Where Your Loyalties Lie
By Laura Schiller
Based on: Star Wars
Copyright: Disney
Finn was sitting alone in the last Resistance transport's mess hall, chewing a stale ration pack and trying not to look too visibly anxious. He ran over the checklist of what he needed to pack one more time: food, fuel, medical supplies … In less than an hour, he'd grab an escape pod and be out of here before you could say "hyperspace". He glanced at the blue beacon on his wrist connecting him to Rey. When she came back, she mustn't find him here – not with the First Order on their heels.
It was a good plan, a sensible plan. One that would keep both him and Rey alive. But still …
"Mind if we join you?"
He jumped and looked up. A middle-aged man and woman, General Organa's age perhaps, stood at his table and smiled at him. They were completely opposite in looks – she was petite with dark skin and curly hair, while he was tall and pale and nearly bald – but their posture, their threadbare flight suits and their warm smiles were very much alike.
"Of course, sir, ma'am," he said, standing up and snapping to attention.
"As you were." The male officer grinned and waved Finn back into his seat. "I'm Thane, and this is Ciena. Neither of us is much for protocol these days."
"I'm Finn."
"We know who you are. The ex-stormtrooper, isn't that right?"
Finn blushed. Ciena elbowed her companion.
"What my husband means to say," she said, settling down in the chair opposite Finn's, "Is that we respect you for having the courage to break free from a lifetime of conditioning. We know what that feels like. I myself was a captain in the Imperial Starfleet."
"You were?"
Fin's eyes went round – not with judgment, but with something like relief. He had been starting to wonder if, with Rey gone to train with Master Skywalker and Poe always off on his dangerous flying missions, he would ever fit in with this band of heroes. It was oddly reassuring to know he wasn't the only one with a less-than-heroic past.
"Yeah, she was one of the few decent ones." Thane tucked an arm around his wife's shoulders. "Until I shot her down and brought her to justice for the Republic, of course."
"That's not how I remember it. Weren't we brawling on the floor while the ship crashed?"
"Details, honey. It was all so long ago."
They smiled at each other while Finn made an effort to close his open mouth.
"Wait … you guys were on opposite sides?"
Just like him and his friends. His rash decisions to break Poe out of prison and follow Rey on Jakku had been the best thing that ever happened to him. He was still amazed that those two had accepted him, when they had every reason to hate the white armor he had worn.
"It's complicated," said Thane, thoughtfully twisting a braided leather bracelet on his wrist; Ciena wore a matching one. "But for a while … yes, we were."
"It's never easy to break an oath of service," said Ciena, turning wise dark eyes on Finn. "As a Jelucani and a soldier, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I don't regret it. Make sure you know where your loyalties lie, Finn."
He could read an unspoken warning in her gaze: And don't betray them, or you'll answer to me.
"I understand, ma'am … Ciena."
"And when in doubt, stick to the one who'll kick your ass when you need it," added Thane, with a wink at his wife. She rolled her eyes, but smiled back, and the long years of love between them were obvious. They seemed almost like two halves of the same person.
Finn thought of Rey, beaming with delight as they circled each other in the Millennium Falcon's cockpit, finishing each other's sentences. But he couldn't imagine marrying her, even in the unlikely event that she didn't punch him for asking. There was something missing.
He finished the last of his ration bar and crumpled up the wrapper, telling himself not to be ridiculous. This was the most inconvenient time you could imagine for romance. There would be time to think about that when – if – he survived.
Still, when his attempt to sneak off and find Rey was stopped by a small, fierce mechanic with flyaway hair and eyes as black as outer space, he remembered what the older couple had told him.
Make sure you know where your loyalties lie. Loyalty to Rey wasn't enough. She might have saved his soul, but she was just one person, and the galaxy was a big place. Watching Rose slip the saddle off a long-abused animal, talk to the stable boys or hold on to her dead sister's necklace, he began to understand what being in the Resistance really meant.
And as for kicking his ass when he needed it, well … he'd never forget the well-deserved electric shock she'd given him, hero worship notwithstanding.
When, at the end of a grueling and heartbreaking battle on Crait, Finn found himself sitting by an unconscious Rose's bedside, he held her hand and said a silent prayer.
If you wake up, I swear, I'll never run away again.