So I don't know why I'm writing this. Ain't no one ever gonna read it but me. But still. I figure I just gotta let it all out, ya know? Cause no one would listen to what I have to say and truly understand how I feel. Fuck. I sound like some teenage girl. Anyways, moving on. I miss you man. I miss you so fuckin' much. It's the same old shit for me. I get drunk and somehow Rude always manages to get me home safely. But I always wake up and...and you ain't there, yo. You just ain't there. And it ain't fair. Yeah. Fuck. I'ma Turk. Sure. You and I came from completely different worlds. But uh, that didn't stop us from bangin' till our anus' threatened to tear. Ha. Yeah, yeah. Still a blunt fuck. But damn. What's that corny saying? You don't know what you have till it's gone? Yeah. And fuck. I valued the time we spent together even though the hours just seemed to fly. But your body always felt so right against mine. You were so beautiful, ya know? Heh. If not for that voice of yours I woulda mistaken you for a girl, no doubt. But really. You were like some walking talking work of art, yo. And...and you were mine. Sure, you had your own shit going but you always came back into my arms at night and then your lips pressed against mine. I miss holding you and whispering things into your ear. You were so serious but somehow my fucked up ways made you smile. And man, your smile. It could light up the world. I remember how we fought the first time around. Damn. You were invincible. I couldn't touch you. And I admit, back then all I wanted was to beat the holy hell outta your girly ass but things change, yo. You changed me. Came into my life and made me feel things I ain't never felt before. You meant...you mean the world to me. Baby, I'd give anything to hold you again. And yeah. No one's gonna see this so it's safe. I don't remember crying so hard. Why...did you have to go? Why's life so fuckin' unfair? I want you back. I want you to lie with me and kiss me. I miss the way your tight ass rubbed against my crotch. Fucking tease. Heh. I just wish that I could have told you then. I really wish I had it in me to admit how I felt. But I'm a God damn chickenshit. And fucking hell, you ain't here anymore. You're gone and I never told you. I'm sorry, yo. I should have been braver. I really wish things could have been different, ya know? Like we could turn back time and somehow I could save you. And you'd be here and this letter would be pointless. Cause my hand would be occupied at the moment. Heh. Like it when I touch you, huh? Fuck. The way you'd ride me. You been deprived all your life and yet you rode me like some God damn pro whore. Aha. But in all seriousness, all my previous partners are sorta obsolete. You gave me something I ain't never had before. It's like you were the one to complete me, yo. Daaaamn. It's almost sunrise and I'm still writing this. I didn't know I could write this much but there's so much that I want to say. I wanna be where you are. I wanna wrap my arms around your slim little waist and bury my face into that silky hair. I miss the way your fingers combed through my hair. Always knew the right moves to pull to turn me on. And I remember all those talks we had. Fucking odd, huh? You always made me think about things. You made me question life as a whole. You made me wanna shout up to the heavens. Some nights I swore that I was kidding myself. Told myself that sleeping around with someone like you was wrong and it'd come back to bite me on the ass. And in a way it did. But I don't regret it. Not one second. Funny how you were never afraid of getting caught. I always admired how calm you were. Very sexy. And those eyes. Fuck those gorgeous eyes. Intimidating and all but mesmerizing too. I could stare into them for hours and not get bored. Just like you could always go down on me and not get bored. You had one talented mouth. I love the way it felt on my cock but more against my lips. Something more intimate and meaningful about kissing and kissing you was this sorta bliss for me. You gave me peace. A lot of it. It wasn't just about the sex though there was a lot of it. Hehe. I am who I am after all. But nah. I actually enjoyed talking to you and even more shocking! I enjoyed listening to you. It was soothing in a way. And all those times you cross dressed for me. Just adored you and your dynamite body. I wanna lay my head on your lap and look up at your perfect face and see you smile down at me. But that ain't happening. No. Bullshit. I ain't going to bed now. I will after work and shit but it ain't ever gonna be the same. All those times I fell asleep listening to your heartbeat. Best sound in the world. But it don't beat no more. Your purpose in life was so much different than mine. I guess we should have stopped this before it went too far. No. What the fuck am I saying? Nah. I loved every second of it. And of course if I could change something I'd bring you back into my arms where you belong but what else would I change? Well, I'd tell you. I'd tell you how I really feel. And though you're gone and this is useless for you, but maybe...maybe I can get some kinda closure? Ya think? I dunno. Just...I gotta try. And if it don't work then I'm coming and I'ma find you and we will be together. I swear it. But all I really wanted to say was...
I love you, Yaz. I love you so...so much.
Love,
Reno