This was an interesting one: when I was asked to make a Naruto/MLP crossover I answered no, because honestly I don't know a thing about those horses and I had no idea about HOW to justify a crossover since I lack enough material knowledge to work with.
But I have always been very attracted to the "Humanity, Fuck Yeah!" threads online and I wanted to try all the same to write a MLP story. A pity I then abandoned the thing since I still don't know how to develop this and I don't want it to be a ONE-SHOT.
SO here is the deal:
Crack story, Easier like that.
Strong terms and Themes (you'll see in this chapter)
Human in Equestria (thing that I seem to remind being pretty diffused actually, correct me if I am wrong, please).
We have fingers, they have hooves...Would that make Humans WAY better than ponies in giving massages then?
Here they do, and the Human MC gives "Heavenly good ones" for reasons (his mother always suffered of back pains, he learned to give massages since he was a kid since professionals costed too much and once reached thirty-five years of age he had long become a 'Master').
The crack part of the story is...Those massages feel TOO GOOD, LUDICROUSLY GOOD! So much that even the most rotten Bad Guys actually add divergences on their EEEEEEEVIL! Plans just to make sure the Human massages also fall in their possession, everybody want those fingers to work their magic on their backs, EVERYBODY!
...Everybody but Princess Luna as she won't be fooled! It is clear that the Human massages are hiding some EVIL CORRUPTING MAGIC! (She is an expert after all!) so she won't be Corrupted by those vile tricks! NEVER!
Pretty much a Silly 'Tinfoil-hat' Luna fighting against a conspiracy only she can see.
NO, IT'S NOT BASHING! Just some randomness thrown in.
Why is all this happening? Easy...The secret it's all in the hands.
Since I am basing everything on just what I saw Sweetmiss write in her story and what SHE tells me when I ask, I am not doing OOC on purpose this time.
" You bastard" – Spells/creatures
"Let's finish this" - dialogue
" Can it get any worse? " - during flashback/ Thoughts
Disclaimer: I don't own MLP or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.
(Each chapter would in theory focus on one or more Characters "Falling" for the MC's Massages).
Chapter 1: Zecora and Lyra Heartstrings.
Ponyville – Main Square -
"Huuuuff!"
"What?"
"They are watching me again."
"Lyra..."
"Do NOT 'Lyra' me, Bon Bon! I am not in the mood today!" Lyra Heartstring said with a low growl as the light-cyan mare rapidly walked away forcing her friend to hurry-up to remain close to her.
"What is it, this time?" Bon Bon asked.
"...Somepony has found some notes I have been reading in the library...about humans..." she muttered grimacing.
"I thought you were NOT interested in humans." her friend asked curious.
"Listen." Lyra said with a low growl as both walked in an empty park devoid of adults and young.
"I didn't even knew their species even existed before, okay? I just made a mistake one day, I sat to crack my back and I got a Reputation as a result...That is all." she then said huffing.
"And?"
"And somepony (and one day I will find WHO started it, I promise you) willingly or not made sure the gossip about me being interested in them could spread everywhere!" Lyra said kicking a near bench in anger.
"And you aren't." Bon Bon said nodding.
"I...Wasn't..." the other admitted uneasy.
"Lyra?" the mare asked confused.
"Weeeell...They kept saying I was fixating on them and one day I simply got tired of it...What was this species I supposedly was an Expert on? I thought...So I may have opened a book or two...And I guess now somepony saw me and those speculations just turned into truth. Even if I started only a week ago to see what I could find on them. IF they really exist at all."
"You? An Expert?"
"You may not believe me, but I actually got few ponies writing me letters asking me for more details...'Do they Exist?'...'What do they look like?'...Even Zecora asked me for stuff, even if they were more medical oriented questions for some reason." Lyra answered.
"Zecora? That girl living in the woods?" Bon Bon asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Exactly her. Then yesterday Twilight Sparkle herself called me in the library to give me a mass of sheets of parchment that looked ancient she said she had found cataloging her new stock. That and a death threat should I ruin those notes."
"And? And?" the other mare asked.
"Apparently SOMEWHERE..." at that Lyra moved a hoof towards the sky.
"Humans can be found. Even if Starswirl the Bearded seems to be the ONLY pony to have ever met one in person and talk to one." Lyra answered.
"Oh! And?"
"To quote that barmy old pony, that human was: 'Quite the eccentric fellow, tall like a tree and built like a boulder and yet gentle, soft-spoken and with a nicely-inquisitive and intellectual mind. Sure I would have preferred if he was dressed, but I had mistakenly opened a Portal right in his bathroom while he was showering instead of in the gardens of my house as I had planned, so I have no room to complain.'...Apparently catching them without clothes on is very bad." Lyra explained.
"It makes them sound like nice people though, I know I would have been mad had somepony barged in my bathroom while I was bathing instead!" Bon Bon answered.
"Yep! Still doesn't explain WHY everypony think I am an expert! I saw the image Starswirl drew of that Human: a creature walking on his back legs, without fur bar on his head (and occasionally face) and lacking hooves of any kind would catch the eyes of everypony instantly SHOULD some walk around! So if nopony ever saw one how am I supposed to be an expert on stuff about them?" Lyra said sighing.
"So somepony else must have read those papers or have heard somepony they knew talk about what is written on it that they have read in the past...Or maybe Starswirl himself told somepony, who told somepony, who told to their kids as a bedtime story and so on until today!" Bon Bon explained as both had started again to walk until they came close to a patch of trees.
"That may be true, but I cannot be considered an Expert with capital 'E' just because I have sat once like they would! I have never ever even met one Human! I just want to stop those voices and gossip..." Lyra said with a defeated expression.
"Then show them you don't know a thing about them." Bon Bon suggested.
"I technically already know everything it is known about them since I have read those books and the papers written by Starswirl," the other countered.
"Right...Hey..."
"Yes?" Lyra asked with narrowed eyes.
"IF you can't stop everypony from speculating, why do you not become a REAL expert then? You can write fantasy novels about humans and become famous for it! If nopony knows a thing about Humans, then you can come-up with everything you want!" she suggested laughing.
"Yeah, yeah. Then I will make a public spectacle and tell everypony 'BEHOLD! HERE IS A HUMAN!'" Lyra answered laughing as she spun around to point at a tree…
And at the Human standing right next to it as he had tried to sneak away unseen only to stop mid-step once Lyra had pointed at him.
A very, very, very, VEEEEEEEEEERY long second passed as the two mares and one human man looked at each other with wide-eyes-with-pin-prick-pupils as the reality of the thing slammed inside their heads with the force of a Nuke.
"HUMAN!/SHIT!" both he and Lyra screamed at the same time before the man actually surprised the mares by sprinting away at top speed through the trees.
"GRAB HIM!" the cyan mare bellowed as she and Bon Bon launched themselves to the chase.
"Weren't they supposed to be a myth?!" Bon Bon asked as they saw their target way ahead.
"In theory! Now slow-down, I want to see where he was hiding!" Lyra answered making both dive for the bushes to follow him more stealthily.
"...They must be around, never heard of somebody out-running a horse. Zec will have my head for this." they heard him mutter with a growl as he walked backwards while looking left and right for the mares.
Now that she was more clear-minded she could actually 'SEE' what he looked like: he had broad shoulders and strong build, from the top of his head to the feet (if she remembered well how to measure human height) he seemed to be very close at the two meters mark; he was sporting a well-trimmed beard black in colour coming maybe just an inch down his face, light skin colour and black hair with the beginning signs of some grey ones here and there.
"He is not a foal, he is an adult." Lyra whispered to Bon Bon.
"What is he wearing?" the other asked.
"I don't know! It looks like camouflage gear...only for humans instead of ponies,"
The clothes were coloured in splotches of various shades of brown put in random order, both pants and the jacket above it looked worn-out just like the cap he was wearing (that too with the same motif) meaning that probably clothes and owner had been through a lot; when he removed his sunglasses to better scan the area they saw a pair of piercing blue eyes speaking of wisdom and of somebody who saw and did a lot.
"I don't know who you are, but I am not looking for troubles! I was just passing by and it won't happen anymore, so I suggest you to simply treat me like an hallucination and forget I existed!" the man said before running away again and soon disappearing through the trees.
"Well, I can tell you that he has a nice deep voice." Bon Bon admitted.
"So that is a human..." Lyra muttered with narrowed eyes as both came out from their hiding place.
"Should we follow him?"
"From afar, yes. I want to go to the bottom of this...he said 'Zec will have my head'...Can it be he talked about Zecora?" she answered.
"Her hut is in that general direction, actually, so maybe..." Bon Bon said unsure.
"It's good as any place, let's go." Lyra said trotting forward.
"Y-You sure? Just like this?"
"He doesn't seem hostile, he ran away instead of attacking us and admitted he just wanted to be ignored, if we do not press too much we shouldn't have problems...You coming?"
"As if I would let you go alone!" the mare answered in determination.
"Good...Let's go there slowly though, he may suspect he is being followed so we'll need to be extra cautious..."
"Right."
One hour later – Everfree Forest – close to Zecora's home -
"Ssssh!" Lyra hissed as both mare did their best to stay low and move closer to listen what Zecora was saying.
"So they saw you?" the zebra asked sighing.
"To be honest, Zec, it was bound to happen." they heard the same deep voice answer.
"Buck! My name is not 'Zec'!" they heard Zecora answer annoyed.
"There is no need to be vulgar." Bon Bon said frowning.
"It's just a friendly nickname, I can't see where is the problem in that." the human answered, inching a little closer Lyra could see that he was sitting on a tree stump sewing closed a hole in his jacket so remaining with a plain white shirt covering his chest while showing muscles-riddled arms covered in scars.
"I am still not sure I like it, Buck..."
"By the way, considering how you ponies talk...Is my name really used as a curse here?" the man asked looking hurt.
"Yes it is considered a curse word, although 'Buck' is only used in the more unfriendly areas, you will hardly find a pony use it...It's more a Griffin thing." Zecora answered.
"His name IS Buck?!" Bon Bon whispered scandalized.
"Shh!"
"Then I guess they will keep kids away from me since I am a walking cuss word!" the human said amused.
Sigh! "Why I let you stay here? Why we are friends even?" Zecora asked sighing in defeat.
"For the same reason you do not talk in rhymes with me, you love me!" Buck answered with a thundering laugh and soon re-wearing the brown jacket.
"You saved my life and I was indebted to you, I know, but now I am wondering if it wouldn't have been better just being eaten by those Timberwolves." the zebra said moaning in despair.
"You do not think that and you know it."
"...Huhuhu! Yes, yes! I do enjoy your company. Do not force me to admit that though, it's embarrassing!"
"Love you too, you striped wonder!" he answered winking.
"Huhuhu! What a foolish human. How are your wounds?" she asked with her voice turning into a more concerned tone.
"Perfect, bar some back pains still flaring up now and then, I am like new. Where did you find how to treat me? I never saw another human in my six months here so how did you know how to cure me?" Buck asked curious.
"I managed to ask to an Expert by pretending to be just curious about your kind, the rest was just me trying my concoctions to heal you...They took longer than usual, but they did work as intended all the same." Zecora answered making Lyra go wide-eyed.
"All my thanks to you and your Expert friend then!...I just hope the guys are okay back home..." Buck answered turning sad.
"You were a giant bruise when we met, you barely stopped those beasts from eating me before collapsing and yet still rambled for hours to no end about finding your comrades, are you sure others like you are really around? We never found traces," Zecora answered walking closer to him to sit next to the Human.
"...I know, we know how to act during a retrieval mission and how to act in hostile territory in case we get separated, so whatever brought me here took only me...I think it actually saved me from that mine though, so in a way...maybe I have to thank it...But I still miss my home." Buck answered sighing and looking down at his feet.
"Maybe one day we will find a way to send you back. In the meantime you can consider this OUR home," Zecora said sitting next to him and moving a hoof on his leg with a reassuring smile.
"I still prefer sleeping on one of the trees, there is not enough space for both of us in your house after all." Buck answered finally returning to smile.
"Then we will enlarge the house." the zebra countered.
"No need for that. Hey, I saw you groan yesterday, want me to help your relax again?" the human asked out of the blue.
"W-W-WHAT?! N-NO! P-Please no!" Zecora said moving away with a heavy blush.
"What's wrong?" Bon Bon asked confused.
"I don't know."
"It didn't felt good?" Buck asked curious making the spying mares jaw-drop in shock.
"It did...It did feel too good...I-I moaned like that..." the zebra admitted ashamed.
"Oh my gosh!" Lyra gasped in horror.
"Yes, you were pretty vocal in praising me, and while flattering, it did sound a little disturbing." the human replied nodding.
"That's why we can't! It's wrong!" Zecora said desperate.
"But you want to."
"...Yes!" Zecora admitted almost in tears.
"Hey! it's okay. If you don't want to then we won't-"
"I want to..." she admitted with a low voice.
Sigh! "Then lay down, so we can start." Buck said sighing as he removed his coat and rubbed his hands together.
"She is...He is...They are…" Bon Bon said with a horrified tone, too much shocked to even speak proper sentences.
"Let's go away! I don't want to see!" Lyra said immediately.
"B-But! T-That's mating with an animal!" Bon Bon tried saying before a loud wailing eclipsed her whispering.
"OHOOOOOOOO! Mmmmmmh!" Zecora's moan was long, draw-out and filled to the brim in pleasure.
"Okay, you really needed this it seems." Buck admitted impressed.
"OOOOOOH, BUCK!"
Let's go away! Let's go away!" Lyra said making both mares bolt as fast as they could while ignoring the other moans of the zebra.
With Buck and Zecora -
"What the hell was that?" the human asked curious.
"Sssh! Ignore it, it was probably some animal...Now keep massaging me, please." Zecora pleaded with half-lidded eyes.
"Okay, okay. But your back muscles are full of knots, you can't stress this much, is not healthy." Buck answered as he kept massaging the girl's back with a surprising amount of professionalism.
"MMMMMMMH! That's why I keep you around! Oh! Oh! Oh! THERE!…H-Had you been a pony, I bet your Cutie Mark would have been about massages! OOOOOH, GOODNESS! Yours feel sooooo gooood!" she purred in answer.
"Yeah, and your moans sound like we are filming a porno." the poor man muttered sighing annoyed.
"Uuuuhn! What?"
"Nothing, nothing."
The first time he offered her a massage, as a way to thank her for all her help in recovering from his wounds, the moans had caught him by surprise pretty damn strong, especially the little hearts he could literally see float up from her head! He remembered his brother's daughter watch one of those cartoons were the same happened and he was told that it was a visual cue for the audience...But watching the same thing happen in Real Life was creepy to the extreme!
That and the 'hungry' look she had given him during that first massage, that made him actually thank God the two of them were different species, otherwise he would have immediately sued her for Sexual Harassment.
"OH, BUCK! OH, BUCK! OOOOOOH!"
...Maybe he should really consult a lawyer all the same, just to be on the safe side.
The next day – Ponyville -
Zecora, showing a dazzling smile and a spring in her steps, was returning from her shop trip for groceries when she crossed path with Lyra and Bon Bon, making both mares stop to look at her in utter contempt.
"What?" she asked getting immediately on the defensive.
"H-Have you no shame!?" Bon Bon asked shocked.
"About what? Buying oranges?" Zecora asked back confused.
"NOT THAT!" Lyra growled.
"...It's for the apples?" the other tried again even more confused.
"Y-Y-You are hiding...An Human!" Lyra whispered once sure nobody was listening.
"No!" the zebra said immediately.
"Do not lie! We followed him back to your house! His name is Buck!...What a vulgar name..." Bon Bon said.
"So? What if I am living with a Human?" Zecora asked back with narrowed eyes, already not liking the 'racist' tone she was feeling filling their words just like they did when she firstly moved to Ponyville.
"Y-Y-You are doing things with him!" Lyra said almost shrieking.
"Things?"
"We heard you m-m-moan!" Bon Bon answered.
"Oooh, gosh!" the zebra answered blushing crimson.
"It was disgusting!"
"I can't help it, okay!? It feels good."
"DO NOT GO INTO DETAILS!" Bon Bon yelled horrified.
"I wasn't! It's just a natural reaction I have, okay?!"
"This doesn't mean you can do such dirty things!"
"I was in the privacy of my home!"
"IT IS STILL WRONG!" Lyra roared.
"Why should you care?! And even then, what is all this hatred for some massages?" Zecora said annoyed.
"You are Matin...Massages?" Lyra said furious deflating.
"He was massaging you? that's it?"
"Yes he wa-WAIT! You thought me and him...Mating?!" Zecora asked shocked.
"It sure sounded like that! By how you talked and the fact he uncovered his arms we thought he was undressing, t-then you started moaning and we ran away without seeing a thing." Lyra explained.
"He says he works best without sleeves impairing his arms, and he is GOOD at giving massages." Zecora answered.
"He can't be that good."
"...It's the hands." the zebra admitted.
"Hands?"
"What he has on the upper arms in place of hooves, humans can move the fingers independently, very dexterously too if they are trained well." Lyra said.
"He uses a warmed-up aromatic oil I extract from a mixture of herbs to help muscles relax, but the rest is all in those callous, warm hands and fingers finding the knots and...And doing Magic things to your back." Zecora said shivering at the memories.
"And he does that everyday? And you always moan like that?"
"I have a very low pleasure threshold, and he does that once a week only, any more and I risk jumping him."
"ZECORA?!"
"Yes, I know. It took two weeks for him to trust me enough to once again get close to me after that incident, but to be honest I didn't expect it to feel THAT good." she admitted ashamed.
"...Can I try it?" Lyra asked with a low voice.
"LYRA?! What the hay!?"
"Admit it, Bon Bon! She make it sound very appealing!" the cyan mare answered.
"Okay! FINE! But I will be there watching, and at the first trace of fool play I will intervene and make him wish he never got here in Ponyville!" the mare replied with narrowed eyes.
"I didn't accept yet," Zecora said.
"Come on! Be a good friend!" Lyra said whining.
"You accused me to have mating sessions with my friend, I don't see how this would make me open to accept." the other answered.
"...You...You don't want to share the goods?" Bon Bon asked surprised.
"Yes. Those hands are mine and mine only." she replied defiantly.
"I-I can pay! Are twenty bits enough?"
"Lyra?!"
"..." Zecora just looked at the offered money with narrowed eyes.
Everfree Forest - Zecora's house -
"...You accepted the money?" Buck asked surprised.
"You may be good at hunting and I at growing our food, but certain things still need to be bought if we need them, and those require money, no matter how much I myself hate the idea of accepting money for this. And IF your massages are good for the others as they are for me, we might have found a way for you to integrate in Ponyville, have a proper job (like you lamented lacking) and enough funds to make a living yourself." Zecora answered.
"Okay, okay. At least I will be able to buy new clothes, I may be washing the ones I have regularly, but I still prefer something more than just my desert camo. Okay, okay...Come here, girlie. What's your name?" Buck asked preparing a clean sheet for Lyra to lay face-down on and accepting the already-warm oil from Zecora.
"Lyra Heartstrings, and yours is Buck, right?" the mare answered.
"Yep, Buck Richardson, soldier of the Army of the United States of America, rank Captain directly from a world of humans before a land-mine SOMEHOW shoot me here instead of killing me. But since I was told my name is used as a curse word here, you can call me either 'Mister Richardson'...or Blackbeard, like my own sergeant instructor use to call me when I firstly joined the army and forgot to shave." he answered rubbing his hands with the oil and then starting.
"Blackbeard it is theeeeeeeen-OH MY GOSH!" Lyra answered before her words turned into a long moan.
"Here we go..." Buck muttered dejected.
"Wow!" Bon Bon muttered as she saw her friend turn putty under him, mewling and moaning in bliss depending where he touched.
"OOOOOH! SQUEEZE MY FLANK! SQUEEZE IT!" the mare begged.
"Eh?" the man asked disturbed gaining only a helpless shrug from Zecora.
"That is not exactly a massage."
"SQUEEZE IT!"
"Okay! Okay!" he answered complying to the request.
Bon Bon swallowed hard as she saw those ten 'fingers' roughly grab both Lyra's cheeks to squeeze them, watching as each finger gently dug deeply into the oiled-shiny flank of the mare in what looked like a very erotic scene.
"GUOOOOOOOOH!" the cyan mare howled with rolled eyes before dropping her head to pant.
"...Shit."
"I find myself agreeing, Buck." Zecora muttered equally disturbed/impressed just like he was at the puddle rapidly forming under Lyra.
"There may be an extra for the washing of the sheets in the final bill, just so you know." the human said with a weak chuckle.
"I-I-Is that supposed to happen?" Bon Bon asked.
"What do you think!?" Buck answered growling making her shrink a little under his glare.
"All things considered, it showed that it is not my fault if I moan every time." Zecora muttered relieved.
"Mmmmmh! Moooore!" Lyra moaned with a way-too-loving smile.
"Can I try it next?" Bon Bon asked.
"I have a bad feeling about this..." Buck said sighing as he returned to work.
The next day – Ponyvile -
"COME ON!"
"NO!"
"COME OOOOOOON!" both Lyra and Bon Bon kept begging.
"I SAID NO!" Zecora replied angrily.
"We will pay!" Bon Bon said pleadingly.
"We will give you everything you want!" Lyra added.
"NO!"
"What is the problem here, ladies?" a new voice asked concerned.
"P-P-PRINCESS CELESTIA!?" the two mares plus zebra yelled as one in shock at seeing the Sun Alicorn and Twilight walk towards them.
"Is everything okay?" Twilight asked worried.
"Y-Yes, we were just asking Zecora if her...friend, could give us a massage like he did yesterday." Lyra answered.
"And I was refusing." Zecora added.
"All this for a massage?" Celestia said with a small, amused smile.
"Mister Bu...Mister Blackbeard is very good at those," Bon Bon answered.
"I wasn't aware that somebody like him was good at it," the Alicorn admitted impressed.
"You know about him?" the zebra said worried.
"It's okay, have no fear, your friend is safe...But if he is busy and he can't give you others a massage, then you can't force him, it wouldn't be nice to him." the Princess answered with a gentle and yet still chastising tone.
"But! But!" Lyra said dejected.
"The Princess is right, you can't force somepony if they don't want. And those are simple massages, how good would they ever been to react like that? aren't you exaggerating?" Twilight said.
"NO!" the three answered as one almost blowing back the Unicorn.
"S-Sorry." Lyra said sheepishly.
"I still say you are over-reacting." Twilight muttered defiantly.
"Then why don't you try, your Highness? So you can tell Twilight if we are exaggerating or not!" Bon Bon said with a challenging tone.
"HEY!" Zecora yelled furious.
"Then shouldn't I be the one trying?" Twilight said crossing her hooves.
"You are not worthy." Lyra answered sticking-out her tongue.
"HEY!"
"Please calm down, everypony. There is no need to argue, and if mister Blackbeard cannot massage you, I would feel bad forcing him to do the same for me just because I am a Princess." Celestia said gently.
"I am sure he won't mind!" Lyra said immediately.
"Technically it should be me, or better him, to answer that." Zecora said annoyed.
"I am surprised you are not talking in rhymes." Twilight admitted.
"I am not in the mood for that."
Sigh! "Can we please ask to your friend if he can, Miss Zecora? I fear that otherwise we won't resolve this issue any time soon." Celestia said sighing in defeat.
"...Fine! But after this if I or him say NO then it is no," Zecora accepted with a defeated expression making the other two mares cheer happily.
"Huhuhu! You must really like it, but we should at least give him a token of appreciation, making him work for free wouldn't be fair." the Sun Alicorn said amused at their reactions.
"You sure, your Highness?" Twilight asked confused.
"I admit that I got a little curious myself, it won't take looking so you can wait for me in the Library, okay?" she answered.
"Okay, Princess Celestia." the Purple Unicorn answered nodding.
Later that day – Manehattan – Observatory -
An old pegasus was observing the sun through special (Magical) lenses to measure the solar activity when a far-away cry of 'OH MY GOOOOOOOSH!' faintly reached his ears making him look away from the telescope.
"What the..." he muttered confused.
"Hey! it's me or the sun has dimmed-out a little?" another scientist asked as she had instead kept observing the star without interruption.
"Eh?" the old pegasus asked.
"The sun seemed 'spent' for an instant, right after an explosion of flares flying everywhere, and I could swear those spelled out 'Oh my gosh!'...But I could be wrong."
"Bah! Just take a break, evidently you are working too much." the old stallion answered simply as he returned to take notes.
"Yeah, maybe you are right." she answered yawning.
The next day – Canterlot -
"So? You can do it?" Celestia asked eagerly.
"Well, yes. But I don't understand why you want doors and ceiling that high." the Unicorn architect in front of the Alicorn asked confused.
"The Head Masseur is very tall and I don't want him to be forced to bend down to do his miracles, he must be as much comfortable as possible when working." the Alicorn answered promptly.
"Ookay, then I think we will be able to start next month to-"
"Nono! You will start tomorrow!" Celestia interrupted him.
"T-T-Tomorrow?! But the permissions-"
"I already signed and approved them personally."
"T-The terrain-"
"Number six Maple Road, I bought the whole apartment complex and had it demolished ahead of schedule."
"The-the staff?"
"Bought from the best Massage Parlors of Canterlot, Cloudsdale and Neigh-York, so he will have a Team of experts helping him should too many ponies be present at the same time."
"The-the blueprints?"
"Dear Blueblood took care of it and had few friends of his in Manehattan draw the project for me, I gave it my own flair and you are free to make the due modifications as long as you maintain the 'idea' I had for the place." she answered adding few rolled charts to the stack of papers between the two.
"...The equipment? The furniture?" the Architect asked.
"Both Furniture and the standard equipment are already in storage here in the Castle while the custom ones for Mister Blackbeard are being build as we speak by few trusty artisans and will be ready in a week." Celestia answered.
"Okay! Then we can start tomorrow!" the stallion answered faintly.
"Good! I trust you and your company will finish soon then! Thank you for your collaboration in this little project of mine!" Celestia said very happily as she watched the unicorn take away all the documents she prepared and that he will need to work.
"Hihihi! Soon I will have my little angle of paradise." the Sun Alicorn muttered with a pleased smile.
"Sister?" Luna asked.
"Yes?"
"Why are you building a massage parlor? And Why in Ponyville?" the Moon Princess asked confused.
"Like that I will have my little home away from home where I will be able to relax, and I promised Miss Zecora I would not have separated her from her friend in exchange of my request being fulfilled." Celestia answered looking outside towards Ponyville's general direction with a longing sigh.
"All this for a mere massage? I can find you the best Unicorn masseur of Canterlot if you want." Luna said smirking.
"It would not be the same, not without HIM doing it!" Celestia replied shaking her head as she walked away.
"...Something is not right, there must be something else going on here." Luna muttered with narrowed eyes.
Back in Ponyville -
"I hate you, Zec." Buck muttered growling.
"COME ON! I had no choice!" Zecora answered whining.
"Okay, okay...But I have a bad feeling about this."
"Me too, Buck. Me too..."
Done! chapter is finished.
The story would have been divided between scenes where the mare the chapter is about falls 'victim' of Buck's massages and chapters where our Human MC would have to fight off Luna's increasingly 'Looney Toons'-like plans to stop him or uncover his 'Corrupting Evil Human Magic'...A la Wily Coyote so to speak.
Pretty much a Light-hearted, sometimes Erotic, full-nonsense fanfic with very little seriousness sprinkled here and there whenever talking about Buck's back-story or in general to keep the plot from going too much into Crack territory, even if this would be a Crack-Fic all right.
That is why the reactions to the massages are THIS MUCH exaggerated.
A pity I still don't know how to continue it, even by making each chapter a sort-off "Story" in itself focusing on one or more mares.
If you have some ideas, let me know.