A/N 1: No flying monkeys were harmed during the writing of this story.
I Just Haven't Been the Same Since That House Fell On My Sister
It all started with a girl, he thought. No matter what the age women were trouble. Mothers, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, girlfriends, nieces, next door neighbors, the cashier at the corner grocery, it didn't matter. They were trouble with a big fat capital T!
He'd had to take over the family business when his mother passed away. She'd been melted by a bucket of water…thrown by a girl! His sister had been first in line to follow in mom's footsteps but she too had been dispatched…by a girl.
He was dressed all in black and sipped from a pewter goblet of bright green brew made without citrus and tried to get interested in being evil. To that end, he swung a foot out to kick one of the flying monkeys though his heart wasn't really in it. The creature dodged out of the way and jumped out the window.
Mixing potions and casting spells was more like voodoo than the real sciences of quantum mechanics, physics, thermodynamics, statistical mechanics and such that he preferred. Not to mention that it's a woman's job to be the wicked witch!
He sighed and looked in the mirror turning his head side to side examining his features. Instead of long frizzy black hair his was brown and short. His skin was slightly pink in color, not green like his mom and sis. Apparently he took after dad that way. He didn't remember dad much. Mom had used him in a potion she'd created in an attempt to rid them of the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow. And it hadn't even worked! They were still in charge of Emerald City.
A bright dot of light drifted across the sky just outside the castle window. It floated closer and closer getting bigger and bigger. It came in the window and landed in front of him with a ping making him smile for the first time in days.
She wore a sparkling crown on her head, had long blonde hair, brown eyes and a sweet voice. Her long pink gown made her seem to glow and he'd been smitten the first time he'd seen her more than a year ago.
"Hello, Rodney."
"Hi, Jennifer."
Her floor-length gown swished as she moved over to sit next to him on the old sofa carefully avoiding the guillotine. "Oh, my poor Rodney. Are you still depressed, baby?"
"Yeah. I miss my sister. She was the evil one. She should be here not decaying on a hillside. I still can't believe the daughter of Dorothy, the girl that killed mom, dropped a house on my sister. That's how my aunt died."
She took his hand in hers massaging his palm with her thumb. "Have you been practicing being evil and mixing your potions like you promised?"
"Yeah, but I just can't get into it. Not to mention I can't make anything with citrus because of my allergy."
"Poor thing. You just have to keep trying." She scowled. "Do you think its easy being a good witch? The Munchkins whine constantly. The Lullaby League won't take a nap, the Lollipop Guild won't brush their teeth, they don't like the long work hours and I have to just smile and take it when what I really want to do is hit them with my wand!" She swung the sparkling object in her free hand as if to bop someone on the head. Golden dust drifted down in its wake.
He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe we could…switch jobs. You be the wicked witch of the West and I'll be the good witch of, uh…?
"The North. My sister got the South where all she has to deal with are overgrown poppy fields, talking apple trees, and lions and tigers and bears."
"Oh, my!" Rodney exclaimed.
Jennifer thought a few moments. "You know, that's a great idea. We could switch for, oh, I don't know, a week maybe. And if we like it we can switch permanently."
"Hmm. We could do that. You wouldn't mind dressing in black, avoiding water and having to clean up after the flying monkeys?"
"Not at all. What about you?" She fluffed the ridiculously frilly gown she was forced to wear. "Think you'd mind wearing something like this? Pink isn't exactly your color."
"I don't care. You've got a deal as long as I can take it off at the end of the day. Oh, and wear pants under it. Don't think I could handle having a breeze blowing up my skirt all the time." He stuck out his right hand but she just looked at it.
"If we're going to do this then we need to seal the deal properly."
Rodney was confused and said so. "Sorry? I'm, uh, confused."
Jennifer stood and placed her wand on the end table then removed her crown. Her hands reached behind her to undo the zipper of her gown. Rodney's eyes got huge when she took hold of the shoulders of the satin bodice and pulled it down her arms. It dropped to the floor and she stepped out of it. "There. That's better."
Rodney just stared. Under that long skirt of many layers she was dressed all in black. She brought both hands to the sides of her head in front of her ears and pulled off the blond hair that was a wig. Her real hair under it was black and frizzy, the way his was supposed to be.
She fluffed the dark strands then reached for the pink gown at her feet and breathing a sigh of relief. "There. That's better. Here, try this on. Oh, don't worry about it fitting. It automatically adjusts to the wearer."
He did so and she was right. Once it was zipped up it fit him perfectly as did the crown. "Wow! This is great!" He looked at himself in the mirror and liked what he saw. "So what did you mean about sealing the deal properly? I'm still confused."
Jennifer's smile was at once challenging and tempting. "I think we should seal this deal with…a kiss."
"Really? Because I…" She didn't let him finish. Instead she brought her hands up around his neck and pulled him down for an electrifying kiss. When she finally released him he stumbled just a little. "Oh, wow! We need to do that again!"
And they did. Over and over and over. Finally, Jennifer brought her hands to the back of the gown and eased down the zipper. "Now you need to get out of this and into something else."
"Oh? Like what?" As she whispered in his ear, a big grin spread over his face. He put his arms around her and guided her to the sofa. "That is definitely something I could 'get into'!"
She lay back and pulled him down with her. "Mmm!" She loved the feel of his weight over her. It made her feel feminine and appealing. And sexy!
"Have I mentioned that I love you?"
"No. But it's a good thing you do because I love you too."
He lowered his head and kissed her neck making her moan. The moan turned into a gasp as he reached under her black top and touched her stomach. "Oh, Rodney!"
"Mmmm. You are definitely trouble with a big fat capital T! And that's a good thing!"
The End
A/N 2: Sorry. Don't know where I got the idea for this. Silly, isn't it?