Authors note: This was a series of comments in reaction to a message on a message board in 2001. I just recently found it sitting around in my computer files and decided to edit it up and submit it here. I always thought it was kind of funny and I like sharing fun things. Usually I draw silly pictures and that's how this came about, as a series of mental images almost like manga panels in my head.

I don't own the characters from Dragonball and DBZ, My writings are simply for entertainment and are not intended to offend or anything else.

I always wondered what Frieza's home life might be like...

Evening in the Glacial Palace of the Mighty King Cold.

"Mom! Mom! He's doing it again!", Little Aisuzu stuck her tongue out at her older brother. Kuura rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh. "I wasn't doing **anything**, Mom!" Then quietly, so only Aisuzu could hear, "snotty brat…"

"MOM!"

'Mom' turned slowly towards the dinner table where her family was seated, her massive elongated head making the movement even more ominous. Her red eyes narrowed and an artery in her forehead started to pulse in an unnerving way. Kuura, feeling the room grow colder, immediately tried to make himself as small as possible.

"Why is Frieza late for dinner?" she hissed, fangs dripping sickly green ooze. Aisuzu and Kuura both blanched even whiter than before, glancing over at the empty seat.

King Cold cleared his throat; "Um, dear… I think he said something about going to Namek to pick up some…"

A loud snarl cut him off, "Arrrrrgh, my dinner is ruined! Everything is getting WARM! Go find him right now! I'm going to rip his legs off!"

As King Cold donned his armor and prepared to leave, he shuddered to think what might happen to him if he couldn't find Frieza. 'Mom' slammed the roast back into the flash freezing unit, grumbling something about 'freezer burn' and 'ungrateful children'. Kuura snickered and resumed subtlety tormenting his bratty little sister…

(Note: Since King Cold looked like Frieza's second transformation, I decided that his 'Mom' should look like his third... the big elongated head version.)

A little later…

King Cold looked down in disgust at the greasy little alien as it wiped its four hands on a tattered rag.

"What do you mean? You're sign says that you can fix anything!"

"Now, now, Sir. I didn't say that we couldn't fix him up. It's just that these repairs are going to be very extensive and costly. The rear end is not just out of align…it's missing entirely! This is going to have to be a total rebuild! I just thought you might like the option of putting your money into, say, a new Chevy convertible or maybe a nice little Sportscar?"

For just a moment, the Ice-jin's eyes took on a far away, dreamy glaze, the little mechanic thought he heard the huge creature say something like, "Purple, definitely purple…with a white leather interior…"

Then, just as quickly, King Cold was glaring down at the little alien again. "Just get on with the repairs, I must have my son safe and whole again!"

The creatures' skin flushed a deeper shade of blue as he mentally rubbed his many hands together in glee. "As you command Sir! In that case, allow me to show you some of our newest options…"

Meanwhile…

Aisuzu and Kuura had long since fled the kitchen.

A soft dripping sound could be heard as 'dinner' slowly melted into slimy puddles.

Perhaps even more disturbing was the gnawing and grinding noise created by the huge Ice-jin Queen taking bites out of the edge of the metal table.

In a highly advanced alien space ship, two powerful aliens were rapidly approaching the planet Earth… oddly, there were a pair of fuzzy pink dice hanging in the control room…

"REALLY, Father!"

King Cold frowned, his lower lip jutting out in full pout. "But I haven't tried all of the buttons…"

Frieza, perhaps unwisely, turned his back on his father to sulk. Exposing yet another button on his right shoulder…immediately King Cold's hand shot forward to press it. The smaller ice-jin's eyes grew wide as a light popping sound and then a hissing noise came from his abdomen. In Frieza's lower back, a small door opened, exposing a small paper cup of frosty lemonade.

Once again, King Cold frowned, "I told that little worm I wanted the root beer…"

Elsewhere…

Angrily she extended an icy claw and stabbed at the replay button on the com recording again…

"um…well, Dear, I've found out where Frieza was! He was playing with one of his friends and seems it got just a little out of hand. He's just fine, in fact, he's better than he was before! And he has an extended warranty! We're just going to run a little errand on the planet Earth on our way home. Don't hold dinner for us Chilla sweetheart! beep"

"KUURA! Watch your little sister! I'm taking a little trip…"

"What else can go wrong?"

Trunks looked at his watch again. Frieza's ship was three hours too early. He had rushed to the landing site to prevent the impending disaster.

Of course, that hardly mattered now, all of them seemed to be quite dead.

With a slight popping sound, yet another little paper cup bounced down to join the growing pile. Trunks shuddered, he could see Frieza's body wedged up among the rocks, but those damn cups were starting to freak him out. Frowning, he went back to prying the papers from King Cold's hand. Most of the papers meant nothing to him, though one seemed to be some kind of bill and a coupon for a free oil change. Trunks' eyes grew wider as he looked at the last, it was a page ripped from a local phonebook, Son Goku's address circled in red ink.

These guys never made it that far, but what did happen to them?

Meanwhile, in Goku's mountain home…

"Another glass of ice tea, Dear?" ChiChi offered.

"Oh yes, please. And some more of this delicious iced cream. You must tell me how it's made!"

ChiChi beamed at her guest, she had calmed down quite a bit since she arrived. Once you got past the fact that she was a hideous alien, Chilla was a very polite person. ChiChi had been nervous at first, until she noticed the Chilla's frilly pink apron, the universal sign of another housewife and mother.

ChiChi continued, "I know just how you feel, dear. My Goku is always flying off somewhere to fight, it disrupts Gohan's studies. I work and I slave to provide a stable home for them and my little boy is turning into a delinquent."

"It's so nice to meet someone who understands…" Chilla sobbed, tears welling up in her sad red eyes then falling to the floor with little clunks before melting again.

Well, that was it... It's been a while since I've watched DBZ, but my kids have been watching lately and I still remember it fondly.