Disclaimer: I do not own CSI NY nor any of THEIR characters. Thomas, and Evelyn are mine :) Hope you like them.

Summary: There are spoilers for Childs Play. However this is set in the future where Danny has to find the strength to prove something to only himself.

I wrote this before the latest episodes, so yeah pretend they never happened lol

Just a one shot guys. Hope you like it.

Read and Review ..if you want. :P

"Oof!" Danny woke with a start as he felt his four year old baby girl jump onto his stomach. With his eyes half open he grabbed her by the waist to place her in between himself and Lindsay while taking a look at the clock beside him. Grumbling he turned to his little girl.

"Evie, its six thirty, what have I told ya about waking Daddy this early?"

Giggling she kicked her legs excitedly. "Not to do it. BUT DADDY! Tom woke me up first cause he's too excited about today." Her face became suddenly serious as she saw her Dad's face do the same moments earlier. "What's wrong Daddy?"

Turning back to Evie Danny shook his head and smiled. "Nothing, now come on, let's get up and make breakfast." Picking up his daughter Danny swung her over his shoulder and carried her giggling form into the kitchen. Once there Danny saw that his oldest child Tom was sitting at the breakfast table already eating, what Danny presumed, was his second bowl of cheerios of the morning. Dropping Evie into a chair, Danny pointed his finger at his eight year old son. "No more or your Ma will go mad."

Rummaging through the cupboards Danny cursed under his breath a little as he bent over trying to pull out the box of fruit loops for his daughter. Finally pulling the tub out with triumph he poured some into a power rangers bowl before adding the milk. After ensuring she was eating the fruit loops he himself settled down to some chocolalte puffs and the three Messer's ate their breakfast, in silence, for a moment, before Tom finished with a clatter and began grinning at his Dad.

"Are you ready to leave yet, Dad?"

Danny half smiled at his eager son. "Tom, I only woke up two minutes ago, I'm still eating. Anyway I think your Mom's going to take you instead and I'm taking Evie to the park. "

"Oh, no you're not." All three Messers turned as Lindsay entered the room, her messy curly hair lay around her shoulders, she leant down to kiss each of her children before grabbing a bowl of cereal herself. Plonking herself in the seat opposite her husband, she met his eyes. "Thomas, Daddy will be taking you this morning because I need to get Evie some new shoes."

Lindsay saw her husband's eyes darken and she felt the plea from his eyes flow into her body, but she shook her head and broke his gaze. Turning to her daughter she listened as Evie rambled on about what else she was going to get from the shops. Halfway through hearing her daughter describe the new doll she wanted Lindsay's mind began to wander. She knew how hard this day was going to be on her husband. Danny had been putting it off for two years and had only agreed this year because Tom had said he would get up early and go alone if he didn't go with him.

She stole a glance at Danny and found him staring at his chocolate puffs, watching the milk turn brown and her heart sagged. She had heard him through the night, toss and turn, mumbling to himself, unable to fully rest and she had no doubts that it was due to today. She wanted to comfort him and tell him that it was going to be fine, because she knew it was, but her words would fall on deaf ears, Danny needed to realise that by himself.

Back then, ten years ago, almost to the day, she hadn't known what to say. She had gone round to his appartment after work and found it empty. Phoning him on his cell, she found it dead. As the panic began to fret in her stomach she returned back to her own place. And that's where she found him, sitting on her floor, his back against her couch. Walking to him she let him pull her down into an embrace and she held him as he relived it; she held him as he cried.

She had only met Ruben a couple of times and he had seemed like a nice kid, but Danny had known him well. Danny had watched the kid grow from a baby, he had watched his dead beat Dad leave with another woman. He watched as Ruben's mother got involved in different relationships, all of them coming to a dead end. He had watched Ruben's school plays, he had taught him how to ride his bike, the same bike he died on. Danny had loved him and she knew that, she knew he grieved as though he had lost his own son.

Flitting her eyes to Thomas her stomach twisted as she thought of the pain Ruben's mother would have endured, Lindsay had never known it was possible for this kind of love to exist, she never thought she could love someone or something more than Danny but when her unborn child first kicked against her skin, she knew she was gone. She knew she would go to the end of the earth for her child, she would die for him, and Evie. They, plus Danny, were her world. She would give everything up just to keep them safe. Pushing her morbid thoughts from her head she smiled brightly at her husband and lightly stroked her daughter's hair.

"You guys best go and get ready then, if you're going to make it in time." She laughed as Thomas bounced up and ran to his bedroom to get dressed, but her smile faltered as she watched Danny's slow movements. He began to clear the table and busy himself in the kitchen and she knew he was stalling. Turning to her daughter she grinned. "Why don't you go and put some cartoons on? We don't have to leave for ages yet."

As Evie ran to the living room to watch Spongebob Square Pants, Lindsay moved to the kitchen. Folding her arms she leant against the doorway and watched as Danny slowly washed the plates by hand, his back to her. She opened her mouth to speak but Danny beat her to it.

"Lindsay, you take him." She sighed but he continued. "I'll get Evelyn her shoes, I'll get the groceries and we'll meet you at the park later. But please, you take him. Please Lindsay."

Walking forward she wrapped her arms around her husband. "Danny, Tom wants you to take him, he wants to spend this time with you. I'd ruin it for him, you have to take him, and I'll get the groceries and shoes and meet you guys at the park later."

"I can't..." He trailed off and she knew he was harbouring the guilt and sadness all in his chest, she could feel the tension in his shoulders. His feelings of inadequacy and failure, being unable to protect the ones he loved where rushing back to him. Turning him round she looked deep into his eyes and touched his cheek.

"Yes you can."

Danny stared at her and shook his head a little before bowing it and nodding. Kissing her forehead lightly he brushed past her and made his way to their bedroom to get ready.

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Walking down the street away from the church, Danny kept a firm hold onto the handle bars of his sons bike. Keeping him close, he steadied the bike for Thomas, all the while scouring the streets for signs of trouble. Tom gripped the handle bars fearfully and turned up to look at his Dad.

"Dad I can't ride it properly with you holding it, can't I just ride in front of you a little bit? I'll be careful."

Looking at his son Danny felt ashamed he had turned into such an over protective wreck. Letting go of the handles, Danny nodded. "Ok. But you gotta stay close and do as I say, ok?"

As his son nodded and began to ride in front, Danny laughed to himself. People listening to him had only gotten them into trouble, and this was a stark reminder of when Ruben lost his life. Danny had told him to ride on straight home, and good Ruben had done just that. He had listened to Danny, done just what he was told and he wound up dead in an alley. Keeping his eyes on his son Danny felt the guilt well once again, he shouldn't have been so stupid to act on his instincts. Mac had always told him they would get him into trouble, but they never did, they just got others into trouble.

Had he just called the police and took Ruben home, he would have realised that Ruben had been shot, he would have been able to get him to the hospital and save his life. He would have been able to prevent Riki from all that pain, prevent her from taking her own life six months on. He was so damn stupid! He wasn't even on shift that day, or he wasn't meant to be, but just because he had a badge, just because he felt like it was his duty, he had stayed at the crime scene and let Ruben go home alone. He had let Ruben die. As Tom made it to the end of the block Danny sped up and shouted at him.

"Tom! Thomas! Stop there buddy!"

The throng of people masked his view of his son and Danny felt the panic in his chest like never before, pushing people out of the way.He sighed with relief as his eyes fell upon his son, stopped a good distance away from the curb, waiting and looking expectantly for his Dad. Smiling in relief, Danny lightly ruffled his son's hair and nodded for him to carry on.

This had been when it had happened, ten years ago. Ruben was excited, thrilled about having his bike blessed, just as Thomas was now. Danny had smiled proudly as his son bowed his head as the priest flicked the holy water onto his bicycle. It has been his Ma and Lindsay who had taught Thomas to have respect for Priests and holy ground, both had seemed to have a common interest in their religion and that had been passed on to his children. And for that moment, in that church Danny had forgotten about Ruben, forgotten about what had happened the last time he had gone to a bike blessing, and simply just shared the moment with his son. But now, now they were back on the dangerous streets they both called home, all that fear and regret came flooding back to the older man.

His thoughts drifted to what could happen, if things were to play out the same and a gun went off. Would he react the same way? Would he shout at his son to ride on home and pull out his own piece, attempting to diffuse the situation? His mind blanked. He had no idea. Would he? Or, would he do the normal thing, the thing he should have done all those years ago, and just take his boy home and phone the police?

His mind drifted to Riki, how she had just sunken to the floor, dying with the news of her son's death, and as he gazed at his own son, his mind drifted to his wife. Thomas and Evie both had their mother's soft features, but his strong blue eyes. Lindsay often commented about them being the best of both. Would she be able to forgive him, as Riki had done, if he let Tom die in an alley? No. He knew she wouldn't. She would beat him, hound his chest, demand for him to make it right. She would never forgive him. Closing his eyes for a second he then opened them quickly, realising he was no longer watching his son. Once locking his eyes onto the back of his son's head he sped up. Touching Tom's shoulder lightly Danny felt the relief sweep through them as they entered their building.

They were home. With no casualties, not this time. He had done it. For once he had kept someone he loved safe. He had been able to protect him, just as any father should.

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Raising her hand, Lindsay zipped up her outdoor jacket and knocked on the wooden door. As the smiling form of her twenty-two year old neighbour opened the door, Lindsay couldn't help but smile too.

"Hey, Jane, really sorry to ask so late, but there's just something I need to do and Danny is out. Could you just watch the kids for an hour or so?"

"Hey, yeah, no problem Linds." Grabbing her keys the young woman shut her door and made her way into the Messer household. Lindsay smiled and nodded at her children on the couch.

"Thank you so much. They are just watching a DVD, shouldn't give you any hassle." After kissing both her children Lindsay thanked Jane, once again before leaving, closing the door firmly behind her.

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Pushing on the old creaky iron gate Lindsay stepped into the dark graveyard. Scanning the rows, her eyes fell upon the hunched form of her husband. Shoving her hands in her pocket she headed over to him. As she got closer she realised that he was crying. Kneeling next to him she took his hand and stroked it as his body shook with sobs. He turned to look at her and she tilted her head, a small, sad smile playing on her lips. Reaching out and touching his chin, she leant forward and kissed his tears. Pulling back she brushed the tears away with her thumb.

"You did good, Danny."

He shook his head and looked at the gravestone they were in front of. "Not by Ruben. Not by Riki. I didn't do good by them, Lindsay. I failed them, just as I fail everyone else."

"You didn't fail me." Her comment made him turn back to her and she exhaled, her breath rising between them. "Danny, you have never failed me. You have never failed our children. Today, Thomas was the happiest boy alive, it was like Christmas came early. And you did that. You brought him happiness and that's all you've ever brought me, and I know you will continue to do so."

Her words brought more tears to his eyes and inhaling sharply, he puffed it all back out and turned his head to the stars. Running a hand over his face he began to talk once more, "Today, as we were on our way home, I kept thinking 'What if it were to happen again? What if a gun went off? What would I do?'" He turned back to pierce her with his eyes and his voice broke "And, Lindsay, I couldn't answer myself, I had no idea. I couldn't say that I would do the right thing this time, that I would take my son home safely, I mean, I didn't know. What kind of person does that make me? Not to know."

"A normal one, Danny." Lindsay leant into him and she tilted his chin slightly with her fingers. "I know what you would do though, Danny. I know. I know that the man I married, the man I love would take his son home. Because the man I love learns from his past experiences and the man I love has too much love for his son to not take him home. Because the man I love, Danny, is a terrific father. And that man is you." He stared at her and pursed his lips slightly and she shook her head. "Danny, please believe me. You're not that same impulsive young guy you were ten years ago. I know you."

He nodded and stared at the gravestone sadly. "I just wish I could change things, Linds."

Lindsay nodded and squeezed his hand. "I know, Danny, so do I. But we can't change what's happened, just try and make the best of what we have."

Turning back to her he smiled. "Which is two amazing children back at home waiting for us, right?" Lindsay nodded and Danny pulled them to their feet. "Ok. Let's go home."

As they stood, both looked down at the grey stone and read the engraving, Lindsay was the first to walk away and as she turned to wait for her husband at the gate she saw him touch the stone affectionately and mutter his apologies. Finally, Danny turned to her. He made his way to her and took her hand in his. She saw it in his eyes. In those blue pools of ice she could see the regret and guilt for Ruben, she could see the love that he carried always, for his family, but she also saw the realization that he wasn't a failure, for himself.

Fin.

Hope you liked it.

Love Crazy Gabs.

xxx