Title: Operation: Blackhawk
Rating: T
A/N: Hello! This is my first Avengers fic and I have written this out of sheer boredom this summer. I have no one betaing this fic for me so I apologize for any mistakes and whatnot in this. Hopefully the second chapter will be longer but that depends. I think that's all I have to say for now so enjoy!
Chapter One
Sometimes when the weather was cold, Natasha would find herself sitting in front of the fireplace in an old armchair reading. This was something she did when she wanted to relieve the stress of the job. She would let herself get lost in the mythical worlds within the well-worn pages and forget about the worries and problems she had from that particular day. Often, Clint would find her asleep with a rather thick book open on her lap and he would just smile and carry her to her bed. Natasha would wake up that morning to find a bookmark right where she remembered nodding off the night before.
This was how it was between them. A few smiles, little kind acts between them, the occasional kiss on the cheek. That was it. It never progressed into anything more. At least, not until a certain billionaire decided to intervene. He knew that if Natasha ever found out what he was doing, she would slice off something very, very important to him. Hell, Clint would probably shoot him right there and then. So he had to be sneaky about this.
Tony couldn't do this alone, of course. He needed someone else to be his accomplice. Steve? Nah, he would probably tell him that he should just mind his own business and leave Natasha and Clint alone. Thor? Nope. The god of thunder would probably give him away within an hour after knowing the plan. That left only one person.
"Bruuce!" Tony said as he bounded into the lab. Bruce eyed him wearily, noting the somewhat crazed glint in his eyes.
"What is it?" He asked cautiously. Tony clapped his hands together and settled in the seat across Bruce. He leaned forward with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"How would you like to help me pull off the mission of the century?" Bruce leaned away and crossed his arms.
"What do you mean? And why are you asking me? Do the others know about this?" He asked. Tony pressed a finger to his lips and shushed Bruce.
"This is a secret mission. You, my friend, are the only one who knows about this." Tony whispered conspiratorially. Bruce rolled his eyes at the billionaire.
"You haven't even told me what the bloody mission is." Tony looked around the room, as if making sure that no one was watching. Which was totally ridiculous considering that the two of them were the only ones in the whole room.
"As you are well aware, two of our comrades have undeniable chemistry." Tony began. Bruce suddenly had a feeling where this was going.
"Oh no. You are not seriously su-"
"BUT ALAS! They are oblivious to this chemistry."
"Natasha will kill you if she fin-"
"THEREFORE! As their dear friend, I have taken it upon myself to help the two of them realize their mutual feelings for each other and thus end their lonely misery." Tony finished proudly, blatantly ignoring Bruce's protests.
"And what do you aim on getting from this whole scheme?" Bruce asked. Tony smirked.
"Nothing! I was hoping to finally get rid of the sexual tension between the two of them, that's all. You could cut it with a knife, honestly." He said, shaking his head. Bruce grew quiet, contemplating the possible of outcomes of this scheme. Should he be a part of this mad idea?
"Why me though?" Bruce asked. "Of all the people why are you asking me to be your partner in crime?" Tony looked at him seriously.
"No one ever suspects you of doing something like this. And, I figured you might have a little fun with this. You know, get you to take your nose out of those damn notes you read all the time." He said. Bruce smiled a little.
"Alright, why the hell not?" He said, agreeing to help Tony with this scheme. Tony clapped him on the back.
"Good on you, Bruce! I knew I could count on you!" He said cheerfully. "Now, to get down to business. What do you think we should do first?" Bruce stared.
"You mean you have no idea what you're gonna do first?" He asked incredulously. Tony sighed.
"Look, this plan has to have every single detail figured out or else Natasha or Clint might find out and when they do they'll have both our asses." Bruce flinched at the thought of Natasha's fury and started brainstorming possible ideas.
After a long silence, Tony brightened up and slammed his hands down on the table.
"Duh. All we have to do is to make Natasha jealous!" He said clearly proud of his plan. Bruce frowned.
"That's kind of obvious, don't you think? She can probably see that we're trying to set up Clint with someone." He pointed out. Tony waved his hand dismissively.
"It's the only thing we've got so far." He said. "But you're absolutely right. If we introduce some random chick to Clint, Natasha will obviously see what we're doing. This is why we're going to hire someone."
"Like a prostitute?" Bruce asked disdainfully.
"What? No! What I mean is, we're going to hire an assistant. Someone to help us out in the lab, you know?" He said.
"Ah. So say Clint and this girl do get together. What will happen next?" Bruce said thoughtfully. He couldn't imagine this plan working out. Natasha was too clever and what were the chances that Clint would ask the girl out?
"Girls get jealous very easily, trust me. Natasha will probably just do whatever to get Clint back and bada bing bada boom we'll have our perfect, happy couple." Tony said. Bruce was slightly doubtful of this plan but nodded.
"Ok then. Looks like we're set. All we need to do is find the right person. Someone that will probably not fall for Clint so she won't get to torn up over the eventual break up, right?" He said. Tony nodded.
"Operation: Get Clint Laid is now underway!" He said, rubbing his hands together and waggling his eyebrows mischievously.
"First of all, don't ever wag your eyebrows like that. It creeps me out. And second, why is it called 'Operation: Get Clint Laid'?" Bruce asked.
"Well, obviously Clint will get laid at some point during this plan and I couldn't think of anything else to call it."
"Alright, alright!" Bruce said, raising his hands in surrender. "I won't question you."
"Damn straight." Tony said smirking. Bruce rolled his eyes. "Jarvis?"
"Yes sir?" The voice said from somewhere above them. Bruce never got the hang of Jarvis yet. He didn't know where to look when he (it?) was talking.
"Call Pepper for me, would you? And put her on speaker." Tony said, winking at Bruce.
"Right away sir." Jarvis said. After a couple of rings, Pepper picked up.
"What do you want Tony? I'm busy." Pepper's irritated voice answered.
"Aw, you're always busy." Tony pouted. "I just wanted to ask you for a little favour."
There was a sigh on the other end of the line.
"What did you do this time?"
"Why, I'm offended. Can't I ask you for one favour without you assuming I've don't something stupid?"
"Tony…"
"Oh alright. I just wanted to ask if you could find Dr. Banner and I a lab assistant? See, nothing stupid."
"Why would you want a lab assistant? Isn't Bruce enough?"
"Well, we're quite swamped with papers and whatnot from SHIELD. Please Pepper?" Tony pleaded.
"… I'll see what I can do." Pepper said reluctantly. Tony gave a thumbs up to Bruce who couldn't help but smile.
"Thanks Pep! You're the best! And could you maybe make sure the assistant is a girl, preferably an attractive one, maybe brunette and try to avoid gingers? Thanks!" He added quickly before hanging up. Bruce laughed.
"Try to avoid gingers? Really."
/
A few hours later, Bruce, Tony, Clint, Steve, Natasha and Thor were lounging in front of a massive screen watching a movie. Steve was completely absorbed in the movie, his eyes filled with wonder at the effects and imagery. Clint and Natasha were sitting next to each other on one couch. Clint's arm was around Natasha's shoulders and she was leaning against him. Bruce and Tony eyed the pair and gave each other knowing looks. Thor was sitting crossed legged on the ground frowning in confusion.
"I do not understand why this Flynn Rider doesn't just break the tower down instead of putting the maiden's hair under much stress." He rumbled.
"Don't you think the princess will get hurt if he breaks the tower while she's still in it?" Bruce pointed out. Thor pondered for a minute before smiling sheepishly.
"Ah. That had slipped my mind." He said lamely. Tony snorted and shoveled more popcorn into his mouth. He was waiting anxiously for Pepper to arrive with the information on possible candidates for their new lab assistant.
"Sir, Ms. Potts has arrived." Jarvis said over the sound of the movie. The others gave Tony dirty looks as the movie got paused. Tony stuck his tongue out at them.
"Tell her I'll be in the lab. Thanks Jarvis." He replied, dumping the bowl of popcorn onto Steve's lap and leaping to his feet. Bruce raised an eyebrow at him and Tony winked back.
"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it, darling." He said.
"Please don't ever call me that."
Tony blew a kiss at Bruce before leaving the room. The other Avengers smirked at this.
"Should we be expecting a wedding announcement soon?"
"Shut up, Clint."
When Tony arrived at the lab, he found Pepper waiting with a stack of folders. She pushed it towards him and he patted the pile happily.
"Tell me again why you're being annoyingly specific with how your lab assistant looks like?" She asked skeptically. Tony gazed at her with a very serious expression.
"I'm trying to set Bruce up with one of them. God only knows when the last time he got laid was." He lied smoothly. Pepper raised an eyebrow.
"It's nice that you're looking out for him and all but don't you think you should leave his love life alone?"
"I've taken it upon myself to be Bruce's wingman, Pepper. I have duties to attend to and this includes finding potential partner's for my dear friend. If I say he needs to get laid then he will get laid." Tony said enthusiastically. Pepper sighed.
"Ok Tony. On your own head, so be it. I just hope you know what you're doing." She warned him.
"Relax Pep. I've got this." He winked. She rolled her eyes and headed for the door.
Tony waited for the door to be shut before whipping out his phone and dialing Bruce's number.
"I believe you and I have a date, Dr. Banner." He said. He smirked as he heard Bruce's sigh on the other end of the phone.
"I'll be right down." Bruce said faintly. Tony hung up and pulled out a file at random from the large stack.
"Tiffany Reese. Hmm, not bad looking. 19? Ugh, Clint will look like a pedophile." He mused as he sifted through the folder. He closed it and set it aside before opening another one.
"Megan Costello. Not bad. The nose is a tad bit too large for my taste." He said, frowning.
"But you're forgetting that this is for Clint and not you." Bruce's voice floated in. Tony looked up and smirked.
"Doesn't mean I can't have a look." He said. Bruce sat across him and pulled half of the folders to himself. He opened the one on top and raised an eyebrow. Tony noticed his expression.
"See something you like?" Tony said suggestively. Bruce flushed red slightly before pushing his glasses up his nose.
"Um, no. I was just uh-" He spluttered. Tony laughed.
"It's alright man. Don't stress yourself. Although if you do see one you like just say the word and we'll hire her too." He winked. Bruce turned even redder and looked down at the table.
"We're supposed to be setting up Clint, not me." He said, still staring at the table. Tony waved his hand at him.
"Yeah, yeah. Oh, what about her?" He said suddenly. Bruce sat up straighter and glanced at the photo of the girl Tony was pointing at.
The girl in the picture had dark hair that curled at the tips and hazel-green eyes that seemed to twinkle mischievously. Bruce read her credentials and his eyes widened, clearly impressed.
"I know, Brucey. Smart and sexy." Tony said, still looking in awe at the information written. Kristi McNeil. Yes, she would be perfect for this. Tony quickly jotted down the phone number listed on the file and dialed it.
"Hello? Miss McNeil? This is Tony Stark." He said cockily into the phone. Bruce rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. "Congratulations, you have been chosen to be my new lab assistant! How does that make you feel?" He continued. Bruce heard the muffled, excited sounds the girl was making and shook his head.
"Why don't me and Dr. Banner meet up with you tomorrow morning to discuss a few things? How does nine sound? Ok great! See you tomorrow then!" Tony said before hanging up. He grinned at Bruce and gave him a thumbs up.
"Operation: Blackhawk is now ready to commence." He said excitedly.
"Operation: Blackhawk?" Bruce said. Tony crossed his arms and frowned at him.
"Its better than Operation: Get Clint Laid." He said defensively. "And you know Blackhawk because Black Widow and Hawkeye?" Bruce looked mildly amused by this.
"Have you and Darcy been talking about this shipping names thing again?"
"Oh, shut up."
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