Green Bananas

The slow rise and fall of his chest was a comfort to her. When she thought of how many nights she'd dreamed of lying here beside him, to be here now, it seemed bittersweet. The sound of his voice on the other end of the line had at first sent her heart into immediate palpitations, but her mood had sobered quickly.

"I hate to ask, Kelly" he'd said sullenly, "But I could really use a friend right now."

Joey hadn't given her all the details, a fact she didn't realize until she arrived in Llanview. She'd known he was sick, but he never said that there wasn't a better—that he wasn't asking her to come to help him get through this, that he was asking her to come to say goodbye.

Even tonight, as she looked over at him, it was hard to believe that the man she'd loved nearly all her life would soon be a memory. Earlier, he'd kissed her, then pulled back and apologized.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said quietly, looking away.

She'd simply taken his hand in hers and walked with him into the bedroom. Time now seemed far too precious to waste.

Ride On

He gently stroked her back as he'd done many nights before. It hadn't taken as long tonight for the shaking to stop. He looked down at her, her cheeks still moist from the tears that had recently been wiped away.

"You want to talk about it?" Joey asked.

"It's the same thing," she said softly. "I guess it's just everything that's going on." She sighed. She and Joey had been elated when they decided to start trying for a baby. Nearly a year later when month after month brought disappointment, they finally consulted a specialist. Now, they were firmly planted in the second cycle of IVF.

"The doctor said it's probably some of the medications," Joey said softly, still stroking her back. "But you know she said it would help to talk about it." Joey would do anything to help her, even listening to the stories of her childhood…the ones that nearly broke his heart.

"It was about your Mom again,right?" he asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

Kelly nodded. "You know, when I was little, I had a friend in school that told me she was an alien." She tried to force a smile, but the tears returned instead.

Joey pulled her close to her again. He couldn't imagine what life had been like for Kelly as a child. His own mother had her issues, but he'd grown up with two stable parents. Kelly hadn't even had one.

"She said that when Mom was doing all the strange things she did it was because aliens had taken over her brain." Kelly sighed. "I tried to believe that some times. It was less scary than the truth."

"I wish I knew something to say," he said softly. "That had to have been horrible for you."

Kelly nodded. "It was, but it won't be that way for our baby," she smiled. "Right?"

Joey smiled too, happy to hear her talking in positive tones again. Kelly was one of the strongest women he knew. "Right," he whispered, smiling as he felt her relax and snuggle in against him, the bad dream slowly fading from her mind as she drifted back off to sleep.

There Goes the Boy

Masochistic, that's what it was, and what's worse, she knew it. Watching Joey and Aubrey together was like reinjuring an old wound. Just when she thought she'd made peace with the situation as it was—as they were—or rather weren't anymore, she'd see them…doing something so normal..so much like something they used to do. It broke her heart.

She watched now, as Aubrey checked her watched and leaned in to kiss him quickly. Kelly took a breath as she scampered off. "Don't do it," she quietly cautioned herself. "It doesn't serve any real purpose." She said these words to herself as she approached him.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Kelly," Joey said with a smile. Even though they weren't together, seeing her always made him smile. She'd been a part of his life for so long that he couldn't entertain a life without her in it. Aubrey said she understood…that she knew they were "just friends."

"You and Aubrey out enjoying this beautiful day?" Kelly asked, trying to keep the conversation light, ignoring the thoughts that screamed inside her head. Everything in her wanted to ask, "What the hell are you doing with her?!"

"Yeah, it's a beautiful day." He smiled back at her. "Looks like you had the same idea."

"Yeah, Yeah, I did." She shifted her weight nervously. It never used to be this difficult. She and Joey could talk about anything and now here they stood in the middle of the park talking about the weather. How had everything gone so terribly wrong? She followed his gaze, and smiled as she realized what he was watching.

"Pick your poison," she said with a smile, making her way towards the ice cream cart. "My treat."

Joey reached into his pocket. "No..No..No," he insisted, pulling a few bills from his wallet. "I'll pay. Chocolate still the favorite?"

She smiled again, nodding as she took the cones from the attendant. Handing one to Joey, she sighed. "You never did understand the concept of going Dutch did you?"

"I'm a gentleman, what can I say? My father taught me that much."

"Yeah, he did," Kelly responded, her voice growing softer as they moved to sit on the bench together. "Your parents were always wonderful to me."

"They knew how much I loved you," he said softly. "They did too."

Kelly took a deep breath. This wasn't good…for either of them. "So, I'm sure your family is really excited about you and Aubrey right? Vikki starting to harass the two of you about grandchildren yet?" She felt sick to her stomach even as she said the words.

"No. Aubrey doesn't….She doesn't really want children," he said, looking away when he saw Kelly's eyes widen in surprise.

"But Joey, You always…" She stopped. This was none of her business. "I'm sorry," she responded quickly. "I shouldn't have said anything." She looked at him again. "It's just…I remember you talking about the house you wanted and the tire swing you wanted to have. You just…you're made to be a Dad."

He didn't respond, and she silently chastised herself for having said too much. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "That was a long time ago. Things change."

"Not really," he whispered, his voice so low she wouldn't have been able to hear him had she not been sitting right beside him. "Some things haven't changed."

"Hey, you two," Aubrey chirped, coming up beside them and interrupting the moment.

"Aubrey." Joey stood quickly, his voice betraying his surprise. "I thought you had a meeting."

"It was cancelled," she smiled. "Lucky for us, huh?" She leaned over, kissing him quickly, then glanced over at Kelly. "Sorry, Kelly, but I'm going to have to steal him for now."

"That's ok," Kelly responded, her heart breaking as she watched him put his arm around her. "You two have a nice afternoon."

She watched the two of them walk away as she stood by the bench. Joey turned, looking back at her over his shoulder. She lifted her hand and waved goodbye to him sadly. She still let him walk away from her. That hadn't changed.

Moments Like These

Joey smiled as he stood there. This was his favorite part of every day. As he stood on the porch of the beautiful but modest ranch style home, he peered into the window and watched the objects of his affection. In just seconds, the stresses of the day melted away. That horrific meeting with the editors, the argument with the design team, even the back and forth he'd had with the new guy in distributing, none of it even seemed remotely relevant….not anymore.

His eyes fell on Kelly. He couldn't help but smile as he watched her. She sat in the middle of the floor, surrounded by their three girls, all so different in personality, but each one a mirror image of their mother. Hope was the oldest at 6. Her green eyes sparkled as she giggled, her light brown hair swept up in a messy ponytail. She wore a black tshirt and what appeared to be the skirt generally reserved for her ballet lessons. She had Kelly's looks and apparently, her sense of fashion as well.

Victoria, the middle child in every way, had been a complete surprise to them both. They hadn't been trying for another baby so soon, but as Kelly had noted when she told Joey the news, "they hadn't exactly been trying not to have one either". Still, watching her now, he couldn't imagine their world without her. She was their joy, and quite the comedian. Nothing thrilled her more than to make her parents, and her sisters, laugh.

Mindy sat in Kelly's lap, her little hands working furiously on the wooden puzzle that sat in front of her. She was the quiet one, but always ready with a smile and a hug, just when you needed it most. Joey's eyes feel on the picture on the mantle behind them. Lindsay had been only a few hours old in the photo. They'd taken it knowing she would never come home. Sometimes he saw Mindy look at the picture. She'd smile at the baby, but she never asked questions. She just seemed to know. They had tried to explain that she had a sister that she never got to know, but that she'd see her again one day. They all would.

He watched them all for a few more minutes. They were so happy and he was so blessed. These were the moments you could bottle and sell, he thought. Gently, he tapped on the window. A smile spread across his face, when Kelly's eyes met his. He watched her lean in towards the girls. He couldn't read her lips, but he saw her point towards the window and he felt his heart leap with joy and the three girls jumped from the positions on the floor and ran towards the door.

The clapping of bare feet against the wooden slats of the porch was matched only by the giggles of three little girls, delighted that their Daddy was home. He scooped each of them up, one by one, kissing their foreheads.

"I missed you all so much," he said, reaching up to wipe a smudge of chocolate milk off Mindy's face.

He walked closer to Kelly, leaning in and kissing her gently. "You too," he whispered. "Everything go ok while I was gone."

She nodded. "Yeah. It's been a little crazy around here without you though." She was glad Joey had been able to get back to doing a job he loved, but the weekend business trip were tough on them. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," he said with a smile, holding her close to him. "Every second I'm away, I'm thinking of you and the girls…of what I'm missing. It all goes by so fast. Being here with you," he sighed, adding, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

We Could Go and Start Again

Joey Buchanan sighed as he looked around. He felt more than a little out of place, not just because of his attire, having come straight from work in his suit and tie, but also because he appeared to be ten years the senior of the rest of the attendees. He hadn't intended to stop, but something had drawn him into the high school, and if he was honest with himself, he knew exactly what it was. It was her. It was always her.

Kelly shifted in her seat. She felt silly. What was she doing here watching a local high school's performance of a Midsummer Night's Dream? Initially she'd written it off as a professional assignment. She'd write a piece on it for the paper, it was after all a local performance by a local educational institution. She did those kinds of things, right? She promoted local talent.

It's pretty bad when even you don't believe your own lies.

She'd been scanning the calendar on her computer, checking for any local events she needed to cover, when the title of the play had caught her eyes. For a moment, she was right back in Llanview, Pennsylvania. She was sitting in the straight back chair, her fingers laced through Joey's, her eyes fixed on Professor Thornhart as he paced the floor in front of her, reading and reciting Shakespeare in a way she'd never heard it.

As wonderful as those times as been, as happy as she'd been with Joey, there was one thing that always caused the memories to sour—the sharp contrast between then and now.

She grabbed a seat by the door, happy she'd thought better of her initial plan to come straight from work. "I would have felt like an idiot," she muttered aloud, looking around at the audience, the best dressed of whom were wearing socks with their shoes. She herself had thrown on a casual black sweater and jeans. With her hair up in a ponytail, she didn't immediately stand out, unlike the poor fool who just walked in, she thought, smiling for a moment. Someone clearly didn't alert him to the dress code.

As the figure moved closer to her, she felt her heart pause for a moment. Her mouth grew dry as her hands immediately began to sweat. Not possible, she thought to herself. "Joey?" she said aloud, albeit unintentionally. She covered her hand with her mouth immediately as she heard the name echo through the gymnasium.

The sharp jerk of his head in her direction assured him that he had heard it to, and his eyes met hers in an instant. "Kelly?" he hissed, quickening his steps and reaching the seat beside her in mere seconds. "What are you…? How did you?..." He shook his head, trying to clear the words that seemed to fall one after the other in a huge jumble of thoughts and questions. He looked at her again. "God it's good to see you," he finally whispered.

"You too," she softly replied, unable to break the eye contact they'd maintained since the moment they'd noticed each other. "Are you involved with the production?" she asked, her mind reeling with all the different reasons that they could have both ended up here…of all places.

He looked down, feeling his cheeks flush with embarrassment. For a moment, he considered a creative out. He could say he had a coworker who had a child that was in the production. He could say he was taking photos for the school paper as a favor for a colleague, or he sighed, as he looked deeper into her eyes. The deep green pools he'd stared into seemed to compel him into total honestly, he could simply tell her the truth. "I just saw the name of the play on the marquee and I….I had to stop. I'm not really sure why."

Kelly nodded. "Looks like they're about ready to start," she said with a smile, the lights overhead beginning to dim slightly.

"Yeah," he nodded, "Is uh, Is this seat taken?"

"It is now," she smiled.

For a moment, he simply looked at her, considering what, if anything he needed to say. It had been so long since he'd seen her, since they'd talked. He sighed, leaning back in the seat as the lights dimmed further. He reached over, taking her hand, smiling as he felt her fingers lace through his. Perhaps Shakespeare could work his magic again.

It's All Your Fault

Candles, wine, soft music, a warm bath, it should be the perfect ending to a day—the perfect way to wind down and let go of everything bad that had happened. But if she let go of everything bad, there would be nothing less…nothing less to salvage…nothing less to save.

God she missed him. He had made her feel special, worthy, wanted, loved….the things she'd waited her whole life to feel…the things she needed to feel. He was everything to her—the reason she got out of bed in the morning, the last thing on her mind when she closed her eyes to drift off to sleep at night. He still weighed heavily on her mind, but now, it was the emptiness that screamed at her. The fact that even after having everything she'd ever dreamed of, it was gone. He was gone. She was alone.

She blamed herself for loving him too much, for investing more than she could afford to lose, but it was his fault too. These inner struggles were commonplace. He didn't have to be so wonderful. He had promised her he'd love her forever. He had held her in his arms…so many nights…and said those words.

"Always." That's what he'd said, during their first night together in Paris. They'd made love, and afterwards he'd held her as she cried. He'd promised her that he'd love her…always.

"Better to have loved and lost," she whispered sarcastically as she finished the second glass of red wine and refilled the glass. "For who?"

She sank deeper into the tub, wishing she had the strength to allow sink underneath its surface. Sometimes she wondered if it would be easier. If living without him was so painful, maybe the alternative was better. Maybe. She sighed, pushing herself up further with her hands and standing, reaching to grab the towel by the tub. She dried herself quickly and wrapped it tightly around herself. She remembered the way his arms used to feel, as they would encircle her—how warm his embrace used to be.

Slowly, she walked into the bedroom, crawling onto the bed, her face and hair were still wet from the bath. Pulling her knees to her chest she began to cry, the tears marrying with the streaks of water that feel from her wet hair. Tonight she had only a memory to keep her company.

I Don't Dance

He took a small sip from the bottle as he sat it back on the counter. It didn't make him feel any better—nothing would. He'd never been much of a drinker—he'd seen it do too much damage to too many people. Tonight, he'd simply ended up here, hoping that something would make him feel anything but the guilt that seemed to overwhelm him.

Fighting with Kelly had been so stupid. They'd both said stupid things, things neither of them had meant, and when he stormed out of the door and jumped into his car, he immediately wished he could go back inside, take her into his arms and apologize. But he was, of course, too proud for that. Instead he ended up here….sitting at Rodi's on a Wednesday night..a night he should be home with Kelly.

There weren't many people here, mainly a few college kids, pretending to study for exams and a couple of other guys, perhaps trying to do the same thing he was. That's part of the reason the tap on the shoulder was such a surprise.

"You seem a little high brow for a place like this," she whispered, smiling at him as he turned towards her.

She was pretty, in an obvious sort of way, he thought. Her eyes were blue, not as pretty as the green emerald pools that always shimmered back at him when he looked at Kelly.

"It's a nice place," he muttered, instinctively scooting his chair over a little.

"It's not bad," she cooed, stepping towards him to fill the gap he'd created. One look at this guy and you could almost smell the money. Chances like this didn't come around too often. "I see they've still got an old jukebox," she smiled. "Want to dance?"

Joey stared at her, all too aware of how easily it would be to take her up on her offer. "No thanks," he said, looking away from her and back down towards the bottle.

"Aw, come on," she persisted, taking another step closer to him, so close that he could feel her body brushing against his. "I took a little earlier and there's some good stuff on there."

Joey smiled, remembering the songs that he and Kelly used to dance to. "Yeah, there is. Look, I'm sorry." He reached into his pocket, pulling out the cash and putting it on the bar. "I've got to get out of here."

"But," she protested, sighing heavily as he walked away.

Joey struggled to find the lock. The overhead light was already off. Perhaps Kelly had gone to bed, too angry to even wait up for him…too angry to care if he was even coming home.

He threw his jacket on the back of the chair, stopping short when he heard the soft music playing and saw her sit up on the couch. "Sorry," she whispered, "I must have dozed off. The light blew earlier. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to see to unlock the door," she said quietly.

Joey smiled, walking over the couch. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her, grateful that she didn't resist. He gently took her hand, pulling her up to stand in front of him. The song wasn't one that he recognized, but it didn't matter. As they softly swayed to the slow tune, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "Me too."

The woman in the bar may not have got what she wanted, but she'd definitely made an impression, he thought, happy having Kelly in his arms. He now knew, without a doubt, that he wanted to save every dance for her.