A/N This is the crackiest fic I have EVER written. Don't take anything seriously, and we'll just see how this goes.
And by the way, Audrey 2 is a hermaphrodite (as all plants are, despite his masculine ways and voice) so I have no idea how to label this fanfiction… is it het or slash? 0.o
Disclaimer: If I owned Audrey 2, many people would not be here today… they would be "helping the environment" if you know what I mean.
(Begin Story)
It was your average day at the Skid Row Flower shop. And what average day would be complete without the screams of…
"KRELBORN!" bellowed Mushnik from the back of the shop. "What's going on over there!"
"Nothing Mr. Mushnik!" squeaked Seymour as he nursed his finger. "Twoey, you're getting too aggressive…."
"Aggressive is what I do best, boy," purred the plant. "Want to see how aggressive?"
Seymour leapt back, stumbling over some boxes. "WHAT?" yelled the botanist, backing up despite the rather solid plaster wall behind him. Slamming his hip against the counter, he yelped and slid against the wall, still in shock. "Did you just say that?"
"Seymour, what's going on?" worriedly questioned Audrey, pushing past the open door to the shop and coming into the corner of the shop where the plant was. Then she noticed the red trickle on his index finger. "You're bleeding!" Seymour noted that she hadn't heard him ask the plant a question, which was probably a good thing. He didn't need her to add schizophrenia to his list of problems.
"It's nothing," hastily said her co-worker, who was still shocked from the previous minute. Regressing back to childhood behavior, he began to suck on the wound, wide brown eyes boring into the plant, who looked so innocent with it's crimson thorns and gaping mouth.
"Alright then…" murmured Audrey, then noticed that the begonias were wilting. "Oops, better water those." She tripped over the boxes Seymour had knocked over and stumbled towards the watering cans.
Seymour nervously eyed his plant, slowly rising to help Audrey with her work.
(A few hours later)
"Closing time!" sang Audrey happily, skipping around the shop like a child in a candy shop.
"Sure is," agreed Seymour, and then heard a low moan from Audrey 2. "Oh no…"
"What is it?" anxiously asked the blonde, stepping over the fallen boxes from earlier. It didn't occur to anybody to pick them up and so they stayed there, most likely for the rest of the week until Seymour would somehow sweep them up.
"Nothing!" quickly answered Seymour, plastering a grin on his face that made him look a maniac. "Haha see I'm fiiiine!"
"Okay… well, I'll see you in the morning," frowned Audrey, and she stepped out of the shop, casting an odd glance behind her. When the door closed, Seymour whipped around and said, "No! I fed you this morning!"
"But I'm hungry!" whined Audrey 2, waving it's tentacles/vines/creepers about.
"Shut your trap or I'll do it for you," snapped Seymour, losing his patience.
"Oh you can shut my trap any time you want," said the plant slyly, a rather peculiar edge in it's voice.
Seymour blinked. "What?"
"You heard me, loverboy," cooed the plant. "Now feed me."
"I gotta go," hastily stammered Seymour, and ran out the door, tripping over the boxes. Was the plant hitting on him? He had to wonder that as he raced home, throwing freaked-out looks behind him.
(Early in the morning, before the shop is open)
"Okay, look, I bought you some fresh meat from Shmendrick's. Are you happy now?" growled Seymour, chucking a paper-wrapped package at the plant. "And no whining. I can't keep giving blood."
"What else can you give?"
"OH MY GOD!" screamed Seymour, whirling around from where he was bent (finally) picking up the boxes. "WHY do you keep doing that?"
"Cause boy, I can't explain it, but maybe it's looooooove…"
Seymour, for the second time that week, tripped over the boxes running out of the shop.
"Audrey!" cried Seymour happily, seeing her walk down the street to the shop. "I've got a question to ask you!"
"What is it, Seymour?" she asked warily, seeing a crazy look in his eyes.
"How you can you tell if someone likes you?"
"Likes likes?"
"Likes likes."
"Well..." nervously started Audrey, wondering if maybe he noticed how she was around him- no, he couldn't tell. Maybe she should lie. Yes, that was it. No, that would be mean. Best to do the truth. "They act really weird around you, and sometimes say stuff that hints at it."
"Like what?"
"Like... oh, you know. Suggestions."
"Wait! Let me write this down!"
"Seymour, who is it?"
"You're better off not knowing..."
(Inside the shop, listening to everything...)
"I love messing with these humans," happily hummed the plant inside the store as it tore the steak to shreds, crimson paper flying all over the shop. "Oh, pretty red dots on the floor…"
(End story)
A/N DON'T say I didn't warn you! I know this was badly written and random and weird but I needed to freak myself out today.