Disclaimer: Once again I dont own CSI NY nor its characters.
Summary: Spoliers for Right Next Door. Lindsay decides to try and make it work, but ghosts of pain haunt her and she finds that her world has crumbled again.
Read and Review.
You stand in the familiar hallway. Taking a deep breath you knock and then pull your jacket tightly around you. The door opens within moments and you suddenly think you can't do this. His face, bearing a mixture of emotions fills your eyes. You look in his eyes and you feel the emotions flood into you. Sorrow. Happiness. Anxiety. Regret. Relief. They all pour into your eyes and you break his gaze.
Nodding your head you walk past him into the appartment you had once thought of as home. Now you're a stranger. He talks, starts to ramble and you try to listen but your mind is screaming to you that this is a mistake. Letting your face twitch a little you smile for a second and shed your coat from your shoulders.
And then instantly regret it.
Danny's house always used to feel so warm, so comfy and loving but now you feel cold, shunned and out of place. Hanging your jacket on the hook you turn around and find him watching you, his face etched in sorrow.
"Lindsay I'm..." You cut him off with a wave of your hand and a shake of your head. You don't need to hear it. You can't hear it again. He nods, and gestures to the table. Which you hadn't noticed before now, was covered with rose petals. Two candles lit the dining area and you saw the bouquet of roses lay in the middle of the table. You turn your eyes to him, and raise your brows. Did he really think it was that easy?
"I know it's not going to be that easy Lindsay. But I have to try." You stare at him and as he looks in your eyes all you want is for him to take you in his arms and tell you it never happened. It was all some horrible nightmare that you had dreamt up. You ache to go back to how you used to be. Before any of this happened. When you could look at him without feeling your heart snap in two again. He stares at you, as if he can see your heart breaking once more and his voice is quiet. "Do you want to eat?"
"Ok." It's the first thing you've said to him since you arrived, but that's because you don't trust your voice. It will betray your hurt, your anger at both him and yourself, and your hope.
Dinner passes in a blur you hear him talk, you answer his questions with small answers and you keep your head bowed for the majority of it. You haven't failed to notice the daisy he hsa lay next to your plate. The flower you share with him. When he's not looking you pop it into your purse, but you refuse to take the roses. At the door you bid him goodnight and open it for yourself. But his voice stops you.
"Lindsay please. I thought you said we could try and work it out?" You don't need to turn around to hear his tears.
And you hear your own break your words aswell. "I thought so too Danny." Taking a breath you pause with your hand on the doorknob. "I want to. I just don't think we can."
His arms grab your shoulders and before you know it, he's closed in on you, your back is against the door and you can see how tear after tear flows down his stubbled cheeks. "We can. I've told you Lindsay, I never meant for it to happen. If I could go back and change it I would. I know I didn't handle Reubens death the way I should have, and I still, still blame myself Lindz. But wanting to forget about it all wasn't a good enough reason to do what I did. And I regret it so much." His voice cracks and he lowers his head. "I don't want to lose you Lindsay. I can't lose you."
Your body shudders with tears as you hear him repent again. Tucking your fingers under his chin you bring his head up to look at you. And you lean forward and kiss him, the tears mingling on your lips, he leans into you more and presses you hard against the door.
Your hands wind around his neck and his rest on your hips. You feel his passion, begging for forgiveness on your lips but still your tears flow. And he breaks the kiss and begins to kiss your neck with his mouth and stubble. He knows its your weakness. He breaths into your ear and you feel yourself shiver.
But the tears don't stop and you are too upset to let the lust take over.
Thats when it flashes into your head.
The image of the man you love grazing his mouth against her neck, just as he was to you now.
You see her lean back and giggle in delight.
You see his hands pull her closer.
You hear him whispering her name.
Pushing him away you stare into his eyes. Shocked and torn apart. Clutching your chest you fumble for the doorknob. Wrenching it open you shake your head before turning on your heel and running as fast as you can.
Falling into your apartment you want to cry, but you find yourself empty of tears. Staring around you feel hate burn inside you. You want to make him feel like he's made you feel. You want to break his heart the way he's torn yours into shreds. Pulling out your phone you decide company is the best idea. Raising the phone to your ear you speak.
"Hey I know you're not on shift so I was just wondering if you wanted to come around for a bit? I could do with some company. That's if you don't already have plans." Pausing for a second you wait for confirmation and then a small smile spreads onto your face. "Great. Thanks, bring beers!" Hanging up you decide to shower before your guest arrives.
After washing away him, as best you could. You pull on a pair of jeans and a simple low cut top, putting your make up on you smack your glossy lips together as you hear the doorbell go. Walking to the door, you check the peep hole first and laugh as you see your guest holding up two sixpacks of beer. Pulling opening your door you smile at him.
"Hey Flack."
He smiled. "Good evening Detective Monroe, I heard you called for backup along with beers. Correct?"
Nodding you take the beers off him and place them on the table. "Correct, beers and more." And leaning into him you kiss him, hot and fiery you let your anger take over. He backs into the door startled for a moment but you follow him, hooking your hands onto his shoulders. Pressing your chest against his, you position your leg inbetween his and you feel his arousal through his pants. But then he grabs your hips and pushes you away slightly.
"Lindsay, this isn't right. You don't want this." Staring at him you feel your chest heave and your eyes burn. Stepping forward you kiss him again and bite his bottom lip making him hiss. Tugging on it slightly you stare up at him and growl.
"Shut up Flack."
His eyes pity you for a moment before you pull off your top and let your exposed breasts fall naturally against you. And then your against him again, pulling him towards your sofa. Falling onto it you drag him ontop of you, never breaking the kiss as you do. His hands rest on your waist and stay there. Frustrated with his lack of action you run a hand through his hair tugging at it before slipping your hand to his jeans. Unbuckling his pants you find his erection and grasp it in your hand. And then thats when he pulls away. Grabbing your hand he removes it from him. Staring at you he shakes his head and buckles himself back up. You sit there and watch him as he retrieves your top, pulling it on you stare at him as he stares at you.
"What are you doing Lindsay? This isn't you." And you crumble and find those fresh tears cascading down your smooth cheeks. Sitting next to you, he pulls you into him and wraps his arms around you. "Is this cause of Danny? And what he did?"
You nod and mutter. "I wanted to hurt him. Like he hurt me." Raising your eyes you meet his and mumble. "Sleeping with his best friend seemed like the best way to do that."
"Oh Lindsay don't you realise that I haven't been his best friend for a long time? Ever since you came onto the scene I was pushed onto the backburner. Your number one in his eyes, your his girl."
Shaking your head. "Not anymore. She's his girl now."
"No!" Flacks voice is sharp, making you jump. "She's not. She was someone he could forget about everything with. He loves you Lindsay, and he couldn't turn to you during Reubens death because you're a stark reminder of how good he's supposed to be. I'm not saying what he did was right Lindsay, far from it. In fact, I'll kick his ass if you want me to." You giggle slightly at this and dry your tears. "But if you can, you should forgive him and move on together, because I know how much he loves you.
Taking a deep breath you nod and snuggle into your friends arms as you whisper. "Funny way of loving me."
Fin.
Hope you liked it.
Crazy Gabs.
Let me know what you think, cause I know most of you hate Danny...and to be honest I don't.
XxX