Chapter 1
Carmilla
"You know you don't have to do this."
Lafontaine's face softened up as she stared at me. God, I so hate how her eyes pull apart all dishonesty in my veins. I stared at the crumpled paper in my hands. It took me seconds to realize that I was shaking. My world is shaking. My life is collapsing. I fixed the piece of invitation and read it again, this time, murmuring the words I never knew would come to life.
"Please join us in celebrating the engagement of Laura Eileen Hollis and Nathan Clinton."
"Carmilla, please."
"No LaF. I just—"
"I know."
A half smirk escaped my lips and I threw the paper on the floor. Just like how my heart got bruised and fell apart, the invitation hit the ground in a jiffy. I shook my head in disbelief. Three years without communication, three years without any word exchanged, and now my ex-girlfriend is getting married?
"Cupcake got me."
"You think this is a joke, Carmilla?"
"It's Lois Lane trying to pull a prank on me."
"Marriage is not a prank. It's a union of two souls in the sight of God—"
"Jesus, LaF, seriously?"
I stood at the edge of my bed and fixed the collar of the flannel I was wearing. There's no way their engagement would bother me. Three years had passed and those were enough to tell me that Laura's over me.
But am I over her?
I have to.
"I don't get her point. Three years without a word, three years after she left you hanging in Austria and now she's sending you an invitation to her engagement party? Laura's got to be kidding."
"Kidding's for a children's party, LaF."
"Yeah, that's where you're good at. Shrugging it off eventhough it kills you inside."
"She's moved on.", I replied.
Four years of friendship. Two years of love. Six years of commitment and all I get in the end is a stupid cream-coloured invitation from the only woman I took seriously in my whole life. Hell, I never knew it would hurt like this.
It's as if my system is shutting down. It's as if my lungs are running out of air. It's as if my throat can't open up. It's as if my blood has dried down in my veins.
It's been three years and still, it feels the same. The pain is the same.
"So you're coming?"
"Yes.", I said in return, not bothering to stare back at Lafontaine's questioning look.
"You're killing yourself Carmilla."
"Does it matter? I'm not even living anymore."
"Jesus, why do you have to be a philosophy major, you jerk."
I grinned at her words, but as soon as my eyes fell on the paper on the floor, the thin smile I was wearing vanished. I just couldn't fake it. Laura was too real. Everything felt so real I couldn't fake them.
Even if I know I have to.
"I still don't think it's a good idea to be there. I'm so gonna kill Hollis."
"If you're immune to bear sprays, you can."
"I told Perry about this. She thinks you shouldn't go. What would you do once you see her, huh? Linger around for more pain? She's getting married for fuck's sake, Carm."
Fuck Lafontaine.
Fuck her and her striking words.
"I'm her bestfriend, after all."
"Fine. Fine, go if you want but don't come back around getting all so broody. That's where you're good at."
"Laf."
Lafontaine was about to leave but stopped at my doorway when I called her name out. She looked at me with her usual concerned look. And I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel so powerless.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For sticking around with me."
"Anything, buddy."
With that, she left.
With that, I was alone again.