I'm not sure if anyone has written anything like this, but this'll be a nice little oneshot inspired by monkeybait's A Five Year Old's Perspective on Orochimaru. Enjoy!
Neji sat in his livingroom in misery. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. He had just been to the pet store after some ABSURD craving to buy a pet bird, and he came home with one. Only one. It was big, yellow, and he'd named it Tweety after the cute Loony Toons character he'd seen so much watching his granny's TV.
"SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU, YA STUPID BIRD!" Neji screamed at the thing, as it screeched back at him. "WHY'D I HAVE TO GO AND BUY A PARROT!?" He continued ranting like that for atleast 45 minutes before Hinata came in.
"What's w-wrong, c-cous-sin?" She stammered, then saw the bird. "Oh,h-how c-cute! A b-bird! N-Nej-ji, I d-didn't-t know y-you liked-d birds!" Neji just stared at the bird, then at Hinata. The bird had stopped screeching the moment Hinata came in.
"THAT'S HELL'S BIRD!" Neji yelped, unbelieving that Hinata thought it was a good bird.
"Wh-what?" She asked.
"THAT BIRD WAS SENT FROM HELL BY SATAN TO COME UP HERE AND BOTHER ME! IT'LL ANNOY ME TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH UNTIL I DIE!" He yelled, trying to explain his beliefs about the bird.
"N-nons-sense, N-Neji. Y-you tw-wo j-just n-need-d a l-lit-ttle alon-ne time." She said as she left the room, thinking her cousin was utterly insane.
When she was gone, Neji just propped his head up with his arm and sighed as the bird flew over and landed on his head. Neji then looked up with his eyes and saw the horrid thing gazing at him with its beedy, little eyes. Oh, the eyes... They were like little black beetles. Neji reached up to grab the bird, but it squawked and flew away. Neji cursed rather loudly and stubbed his toe, sending a long hurricane of curse words to come out that Neji was powerless to stop. All the while, the bird was learning these curse words.
After Neji had stopped cursing and the pain was dulled by the five painkillers he had taken, he saw the bird staring at him. "What do you want?" He asked.
The bird just cocked its head and swore at him.
Neji's eyes widened. "YOU LITTLE--" He yelled, starting yet another string of curses as he chased the bird around the room in his anger.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Neji's eyes widened, remembering he had invited his girlfriend TenTen over for the night (Yes, I know that has a perverted meaning, too.) and went to answer the door, inviting TenTen in. She went to the livingroom and saw the bird. "Awww...What a cute bird!" She said, smiling.
Then she went to pet the bird, but it only squawked and swore at her. "WHAT!?" She screamed.
Neji looked nervous. "Let me take care of it..." He said, picking up the bird, walking to the kitchen, and finally stuffing it in the freezer. He walked back to TenTen and they talked for a few hours. Then Neji began to worry. He hadn't heard any squawking for a while now. He went to the frigde, leaving a confused TenTen behind, and opened the freezer door. He found the bird shaking, shivering and iced over. It climbed out and sat on Neji's arm. "I'm sorry I was so bad..." It told Neji.
Neji was taken aback, but before he could say anything, the bird continued. "If I may ask a question, though, what did the headless chicken do!?"
Haha, it was all a setup for a punchline. I hope you enjoyed this short little oneshot!
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Please review! V