A/N: Hi. Here's another oneshot since I'm generous like that. My Internet's been out for a couple of days so yeah, sorry if I seem a little out of the loop. Actually, my wireless is STILL out, so I'm stealing someone else's to post this until the stupid tech support people come by tomorrow. Ugh. Hope you enjoyed Counting. Hope you enjoy this one too. And the timeline would be early senior year.
And it's in voicemails over different days, but in typical Logan/Lola banter form. I was inspired by my friend, Jess' SWAC fic, Answering Machine Messages and Swallowing the Spite by Underneath All Elsewhere – my other good friend, Ariana. So, go read those when you're done this, okay?
Disclaimer: Nope. But it would make for a nice birthday present in December. Big 2-0. I'm looking at you, Dan :)
"If you've been one of the lucky few to get my number, then you're even more unlucky because I'm not here. Leave a message and we'll see if I return it. Unless you're Quinn. Or one of my parents – then I sorta care." BEEP.
"Logan, change your message thing, you idiot. We need to talk, so answer your phone."
"Hi. You've reached Lola, future recipient of the Oscar. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. Later!" BEEP.
"What do you want, Martinez? It better be good if you interrupted my tanning. And you'd better be nice to your future boss."
"Logan Reese here. Talk and there's a small chance I'll care. Later." BEEP.
"HA! Excuse you? Future boss? What makes you think that you're going to direct any of my movies? I should hit you for making me choke on my milk for making me laugh so hard. There are other directors if your fat head registers that. Just call, you dolt. It's about Quinn so you're going to have to care and call me."
"Hey! I'm off getting my toes all sparkly. Leave a message and I'll get back to you." BEEP.
"Easy answer to your question. I'm the best at everything which means every part of my body is perfect. That includes my head, so ha! Quinn's my girlfriend. What about her?"
"I'm tanning so unless it's really not important, drop your phone and walk away. If this is Stacy, burn my number. Like right now." BEEP.
"I know I'll hate myself for admitting this but I spent all summer trying to figure out what the hell Quinn sees in you, but I can't. And I guess you make her happy and stuff, so whatever – I'm not as weirded out by you dating her. Don't suck face when I'm trying to eat, though. I'll kill you for that. But you lord this over me and I'll take all your tanning lotion and make sure you get sunburn. And uh…you're still a moron."
"This is actually Lola's friend, Zoey. Uh, Lola got caught up in getting a free low fat croissant because it's Free Croissant Day. So, yeah. Leave her a message and she'll get back to you." BEEP.
"Uh, first of all, rude! And second of all, did you just admit to liking me dating Quinn? Oh, this is rich."
"Hello there! Michael Barrett, here. I really can't see why anyone would want to call Logan but leave a drippin' message and – hey, snatching a phone out of a dude's hand is not drippin' at all!" BEEP.
"She's my best friend, and she knows I'll hurt you if you hurt her. We went out in the ninth grade so I know how you are. And it's secondly. Yes, I stand corrected: moron."
"You've reached my number. I'm busy glaring holes into Logan's imperfect face – oh yeah, I went there! Okay, um, leave me a message and I'll return it. See how simple that is?" BEEP.
"Who the hell took a shit in your grandiose javaccino today? I love Quinn, 'kay? I don't think I have to prove that to anyone. And my face is perfect!"
"This is actually Chase. Leave my roomie a message while he's off defending his principles. I know. Shocked me too, considering Logan and principles actually co-mingled in a sentence. Anyway, yeah. Leave a message, and pray he calls you back." BEEP.
"Great. Whatever. Just don't screw around with her feelings and stuff. I need to know that you won't pull crap like that."
"It's Lola. I just got a new French manicure so drop me a message and I'll call as soon as it dries!" BEEP.
"Jesus, stop ridin' my ass about that. No, I wouldn't hurt her, okay? I don't think I need your opinion, but whatever. I like Quinn too much to do that. You happy now?"
"I'm out with my lady – and I mean my mom. She's a cool mom, so she counts. I'm expecting a call from my other equally special lady, so make it quick." BEEP.
"For now, I guess. But I'm bored and feel like Frisbee Football. Girls against guys. You in?"
"You called. Good. But sorry, I'm not here. Or maybe I am and the phone isn't near me right now. Either way, I'm out with Vince at some football thing. And I really, really want to arrive fashionably late this time but after prom last year – ugh, whatever. Just leave me a message." BEEP.
"Well, I do have to give you ladies a session on how it's done. So, yeah, whatever. I'm in."
"Feel special. You have my number. Leave a message and there's a slim chance I'll call. No, Stacy! I don't secretly love you! The brunette genius with the laser is kinda taking that job. And it's staying that way!" BEEP.
"You wish, Logan."
"This is Vince, Lola's boyfriend. Uhm, Lola asked me to record her voicemail greeting. So, here goes. Lola's not here right now, so leave a message." BEEP.
"Actually, I do."
"Hi. I'm Lisa. Leave Logan a message while he's working his shift." BEEP.
"You know, I kind of like you in that 'want-to-shove-you-in-front-of-a-bus' kind of way. And go Lisa for making you work! HAHAHA!"
"Hello, it's Lola's best friend, Quinn Pensky. While she isn't here at the moment, I'm using my scientific genius to figure out how to make an actual mood ring in which the stone's colour fluctuates when there's a sudden drop or spike in body temperature and – okay, fine. Just leave her message and have no regard for the scientific process. Cretans." BEEP.
"Oh, really. Because I kind of like you in that 'want-to-stick-forks-in-my-symmetrical-ears-while-you-talk' kind of way. Just for that, you and your shitty tips aren't sitting in my section!"
"You've reached Logan. I guess, if you leave a message, then…whatever." BEEP.
"Excuse me. It's a free campus. I'll sit wherever I want and I think that applies to the tipping too. Sorry, but I have to kick your butt in Frisbee Football now. Goodbye."
"Leave a message while I bribe my way into getting a free fat free mocha latte." BEEP.
"You just keep thinking that. The victory will be sweeter when you lose."
"You've got Logan Reese, the rightful, supposed winner of Frisbee Football. Leave me a message, but if it sounds stupid, I'll put a gun to my head even though I am handsome." BEEP.
"HA! You lost! You lost! Ha! You never saw that cartwheel coming! HA! Yes, I just called to gloat."
"Quinn Pensky again. Lola's unavailable because she's gloating over her win against my boyfriend and I'm once again, being middle man. No. Correction: Middle woman. Leave a message and maybe she'll stop cart-wheeling long enough to return your call." BEEP.
"That was a FLUKE! I want a re-match!"
"Yes, it's Chase. Once again, Logan feels the need to do battle in the form of volleyball. So, uh, leave a message while I find my volleyball in a swamp of Logan's – AH! JOCK STRAP! Isn't he like s'posed to wash this?!" BEEP.
"Pfft! Fluke my manicured foot! You reek of denial, but okay. Volleyball court in fifteen."
A/N: Oh, I had a BLAST writing this one. But I hope you guys don't think Logan and Lola were too OOC. I would hate that. I hope you appreciated the humor, but Lola and Logan did come to some kind of warped understanding so I hope you booked that. I hope that you guys review and review honestly. Please read the two pieces I mentioned at the above AN. It's really worth it.
And NO, this has no romantic feelings between Lola and Logan. We never really know if they actually went out in the ninth grade after Lola got over her crush on Chase, but I felt like it would be plausible, y'know? I try to keep an open mind with ships and stuff. But personally, I can't stomach the idea of Lola/Logan – but feel free to ship them. I can't control that.
I was messing around with my friend's voicemail, and this sprang up at me. I can't really control the plot bunnies that hit me. So, yeah.
And I'm still determined to go on a Zoey 101 Clean Up Revolution. I don't think about the quantity of the stories, but personally, I do think the QUALITY of this archive is going to hell and under. You're allowed to disagree, and we'll discuss how the Zoey 101 section has been reduced to plotless, terribly written stories with the grammar of a six year old. Okay? Okay.
-Erika