AN: Hi. =) So, I really shouldn't be writing right now. I have three finals within the next four days that I am in no way prepared for, so I am freaking out. However, between panicking and studying, I came up with this.
I don't have the faintest idea what caused this because honestly:
A) I really can't stand the Tyrells. I don't know why, but as a collective, they freak me out. Willas is like the only one I can stand to read about, and I don't even know that much about him other than he got crippled because of/ by Oberyn Martell (which is a pretty interesting slash pairing. Just saying). Maybe he turns into a dick later on in the series; I don't know. I hope not, because I hate the rest of the family for some unfathomable reason, but it wouldn't honestly surprise me. I don't know, maybe it's left over ick-factor from the whole JaimeCersei thing, but I keep expecting to find out that Renly was the cover for Margaery and Loras all along. I kept getting a really weird vibe whenever I read about them. Honestly, it would not be the weirdest plot twist in the entire series.
And b) in direct contrast to point a, I know it's only implied in the books, but I'm pretty sure that, after Loras flipped his shit when Renly died, we can all agree that they were not 'just friends'. That's like telling me that Robert thought Lyanna was just 'okay'.
So, yeah. For this, I'm working with the popular (and obvious) theory that Renly and Loras were a thing. Maybe a casual thing (but again, looking at Loras' freak out, I kinda doubt it unless he was some kind of psycho stalker), maybe they were each other's fairy tale true love. I don't know. But for this, they will be up to their necks in unresolved sexual tension because apparently, that's my mind's coping mechanism when I'm stressed. I write angsty slash. Meh. I'm cool with that.
As with the others I've written, it'll be AU, and the boys will be in university. This was loosely based on events from my own life. You know, in tv shows, where this new guy shows up and starts dating the female protagonist's best friend and he and the female lead become really solid friends, to the point where everyone thinks they're dating? And the female lead is really oblivious until she gets hit with a clue by four and realizes she's actually pretty into her best friend's significant other, only to also realize that they missed their shot? Yeah. That. This story is based on my life's rendition of that. It was a rather dark time, so this is kind of cathartic for me. I just hope you guys enjoy it.
Like I said, I have no idea where this came from, but here it is. There are references to 'Don't turn out the lights now' because I couldn't not reference Jaime. He's a BAMF. Anything you recognize, I don't own. However, if anyone wanted to get me a Kit Harrington of my own for Christmas, I wouldn't say no.
Disclaimer: See above. Broke, panicked university student. Clearly not mine.
It was comical, really. Everyone in King's Landing University thought he and Loras were together. Everyone thought they'd gotten together after he and Margaery broke up. Everyone thought they were just waiting until Loras was finished with school before making it official.
Everyone, Renly Baratheon knew, was wrong.
Not about the looks or the not so subtle touches – No, those were there alright. They did stand a little too close and spend just a little too much time together and wind up staying over at each other's houses more often than what was considered normal for 'just friends'. But that wasn't because they were dating. It was because he and Loras were masochists and they were caught in a never ending cycle of exposure and denial.
The rumors had it partly right -The looks, the inside jokes, the constant presence in each other's lives. None of those were imagined. And they were right, it had started after he and Margaery broke up, but they weren't unofficial because of Loras' schooling or Robert's potential reaction when he found out his brother was dating a guy (Robert told him point blank that he didn't give a flying fuck who Renly took to his bed as long as he didn't have to see or hear about it. That had been as good as an acceptance from his brother, but it in no way helped with his current predicament).
They weren't official because there was nothing to be official about. He and Loras weren't dating, at all. They were friends, the closest of friends, and they sometimes blurred the lines between them, but at the end of the day, Renly knew that no matter how he felt about the younger Tyrell, they would never be anything more than friends.
It wasn't because Renly was still pining away after Margaery, or anyone else for that matter. It was simply because they had missed their shot, and in a round about way, it was because of Margaery. Renly hadn't even noticed his feelings for Loras until he was already dating his sister, a cruel twist of fate, and by then it had been too late. By then, Renly had already broken his most cardinal rule – Never, ever, cheat. And he'd broken it with Loras, which just made the entire thing so much worse.
It happened during Margaery's eighteenth birthday party, as most awakenings do in those repulsive romantic comedies she loved so much. Margaery and her cousins and friends had camped out in the basement of the Tyrell mansion, Highgarden Hill, spending the night catching up and watching movies while their significant others and siblings did what boys did best, according to every romcom in existence. Renly, Loras and several other males were banished to the pool and rec rooms, a banishment that they were kind of okay with because really, there were very few people who found romantic comedies genuinely funny anymore (Except How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Renly was actually okay with that movie).
While the others played pool or found other forms of amusement, Renly and Loras took a walk through the gardens outside the manor. Looking back, with the stress that had been building in Loras' shoulders and the fight he'd gotten into with Robert and Stannis that morning, it wasn't surprising that one or both of them would snap.
As it happened, Loras was the first to break, falling into a tirade against his father and his views on Loras giving up a profitable career in sports in favor of studying engineering. Apparently, becoming an engineer wasn't a manly enough profession for the son of Mace Tyrell, never mind the fact that Garlan was a psychologist and Willas was a horticulturalist.
Normally, Renly was okay with listening to Loras' rants. The younger man very rarely found them necessary, and when Renly was in a good mood, he often found them hilarious. Just then, Renly's head was beginning to hurt and he really didn't want to do what a good boyfriend should and go in to watch the movie with Margaery and Loras just wasn't shutting up about his father. When Renly reached the end of his rope, he looked at Loras and something in his head made the connection that, 'Hm. Loras and Margaery look a lot alike. Maybe he's as easily distracted as his sister.'
Following that line of logic, it was really no surprise when Renly wound up pressing Loras against a nearby tree and shutting him up the old fashioned way. The aftermath was something out of a movie: The lightning bolt epiphany that his feelings for the youngest Tyrell brother weren't entirely platonic, the fact that apparently Loras returned those feelings whole heartedly, and the equally fast realization that if he didn't stop kissing his girlfriend's brother right now, he'd end up crossing a bridge with Loras that he and Margaery hadn't set foot on.
By the end of that night, that bridge and all of its neon flashing warning signs was nothing but a sparkly speck in the rear-view mirror of the speeding car that was Renly Baratheon's life. When he woke up the next morning, it was to Margaery sleeping soundly in the living room, passed out surrounded by her friends, Loras no where in sight, and a sickening feeling of dread and self loathing coiling in the pit of his stomach. When he and Margaery went down to breakfast and were met with catcalls and whistles, both Renly and Loras remained silent. Neither of them said a word about that night again, and went back to being the best of friends. Or rather, they tried. A gaping chasm seemed to open up between them and it seemed clear that, while neither of them wanted to talk about it, neither of them was really okay with pretending it never happened, leading to awkward conversations and stilted silence.
Naturally, a domino effect occurred and everything quickly went to hell. Loras began dating anything that moved, and between seething with something uncomfortably similar to jealousy and seeing red, Renly broke up with Margaery via text message two weeks later when he couldn't stand the disappointment in her eyes at his continued rejections any longer.
She'd been clueless and heart broken and Renly couldn't find it in him to care when Garlan did his usual tough guy routine at the pain of his little sister. After a while of being banished from Highgarden and putting up with angry glares from everyone who ever knew Margaery, Renly apologized and asked that they at least try to remain friends. It was awkward and slow moving, but eventually Margaery moved on and everyone got on with life. Except Renly, who was finding it increasingly difficult to play the part of Loras' best friend when the younger man couldn't even look him in the eye. It took him a month and a half to work up the courage to confront Loras about his avoidance, but life once again began to resemble a romantic comedy.
It was at a party being thrown by Robert in honor of the birthday of his best friend Ned, and Renly should have known when Loras walked in and refused to look at him that this wasn't going to be a smooth night. After three hours of silent staring contests and sorrowful looks from across a packed living room, Renly said 'To hell with it', and marched over to where Loras stood with his brother. Garlan gave him a killing look but said nothing when Renly asked Loras to go for a walk with him, to help clear his head. If Garlan knew what happened the night of Margaery's birthday, he didn't say either way. The two walked silently across the living room and tried to find a quiet corner. Eventually, they found a secluded staircase on the other end of the manor, and Renly turned to Loras with a frown.
"How long are we going to be like this?", Renly asked.
"I've no idea what you mean-"
"Loras, stop lying to me.", Renly ground out. "We haven't been okay since Margaery's birthday and you know that. Can we stop pretending that we are, because I am really getting tired of it?"
"What would you like me to say, Renly?", Loras asked, finally letting a bit of a bite into his words. "We – I was the cause of my little sister's heart break. How am I supposed to be okay with that?"
"You think I am? You know I think the world of Margaery." He thought the world of the sister, but the brother was his world, and Renly was in no way ready for that revelation but there it was.
Loras snorted. "Right. Then why did you kiss me when you were dating my sister?"
"I didn't hear you complaining.", Renly challenged. Loras frowned and looked down.
"Which was wrong of me, I know. I should have told you to stop, but I didn't and we are both wrong here, Renly. And now, after that, you think we can just go back to being the way we used to be? I can't do it, Renly. I'm sorry, I just can't."
"Did you want me to stop?", Renly asked, and he knew his face was pale at the idea that he'd forced Loras into something he didn't want to do. The thought made him feel sick.
"What?" Loras looked at him in surprise, and Renly briefly noted the bags under his eyes.
"Did you want me to stop that night? Did I force you to-" Every word made Renly feel a little more ill. Loras seemed to figure out where he was going with that sentence and rushed to stop him, grabbing the elder man's arm.
"Renly, gods, no, don't even think that!", Loras quickly spoke up. The dark hallway seemed to get much warmer, but neither said anything about it. "I – I hate myself for what happened that night, Renly, but not because of you. I let it happen because of you, because I've wanted that for ages now. But I hate myself because I love my sister and I love you, and now those two things are mutually exclusive for me. I can't have both, Renly."
"Who says you can't? I would never try to take you away from your sister, I know she's everything to you.", Renly insisted, and Loras gave him a sad smile.
"But she would take me away from you. If I told her that you and I were together, how long do you think it would take her to put two and two together and realize why you broke up with her?" Not long at all. Margaery Tyrell was a very smart girl. Renly stayed silent. "Exactly. I can't lose my sister, Renly. Gods help me, I've loved you since I was eleven, but I've loved her since the day she was born. And she's loved you since the day she met you; she'd never forgive me for this."
"Let me talk to her.", Renly decided, and Loras just shook his head. "Loras, I just realize exactly what I've been missing, and now you're asking me to give it up? I can't do that."
"I'm sorry. I just-" Renly didn't give him a chance to finish that sentence. The kiss that took place on that stairwell was the last one to occur between Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell, and it haunted the both of them every day after.
In the light of the next day, they returned to normal. And normal for Renly and Loras equated to lovers for everyone else in King's, but now that Renly knew the truth, he'd realized that his subconscious had been aware of his feelings for the younger Tyrell for years and had been acting them out in the only way it knew how. The banter and the affectionate touches didn't cease or increase, they just continued on in an endless cycle between the two. It was maddening and new and comfortable and frustrating as all hell all at the same time, and if some days he or Loras buckled under the pressure and wound up in a compromising position, anyone who'd been in love with their best friend but couldn't be with them would understand.
As for Margaery, she and Renly remained close friends and as far as he knew, she never learned of what happened between her brother and then-boyfriend the night of her eighteenth birthday. It was probably better that way, as Mace Tyrell would have had a coronary if he learned that his youngest son had slept with his daughter's boyfriend, but when Margaery began trying to set her brother up on dates, Renly saw red and made it his personal mission to sabotage every date he could. Margaery saw through him in a minute and called him on it, but he'd managed to bluff his way out of it by saying that he just didn't want Loras getting taken advantage of, being the youngest son of a very wealthy family after all.
Not a day went by without Renly considering what would happen if he told Margaery what happened after catching Loras watching him out of the corner of his eye during the track meets, or seeing Loras glaring at Brienne when she came to him for advice with her running. He was at least comforted by the fact that Loras was as pained as he was, though his jealousy over Brienne's crush on him was almost laughable.
Romance came and went from both of their lives but the one constant in Renly's was Loras. He'd compare every guy or girl he went out for dinner with to Loras and find them sadly lacking, and Margaery would come to him and complain that Loras had grilled his date that evening and come home only to say that she was no good. Finding love for her brother shouldn't be that hard, she'd argue in frustration, and Renly would need to grind his teeth to keep from saying that she didn't need to find love for her brother, that he'd already found it but that she was the only thing standing in the way.
Renly listened to the rumors, he heard the jokes made by guys like Jaime Lannister, he'd heard the questions of when exactly they were going to man up and admit to everybody that they were together. Renly kind of hoped they'd hold their breath, just so he wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. He and Loras weren't together. They wanted to be, they knew they would be amazing together, they knew that when they looked at each other, they were more or less staring at the person they were supposed to be with.
But, because Loras was a good brother and because Renly was oblivious until it was too late, they could never be together. Loras would always choose his sister over Renly, and no matter what happened, Renly could never hate Margaery enough to tell her that she'd lost him to her own brother. They were stuck in this endless loop of frustration and unspoken words, and while Renly hated it with a passion, he accepted it.
He accepted it because he needed Loras in his life, and that would always be the circumstance of their relationship. He accepted it because the day he forgot about Margaery's eighteenth birthday would be the day his life ended. He accepted it because he'd rather have Loras as his friend than nothing.
He accepted it because he knew he'd never love someone like he did Loras, and he knew Loras could say the same. It wasn't much, but it was what got Renly Baratheon through another day at King's Landing.
AN: And, scene! Poor Renly. I feel like Loras' character was kind of OOC, but like I said, I can't stand the Tyrells so I admittedly wasn't trying very hard with his character. That's it, guys! I hope you enjoyed it. =) I need to go read boring stuff now, so I must bid you adieu. Any comments, questions or concerns? Lemme know.
Much love, and thanks for reading!
Oracle. (L)