Everything Changes
Fuck fuck fuck, fuckity fuck, the Rainbow mare thought panicky as she studied her form in the mirror. It's only been four months, can't tell… yet anyway.
This was a huge problem for the young mare; just after everything started coming together she had to go and get herself knocked up. What the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time Dash?
The mare snorted and continued to ready herself for training. She tried her best to cast thoughts of motherhood aside, but the tiny voice in the back of her mind would not stop niggling. She still had time, time to get her head straight and sort this all out before it became obvious- Shit, what was she going to tell Soarin'? Her breathing quickened. Anxiety levels had slowly been increasing over the last few months and were becoming barely manageable. She had to tell someone about this, get some help. There was a chance Dash was completely wrong about this and just over-reacting- a very very slim chance. Maybe Fluttershy could help her. She surely had experience in this area and would keep a secret if Dash asked her to. Heck she might not even have to tell Fluttershy that Dash thought she was pregnant. She could be asking for a friend…. or something.
Her body was on auto-pilot and mind in other places and she flew to the Wonderbolt Academy, very nearly repeating her "stunning" entrance the first time she stepped hoof in the facility.
"Oi Crash, watch it! I don't want you messing up my landing strip again!"
Spitefire's authoritarian tone cut through the hazy thoughts as Dash snapped to attention, "Sorry Ma'm! It won't happen again," she replied sheepishly.
In an instant the fiery mare dropped the charade, giving Dash a gentle clap on the shoulder, "Ah, I'm just teasing. Well mostly," raising an eyebrow, "you're looking a bit preoccupied."
"Huh? Oh, it's nothing really. Just... ya know… taxes," Dash offered in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone as the pair walked towards the stadium. Time seemed to freeze until Spitefire 'hmm'd assumedly in agreeance. She let out the breath she was unconsciously holding. Geeze, this foal thing was really messing with her mentality.
Swinging the main entrance open, the mares made their way through the elaborate foyer and unto the field, to join the rest of the team. The grass felt springy under hoof as Dash took her place besides Soarin'. The mare shot her colt friend a smile, which he returned by sticking his tongue out and sneering. Dash merely rolled her eyes and concentrated on Spitefire's instruction. Noting the scent of the air, the cool wind through her wings, how it rose and dropped, she rooted herself back into the present. There would be time to think of foals later, for now, she had to fly.
Turning the tap, the cool water felt soothing running over her tender muscles. Training had been good, but difficult as always. Spitefire was not one to let them slack off, forever pushing the limits of the team and always expecting greater things. As much as she hated the unrelenting ache she always experienced the next morning, she couldn't hope for a better coach.
It wasn't long until Soarin' came looking for her, peering around the corner with a gentle knock.
"Yeah I'm coming," she called, cutting the off the stream of water and giving a quick shake. Dash and Soarin had been an item for a while now. She would never have expected things to work out as they did, but who was she to disagree? They're relationship did not involve hopeless romantics and public displays of affection, but mutual trust and respect. Heh, trust.
The blue stallion was beaming, "how great was that? We nailed training today! I'm sure we've got this next comp in the BAG!"
"We'll have to see how we perform on the day, the Phillydelphia team is pretty strong themselves, but I think we've got a good chance of leaving them in the dust," she remarked, nuzzling the stallion. Soarin' was, as always, the eternal optimist.
He stepped back, "Hey were you doing anything later?"
Chewing the side of her cheek, Dash racked her brains, "Um, I've got to go see Fluttershy about something later, but wasn't doing anything after that. Why?"
"Just wondering if you wanted to come over for a movie or something later? We haven't had much time lately to just relax and spend some time with one another. I know you've been off saving Equestria, but even heroes need some chill time."
She smiled, "Sure! It would be nice to have a normal night for once. How 'bout… The Bees around 7?"
"The Bees, around 7," he confirmed. The pair shared an embrace before going their separate ways. She had three hours to seek out Fluttershy and get to Soarin's place. Surely that's enough time to get an answer and get over any panic attacks and any general break downs which may ensue. She hoped anyway.
Flittering on the gentle breeze, Rainbow found herself growing more and more anxious the closer she came to Fluttershy's Cottage. She knew it was unreasonable to be feeling as she was, but the fear of this whole thing blowing up in her face was still there. Of all her friends, Fluttershy was definitely the most caring and supportive. Not to discount the others; they all have their good and bad qualities, Dash included.
She touched down on shaky legs, taking a moment to control her rapid respiration before heading out to find the yellow pegasi. It felt so strange to be so on edge all the time; like she could shatter into a thousand pieces at any moment. Dash was used to stability and confidence in herself, so to have that ripped away was frightening. She found Fluttershy amidst the flowers which surrounded the cottage, seemingly attending to some small woodland creature she had stumbled upon.
Clearing her throat, Dash greeted her friend.
"Eep! Oh my gosh, Dash I didn't see you there. How was training?"
Rainbow Dash glanced around, "Uh, good. Just standard training," she lowered her voice further, "I do have something I want to talk to you about though."
Wearily, Fluttershy replied, "O-kay, did you want to go inside? I can get some tea." She tilted her head in confusion. Dash was uptight, nervous and looked ready to flee at a moment's notice. The last time Fluttershy had seen her this worked up was just before the Wonderbolt's try outs. It set off all kinds of alarm bells.
The rainbow maned mare just nodded, so inside they went. Dash had grown even quieter, seemingly withdrawing from the world as Fluttershy set about making the tea. She curled up on the plush sofa, trying to mentally prepare herself for the coming confrontation. It only took a few minutes for the water to boil and the tea to be ready, yet it felt like both an eternity and no time at all. Dash's life was just devolving into a series of contradictions.
Fluttershy set the cups and tea pot down on the coffee table and sat down across from Dash; eyes steadily studied the cyan mare, absorbing every little detail with an air of knowledge, as if she already knew. Yes, she was well and truly past the point of no return. "What's bothering you Dash?"
Heart raced a million miles an hour, breathing hastened.
Get a fucking grip Dash! You're just asking a simple question. No big deal…
"Um yeah… I was just, um, wondering how a mare, might know if… iftheyareinfoal?"
Words tumbled out, Dash silently hoping Fluttershy hadn't managed to catch that last bit. Carefully she cracked open one eye she had unwittingly closed during her moment of panic. Fluttershy's expression remained mostly unchanged, if anything, she looked relieved.
Fluttershy chuckled, "Well for starters she would have to have had an encounter with a stallion, but I'm sure you know that bit," giving a cheeky wink for emphasis, "next, she wouldn't come back into season after that. As the pregnancy progressed, the mare would start to get strange cravings, funny aches, nausea, fatigue, sometimes edema along her belly and heart palpitations, but those last two don't usually happen until the mare is almost to term."
Again Dash simply nodded, going through a checklist in her mind- a list with nearly every boxed ticked. Silence hung heavy in the room but Rainbow couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Is there any particular reason why you wanted to know about this?"
Fluttershy's voice was soft as it always was, filled with a kindness that prompted to be answered.
"I think… I might be?" the sentence ended with an uncharacteristic squeak as the cyan mare swirled her cup absent mindedly; the cup which she very nearly dropped when Fluttershy's trademark squee bounced around the room.
"Oh Dash this is so exciting! I bet Soarin' is so thrilled as well!"
Dash darted to clamp a hoof over the excited mare's mouth, "Uh that's the thing Fluttershy, he doesn't exactly know yet. Heck I'm still technically speculating at this point, which is why I came to see you."
Confusion crossed her friend's face, "You mean you haven't gone to the doctor's yet? How long have you suspected something?"
"Four months," she mumbled.
"Four weeks? Oh that's nothing Dash it's still early da-"
"No, not four weeks, four months."
The shriek which escaped from Fluttershy's mouth left Rainbow's ears ringing. The yellow pegasi began ranting about 'prenatal appointments' and 'complications', but they just seemed to go in one ear and straight out the other. It was all becoming a bit too much. Next thing she knew, Dash was being dragged out the door by her tail.
"Hey where are you taking me?!" trying vainly to snatch her tail back. For such a gentle and quiet spoken pony, Fluttershy could certainly haul some weight.
The answer was simple and to the point, "First, we're going to the doctor to get you checked out, then you are going to find Soarin' and tell him"
Dash dug her hooves in the ground, whipping around to face her capture with as much grimness as she could muster. "I understand going to the doc's, but I am not telling Soarin'. Not yet anyway."
The sudden change in Rainbow's demeanor caught Fluttershy off guard; it almost frightened her. Dash seemed to tower over her, completely confident in her resolve. There was a hardness in her eye, telling Fluttershy that Soarin' was not a topic to be prodded and poked at.
"O-okay," she whispered, "You'll have to tell him soon though. If you're already four months in, you're not going to be able to hide it much longer."
Hooves dragged through the dirt as the pair continued towards Ponyville GP.
"Yeah, I know…"
"Well, Miss Dash I can say for certain you are definitely in foal. Everything is looking good so far, foal developing nicely, steady heartbeat, good size. Can't tell the gender or breed just yet, but I would be betting on a pegasus. In a few words, I'm very impressed considering this is rather late for a first appointment."
The Doctor was a kind hearted stallion, a rich chocolate brown in colour with eyes as blue as ice. He'd seemed completely at ease with the situation, offering helpful tips and slipping in a pun here and there. It did help to alleviate some of Rainbow's worries. She was thankful Fluttershy had come along too, if not only as moral support but also as a translator. Dr. Hooves could get a bit wordy with some of his instruction and explanations, enough to make Dash's head spin.
She shivered a little as the ultrasound was removed from her abdomen and the residual gel was mopped up. It was so strange to see the ultrasound, to see the little blob that would eventually become a foal; her little mistake that was going to become all too real.
A gentle hoof on her shoulder, prompting her to stand up snapped the mare back to reality. Dr Hooves passed a few last minute pamphlets to the expecting mare, supposedly to 'answer any questions you might have between now and the next appointment'. Honestly, the covers filled with rounded tummies, smiling sires and happy dams and newborns made her recoil and shrink away as though those pamphlets contained some vile and dangerous curse. She could only think of how this was the exact opposite of what she was meant to be feeling.
A few 'thank you's and a promise of another appointment soon later and it was over. Back outside in the fresh cool air, finally giving Dash a chance to breathe. It was strange to know now, actually know for certain. It was both terrifying and relieving simultaneously.
"Are you sure you don't want to tell Soarin' today? Everything's fine and there is no need to worry about the foal." Fluttershy was tentative to ask, for fear of getting the same reaction as earlier.
Dash plopped herself on the ground and pressed her hooves to her temples. "I- I've just got some things I need to sort out first, before I tell him ya know? Gotta… make sure it's perfect." She hoped the last part didn't have as much venom as it sounded in her mind. There were definitely some things she needed to sort out first, but this would never be perfect. You can't go back and change past mistakes; you've just got to deal with the consequences as they come.
"Speaking of which, I have really got to go, I'm supposed to be meeting Soarin' tonight. Could you please hold onto these for me?" shoving the pamphlets in Fluttershy's general direction, "I'll be by to pick them up tomorrow and probably go through some more stuff with you. But for now, I just need to go and unwind I think. It's been a long long day."
It was true, Rainbow Dash looked exhausted, but hopefully a quiet night could remedy that. The pale yellow Pegasus gladly accepted as they said their 'good byes'. She too turned for home, leaning to tuck the pamphlets under a wing, before she was startled by a bright pink pony.
"Ooooo hey Fluttershy, whatcha got there?"