Sixteen
show: Young and the Restless
central character: Reed Hellstrom
summary: Being sixteen is hard. / Or, the four times Reed Hellstrom is frustrated and the one he isn't. [Reed-centric]
notes: I started something Reed-centric but it wasn't coming together the way I wanted and had to scrap it. But I suddenly got inspired again. Hopefully, this will come out better than my last attempt. Partly the reason I'm even writing this is because holy shit, the dialogue for teenagers on this show, is horrible and well, I think I can do better. Oh, here Reed knows Victoria pushed Billy away for whatever reason. It annoys him but he thinks adults are weird as hell and doesn't want to know. So, that little tidbit is the only slight change.
notes 2: If you don't like Reed, exercise your logic and please hit your back button and move on elsewhere else. I won't hold it against you. Promise.
notes 3: Some of Reed's dialogue is a little harsh, but it's not what I believe. It's what just how Reed would behave given his mood at that point in time…if that makes any kinda sense.
notes 4: I took some artistic license. Go with it.
disclaimer: I don't own anything. All characters are the property of CBS and Sony. I expect no profit for doing this. Everything is merely for entertainment purposes. I don't own any songs Reed may "write". I write stories, not songs. Ha. I don't own "Not Today" by Twenty One Pilots.
1.
Yes, he and Kendall have kissed at the movies and again, when she returns his wallet at Grandma's house. There's that hook-up at Olivia Campbell's party—the party where everyone lies and says it's supervised but isn't. It depends on the meaning of supervised. Reed doesn't hook up with Kendall intentionally but he and Zoey are in a big fight. They are broken up so technically, so he doesn't cheat. She cheats on him by hooking up with Charlie Ashby and Reed is her boyfriend. He's mad about it and hooks up with Kendall to get back at her. Afterwards – as good as the sex is for his first time – Reed feels awful so he tells her. Zoey yells at him, walks up to Kendall and slaps her in the middle of cafeteria at lunch time. When Zoey slaps her, Kendall slaps her back just as hard.
"Holy shit, Hellstrom," Harry Jensen the junior and football captain says, and whistles. "You got two hot bitches in your grade about to catfight over your skinny ass," he grins and claps his shoulder like they're legit friends. "Who knew? Girls are really into that tortured musician John Mayer shit."
Reed looks at him and is annoyed already.
"Get out of my face, Jensen."
Jensen laughs, not even remotely offended but impressed. He throws his hands up in surrender and backs off. "Alright, Hellstrom. I'll back off but," he grins, puts a heavy arm around his shoulder and leans in. Reed makes a face of disgust. His breath reeks of beer. Jensen whispers, "I just had some grade A stuff come through a couple days ago. Find me if you want to try it out."
Jensen removes his arm, claps him on the back again and leaves with the rest of the football team.
"Reed, you're a goddamn legend out here!" Jensen yells at him, as he walks out.
He and Zoey doesn't text each other for two whole days until they are forced to be partners for an English project. When she continues to freeze him out, Reed grabs Zoey's wrist – although she doesn't resist – and pulls her into an empty classroom and closes the door.
"You don't get to be mad at me," he says, when they are alone. She really doesn't.
Zoey's mouth hangs open but she closes it and glares at him.
"Are you serious, Reed? I don't get to be mad at you?" she asks, repeating his statement. Then she yells and shoves his shoulder. "I do get to be mad at you! You kissed her twice and didn't tell me! I say I need to figure things out between us and you go hook up with—with that slut!"
Reed feels his own anger creep back. He wants to throw a chair and punch a wall.
"You said you wanted space and I said that was cool! Then you turned around and hooked up with Ashby! So, yeah, I screwed Kendall. More than once. I was mad at you. I, at least, felt awful. I felt like crap afterwards. At least, I told you. You didn't tell me and that smug dick was wetting himself because he couldn't wait to tell me he had sex with you. Looks like you didn't though."
He lies there. It's truly one time and he uses a condom. Mom will freak out knowing that he has sex for the first time. He doesn't need her tripping because he doesn't use a condom. Besides, it's stupid on his part if he doesn't use protection.
Zoey sighs, and get quiet. She sits on an empty stool. She sniffles and now, Reed feels like an ass for making her cry. Doesn't mean he's still not mad. He sits on the stool opposite from her. He expects Mrs. Hawthorne to come in and yell at him but he doesn't care. Nobody in his grade really does.
"I hated that Charlie did that. I nearly slapped him for it but," she sighs, "I felt awful about it and I didn't know how to tell you, but," she pauses, staring at him, her eyes shining with tears, "I care about you. Your mom hates me but I still care about you."
"My mom doesn't hate you."
Zoey stares at him and deadpans, "Reed, she hates me. She honestly scares me, sometimes."
He already knows what Mom would say here. She'd laugh and play innocent that way, knowing it annoys him. She'll laugh with a Brash and Sassy folder or something in her hands and say, still something like she should be scared of me because I know girls like her. Say hello to Kendall for me. Reed almost cringes at the fact that he knows his mother that well. She's gotten into a part of his head.
"Well, my mom is my mom but she doesn't get to decide who I like or who I date. I like you, Zoey. I'll handle my mom. She'll put her flying broom and cauldron away," he says half-joking, with a smile and takes her hand. Zoey tries to smile but doesn't. She pulls her hand out of his and it hurts. What the hell?
"Okay, what's wrong?" Reed asks her, annoyed and confused at the same time.
"I know you like me. I like you, too. I still feel bad that I hooked up with Charlie but at least, he pays attention to me. He cares about me enough."
"I care," he argues, frustrated. "How many times do I have to tell you?"
"You've told me lots of times," Zoey says quietly. She looks at him directly in the eye. Her green eyes are his favourite feature. "You're so good at your music. But it's all you care about. We don't hang out anymore. When we do, it's all music stuff. Never about us."
It's like Reed's gone deaf and can't piece anything by ear. He can't hear anything no matter how he tries. It feels like something has numbed his hands and he can't feel the guitar strings vibrate under his fingertips long after the chords are played. Someone has taken his sheet music away and Reed can't hear the steady metronome in his head ticking. He looks at Zoey like she's a new person and laughs even though he's angry all over again.
"You're into Ashby because he throws attention at you?" he questions her and he can't believe this question tumbles out his mouth. It's not his mouth. It's not his voice. These aren't his words. No way in hell. "Are you asking me to choose between being your boyfriend and my music?"
Zoey looks at him and then looks away. He sees the answer in her face. Her eyes, as beautiful as they are confirm everything.
Reed gets off the stool and moves towards the door. He hears her sniffle again and this time, tears run down her face. Out of habit, he wants to walk over there and wipe them away. From the same memory he stores his music, he wants to walk over there and kiss her. With the same hands he uses to play the piano with Grandma, he wants to touch her soft blonde hair. But it's the music that doesn't allow him to move. It's his need to stay sane that helps him stay near the door.
Something drops on his head and curls itself in his gut. It freezes his insides and stops everything – probably because he's the kid of the resident Ice Queen. He stops being angry. Reed stops being frustrated or even confused. He goes numb.
He touches the door knob before he goes. He looks at Zoey again.
She isn't the girl he liked anymore.
"Guess you're not my girlfriend anymore."
"Guess not."
Reed walks out of the empty classroom and doesn't look back. His phone gets an alert saying he has a new text and ignores it. It's probably Mom trying to make sure some chip she most likely puts on him works. He'll text her later. Toronto sounds like a cool place. Anyone else, he'll ignore. He's not in the mood.
By the end of the day, Zoey is kissing Ashby at Crimson Lights and they're together. He isn't anything special. Dude thinks he's hot shit because he can play with a net on a fucking stick. He thinks he's awesome because he can put a bouncing ball into a net. It's not that serious. It's not that deep. Reed stops playing baseball years ago, but his pitch still isn't that bad.
He could say something. He could be as much of a douchebag as Ashby but it's a waste of his time. He can have her.
"Seriously, Zoey?"
Charlie shrugs, arm around her shoulders. "You lost her, Hellstrom. Get over it."
"I am," Reed replies, just as calmly. No way is going is that sack of glorified lacrosse playing crap going to shake him. Lacrosse is a stupid sport. "Kinda sad that she's only with you because you give her attention. She'll dump you too when you don't her give enough. Real pathetic, bro."
Zoey glares at him. "You dumped me, remember?"
"You made me pick between you and my music. I chose. You don't get to be hurt now," Reed rebuts angrily and turns to Charlie. "You can have her. I'm out."
"How long, Reed?"
"What?"
"How long before you have Kendall screw you because your little feelings are hurt?"
Reed turns around and lifts a shoulder.
"My feelings aren't hurt, Charlie. Don't get it twisted. Go back to playing your ball and stick game. Like I said, it's cool you got her," he gestures at Zoey with his tea. "At least, I'm getting screwed while you're probably jacking off tonight by yourself, right? Eat shit, dude."
Of course, Reed feels a little raw about Zoey and one day, he'll say screw it and punch Ashby in the face. Today is not that day. He walks out and squints against whatever sunlight is behind the clouds. He's almost angry enough to put pen to paper and get some lyrics down. Reed is almost mad enough to play his electric guitar loud enough and long enough until his fingers break or bleed. He'll probably be angry enough to listen to something as angry he feels even when it's just noise. He walks out of Crimson Lights to his car. Mom lets him have this one. A bright red one because it reminds him of his bedroom door. That, and Mom has one condition: that he tolerate her singing Little Red Corvette at any time. Really, any Prince song.
Reed has no idea his mom is that much of a Prince fan until they do Purple Rain Night last Saturday night at The Underground. He laughs as she dances around singing Party Like It's 1999. She's not the serious Ice Queen but she's…normal. Victoria Newman, his Wicked Witch of Genoa City (he totally means that in a nice way and it's their inside joke now) mom, is the same person laughing and dancing. He can't help but really laugh as Mom sings louder when Kiss plays next. Reed watches his mom continue to dance and hears her yell to Billy, you know the words, Abbott. Get over here and move or you're fired and then yells to Uncle Nick, you know them too, little brother! Sing them!
Oh, Mom's on the bar. She's. Dancing. On. The. Bar. And this is after his mom plays Prince themed beer pong and crushes it. Holy shit. Mom's a badass. She does a little victory dance. Lots of them. Who's my next victim? Is there a William Foster Abbott in the house? I promise… I will let you win this time. Oh, Phyllis. Don't worry. You can have him back when I kick his ass, sweetie.
Reed hears Aunt Abby with a laugh yell at Billy, it seems Victoria that has called you out! Get in beer pong formation, Uncle Billy.
Billy pauses, takes off his jacket and rolls up his sleeves. You're on, Newman.
Dude, Reed says to Noah in awe. He may be kind of scared too. Is Mom wasted?
Noah claps on him the shoulder. He chuckles while cleaning a shot glass. Yes. That and Aunt Vicki really loves Prince.
Reed pulls out his phone. He just wants this for family reasons because a parental bargaining chip would be wrong. It's never okay to do that. At the end of the night, Reed does an unplanned performance of Purple Rain. He spots her swaying with Uncle Nick's arm around her singing the loudest when Reed knows she can't sing that great. I only want to see you bathing in the purple rain / purple rain / purple rain... She's feeling the song but Uncle Nick still has to help her because you know, she's drunk when she swears she isn't. It's just really cool of her and Mom is really funny, being totally plastered aside.
He misses Mom. More than he wants to admit. She drives him insane, but still, Reed would take that any day over this. He opens his driver side and gets in, putting his tea in the cup holder. Reed pushes the start button, allowing the engine to roar to life ready to take him anywhere.
—
Before he leaves, Reed pauses to check his messages. It's Kendall.
Hey.
Hey, he texts back.
Heard what happened with you and Zoey.
So? he texts back with a roll of his eyes. He kind of wishes that part of his day can be erased like a song lyric that doesn't vibe with his flow.
Just wanted to tell you that it sucks. Lame af for her to do that to you.
I guess.
He likes her. Reed knows Kendall can be a shitty person but she's not Zoey. She's fun and Reed doesn't have to think about anything when he's with her. Reed remembers kissing her at the movies and remembers kissing her at Grandma's. It's not that bad and their hook up is fine. Kendall may be a crappy person at times but she isn't fake. She's most likely worse than Zoey but at least with her, he knows what's up. Reed can appreciate that. He won't tell his mom he and Zoey are done. Or, that he likes Kendall – really likes her. It's not enough to date her or be official. Friends with benefits. That sort of deal.
Wanna hang out?
K. When and where?
My place. Now. Fam is gone for three days. ;)
Reed looks at his screen. He's still in a pissed off mood. His mom is away, Johnny and Katie have Hannah taking care of them and Billy will come by later. He's looking forward to it. Right now, he could be down to chill with her. He has nothing to lose but time and there's a lot of it on his hands, so he put his car in drive and goes.
2.
"I thought this," Kendall says, pouring whiskey into a short glass for him and then herself, "might help us chill out. You know, relax a bit. I know I need to."
Right. After taking a hit to the face from his now ex-girlfriend.
She clinks her glass against his and drinks hers in one gulp. Reed looks at his glass, remembering the last time he has this stuff. It's at some lame party Grandpa and Grandma puts together for the family. He stays sober enough to not anyone look at him weird but tipsy enough that he throws up outside. He's driving but won't do it drunk. He stares at the liquor in the glass, the colour the same as the wooden finish on his acoustic guitar. He downs his drink, wincing at the warmth in his throat.
Kendall walks around the long kitchen counter, running her fingers along the smooth surface. Reed feels all warm inside. Maybe it could be from the alcohol. Maybe it's because he remembers what it means to be with Kendall that way. Maybe a part of him wants to be with her in that way again. She touches his forearm, her hand hot against it. He thinks he might get a tattoo there when he's eighteen – sooner with parental consent. She looks up at her with dark brown eyes, smiling.
"You know," she says, hand working its way up to his arm. Her nails are painted the same colour as his car and his bedroom door, "it does suck that Zoey didn't appreciate you, Reed. You should be with someone who appreciates all of you."
"You think you're down for that?" Reed questions, hands finding the soft skin of her waist as her shirt rides up. "Appreciating me?"
She gets off the kitchen stool and is holding his face between her hands. She's smiling in that flirty kind of that way. Yeah, he's going to flirt back. He's single and Kendall's hot. It's not that he's treating her as an object because Mom and Billy tell him it's not cool. He knows better and won't be buying any more porn. But if they both want to hang out, they will. Like right now.
Kendall kisses him and Reed pulls her closer. She tastes like bubble gum and whiskey. Her arms go around his neck. It's intense and blonde changes to brunette, green eyes shift to brown ones. Reed kisses his neck and smells her shampoo. It's some kind of fruit smell. He feels as amazing right now as he does when he settles into being comfortable on stage.
"With you?" Kendall whispers, playing the bottom of his shirt. "You know I can."
He kisses her back until they somehow end up in a living room a little bigger than his and he falls into the couch. It's bigger than his mom's and doesn't have Johnny and Katie's toys in between the cushions. Johnny's green dinosaur can't make the cushion bumpy underneath him. The horn of Katie's stuffed purple unicorn can't poke him in the back. There's him kissing her as his hands somehow remember what her body looks like topless and eventually naked. There's just Kendall pulling his shirt over his head and working on getting rid of his belt. There isn't Zoey between them. Not anymore. Zoey isn't anywhere.
—
Sex isn't this earth-shattering thing that happens despite what people tell him. He's not a virgin anymore and the ground doesn't open up and swallow up everything. Everything is normal. Everything is the same.
It's just something that happens between two people if they like each other enough and they don't have to be dating or anything. There's the advice of using protection, getting tested for STDs and being emotionally ready to do something like that with another person. Reed gets all that. There's the other side of things: the side that makes it fun and honestly, feels good.
Reed can play the guitar, the piano and isn't that bad on the drums. It's easy to pick something up musically if there's a beat or a rhythm. It's easy to write a whole song if the lyrics of that song can fit around the words. It's easy to put the whole thing together if the words can bend around a rhythm and the ears can process it. That's what it always comes down for him – the music. Sex is kinda like music. It's about wanting this. Wanting Kendall. Wanting to forget this damn day. Kendall moans as she wraps her long legs around his waist. She's swearing and saying his name in ways he doesn't think are possible and it makes him feel things he doesn't know exist. She wants him, she says like a breath. She wants all of him like she does before. Kendall kisses him again, kisses his chest and her hands still burning through him but doesn't want it to stop. He doesn't know what time it is, remembers in a blur that it's a weekday in the month of May.
All he knows is that Kendall is on the same wavelength as him.
She hears the same metronome ticking as him. Kendall is in the same rhythm as him. Nirvana's Nevermind album plays warped and backwards. The chords of November Rain are somewhere far away. All he hears if the metronome. It's steady and every ticking sound is louder than the one before it. There's him. That's just her. There's just the metronome.
Then there's nothing but an explosion in a living room that now feels like a fishbowl.
Kendall collapses against him afterward laughing as she's breathing a little fast.
Is he supposed to be this sweaty?
"Oh, my God… This was insane," Kendall pushes her hair back, putting her head on his chest again.
"Yeah," Reed agrees with a smile matching hers. His arm finds her waist, hand against the small of her back. He breathes out and ruffles his own hair. A blanket covers them both. "You're not so bad yourself."
—
Reed pulls on his jeans, zips them up but Kendall holds his shirt away from him.
"Give it back."
"Nope," Kendall replies, her short shorts back on. She has her bra on, and hasn't put her shirt. Reed isn't mad or anything. He just has to leave and get to the Underground. Prepare for the next Open Mic Night. Chill there and manage to write something before then. That sort of thing. Uncle Nick's been really cool about letting him use his office to write new stuff. It's quiet.
"I mean it, Kendall," he says, laughing. She's jumping on her own couch and has his green shirt behind her back. "Give me back my shirt."
"Uh-uh. If I give it back, it means you won't come back."
Reed catches her in his arms when she jumps, getting his shirt back in the process. Kendall's arms loosely fall around his neck. He puts her down and Reed kisses her. She smiles against his mouth, her hand on top of the one against her cheek. When Kendall pulls away, she is holding his hand and playing with one of the rings on it.
"You'd better come back and hang with me again."
"I'd totally come back."
3.
At some point, this writer's block is going to have to stop.
Reed knows this song is there. It's so close and he can reach it. His fingers can form the chords and the piano notes before he plays them. His songwriting journal has everything he wants to say in music he can't say any other way. Heartbreak. Love and losing. Endings. Rage. Does he do something kind of dark? Does he do something fun and off-beat?
These questions and emotions come rushing at him in the space of Uncle Nick's office but how the hell does he continue to piece the lyrics together? He has an idea of how he wants the in-house band to play it. Reed is pretty sure he will lean towards using the piano because the song has really strong piano in it. He well definitely start with the bass guitar and then there's a drum line throughout.
Oh, don't you test me though / Just because I play the piano / Doesn't mean I'm not willing to take you down / Sorry…
Okay. This is another hook. He can work with this. It's his favourite part so far.
He taps his pen and sings quietly. It usually helps him figure it out what's next. So, Reed sings and even taps out the chords on an invisible piano. After the last notes end, there's a space, a pause on the staff. Reed sighs, frustrated and picks up the nearest thing to him. He throws it against the door as Uncle Nick opens it.
Shit.
—
"Bad day, kid?" Uncle Nick asks, bending down to pick up his pen. Reed takes it back.
"I didn't mean to…throw that," he stammers, looking down. "I just… this song isn't flowing right and I'm stuck," he looks back up at Uncle Nick. "And yeah, this day's been the worst."
Nick laughs to himself and looks at him, smiling.
"A girl?"
Reed collapses onto the bed – well, it doesn't look like a bed but it's close enough – in the office, not caring to wonder why it's there in the first place. His songwriting journal is open with stuff in the margins. "Sorta. I lost my girlfriend to a douchebag," he mutters and recovers at his uncle's raised eyebrow. "I mean, tool."
"Better language, dude," Uncle Nick says, and sits next to him.
"Sorry,"
"Ah, yes, the complex world of the girl. It's harder for us Newman men. They either love us, they hate us, or love to hate us."
"Seriously?"
"Heck yeah," Uncle Nick replies, laughing. "Listen, I had a few of those way back. Threw down at Crimson Lights at one point."
Reed is surprised. "No way. You brawled at Crimson Lights?"
"Yep. All out," Uncle Nick nods. "However, nephew, I only tell you this because of what I didn't know at the time. It's not worth it. Neither is the girl. I mean, I married Sharon and I have kids with her, but your situation may be different from mine."
"Well, it kinda is," Reed admits, quietly, playing with his pen. "I dumped her. She made me choose between her and my music."
"And you chose your music. Got it. Listen, Reed. I've seen you up there. I get to brag that my nephew is a talented musician. You're really good and I'm blown away every time. We all see you're happy out there and believe me when I tell you, the Newman Squad's got your back. I'm going to clear a shelf in here so I can put your first Grammy right there, if your mom doesn't fight me for it."
Reed looks at his uncle. He thinks he's good and yeah, he's all about discipline and drive. Music is his outlet and truly what keeps him sane and the creating is the best part. It's also the most frustrating. Maybe he'll tour one day if he's good enough. Win a Grammy someday? Maybe. He doesn't know. Reed isn't doing it for the fame. Truthfully, he's just doing the music to sing his songs and express himself.
"You really think I could win one?"
"Absolutely. Like I said, the girl is not worth the trouble if she'll make you choose between her and what you love. Relationships don't work that way. Any relationship – not just people who date. You're young and have a better head on your shoulders than I did at sixteen. You'll figure it out," Uncle Nick stands up and touches his shoulder. He stands, too.
"Thanks for the advice, Uncle Nick."
"Just doin' my job as your wise uncle," Uncle Nick offers him his fist and Reed bumps it. He looks over at his songwrting journal and Reed feels his headache start to pound again. It's not as strong as before, but it's there and irritating him. "As for the song, sleep on it. Continue tomorrow. Besides, if you stay here long enough, I'd have to start paying you."
"Would you pay me?" he questions, half-joking.
Uncle Nick chuckles and starts to walk out of the open door.
"Get some sleep, nephew! The song'll be lit!"
Wait, what? Did he just—
"Did you just say something was going to be lit?"
"Yes!" Uncle Nick yells over his shoulder while walking away. "I do a mean dab, too!"
Reed peeks out the doorway and watches his uncle walk down the hall, turning the corner. Reed hears him singing a song that sounds like Smooth Criminal. He can't be sure, but he tries not to laugh and it's an epic fail.
4.
Reed realizes that his math homework is due in the morning and it's the worst kind of math. Math is the worst, in general. He knows what plotting graphs and looking at stupid parabolas won't be anything for him. It's just a class they put there because there's nothing else to fill the space. That's it. There's so much of it, and Reed curses quietly under his breath because he's going to have to pull an all-nighter to do it all. His day is his own personal hell and with everything going on, Reed doesn't think about Mr. Steele and his sadistic ways when it comes to math. What the hell is he going to use the quadratic equation for anyway? Sure, there's some math in figuring out musical tempo and timing. Tessa tells him that, but he's more of a by ear person. He'd rather finish this damn song. He turns onto his street, his headlights bright ahead of him. When he finally turns onto his street, Reed is confused because he's the third car to show up. Why is he the third car?
There's Billy's car. He's here because Mom lets Reed know that he will be staying over to help with Johnny and Katie while she's in Toronto. There's his red one because he's home now. But this black one is confusing. He parks his car on the curb and grabbing his bag, leaves and walks to his front door. He turns the lock with his key and suddenly, it makes sense. There's Billy. There's Phyllis, Summer's mom. In the living room. In his house. In his mom's house. They're making out.
Billy sees him first and moves away from her.
Just like that, Reed is as angry as he is this morning at school.
"What the hell, Billy?"
—
Reed knows Mom puts the brakes on things with Billy and he doesn't get it.
She says she has her own reasons. He's angry with her because he thinks they're getting back together. He doesn't mind it and Mom seems to be less stressed when Billy is around. Reed wants to understand why. She says that she has her reasons and promises she will tell him all of it when she comes back. Reed asks her if it's something bad. Or, even Billy does something to her to push him away. Mom smiles and shakes her head and says no. She looks she's about to cry but she promises he will understand everything. I understand you and Noah have the same questions. When I come back, we'll all talk. Me. You. Uncle Nick. Noah. Grandma.
Reed's heart pounds a little and he's freaked out. He tells Mom she's scaring him a bit but she says touching his arm not to be. She only asks him to promise to keep this quiet and say nothing to no one. It's important. He stares at her until she says quietly but seriously, please promise me, Reed.
When he asks her if she does want more with Billy, she nods yes. But sometimes, it's easier to cut your losses. She doesn't want to be stuck on what could be when she has enough good things in her life already. She tells him that she does want to be with Billy, but it's more than her pushing him away. She's hurt and she's scared. Yes, they are married and it's one of the happiest chapters of her life but a lot of painful things are in that chapter. Sometimes, it's better to leave the scars as they are instead of picking at it and re-opening the pain.
Billy is with someone else and Mom says she will put that time into Brash & Sassy, him, Johnny and Katie. I have a job, my family, my health, and I wake up every day to three of the best children in the world. My life is already great. I'm happy.
Despite their relationship and pushing each other's buttons, he does love her.
I don't want you hurt, Mom.
She kisses his cheek and Reed lets her. I know. Thank you for looking out for me.
—
"When I brought a girl over here, I lived here. So, what's your reason?"
"Reed—" Billy starts to say. Reed doesn't care about he has to say anymore and turns to look at Phyllis.
"Phyllis. Summer's mom, right?" he says, and drops his bag on the floor by the door, heavy math textbook hitting the ground with a thud. He can do that because he lives here. "Get your shit on wheels out of my driveway before I 'accidentally' back my car into it."
Phyllis raises her eyebrows. "Does Victoria know about that mouth?"
"Does Victoria know you're in her house while her kids are sleeping upstairs? Last time I remembered you don't live here," Reed argues back. He almost laughs because it feels like Crimson Lights all over again. This is what déjà vu feels like. Oh, okay. This isn't anger. It's rage and part of him isn't thinking to calm down. Another part of him doesn't want to. "Get the fuck out of my house."
"Hey! You're angry. I get that but cool it!"
"You don't live here anymore either so this is on you, dude. Tell your girlfriend to leave," Reed says again livid, glaring at the woman still under his roof. "Why are you still standing here? Like I said, you're not homeless. You have a place. Leave."
"Johnny and Katie are sleeping, Reed…" Billy tells him in that stupid calm adult voice.
"Then you tell them what to do. You're their dad, not mine!"
Phyllis whispers to Billy, touching his arm. "See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight," he says with a nod and a smile. She walks past him and heads to the door Reed is holding open.
"Goodnight, Reed," Phyllis says to him, making him roll his eyes.
"Kick rocks."
Reed almost tells her to piss off but he doesn't. He wishes he does.
—
He slams the door at her back and glares at it. Reed's headache comes back. He rubs his head and before someone talks, Katie cries upstairs. Molly is in the couch of the single chair. Katie can't sleep without it. She loves this doll more than Cinnamon, her stuffed unicorn. Reed finds the doll with her sewed on yellow string hair and little red and blue dress before Billy before does.
"I got it, Billy. I'll go take care of my little sister."
As Reed goes upstairs as quickly as he can, he suddenly feels like a jerk for the times he sides against Mom over Billy. Even when Mom is being a hard-ass and wanting to nuke his joy. Mom says the reason they fight so hard is because they love each other the same way. You're just like me. Stubborn. It scares me and I admire that in you at the same time. It makes sense, he guesses.
—
When Reed gets to Katie's room, she gets out of bed, runs and hugs him.
"Hey, Katie."
His sister smiles when she sees her doll. "Molly!"
Reed picks her up and has to admit, this is the best part of his crappy day. She wraps her little arms around his neck and he touches her hair. He walks over and drops her into bed, making her giggle.
"Okay. You gotta get back to bed and Mom will be back tomorrow really quick."
Katie yawns and rubs her eyes, holding Molly close to her. She nods. Reed remembers Lionel. That is his favourite toy until he doesn't play with him anymore. But Lionel is in his closet somewhere. Occasionally, Reed finds him and remembers. He gets Katie to lie down and pulls her pink and purple blanket over her.
"Goodnight, Katie."
Katie puts her head on her pillow and he walks away to leave and let her sleep, she jumps up in bed and yells with a smile taking up her face, "Fairy!"
Oh. Katie wants him to sing The Fairy Song, he writes her during his spare period out of boredom and he's done most of his research of essay on Catcher In the Rye.
"You want me to sing The Fairy Song?"
Katie nods yes.
"Alright. Slide over, then."
Reed sits on Katie's bed as she lies back down with Molly. She snuggles into him and he starts singing. By the end of the chorus, she's fast asleep. He gently pulls himself from her and sets her down. Katie moves around but doesn't wake up. Reed touches her head again.
"'Night, kiddo," he says quietly. Reed opens the door and it closes with a soft click.
—
On his way downstairs, Reed checks on Johnny. Johnny is asleep with his little snores and he must be wearing his favourite dinosaur pajamas. Reed closes the door quietly, almost jealous that his little brother can sleep through anything and his sister is happy because of the simplest things.
Nobody tells him being sixteen is this hard. Or, someone does tell him and he doesn't pay attention.
It's cool because he's one of the few kids in his grade to have their own car. In other ways, it sucks.
—
Reed stops being angry for the most part. He's just confused. Maybe it's the weight of the day, falling on him. He wishes he could this day away, make it disappear and find a way to make it so that it doesn't exist. He doesn't want the math homework. He doesn't want school. Reed doesn't want anything today. He doesn't want Billy here and almost calls Grandma to assist so he can leave. But it doesn't matter because Mr. Steele will be on his ass if trigonometry isn't done. School will still be a standing building, and Billy has to be there because Johnny and Katie love him. Yes, Billy is a huge part of his life, starting from he's little. He remembers a lemonade sale. He remembers video games. He remembers super soaker fights in the living room and Mom burning her cookies. He remembers surprising Mom with Bily when she's not expecting it.
You're my number guy.
You're my number one Mommy.
Billy is his stepfather for most of his life. Yeah, Mom isn't married to him anymore but Billy understands him. Billy gets what it's like to figure out things with moms and all of the guy stuff. But his mom is his mom and Reed learns about her and sees her in new ways that are pretty great. Grandma's right. When you get to know your mother, you'll find that she's not that bad after all. Give it time, sweetheart. Maybe Mom is wrong to push Billy away and he doesn't deserve it, but she doesn't deserve this either. He could question why. He could be angry. He can even be sad about it. It really doesn't when looking at the bigger picture. He learns from geography class in between falling asleep in it – it's not his fault Mr. Sanchez is a human sleeping pill – that there are 7.7 billion people on the planet. Most of them live in China.
Victoria Newman is one of the seven point seven billion people but only the mother he has.
Someone's got to look out for her because it seems no one else will.
—
He comes downstairs to grab his bag from where he drops it. Reed comes down to see Billy spreading blankets and pillows on the couch. He grabs his school bag and is about to go when Billy calls him.
"We need to talk about this."
Reed sits on the single chair. He lets the bag fall at his feet. He doesn't know how he sees Billy now, how he looks at him or if he even can. Reed raises his eyes to look at Billy who is standing above him.
"No, we don't."
"Yes. We do."
Reed asks quietly. "Was that payback, Billy? Mom stopped things between you guys so you bring your hook up here?"
"Phyllis isn't just a hook-up to me."
"I don't care what she is. I don't care who you're with. I care about my mom. Doing that in her house wasn't cool. Were you getting back at Mom?"
Billy looks at him and sighs, "No. It wasn't. It was me making a stupid decision. I'm sorry, but it had nothing to do with payback or revenge."
He feels the tight guitar strings. Reed's head still has music in it but the angrier he gets, the more disjointed it is until he can't understand the notes anymore. It's dissonance. Dissonance, Grandma tells him, is two notes that stay beside each other but don't sound right together. He guesses that's what Billy and Mom are now. Dissonance. Like Mom and Dad are even they're friends now. Reed is quiet, twisting the silver ring on his right thumb. Still, a small part of him hopes they try to get back together in LA. It's stupid to do that now. Reed feels stupid.
He stands up, putting the strap of his bag on a shoulder.
"It won't happen again, Reed."
"Mom felt really guilty for doing that and hurting you. She told me you were with someone else and it was her fault. Even though she wanted to try with you and fix it. You know the sad part is, Billy? When I tell her what went down here, she won't freak out about it. She doesn't let me see it, but she's kicking herself," Reed says, and suddenly gets tired. "You know what? Forget it. It doesn't matter. I've got math homework and a song to finish writing."
"I'll let you get to it then. Goodnight."
"Yeah. Whatever."
Reed doesn't say anything else. He can't. His body is on autopilot as he goes upstairs, finds the red bedroom door and goes to whatever normal part is left inside. There's his semi-unmade bed. His floor is a mess even though he knows where everything is and his desk is about to be messier than it already is. This is his house. This is his bedroom.
This is where for the first time today, Reed feels sane.
5.
a times x plus b times x plus c equals zero.
ax + bx c = 0.
It takes him four hours but okay, Reed thinks he may have this thing down. Half an hour later at 12:30 in the morning, he finally finishes and literally falls into bed. Reed checks his texts when he switches it from silent mode. There are texts from Kendall, ones from Zoey but he deletes those, a few from his buddies and one from Mom, five minutes ago.
Reed calls her even though it's 1:30 am in Toronto. Even though he's so tired, he may drop his phone on his face. It rings three times before she answers.
"Hi, Reed."
"Hey, Mom," he says back, smiling in the dark.
—
"I know it's late there. Did I wake you?"
"Nope," Reed says, yawning. "It's later for you, though. How's Toronto?"
"Pretty cool city. I managed to see Casa Loma and the CN Tower in between business meetings with the people behind this hockey deal and the owner of the Maple Leafs. I think that's the local hockey team here," Mom replies and he could hear talking in the middle of a yawn. "Hopefully, I fixed everything and can take the next flight out and be back by tomorrow. But I'm not calling about me. How are your brother and sister?"
"There's asleep. Johnny's in his dinosaur PJs and Katie woke up because she realized Molly wasn't there," Reed explains, laughing a little. "She wanted me to sing that fairy song for her. Again."
"I think it's sweet you wrote that song for her," Mom says, and Reed can picture her smile in his head. He kinda misses seeing it physically in front of him. Sometimes, Reed even misses when Mom is being her Ice Queen self. "I'll check with Billy in the morning. How was your day?"
Reed tries not to frown and pushes the words back even though he wants to tell her, he knows about Billy and Phyllis because he has a front row seat to the shit show. He wants to tell her that maybe she is right about Zoey and that this new song frustrates the hell out of him. He wants to tell her, he misses her badly. But he won't. At least, not now.
"It was fine."
There's a pause and then Mom says as if she already knows, "You know you can talk to me, right?"
Reed shifts in his bed, trying to find a comfortable spot on his pillow. "Yeah, I know."
Mom yawns again, and so does he.
"You're going to have to sleep, Mom. You're later than me."
"You first, sweetheart," she laughs. "You're earlier than me. Goodnight. I'll be home tomorrow."
Reed feels himself being lulled to sleep by Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. Mom sings it to him as a kid he can go to sleep. It's one of the first real songs he loves as a kid. When in DC, she still does it. When he misses Mom, Dad plays it for him until Reed learns it on his own guitar.
"Goodnight, Mom."
Reed hangs up and finally falls asleep.
His day isn't so awful anymore and just maybe, he might figure how to be sixteen.
—
fin