length of the table. "You're a sadistic bastard, you know that?"

Gazille shrugged. No point denying the truth. Reaching out his hands, he grabbed a knife and shoved it into his mouth, the other disappearing into the bag before re-appearing with a soiled bandanna. "Come here Cat" he said through a mouthful of metal. Lily had no chance to protest before being pulled onto Gazille's lap, his complaints muffled by the oily rag the mage was using to wipe his face with.

"Wha… Stop tha… I Deman…" Exceed struggled feebly, before giving up, not wishing to resort to violence in public. He'd probably start a brawl in this place. He let Gazille get on with it, allowing himself to be plopped back onto his stool once he was done. He was, mercifully, cleaner than when Gazille had started, however he now smelt like engine oil. He gave the dragon slayer a dirty look before trying to repair the damage he had done, licking his paws and dragging them through his coat.

"What are you doing" Gazille asked, halfway though his starter of cutlery.

"Trying to look less like a sunflower" replied Lily. "How many times do I have to tell you, stroke in the direction of my fur, not against it!"

"You look fine, just a little messy" Gazille retorted. "You were never exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies anyway were you."

"Unlike you with your killer dandruff."

"…Touché."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"I heard Levy use it, kinda means 'good one' doesn't it?"

"Close enough"

They didn't talk again until the next round of drinks arrived, letting their food cool. They spent a lot of time in companionable silence, neither felt the need to fill the air with small talk. It was… comfortable.

"So" started Lily, putting down his new tankard, "Where do we start, information-wise?"

"Where-ever. Take your pick from the idiots in here. We could beat one of them up, get them drunk, steal their wallets…" Gazille listed off, grabbing his last fork and spearing a hunk of meat. "I vote for beating them up personally…"

"You might not wanna eat that." a voice spoke.

OOOOhhhh, cliffhanger first chapter, aren't I a rebel. :) The OC is in the next chapter, so strap yourselves in!